Radiohead to Self-Release New LP! Remember When We Wrote That as a Fake Headline Two Years Ago??

Word directly from the horse's mouth is that Radiohead will be releasing a new album in the near future. If you haven't already seen the release date, you must be thinking December or early January. You're probably thinking about which store you're going to pick it up from, or which torrent site will have the first advance copy. Neither matters. You won't find the new album in stores, and I highly doubt you'll see an advanced copy. Why? The album comes out October 10.

That's 10 days from now. Normally that kind of secret would be impossible to keep because of the astronomical amount of fake time between recording and release, but there's no label around to slow the process down artificially. Radiohead mark the first for a band of this magnitude to forgo the label and distribution process entirely to record, produce, and deliver the music on their terms. Well, that's not true. Radiohead are delivering the album on your terms. You decide how much to pay. I'm not shitting you, the digital copy of the album can be downloaded for any price; they said so themselves. What kind of fan service is that?

"I despise digital downloads, and prefer to enjoy my music through physical means" - Old Person

For those who aren't hip on this whole "MP3" business, Radiohead are making a delicious package of goods available for purchase. The "discbox" contains the new album on CD and on double 12" heavyweight vinyl, an enhanced CD with more songs and digital photography/artwork, and the lyrics booklet all enclosed in a hardback book. Unfortunately, this set doesn't feature a variable price and goes for a fairly steep $81. Keep in mind the band is not making use of a well-established distribution chain to manufacture everything in the set, because they're no longer benefiting from a major label's discount. That's a good thing, and the extra coinage is worth it.

I wonder what Lars Ulrich thinks of all this.

Former Ramones Drummer Wnats Wal-Mart, Apple, RealNetworks, and Johnny Ramone’s Corpose to Pay for His Cellphone Bills

The Ramones were an aewsome band.; Fast, punky, awesome. Some might sya, they're the greatest bavnd of all time!!!! Actually, Billboard said that. Anyway, Richard "richie ramone' Reinhardt was a durmmer for the Ramones during the shit period of 1983 through 1987. Dude wants to sue Wal-Mart, Apple, ReatlNetworks, the band's managment, and the motherfucking estate of guitarist Johnny Ramone. Why? Well, supposedly becaues he dint't sign of the rights of six songs he wrote, but probaly becuae he wants to ge paid. Who can blame lhim? Seriusly. The dude needs money.

My gf told me she's pissed cuz ehe's owes her wirelss company 80 bucks!!! wtf. and she aked if i was drunk.

So yeah, Sagat is a new writer. Actually, he's going ot draw stuff or Shirmp Scampi. He showe d me this ASCII art, and im' going to ry to recreatei t:


   |||||

  ( 0 0)

   ( V)

    | |

  ( . .)====d

  | |_|_

  |____8==D

   | | | |

   | } | }

   | | | |

   DD DD

Awwewwwww yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyway, Ramone is asking for $900,000 in ryolaties.

TOkyo pplice lolz

TRACKLISTING:

VIDEOS

1. Nature of t

haTOKTO plice club you standing! there tokyo police club

captpuling from a lesson in crime, tokyo poolice club have new story album coming out on coor obersts' record label!! hahaha i lon't like birght eye anymore cause i'm not ansgts y steenager and that is totally lame cause my friend, colt kgely, still likes bright eyes. i don't.

luv u colt.

um so. um new tokyo police club ep to be released on november 6 of 2007.

that stthis year. t love anyone not even yourself i' m listenting to acid house kings cause i like the some sooooo much. my friend just hid the vodka. he iommy.ts douch bag. his name you don't love me you don'

i luvs tok yo police club it's great. you should tooo novemeber 6th hahahhaahahahahh

Shocking Allegations Today As Miscellaneous Rapper Has Coincidental Beef With Another Rapper Who Both Have New Albums Coming Out Before The Public’s Attention Span Expires

Since the dawn of marketing, collective groups of people have relied on their own tactics to lure potential buyers into making the right decision. Rock has the drug overdose, Country has sweet sibling love, Emo has retards in stupid clothes, and Hip Hop has the feud. Pioneered by the likes of the Juice Crew and Boogie Down, Biggie and Tupac, and fuck...those emo kids really do piss me off. Hold on...man, you know what would be good right now? Some hamburger helper. Shit was just advertised on TV, using this really hot mom in one those tight little sweater vests. I barely even noticed what they were selling until they showed a close up of the finished product. Now lemme tell you, I've made Hamburger Helper, but it never turned out that good. I mean never. Some of it always sticks to the bottom of the pan, but wait...I got rid of that shitty pan, and I've got a new one that sticks to nothing. So maybe it was that awful 4.99 Ikea frying pan that was ruining my Helper. I should write a letter to Ikea. Tell them about these crazy hip-hop feuds that have been happening.

You know, Jay-Z vs LL Cool J(from UPN's In The House), Saigon vs Mobb Deep, and Kanye vs 50 cent. Conveniently all these dudes have newly released albums, and they all sport persona's that would benefit from the 'cred' this type of feud would generate. The conflict has even escalated to violence between Saigon and a member of Mobb Deep, with two punches being thrown at a recent show. Can you imagine this happening in any other genre? What about with those emo cretins? Instead of clever word play or actual violence, they'd see who can apply eye liner faster, or who can put on the tightest pants, and then culminate each feud in an riotous display of sissy slapping and crying.

I think noise feuds would be the most interesting, probably kick it off by mimicking the other artist's knob twiddling style, then mock them with an exaggerated mime laugh before finally pummeling the audience with a really harsh tone. The other artist would counter with an equivalent to the brown note, except it actually works, causing everyone to shit themselves. For bonus points, the music would be silenced and the sound of a room full of people shitting their pants would be recorded by the artist responsible, and would be used as a sample on a new track entitled 'Kanye raps over the shittiest tone ever while I slurp noodles into a mic.' They'd press it on the most expensive vinyl possible, and make limited edition buyers perform a round-the-world scavenger hunt ala the Amazing Race to find their copy. Hilariously, the hunt would lead to a local record store where the clerk reveals the edition was limited to one copy, which was unceremoniously destroyed in the alley, but the pieces are on sale for 7.99.

Fart.

This just in: Smashing Pumpkins Suck but That Doesn’t Stop Them from Scheduling More Tour Dates

Dear Billy Corgan,

I think it's about time you and I had a talk. Why? Why would you defame what's left of the Smashing Pumpkin legacy (which wasn't much to being with) by gathering up a bunch of B-list musicians--not to mention your lackey Jimmy Chamberlain--and drag them across the US like a carnival sideshow? Are you t hat hungry for attention? Is this a cry for help?

I know that you aren';t in a position to book wrestling anymopre nor are you really succeding as a solo artist. And we won't begin to dissect the disaster that was known as Zwan. I figured by now that your ego would be satisfied by the legion of gullible kids you've suckered over the past 15 years into hinging on your every word. In my book, you're just a step below L. Ron Hubbard, Charles Mason, and Marshall Applewhite (not to be confused with former Texas QB Major Applewhite--I totally want to name my first born male child Major but that's a subject for another day).

Anyway, I'm sure you'll dismiss this and dream of the days that "Tonight, Tonight" was a hit and you were contributing to the outcome of Glacier vs. Mortis for an edition of WCW Thunder alongside Bob Mould. So, enjoy your time on the road with a band of halfwits (and Jimmy Chamberlain) and bringing prothestic sadness to a bunch of confused teenagers with that pale, anemic bald head of yours.

Oh, I almost forgot: Fuck you!

[Most] Sincerely,

JSpicer

P.S. Why am I telling people when your tour dates are? Maybe it's a public service announcement to townsfolk to hide in basements and bomb shelters until you pass.

  

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