Geffen Announces Happy Round of Holiday Layoffs, Former Employees More Disgruntled Than Clark Griswald
By Dan Smart on Dec 18 2007
In the hilarious holiday classic National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, lovable loser, Chicago Bears fan, and over-burdened family man Clark Griswald is understandably upset when he learns that his Christmas bonus, upon which he was so unwisely depending to give his family a truly merry Christmas, is being withheld due to budget cutbacks at work.
In the pilot episode of now-iconic (and now-terrible) "cartoon for adults" The Simpsons, sort-of-lovable loser, donut fan, and under-qualified family man Homer Simpson is understandably upset when he learns that his Christmas bonus, upon which he was so unwisely depending to give his family a truly merry Christmas, is being withheld due to budget cutbacks at work.
Hilarity ensues... AND the family gets a kick-dick dog.
In the heart-breakingly real world of the "everything is super" Record Industry, approximately 15 expendable losers, money fans, and hopefully NOT family men (and women) -- including veteran publicists Jim Merlis and Jycorri Robinson -- were understandably upset when they learned last week that their Christmas bonuses, upon which they have been so unwisely depending to give their families a truly merry Christmas, were being withheld due to the fact that they had just been FIRED from Geffen/Interscope Records in the latest round of "sky is falling" industry layoffs, which included Island Def Jam and Sony BMG earlier this month.
Aaaaaand hilarity ensu... oh wait...
Oh well, thank goodness I still have a job.
...Oh, but P.S. Geffen maintains that, contrary to rumors, they will NOT be closing and that everything is great and that music is awesome. They also want to remind you all that they discovered Wang Chung. Happy Holidays, everyone!!
High On Fire Enjoy Going on Such Long Tours That I Now Have Carpal Tunnel From Typing Out All The Dates
By Liz Louche on Dec 18 2007
High On Fire are set to bring pestilence, scourge, and loads and loads of long-haired dudes in black to a venue near you this winter! Former Sleep guitarist Matt Pike and crew are embarking on an American tour so packed that I am not really looking forward to typing out all the dates. But I will! Because I love you! Now go get me a sandwich.
Just kidding! I'm not really into emotional blackmail. But seriously, get me a sandwich. I've had a hard day of being unemployed, and all I want to do is kick up my feet and talk about heavy metal, so here we go. High On Fire is taking the loudness on the road for a five-week tour so smoking hot it will burn the frost right off the ground. They're touring in support of Death Is This Communion, the band's latest release on Relapse Records. No, I don't want mustard! I hate mustard! Thanks, that's better. Say, you wouldn't mind typing up a few things for me, would you?
The Pogues Announce Tourdates; See Them Before McGowan Dies
By Josh Fenderman on Dec 18 2007
Q Magazine named The Pogues one of the top 50 bands to see before you die in 2001. You will outlive Shane McGowan. So, really, The Pogues are one of the top 50 bands to see before he dies. His teeth were rotting out of his head when he was 20 and are completely gone now. His liver has filtered an ocean of alcohol. I've never seen him without a cigarette in his hand. He sounds like he starts every day by gargling cinder blocks. He's always a half step away from falling over. And he's written some of the best Irish songs, and some of the best songs, ever.
Perhaps the ugliest man in music (he makes Tom Petty look like Matt Damon), McGowan left the band in 1991. But since reuniting with The Pogues in 2001, the group has garnered critical praise for its live sets. They are apparently at the top of their game, and this March, the Irish group will have a chance to prove it with a handful of dates on the East Coast, as well as a two-night stand at the Riviera Theatre in Chicago.
Catch them while you can, because a celebrity death pool list is not complete without McGowan.
Rock And Roll Hall of Fame Induction Results Revealed
By Annapocalypse on Dec 18 2007
Ah, another year, another list of “safe” musicians deemed worthy enough to be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Seriously, just once, I would like to see an induction list with bands that aren’t always entirely mainstream. Need some examples for next year, Hall of Fame voters? No problem: The Smiths, Can, Joy Division, Sonic Youth, Television, New Order, The Zombies, The Minutemen, Echo & The Bunnymen, The Cure, Tom Waits, Kraftwerk, The MC5, The Stooges, Roxy Music, Donovan, Nick Drake, etc., etc., etc.
All right, I’m getting ahead of myself, and you’re probably starting to wonder who the inductees were for the 2008 class, right? The not-so-surprising list is as follows: Madonna, Leonard Cohen, John Mellencamp, Dave Clark Five, and The Ventures. Little Walter is also being honored for his work as a sideman, and Gamble & Huff are being honored for their production work.
The whole shebang goes down March 10 at the induction ceremony in New York City at the Waldorf Hotel.
Thee Silver Mount Zion Memorial Orchestra & Tra-La-La Band Releasing New LP in March; I’m Trying to Be More Proactive As Well Ever Since Nat Towsen Called Me Out on My Reflexive Laziness
By Joe B. on Dec 18 2007
On March 25, 2008, Thee Silver Mount Zion Memorial Orchestra & Tra-La-La band (henceforth “Akon”) is releasing a new album. Entitled 13 Blues for 13 Moons, it has seen Akon “grow louder, looser, full of spittle and tears.” Akon has perfected these new tracks, which bear titles such as “BlindBlindBlind” and “1,000,000 Died to Make This Sound,” with “crackling guitar crescendos setting the pace for dive-bombing swirls of strings.”
Akon lead singer Efrim Menuck’s voice “rasps and wails words of worry, hope and fury throughout.”
Constellation Records is releasing 13 Blues on compact disc and 180-gram double LP. Both formats will be printed on 100% recycled fine paper, presumably because Akon have kept their ears so close to the ground and recognize their fanbase’s concern with the environment.
Silver Mount Zion and Akon couldn’t be more different, stylistically or otherwise! And here I am, just pretending they share a name. Juxtaposition. I choose to apologize to Efrim and SMZ, because I respect them and enjoy their outputs immensely. I also choose to apologize to Akon, so he doesn’t cold throw me anywhere unpleasant or painful.