RIAA Temporarily Sets Aside Lawsuits Against Dead and Computerless Single Mothers To Yell at College Students Loitering On Their Lawn

Taking a page from alarmist Cold War propaganda, the RIAA has recently been distributing an informational anti-piracy DVD on college campuses in an effort to educate students on illegal file-sharing. So far, there has been a largely positive response nationwide; dozens of fraternities have set up public screenings on Friday nights with free pizza and soda for all attendees. Just kidding. The DVDs are being used as absinthe coasters and lock picks.

But it's not just alcoholic, drug-addled criminals that are railing against the RIAA's campaign; the Computer and Communications Industry Association, the Consumer Electronics Association, and advocacy group Public Knowledge all oppose the short film. In a joint statement, all three organizations urged those cooperating with distribution to "take a closer look at the inaccuracies, distortions and contradictions in the RIAA message." Aside from the usual fine-line-legality magic tricks, the presentation provides little information and relies heavily on "real life scenario" scare tactics and bitchin' guitar jams.

The centerpiece of the film is an interview with Derek "Mickey" Borchardt, a college student who was caught committing sonic thievery and faced heavy criminal charges. "I'm going to have to explain forever why I'm a felon," he explained. "That's never going to go away." Because file-sharing is on the same level of social deviancy as child molestation.

In response to mounting criticism and public disapproval, the RIAA has decided to hold a quick, impromptu race around the table in their leather chairs.