The Shins’ Marty Crandall Abuse Case Dismissed

"Caring Is Creepy" lyrics:

I think i'll go home and mull this over

Before i cram it down my throat

At long last it's crashed, it's colossal mass

Has broken up into bits in my moat.

Lift the mattress off the floor

Walk the cramps off

Go meander in the cold

Hail to your dark skin

Hiding the fact you're dead again

Undeneath the power lines seeking shade

Far above our heads are the icy heights that contain all reason

It's a luscious mix of words and tricks

That let us bet when you know we should fold

On rocks i dreamt of where we'd stepped

And the whole mess of roads we're now on.

Hold your glass up, hold it in

Never betray the way you've always known it is.

One day i'll be wondering how

I got so old just wondering how

I never got cold wearing nothing in the snow.

This is way beyond my remote concern

Of being condescending

All these squawking birds won't quit.

Building nothing, laying bricks.

How Los Campesinos! Are Like Linux. A Short Essay with Bullet Points.

Wales' sexy indie pop band Los Campesinos! are a lot like those crazy open-source Linux users. First off, "los campesinos" is Spanish for "the peasants," which could also be used to describe Linux users. You see, these people get little-to-no compensation for what they do, but still love helping each other out. It's actually pretty cute. Which brings me to my next point: Have you seen the Linux mascot, Tux? He's like the cutest penguin ever! And Los Campesinos! are pretty damn cute as well (especially Harriett... oh I love it when she plays the violin).

That's just surface-level shit. Check it:

- Los Campesinos!'s new album is called Hold on Now Youngster..., and it opens up with a track called "Death to Los Campesinos!" The title convinces me of the group's assuredly Linux roots, what with Steve Jobs and Bill Gates continually screaming "Death to Linux Users!" from atop their closed kingdoms. Okay, that's kinda dubious. But there's more.

- Track three "Don't Tell Me to Do the Maths" (probably) focuses on how Linux users are total fuggin' nerds and don't like to be told what to do. (Word to the wise: these motherfuckers are stubborn; just ask them to fix your computer, and they'll just offer to install Ubuntu instead. No questions asked; they hate questions, but they have all the answers.)

- "We Are All Accelerated Readers" sums up how much smarter these crazy technophiles are than you. But they've always stood out intellectually -- that's why they're Linux users. They love bashing Apple users for their jackassedness when it comes to brand loyalty, but you better be damn sure the Linux users love being in with the "out crowd," and they want you to know it.

- Despite their elitist behavior, the Linux doods are nice. Yeah, that's right. That's why on track nine, "You! Me! Dancing!," Los Campesinos! sing about how Linux lovers want everyone to be living harmoniously in some kind of pseudo-communist society, where everyone lives underneath the GNU license. Yeah, it'd be weird, but somehow I think we'd all be happy. Plus, our computers would at least work. (Fuck you Vista.)

So, check out Los Campesinos!'s debut album, Hold on Now Youngster..., and find out whether or not it's truly about the magical world of Linux when it's released February 25 in the UK and April 1 here in the states. You can download the digital album from Arts&Crafts February 25 as well. But whatever you do, don't play the trax in iTunes because that shit is closed source. Get another program like Totem or some shit.

I hope you are viewing this tracklisting on your open source Firefox browser:

1. Death to Los Campesinos!
2. Broken Heartbeats Sound Like Breakbeats
3. Don't Tell Me to Do the Math(s)
4. Drop It Doe Eyes
5. My Year in Lists
6. Knee Deep at ATP
7. This Is How You Spell. "HAHAHA, We Destroyed the Hopes and Dreams of a Generation of Faux-Romantics"
8. We Are All Accelerated Readers
9. You! Me! Dancing!
10. ...And We Exhale and Roll Our Eyes in Unison
11. Sweet Dreams, Sweet Cheeks

Be sure to put these awesome tour dates in your open-source calendar program:

# ATP vs. Pitchfork

* with Les Savy Fav, Future of the Left, Cut Off Your Hands

Stars to Tour Europe, In Order to Tour Must Leave Their Bedroom After the War

Get ready, my galactic-a-go-go guys and gals. Hell, even mark up your Belle and Sebastian calendar*. Stars is touring Europe, starting January 22 in Ireland.

What better way to ring in 2008? Especially since you OBVIOUSLY have a Belle and Sebastian calendar to mark up.

Did I also mention, reader baby, that I really love Nesquik, Red Bull, Ray Bans, Google, and American Express?

Tour dates probably inadvertently supported by Nesquik, Red Bull, Ray Bans, Google and American Express (I mean, isn’t everything?):

* Indie product placement-a-go-go

Le Loup Tours WITHOUT Bodies of Water Bodies of Water Tour with Le Loup in 960,375-Part Vocal Harmony

UPDATE (1/9): We originally reported that Bodies of Water and Le Loup are going on tour together. Turns out, Bodies of Water are instead going on tour with Sons & Daughters. Updated tourdates below, but we kept the same story, because, shit, why not keep things a little confusing? We're living in confusing times, my friends. -Editor

So, my theory is that some merry tricksters at Secretly Canadian called up Nick and Sarah over at Hardly Art and the conversation went something like this:

SC: So you have that band, Le Loup.

HA: Uh... yeah.

SC: It has about 75 people in it playing 84 different instruments.

HA: Truth.

SC: We have a band that does that too. We think they're pretty good.

HA: Yeah? Well, ours likes to bust a move on stage once in a while. Collectively.

SC: My band does too. I bet they'd kick your band's lily asses in that department.

HA: I bet not.

SC: I'll bet you a U.S. tour.

HA: You're on.

SC: Great! The first date is in Dallas, Texas. Don't be late! (hangs up)

HA: Uh... I think we just booked a tour for Le Loup. Oh well. Cool. Except they're not going to fucking Texas; I'll say that right now!

I mean, you can take this or leave it. Just throwing it out there. Either way, this'll be a rager of a tour. A very well-orchestrated rager, I might add.

The French horn is cool again (THESE DATES ARE LE LOUP DATES, NO BODIES OF WATER):

Rings Announce Tour, Have Not Yet Considered Switching Back to “First Nation” Moniker

New York City triad Rings (formerly First Nation) will begin touring the South with White Williams at the beginning of February, in support of the release of Black Habit (due January 15 on Paw Tracks), their first album under the new moniker.

As previously reported (TMT News), the name change reflects the band's new lineup; original members Nina Mehta and Kate Rosko added Abby Portner (sister of Animal Collective's Dave Portner) after Melissa Livaudais left the band. Rosko says the name change was also in part politically motivated, as Native Canadians identify themselves as citizens of the First Nation, and the band no longer felt the use of the name was culturally sensitive. In an e-mail message, Rosko also said, "The songs on the Rings album reflect a really different -- more personal and poppy -- feeling than the songs on the First Nation record, which I think are a little more political and socially oriented and harder sounding."

Rings are also planning a West Coast tour at the end of February, as well as a few more East Coast dates, including a record release show in NYC. For more information, visit the Paw Tracks website.

* White Williams

Who Gives a Fuck about Some Vampire Weekend Tourdates?

On their catchy-as-all-get-out single "Oxford Comma," Vampire Weekend asks us the burning question, "Who gives a fuck about an Oxford comma?" Though the most famous band ever to have not yet released an album may well have meant this rhetorically, I must insist that I do, in fact, give a fuck about an Oxford comma.

I'll admit, I had to look it up (at the website www.askoxford.com, no less). But when I found out that an Oxford comma is the "optional comma before the word ‘and’ at the end of a list," I realized it was something worth fighting for. While technically superfluous, that helpful, little punctuation mark adds a subtle symmetry to sentences and -- yes -- makes my heart beat a bit faster.

So while I fundamentally disagree with indie rock's favorite Ivy League grads on certain, non-essential points of grammar, I can't get that goddamn song out of my head. If you weren't lucky enough to acquire a copy of their now-legendary "Blue CD-R," you can catch the ditty on their forthcoming, self-titled album. Vampire Weekend (XL) hits the street January 29, and the band begins their tour with a sold-out Bowery Ballroom show that night.

Most famous band ever to sell out two dates at the Bowery Ballroom without even releasing an album yet:
01.29.08 - New York, NY - Bowery Ballroom
01.30.08 - New York, NY - Bowery Ballroom
01.31.08 - San Francisco, CA - Popscene
02.06.08 - Washington, DC - Rock and Roll Hotel
02.07.08 - Philadelphia, PA - First Unitarian Church
02.08.08 - Williamstown, MA - Williams College
02.09.08 - Boston, MA - Museum of Fine Arts
02.13.08 - Cincinnati, OH - The Gypsy Hut
02.14.08 - Columbus, OH - Wexner Center, Ohio State University
02.15.08 - Pittsburgh, PA - Andy Warhol Museum
03.06.08 - Toronto, Ontario - The Social*
03.07.08 - Big Cypress Indian Reservation/South Florida Everglades -
Langerado Music Festival
03.09.08 - Atlanta, GA - The Earl*
03.10.08 - Birmingham, AL - The Bottletree*

* The Walkmen