I don't need to tell you that consideration is a thing of the past. If someone isn't driving like a displaced Berserk gang member from Mad Max to get ahead of you at a stoplight then they are cutting their own mother's throats to ensure acquisition of the last bag of Sun Chips at the local 7-11. You don't even have to leave the house to see people's unwillingness to going that extra inch. You are no doubt familiar with the newsletters and press releases that bands and record labels e-mail out and have secretly wished, "Gee whiz, it would be super swell if these good company people did something a little more spiffy to get my attention for their retail product! Hopskipideedoo!" Well, not content to whisk off an e-release to our already over-crowded inboxes with the speed and brevity of a teenager's morning wood discharge into a bedside sweatsock, the Michigan-born, everywhere-based label Asthmatic Kitty did something unique for one of their latest records -- it sent an ancient seer to select online publications to spread the word.
Top analysts Tiger Beat refused to let the prophet in (no gel, no cheekbones, no service) so he shuffled to our door in order to fill his quota. After an awkward introduction, we were face-blasted with a shitstorm of prophetic ranting from the old sage. Then, just as quickly as he had began, he ended his diatribe, tented his fingers, squinted his eyes, and proclaimed, "Half-handed Cloud will release a rarities compilation called Cut Me Down & Count My Rings on November 3 on Asthmatic Kitty. For some reason, he then produced eight "silver gewgaws" (Hershey's Kisses rewrapped in cigarette foil) and stormed off in a fury of tongue-spoken rage. We weren't entirely convinced of this character's character and suspicion was rightfully aroused when he was spotted goose-stepping into an '82 Chevy Caprice with Foghat cranked to a Pitchfork-approved 7.8 on the Pioneer deck. Thankfully, authenticity was re-established when he stopped, reached his bony hand out the window, and stated again, "November 3!"
Cut Me Down & Count My Rings is a 46-song collection by John Ringhofer's Half-handed Cloud and it contains unreleased and previously released songs originally found on harder-to-find vinyl, cassettes, limited CDEPs and CDRs, with zines or on compilations, Christmas-themed releases, a cassingle, and wax cylinders issued during the decade hilariously known as "the noughties." With 46 songs on one disc, Ringhofer takes a minimal approach, with no extended lead-ins, noisy tangents, or solos. For all of this, J Mascis HATES him. Guests include former Wookieback bandmate Brandon Buckner, Cryptacize's Nedelle and Chris Cohen, WHY?'s Yoni Wolf, and an unknown, up-and-coming indiefolk musician named Sufjan Stevens. Ringhofer knows it's good to give a leg up to amateurs. He also knows that extensive song details and immaculate design are destined to make this a magical, mysterious package.
When overwhelmed with dread, drink up these spirituals:
1. You Call Yourself Our Shepherd
2. It’s Better to Follow the Shepherd
3. The Shepherd’s Reach
4. Always Running Away
5. All We Like Sheep Have Gone Astray
6. Good-Good Path
7. What Great Things…!
8. Leaving the Ninety-Nine
9. Clothe Yourself Within Us
10. You Call Yourself Our Shepherd (Reprise)
11. Cot-Roof
12. He’s Not the Swindler We Are
13. Dear John (original version)
14. Was He Really Doubting?
15. Couple Kings Close the Road on a Giant (parts 2-4)
16. Once, Twice, Seven Times a Werewolf
17. Bees Are Trying to Build Their Nest in You
18. Bees Baked a Loaf for Me (or Flour from Flowers?)
19. Who Brought These Up?
20. Isaiah 49
21. Never in Labor!
22. We're Not Getting Well
23. Took Your Tablets
24. I Got a Letter
25. Ten Commandment Tombstone
26. Here's a List
27. Sewing Wind to Fabric
28. Chins
29. Finding
30. Oily
31. Ploughmen
32. Buffet
33. Pause
34. When Overwhelmed with Dread
35. Missing
36. Winding
37. Cut-down
38. Got-it
39. To Fill
40. Loathed
41. Couple Kings Close the Road on a Giant (part 1)
42. Pre-teen Apocalyptic Film Acting (WHY? Medley)
43. Ode to Team Pinecone
44. The * That Moved-Around the Night
45. Plant a Little Fir Tree
46. Home for Christmas
