As it happens, you are sitting in a very nice theater. There are seats. There is a stage. There is a red velvet curtain. The curtain opens and a voice, pleasing though peculiar in a way you cannot put your finger on, pulses out of the loudspeaker. “Hello audience, please welcome your friend Mr. Scott Walker.” You applaud loudly.
Scott Walker steps to the middle of the stage. His face is obscured by television static, though the rest of his body is perfectly clear. Somehow, you are still certain that it is him. He approaches the microphone and taps it once. He frowns and, despite the static, you know he has frowned. He speaks into the microphone anyway.
“HELLO THIS IS SCOTT WALKER AND I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING HISSSSS
I NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING RIGHT NOW RIIIIIGHT NOW
IN 2006 I RELEASED A RECORD CALLED THE DRIFT IT WAS A BANNER YEAR IT WAS A BANNER YEAR
IT IS 2012 AND I WILL RELEASE THAT ALBUM AGAIN THIS TIME IN VINYL FORMAT CLUNK CLUNK PSST
LISTEN TO FACT MAGAZINE THEY KNOW THEY KNOW IT IS COMING OUT ON JULY 10 PRE-ORDER IT NOW AT AN ONLINE STORE
GOODBYE WE ARE ALL FILLED WITH BLOOD”
Walker leaves the stage. You applaud Walker’s announcement. Shortly after, a Ramones cover band begins playing. They are not good. You wonder if it is impolite to leave. You frown.
[Photo: Jamie Hawksworth]