Ah, Sam Coomes! He sure has gotten a whole lot CRAZIER in recent years, wouldn't you say, dear reader?

I mean, I always did kind of feel this serial killer vibe coming from that man for some reason... (Although, to be fair, that whole serial killer thing could just be coming from the press photos. Ummm... yeah... see what I mean??) Heck, I always just chalked it up to the fact that Coomes seems to have spent the past eight years or so playing the same kind of über-obsessive and one-sidedly freaky cat-and-mouse games with U.S. Prez George W. Bush that... say, the Joker usually plays with Batman.

But now, with the oncoming of a new presidential election year sure to usher in a fairly substantial change of the guard one way or the other, Quasi frontman is rapidly running out of excuses for always looking so damn insane and homeless. How can he possibly manage to KEEP that good ol' Manson Family edge, despite the fact that the Bush era is slowly, albeit pretty universally distastefully, fading into our collective memories and (surprise, surprise!) the weary world is still turn-turn-turning???

Simple: start recruiting women.

And that's just what keyed-up keyboardist and disenfranchised blooze guitarist is doing for the band's upcoming fall tour, as it was confirmed last week that bassist Joanna Bolme, of "Stephen Malkmus and The Jicks" fame, has joined up at the creepy Coomes Family Compound (alongside longtime chick-drummer-extraordinarie and fellow Jicks faculty member, Janet Weiss), thus expanding this duo of indie rock royalty into a trio and furthering the possibility that Coomes is farming some sort of bizarre cult of bad-ass female rhythm players in order to gear up for some sort of anti-Malkmus revolution!

Either way, the group/cult will be road-testing this new lineup on a short tour this fall with Touch and Go's own Ted Leo and the Pharmacists. No word yet as to just how permanent of a fixture the lovely Bolme will be in the Quasi Compound. Look out, though, Steve Malkmus. You must have pissed-off Coomes straight-up Beach Boys style!

Helter Skelter:

* Ted Leo & the Pharmacists

Ah, Sam Coomes! He sure has gotten a whole lot CRAZIER in recent years, wouldn't you say, dear reader?

I mean, I always did kind of feel this serial killer vibe coming from that man for some reason... (Although, to be fair, that whole serial killer thing could just be coming from the press photos. Ummm... yeah... see what I mean??) Heck, I always just chalked it up to the fact that Coomes seems to have spent the past eight years or so playing the same kind of über-obsessive and one-sidedly freaky cat-and-mouse games with U.S. Prez George W. Bush that... say, the Joker usually plays with Batman.

But now, with the oncoming of a new presidential election year sure to usher in a fairly substantial change of the guard one way or the other, Quasi frontman is rapidly running out of excuses for always looking so damn insane and homeless. How can he possibly manage to KEEP that good ol' Manson Family edge, despite the fact that the Bush era is slowly, albeit pretty universally distastefully, fading into our collective memories and (surprise, surprise!) the weary world is still turn-turn-turning???

Simple: start recruiting women.

And that's just what keyed-up keyboardist and disenfranchised blooze guitarist is doing for the band's upcoming fall tour, as it was confirmed last week that bassist Joanna Bolme, of "Stephen Malkmus and The Jicks" fame, has joined up at the creepy Coomes Family Compound (alongside longtime chick-drummer-extraordinarie and fellow Jicks faculty member, Janet Weiss), thus expanding this duo of indie rock royalty into a trio and furthering the possibility that Coomes is farming some sort of bizarre cult of bad-ass female rhythm players in order to gear up for some sort of anti-Malkmus revolution!

Either way, the group/cult will be road-testing this new lineup on a short tour this fall with Touch and Go's own Ted Leo and the Pharmacists. No word yet as to just how permanent of a fixture the lovely Bolme will be in the Quasi Compound. Look out, though, Steve Malkmus. You must have pissed-off Coomes straight-up Beach Boys style!

Helter Skelter:

* Ted Leo & the Pharmacists

Fox Confessor Brings the Flood 2: Cruise Control, Neko Case-Style

Careful, I am a fox. You may have seen me around in recent years, on product boxes, in various advertisements, as the mascot for disreputable universities. This should not be. At heart, I feel I am a delightful little fox, nibbling on tasty treats, occasionally wrestling with a few sheep. I keep to myself. I donate to NPR. I watched Live Earth. Yet I am a victim, just one of thousands every month. I am a victim of identity theft.

When it first went down, I thought, "How could this happen to me? I'm just a fox. I don't even have a credit card." I soon learned that they could take more than just a few numbers and passwords. They took my face, my fur, my essence -- those poachers of the credit card on my soul!

I tried to move on with my life, but I was bitter. No longer could I nibble on treats quite so tasty. Sheep were flavorless. On NPR, I waited, waited for them not to tell me, but my heart wasn't in it. I just wanted them to tell me and be done with it. I was defiled, and I watched my identity get plastered all over intellectual and actual property. Now, I must speak out. I must reclaim the identity that was taken, viciously and unscrupulously from me, a once care-free fox.

- NO, I am not the fox of the television network, FOX, who tragically died of dehydration and embarrassment because he thought he could dance.

- NO, I am not the FireFox that hugs a blue earth. I like the earth, but I have never hugged anything, except to steady a timid sheep who thought it could get away but couldn't because, if it took the time to get to know me a little bit, it would know that I'm not a pansy like the aforementioned FireFox.

- NO, I am not the Star Fox who has a laser gun and pilots a space ship. Though it would be beneficial for the moon sheep, I have never been able to breath in outer space. Or hold a laser gun, which would be beneficial for earth sheep as well.

- NO, I am not the fox who works for the emergency service, 9-1-1. This is not a fox but a monster, possibly lobotomized. Notice the cold, vacant stare. He is lewd and dances bottomless, yet still wears a belt.

- NO, I am not the adjective 'foxy,' although I appreciate the compliment.

- NO, I am not Jamie Foxx. I did not care for Ray.

Now that's out of the way, we can get down to the business of honesty. Identity theft is an assault on the truth, and we foxes tell inconvenient truths: WHO I AM is the Fox Confessor who brings the flood. The one and only.

Deal with it.

But...

A tumor of guilt has lodged itself in my stomach.

All this talk of honesty is making my fox eyes tear. You see, I've left out some crucial facts about my case. This puts me in a troublesome and awkward position. We foxes have the reputation for being sly, for lurking in truth's basement. And part of this whole thing is to dispel some of the fox myths that have built up over years of neglecting my identity theft. So, no more will I beat around the bush in which I was previously hiding. Come clean, that's the new fox way.

WHO I AM is a thief. Yes, it is true. I have stolen an identity as well. "An Egregious Act of Irony" will be my charge when I plead my case to the Poetic Justice of the Peace. They will through books upon books at this little fox, for I am but an impostor of the real Fox Confessor.

I am the re-issue. Neko Case, the sultry ranch-hand who tends the soft sheep of whom I like to innocently tussle in a Tom Sawyer sort of way, has decided to re-release Fox Confessor Brings the Flood with a bonus disc of five tracks. She's touring with The New Pornographers and continuing to re-release Furnace Room Lullaby and Blacklisted, fine albums that came before me and my original identity.

Poor fox, you're saying. Don't say it. I've duped you, just as you thought I might! Maybe I'm a victim, maybe I'm a thief, maybe all this has been a lie because my reputation precedes me. But did I not warn you? Perhaps not even that is worth taking at face-value from a fox. Let it serve to remind you never to trust the confessions of a fox, not even this one. Careful.

Wu-Tang’s NOT the First-Ever Group to Secure a Beatles Sample, Delays Release Date of New LP

Fiction: Wu-Tang is the "first-ever" group to secure a Beatles sample.

Fact: You can hear Beatles sampled on The Beastie Boys' legally released "The Sounds of Science." Plus, Ja Rule got clearance to sample "Eleanor Rigby" for his new album, The Mirror, due November 13. (You can hear way more on The Grey Album by Danger Mouse. But this one's illegal.)

Fiction: Wu-Tang sampled "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" for their track titled "The Heart Gently Weeps."

Fact: It's technically a composition sample, not a master sample. It is also referred to as an "interpolation."

Fiction: Erykah Badu, John Frusciante, and Danny Harrison -- George Harrison's son -- guest on the track.

Fact: It's "Dhani," not "Danny," FYI Wu-Tang.

Fiction: Wu-Tang's The 8 Diagrams comes out November 13.

Fact: The release date has been moved to December 4. According to P, our writer Nick Marx is reviewing it.

Fiction: The album will be released via Secretly Canadian (with a sample of a Phosphorescent song. JK).

Fact: Loud will release it, not SC, silly.

Fiction: TMT has done one of these fact/fiction stories before.

Fact: It's so true!

Dan Deacon Cancels Select Tourdates, But His Name Is Alive

It ain't easy being cheesy, and it's even harder being Dan Deacon (TMT Interview). Touring like a motherfucker for the better part of this year, Deacon recently announced the cancellation of select dates on his current tour due to exhaustion. The affected cities are Oberlin (OH), St. Louis (MO), Grinnell (IA), and Kansas City (MO), and possibly Brooklyn (NY). Yeah, I know! Very upsetting. But very understandable, too, right patient, sympathetic, sexy reader?

So, the question now is what are you going to do instead of going to the Dan Deacon show? TMT has compiled a list of activities that we endorse:

- Fly a kite. Nothing says "fuck you Deacon" like flying a kite.
- Eat some cereal. Shit's good. Use lactose-free milk if you get the squirts.
- Dry your laundry on a clothesline. Who said being eco-friendly wasn't cool?
- Masturbate. It's healthy. Don't be ashamed of your body. Get to know it.
- Practice your speech. Public speaking is vital to your future success.
- Order In Rainbows. Chris Martin will. You should too.
- Write Dan Deacon a sympathy note. He needs your encouragement.
- Fly another kite. Nothing says "fuck you Deacon" like a symmetrical task list.

Be sure to check his MySpace for any future updates regarding his exhaustion.

Portishead Still Mixing Album, Confirm GZA and Silver Apples for ATP, Says “Swindon lot are shit”

I have a problem with Portishead. The group recently announced that they are mixing their forthcoming album and are still making minor adjustments here and there -- sure, fine, cool. The problem I have is not with what was said, but how they said it. Let me refer you to a blog post on Portishead's official website:

"hello we have mixed all the tracks and the whole album is shit, so were going to start all over again. ok only kidding...sorry ! its sound pretty good but we have to go back to a few things in the next few weeks though. it sound pretty different from what we have done before i dont think the fondue society will be happy oh well , like the bee joke ends....... fuk em bye geoff"

I don't know about you, but I think Portishead's blog needs a good editor. Like, for example, me. Here's how I would've posted the news:

"Hello, friends of Portishead! Thanks for visiting our website. We have mixed down all the tracks for the forthcoming new album, and it doesn't quite sound magnificent enough, so we're going to start from scratch, like a pastry cook unsatisfied with his/her delectable treat. Only kidding! It sounds 'decent,' like recent Mogwai albums, but we'd like to take another shot -- like a gun at a driving range or a needle at the doctor's office -- in the next few weeks. It sounds pretty different from our first two AMAZING releases, and we're very excited to get this album finished (like a good book) so all of you can hear what we've been working on. I thank you again for visiting this blog. We'll make sure to give you an update as soon as we have something worthwhile to say, kinda like how TMT updates you throughout the day with news now. Love, Geoff."

Better, huh? Man, my editing skills are impeccable. Oh, almost forgot! I snuck into the studio yesterday and took a snapshot of Beth:

It's hard to tell from the picture since it's black and white, but it appears that she was in the middle of coming up with a word to rhyme with "epidermis."

Meanwhile, Portishead recently confirmed both Silver Apples and GZA/Genius (Wu-Tang, bitch) to play the Portishead-curated Nightmare Before Christmas ATP. They'll be joining artists like Aphex Twin, Glenn "Raise the Muthafuckin' Ruckus" Branca, Sunn 0))), Oren Ambarchi, Sparklehorse, and Oneida.

Hey, once they're done with the album, they should totally release it within 10 days and let consumers pay whatever price they want. Yeah? YEAH!! STROKE ME! YES! YES! RIGHT THERE RIGHT THERE!! RUB RUB RUB!! DON'T YOU STOP!!!

SPLOOGE.