Special Limited-Time Offer! See Angels of Light Live and We’ll Throw in Boredoms For Half the Price!

[RING... RING...]

eYe: Hello?

Gira: 'Sup dude!! It's Michael Gira, former Swans member and current Angels of Light dude. I run Young God, etc.

eYe: Sigh... I know who you are, Michael; you called yesterday.

Gira: Hahah, oh yeah... weird.

eYe: So, what is it that you want today?

Gira: Oh, uh, nothing. Just kinda relaxing, doing laundry -- that sort of thing... A friend called earlier, so we made plans to go to SUBWAY® later. I've never had their toasted Meatball Marinara yet, and I go practically every other day! Haha! What are you up to, dude?

eYe: Sigh... Look Michael, you know I respect you and everyone loves your music -- I can't wait for the August 21 release of We Are Him -- but you can't just keep--

Gira: HahahahAHAHAHHA!!!

eYe: Uh, Michael?

Gira: ...Hahahah!! Oh shit, man!! FUCKING INSANE!!

eYe: WHAT IS IT MICHAEL!?!?

Gira: Dude, turn to channel 4!! You won't fucking believe this!!

eYe: Okay, uh... what am I looking at here?

Gira: Dude, look at that dog go!! He keeps chasing his own tail, around and around -- hahahah!! Fucked up, man!

eYe: MICHAEL!! HONESTLY!! This is getting weird! You can't keep calling here every night, reintroducing yourself as the "former Swans member and current Angels of Light dude."

Gira: ...

eYe: Look, I'm sorry. I've tried to be nice about this, but this is just getting out of hand man.

Gira: Well -- sniff sniff -- don't you want to know why I called?

eYe: Sigh... Yes, Michael. I would love to know why you called.

Gira: Dude, I BOOKED US A TOUR!!

eYe: ...

Gira: Dude?

eYe: Michael, why the FUCK did you do that?

Gira: I don't know... thought it'd be cool -- plus, I was itching to get out of the States. What's the problem, dude?

eYe: Well, MICHAEL FUCKING GIRA, I told you YESTERDAY that we can't fucking play any shows right now because of all the family obligations we have, and you promised me that you would fucking talk to me first before doing--

Gira: Dude, sorry sorry sorry! Jeez... I know you told me about the family obligations, but seriously, this'll be a fucking blast. And I promise that HAHHAHHAHAHAHHHAHAH!!!

eYe: Fucking A Michael! What the fuck is going on?

Gira: Are you watching this!? Hahahah! That dog sounds like it's actually saying "I LOVE YOU!" "AIII!! WUFF!! YOOO!!!!"

Angels of Light tourdates:
10.21.07 - Coventry, UK - Taylor John's House
10.22.07 - Manchester, UK - Academy $
10.23.07 - Glasgow, UK - Arches $
10.24.07 - Aberdeen, UK - The Lemon Tree $
10.26.07 - London, UK - Shoreditch Town Hall # $
10.27.07 - London, UK - Monto Water Rats

$ Boredoms
# The Wire/Electra Festival

Thurston Moore Still Looks Like Thurston Moore, Tours Solo

Thurston Moore, cousin of director Michael Moore and brother of singer Mandy Moore, is most famous for Moore's Law, which has something to do with transistors and circuits and costs. Born in Moore, Idaho, Moore wrote about this law around the time he moved to Moore, Texas and befriended Henry Moore, the British sculptor, who was born in Moore, Chesire (England). The two moved to Moore, South Carolina, where they began talking to James Moore (a philosopher of science), who was schooled at Moore Catholic High School. But it was five year later, at Moore, Pennsylvania, where the three Moores began work on their pivotal Moore machine theory involving finite state automation. After philosophical discussions with Addison Webster Moore and George Edward Moore, all five Moores decided to move to Moore, Montana where they discovered Starbucks and Universal Records. After a lot of frappuccinos and major label deals, the Moores met some dude named Jack Konawalski who killed -- with a spear, mind you -- every Moore besides Thurston Moore.

Hear his story on the Ecstatic Peace release Trees Outside The Academy and on tour:

* Sexual Onslaught: Ramleh, Wolf Eyes, Putrefier, Carlos Giffoni & Prurient
Thurston Moore

Kevin Barnes Ain’t Got Nothin’ on Rammstein’s Two-Disc DVD Release

----

Rammstein is set to release a two-disc DVD set titled Volkerball September 18. Keep your cursor over the image above to find out why you must own it.

(By the way, it isn't real.)

The Shins are über popular now, and if you don't know who they are, whatever, you're lying -- but if you really don't, then just go to Wal-Mart and pick up one of their albums. Their popularity, as you all know, rose to ridiculous heights because of Zach Braff's Garden State and, specifically, Natalie Portman's namedropping. So, in an effort to finally put an end to this mention in every single news story, feature, and review ever written post-Garden State, I stuck the dialogue from the famous/infamous scene into Babel Fish (a finality if there ever was one) and translated it into German and then re-translated back into English.

Let me set the scene for you. Zach Braff walks into the doctor's office; Natalie Portman is in the waiting room. She's awkward and hot. Zach Braff is just plain awkward, so she sparks a conversation with him. Fast-forward through the conversation to the part where Natalie talks about little people in the movies...

Natalie: It sucks, although, because it gives, that, you do not know much work for small people? Anyway I speak too much. I become straight... They received to fill your forms out.

Zach: To what do you hear?

Natalie: The Shins. They know it?

Zach: No.

Natalie: They received to hear this a song. It changes your life. I am sad. They must... They received to fill your forms out. Do you think that you hear, uh... possibly could, while you fill your forms out?

Zach: I think that I can touch it.

Natalie: Yeah? Ok.

Zach: It is good. I like it.

Check out the Shins this fall in these cities:
09.01.07 - Seattle, WA - Bumbershoot Festival
09.02.07 - Chicago, IL - Download Festival
10.05.07 - Berkeley, CA - Greek Theatre *
10.06.07 - Santa Barbara, CA - Santa Barbara Bowl *
10.07.07 - Los Angeles, CA - Greek Theatre *
10.09.07 - Mesa, AZ - Mesa Amphitheater *
10.10.07 - Albuquerque, NM - Popejoy Hall (University of New Mexico)
10.17.07 - Atlanta, GA - Boisfeuillet Jones Atlanta Civic Center
10.18.07 - Charleston, SC - The Plex #
10.19.07 - Raleigh, NC - Progress Energy Center (Raleigh Memorial Auditorium)
10.20.07 - Norfolk, VA - The NorVa #
10.22.07 - Columbia, MD - Merriweather Post Pavilion #
10.23.07 - New York, NY - Terminal Five #
10.24.07 - New York, NY - Terminal Five #
10.27.07 - Las Vegas, NV - Sam Boyd Stadium (Vegoose Festival)
10.28.07 - Las Vegas, NV - The Joint at Hard Rock Hotel

* The Shaky Hands

# Vetiver

RIAA Takes Congress To Ruby Tuesday, Subtly Hints At Maybe Just Dropping The Whole Legal Proceedings Thing, Gets Stuck With $650,000 Bill

It was reported by Digital Music News that the RIAA, recently christened as part of the Axis of Evil, spent $650,000 on lobbying expenses in the first half of 2007. Is that a lot? Well, in 2006, the RIAA spent $1.5 million, Time Warner spent almost $3.8 million, and the National Cable & Telecommunications Association tops the TV/movies/music category at $14 million. This year, the RIAA is on pace to spend $1.3 million. So, yes, that is a lot, but the disgusting part to begin with is how much money is put into lawmaking by people who are not lawmakers.

Total Lobbying Spending for 2006: $2.55 billion. WTF America! Half of that is the wide category of pharmaceuticals and health products, which should make everyone wonder (again) about the role of the Food and Drug Adminstration. I saw something in the grocery store called Bio-Kult, and aside from seeming absolutely revolting and sounding like a name for an international crime syndicate, I am really skeptical that this cultured dairy probiotic energy drink, with its three-fingered alligator logo, is anywhere close to being safe. Lump that in with the ever-growing list of questionable yogurt products like Go-Gurt and Yogo-Bits and the vast list of genetically modified foods, and we will seriously need to reassess what we mean by "food."

So, could the RIAA be any better? Isn't DRM just another three-fingered alligator and payola its yogurt-related cousin? How are these things getting through to the consumer? Well, $1.5 million is certainly no $1.1 billion, but proportionately, they may very well be comparable -- ethically, it is all the same. There's nothing new in the moral gray area that is lobbying and its stranglehold on how laws are made, but when these things are hitting us, really hitting us, maybe we should fight back.

----

Title: Thunder Clap

Subtitle: BIO-KULT HEADQUARTERS. SOMEWHERE IN AMERICA.

"Leader! The American youth is upset. They're rousing the rabble as we speak! What do we do?"

"I knew this day would come. To the Lipitor-Mobile! Everyone, lobby like this is your last day on Earth. Those Washington fat cats need milk to delightfully lap up, and by god, that milk better be our fortified, enriched, cultured bacteria dairy product!"

A Brief History of The Go! Team, As Told By You or Someone You Know

September 2004: Debut Thunder, Lightning, Strike winds up on your hard drive -- you listen to a tune and kinda dig it.

November 2004: You finally get around to listening to the record and – after reading the TMT review – tell everyone it’s good.

December 2004: You make a half-assed attempt to get the UK import, fail, and then spend the $20 on a Keystone 30-rack (if you’re in college) or a case of PBR (if you’re in Brooklyn). Merry Christmas.

September 2005: The stateside re-release of debut Thunder, Lightning, Strike winds up on your hard drive – you listen to a tune and kinda dig it.

October 2005: You publicly refuse to buy the American version because “the samples aren’t as good” and “the bonus tracks suck.”

2006: Nothing happens.

Spring 2007: You see “Huddle Formation” on a Civic commercial and feel vindicated for not giving “those f-in’ sell outs” any of your money.

July 2007: Sophomore album Proof of Youth winds up on your hard drive – you listen to a tune and kinda dig it.

August 2007: You publicly refuse to see the band live because “they’re not as good in concert”:

* Inrocks Tour