Sonic Youth and Dntel Figuratively Scoff at Commercial Radio, Support Free Yr Radio, Free Yr Radio Sponsors To Provide Lavish Gifts: Free Cars, All-Over Print Hoodies, Bling, Bands Not To Scoff If It Means Their CD Has a Spot at the Checkout Counter Next to the New Modest Mouse And is Rung Up By an Anorexic Sales Girl With Chunky Bangs

OH MY GOD IT’S LIKE TOTALLY BETTER THAN A WICKED CLEVER TEE-SHIRT!!!

Closing a tour for Free Yr Radio, Sonic Youth will headline the last of a series of free promotional concerts Saturday, July 21 at 7 PM at the Urban Outfitters on Santa Monica's 3rd Street Promenade. Free Yr Radio is an independent music campaign developed by Toyota Motor Sales, U.S.A., and Urban Outfitters in support of non-commercial radio.

Get yo’ freak on, kidz! At the July 21 show, one (...lucky…?) Urban Outfitters-lurking, MUZIK-lovvvvvin,’ KXLU listener will win a Toyota Yaris.

Get a move on, a contrived tee-shirt, and get your free tix for the Santa Monica show here. The 13-city tour kicked off in mid-April in Chicago with Klaxons, and has since include The Ponys, Voxtrot, The Long Winters, The Rapture, Rogue Wave, Tapes ‘N Tapes, Dinosaur Jr., and Annuals.

What’s more -- El-P will actually set foot in an Urban Outfitters:

Grizzly Bear is scheduled to perform July 12 in Cleveland, and El-P (…!!!!!) is slotted for July 14 in NYC.

BECAUSE WE ARE LIKE SO IN LOVE, READER, HERE’S TWO WAY-EXISTENTIAL EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEWS:

Sonic Youth are (collectively) psyched to save the world with sweet jamz, drop a reissue of Daydream Nation, and headline the concert for KXLU 88.9 FM. While (collectively) stroking the smooth cotton fabric of a “Frankie Says Relax” tee-shirt, they shot the shit:

Mr. Ranaldo: What happens if the manager won't give you the Toyota Yaris, hipstahhh sneakers, shitty “indie” CDs, and platform jelly sandals?

Mr. Moore: When you're dealing with a store like this, they're insured up the ass. They're not supposed to give you any resistance whatsoever. If you get a customer, or an employee, who thinks he's Charles Bronson, take the butt of your gun and smash their nose in. Everybody jumps. He falls down screaming, blood squirts out of his nose, nobody says fucking shit after that. You might get some bitch-talk shit to you, but give her a look like you're gonna smash her in the face next, watch her shut the fuck up. Now if it's a manager, that's a different story. Managers know better than to fuck around, so if you get one that's giving you static, he probably thinks he's a real cowboy, so you gotta break that son of a bitch in two. If you wanna know something and he won't tell you, cut off one of his fingers. The little one. Then tell him his thumb's next. After that he'll tell you if he wears ladies underwear. I'm hungry. Let's get a taco.

Dntel is equally… pumped…

Jimmy Tamborello, a KXLU alum, took time to get prophetic after spinning da’ jamz to open for Sonic Youth, and in a moment of reflection next to the rack of “More Cowbell” tee-shirts, he discussed Free Yr Radio:

“It’s like this Bible passage I always come back to, Ezekial 25:17: The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you. Now I’ve been saying that shit for years, but I saw some Converse sneakers, hoodies, and kitschy t-shirts in Urban Outfitters that made me think twice. Now I'm thinkin': it could mean commercial radio’s the evil man. And I'm the righteous man. And my music here, it's the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness. Or it could be non-commercial radio is the righteous man, and I'm the shepherd, and it's the world that's evil and selfish. I'd like that. But that shit ain't the truth. The truth is college radio is the weak. And commercial radio the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd.”*

*Sorry, Samuel L. Jackson. XOXO, Love you.

Believe It Or Not, Gruff Rhys Can Actually Be A Pretty Ruff Ghy On Tour

Hey assholes, it's me! Gruff Rhys! Yeah, I'm wearing a striped shirt today -- what's all the fuss, fatty? You think you're so fucking tough, don't you, slammin' to the sounds of Kevin Drumm and, what, Runzelstirn & Gurgelstock? Yeah, you're a total bad-ass; you can go throw up into a bucket with all your friends, you little fairy. You want to see real strength? You want to see a one-man, a one-MAN show that'll blow your undies all the way up to your neck? You're lookin' at him. You're not even lookin' at him; you're just sorta glancin' in my general direction because you know my stare is as harsh as fuckin' ice-nine.

Welcome to your own personal hell, my friends, because I am planning 12 dates in North American cities, and you better call your mayors, because when I'm done with those cities, I am done with them, as in they will be no more, understand? I will be entering, let's say Brooklyn, voted the #3 place to raise a family in the United States, and I'll set up my acoustic guitar and lean into the mic, saying "This next one's off my latest album, Candylion, and I hope you like it," and before your little girlfriend can squeeze your hand in excitement and secret lust, I'll jump back on the mic and be like, "and if you don't," and then make that X motion over my package that they do in wrestling. I'm telling you, there's going to be riots in the street, in homes, after I slam my way through that song. Then I'll take a break for a sip of water and say something about how the next Super Furry Animals album is on its way August 27, and then I'll go into another song, but everyone will be like, "Wait, what's it called?" and I'll act like I can't hear them until they start chanting my name, and then I'll be like, "HEY VENUS!" and everyone will start cheering as some chick named Venus comes up on stage and we mack it, and I don't even have that strong of feelings for her.

And then I'll move on to the next city, trail of smoke wafting behind me. Yeah... they'll be pretty short sets.

$ Ulrich Schnauss

$$ Her Space Holiday

Spanish Subsistence Farmers, Arts & Crafts?! I Thought I Knew You; Los Campesinos! To Tour! Excitedly! Elicit Punctuation Fervor In News!

It's time to get to the bottom of this business with Los Campesinos! But don't worry, the exclamation point is theirs, not mine -- I'm cool, calm, and collected about this! Toronto powerhouse label Arts & Crafts has taken this young band under its collective (get it?) wing, first with an opening slot for indie-rock behemoth Broken Social Scene and more recently by signing the burgeoning 7-piece to a record deal! Los Campesinos!, though, do not hail from the Great White North, nor do any of their members play in the Social Scene or Scene spawn, for that matter! This shakes my foundation and, to be frank, makes me feel unsettled! When I turn to A&C for my fix of the Canadian Grateful Dead (BSS), a venti-sized Starbucks blend of latte soaked goodness (like Feist) or orchestral chamber pop (like Stars), I want to know this is the most interwoven, interconnected, inbred group of musicians I can possibly find, all (or mostly) hailing from places where people care about hockey! Is that so much to ask?!

Instead, I'm getting a rambunctious hybrid of Arctic Monkey and Architecture in Helsinki that sounds like the band started by that kid who wouldn't stop wiping his nose on his sleeve in elementary school! They're from Cardiff, Wales, and I'm not even sure they play hockey in Wales! What's more, this band exponentially increases the deception factor by being neither Hispanic nor farmers! At this point, I wouldn't be able to take all of the abuse from a brand new band and an established label I once loved if this music wasn't so damn fun! And, for a few dates only, you can see it live!

The Story of the Jock Who Clapped His Hands And Said Yeah; A Short Fictional Tale By Scout Leader Kyle

It was always hot in August; Ohio was good for that. It was fair time here in ol' Champaign County, the time of year for 15 year olds to get drunk and hook up in the campers and barns. The year was 2006, and a friend and I decided to head down to the county fair, only to realize that, if we wanted to live happy lives, our existence in this shitty area needed to be short-lived. My friend was wearing a really happening green Yeah Yeah Yeahs t-shirt, and I was wearing a brown Clap Your Hands Say Yeah shirt with pink font. It was sexy, and I loved me some CYHSY at the time.

As we walked on the dirt, smelling the essence of pig shit and fair food, we were confronted by a number of random guys. Typically, these manly men would be sporting a Holister baseball cap, leather sandals, American Eagle shorts, a Hot Topic metal bracelet, and an Abercrombie shirt. They were being loud, obnoxious, and would typically "clap their hands" and shout "yeah!" while hangin' with their buddies.

One of the boys (the most obnoxious one) went by the name "George." George had no clue that Clap Your Hands Say was an amazing band that took the independent music world by storm with their self-released, self-titled debut album back in 2005. So what did George do? You guessed it. He "clapped his hands" and said "yeah."

The next day the police department found George on top of a camper, rotting and chewing on his castrated nuts.

Moral of the story: If you don't want to end up like George, I suggest you get some schooling and see CYHSY live at these dates:

* Elvis Perkins in Dearland

Janet Reno Mackin’ On America, To Discover America Likes Her as a Friend and Digs Pam Anderson, Angelina Jolie, and Ladies that Wear Lacy Panties, Reno To Read Cosmopolitan for Petty Booty-Shaking Empowerment, Reno Compiles a “Get Wit’ Me” Mix CD and Breathily Whisper in America’s Ear “Here, Listen to Devendra Banhart and Andrew Bird While I Slip Into Something More Comfortable and Then We Can Both Steam-Up Your Great, Big, Melting Pot…”

Halfway through an oh-so-lonely spin of La-La-La Lohan’s “Rumors” this fourth of July, Janet Reno got sick of her post-cold cream bedtime routine: singing into her hairbrush and getting down to JAMZ behind closed doors, where only she could appreciate her smooth, supple breasts sagging on her robust figure, her chick-with-a-mission hairdo, and her tasteful cotton panties.

Long since holding onto a dream that looks don’t matter to her MAJAHH CRUSHHHH!, a friend of a friend told Janet that America, who she had long since been putting the moves on, digs that FUGLY SLUT Pam Anderson. And Angelina Jolie. And Jennifer Aniston.

WHAAAAAAT????? AMERICA LIKES HOT CHICKS????? WHAT ABOUT BRAINS????

“AMERICA IS JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU, JANET,” said the friend.

Janet was heartbroken.

After deciding a boob job would jerk the chain of that whole female-empowerment thing she has going for her, she changed into her pajamas (a shoulder-padded feet pajamas business suit of breathable fabric) and remembered youth (acne, headgear, never getting asked to a prom), and at that moment got WAY EMPOWERED. Following a road paved by every ugly girl who pretends it doesn’t bother them to look like ass, Reno flipped through Cosmo for tips on tightening her abs and cried halfway through sit-up number three.

“I’m sick of being alone!” said Reno, sniffling, while her hairline sweat profusely.

Though sit-ups weren’t happening, neither was sitting at home in her pajamas.

Reno was going out tonight.

After caking on some glitter-ific Caboodles, hoisting her ever-saggy boobs into a killer halter top, and slumping her lady-lump into rhinestone-decaled jeans, she decided in order to declare her orgasmic mack-mackin’ love o’ America, she would stop at nothing -- even if it came to a good, dirty mud wrestle with Pam Anderson.

So, rather than locking her door and sitting under the sheets with smutty issues of TIME, Newsweek and Life, she rolled out to DA’ CLUBZ, did some body shots wit’ DA’ BOYZ, made out with a few chicks (...for attention... yeah, attention...), and awoke next morning on a street corner, naked and alone.

Her hair smelled of vomit.

Vowing never to shake her most generously-endowed groove thing again, Reno resigned herself to the I’ll-love-you-from-afar existence of the intellectual elite, resulting in this subtle mix CD. A tribute to a love she’ll never have.

Reno took two years to compile this American tribute mix, a 3CD, 50-song compilation, to be released September 18 (Three Tigers), including tracks from Andrew Bird, Danielson, Devendra Banhart, and John Mellencamp. Seriously.

Bigger Boobs=Happiness, I Wanted This Land To Be My Land, You Are Beautiful In Every Single Way, America:

Earl Bullhead - "Lakota Dream Song"

Julie Lee - "Once More Our God Vouchesafe To Shine"

Blind Boys of Alabama - "Let Us Break Bread Together"

John Wesley Harding - "God Save the King"

Elizabeth Foster - "Young Ladies in Town"

Malcolm Holcombe - "The Old Woman Taught Wisdom"

Ed Pettersen - "The Liberty Song"

Harper Simon - "Yankee Doodle"

The Wilders - "Jefferson & Liberty"

Steven Kowalczyk-Santoro - "Hail Columbia"

Take 6 - "Star Spangled Banner"

Beth Nielsen Chapman - "Sometimes I Feel Like a Motherless Child"

Freedy Johnston - "Peg and Awl"

BR549 - "Sweet Betsy From Pike"

Will Hill and Jehnean Day Washington - "Trail of Tears"

Minton Sparks and Pat Flynn - "Declaration of Sentiments"

Fisk Jubilee Singers - "Go Down Moses"

Mavericks [ft. Thad Cockrell] - "Dixie's Land"

Marah - "John Brown's Body"

Joanna Smith - "Battle Hymn of the Republic"

Janis Ian - "Johnny I Hardly Knew Ye"

Tim O'Brien - "Thousands Are Sailing to Amerikay"

Otis Gibbs - "The Farmer Is the Man"

Joni Harms - "Home on the Range"

Jake Shimabukuro - "Stars & Stripes Forever"

Jen Chapin - "Over There"

Andrew Bird - "How You Gonna Keep 'Em Down on the Farm"

Karen Parks - "Lift Every Voice and Sing"

Danielson - "Happy Days Are Here Again"

Andy Bey - "Brother Can You Spare a Dime?"

Jim Lauderdale - "Seven Cent Cotton and Forty Cent Meat"

Old Crow Medicine Show - "Deportee"

Suzy Bogguss - "Rosie the Riveter"

Folk Family Robinson (Black Crowes with Stan Robinson) - "Reuben James"

Scott Kempner - "Apache Tears"

Elizabeth Cook and the Grascals - "The Great Atomic Power"

Devendra Banhart - "Little Boxes"

The Del McCoury Band - "The Times They Are A-Changin'"

Kim Richey - "Get Together"

The Dynamites / Charles Walker - "Say It Loud, I'm Black and I'm Proud"

Ben Taylor - "Ohio"

Anthony David - "What's Going On"

Martha Wainwright - "I Am Woman"

Matthew Ryan - "Youngstown"

Bettye LaVette - "Streets of Philadelphia"

Gary Heffern / Chris Eckman - "Wave"

Shortee - "The Message"

Judith Edelman / Neilson Hubbard - "Sleep, My Child (Schlof Mayn Kind)"

The Wrights - "Where Were You When the World Stopped Turning"

John Mellencamp - "This Land Is Your Land"

Super Furry Animals Back Soon with New LP and Summer Tourdates; Saskatchewan Fencing Association Still Upset at Having to Share Its Initials with Rock Group but Enjoying Rash of Stray Website Hits from Drunk Googlers

Hey Venus!, Super Furry Animals’ eighth proper studio album, will be released August 27 via Rough Trade. The “Show Your Hand” single will be out a fortnight earlier, on August 13. Here is the trackli--.... wait, hold on a sec... is one of the songs below seriously called “Baby Ate My Eight Ball”? Surely the best song title ever! You can have your “Every Time I Eat Vegetables It Makes Me Think of You,” your “Russian Berries but You’re Quiet Tonight,” your “Mama Get the Hammer (There’s a Fly on Papa’s Head),” and the entire Fall catalogue, but “Baby Ate My Eight Ball” is better. Given these Welsh eccentrics penchant for perfect pop, folk, psych, and even cod-techno, it will most likely be the best sounding song ever too, until the next one at least.

Hey song titles!

1. The Gateway Song
2. Runaway
3. Show Your Hand
4. The Gift
5. Neo Consumer
6. Into the Night
7. Baby Ate My Eight Ball
8. Carbon Dating
9. Suckers
10. Battersea Odyssey

Team SFA will be playing shows this summer, most likely with its unique surround sound system in tow, but probably not with its blue and pink tank along for the ride; maybe with a continent of stage dancing fuzzy yetis and definitely packing a back catalogue that reeks of consistency and class and that puts most drippy, flat band outputs to shame. Tourdates:
07.13.07 - Kent, England - Lounge on the Farm
07.14.07 - Coventry, England - Godiva Festival
07.21.07 - London, England/Dublin, Ireland - Lovebox Festival
08.25.07 - Cardiff, Wales - Cooper’s Field, Get Loaded in the Park
08.31.07 - Glasgow, Scotland - Connect Festival
09.02.07 - Jersey, England - Jersey Live
09.15.07 - Derbyshire, England - End of the Road Festival
11.23.07 - Burnham-on-Sea, England - Tunnel Vision Festival

Wales is very infrequently referred to as “the Jamaica of the British Isles.” That's all about to change, because Guto Pryce, dub loving bassist with Welsh national treasures Super Furry Animals, is the latest to have the honor of handpicking tracks from the Trojan Records vaults for release as Furry Selection. “Jamaican music looks forward, dub is ageless because it sounds like nothing else,” says Pryce. “The music that came from Jamaica in the late 60’s and early 70’s is some of the best I’ve ever heard, from anywhere in the world. You can’t believe how lucky I feel to plough through Trojan’s huge catalogue and choose my favourite tracks.” And we are lucky too, because we get to hear yet another musician’s take on the Trojan legacy, and that is never a bad thing. Furry Selection: Luxury Cuts of Trojan by a Super Furry Animal is out now. Here is what Guto chose:

1. Horace Andy - “Skylarking”
2. Lee 'Scratch' Perry - “Curly Locks”
3. Mikey Dread - “Dread Combination”
4. Leo Graham & The Upsetters - “Flashing Echo”
5. Augustus Pablo - “Vibrate Onn”
6. Keith Hudson - “Darkest Night On A Wet Looking Road”
7. Linval Thompson - “Jamaican Colley (version)”
8. U-Roy - “Penny For Your Dub”
9. Tenor Saw - “Ring The Alarm”
10. Leroy Smart & The Aggrovators - “Channel One Feel It”
11. Susan Cadogan - “Do It Baby”
12. The Upsetters - “23rd Dub”
13. Rupie Edwards - “Free The Weed”
14. Bob Marley & The Wailers - “Kaya”
15. Cornell Campbell - “Girl Of My Dreams”
16. Junior Byles - “The Long Way”

  

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