SXSW announces more bands playing IN THE FUTURE and you don’t even have to slaughter a goat to find out who!

SXSW announces more bands playing IN THE FUTURE and you don't even have to slaughter a goat to find out who!

In pagan times, ancient people would perform elaborate druid-lead rituals to predict the behavior of the world around them. They would pull a groundhog in his little groundhog druid robe off his little groundhog precursor to a modern couch, away from his groundhog beer and non-funny groundhog sitcoms about a fat groundhog and his whiny but hot groundhog wife, and make him stand shivering out in the cold to see if he could see his shadow or not. That’s how people could tell if winter would keep chugging along or not. Also, to see if crops would be good, they’d have an orgy or something. I don’t know. Maybe they’d put Nicolas Cage in a movie and see how it fared. They’d tentatively mention a Katy Perry song to their druid friends, and if the other druids were like, “Ugh, that song sucks, have you heard her views on feminism? Total bummer,” then they’d know, through this arcane ritual, that totally no one was going to go to the Katy Perry show with them. You know, ancient ritual stuff.

Fortunately in modern times, those rituals have evolved into simpler, more convenient, less goat-sacrificing ways. For example, the shit the ancients did to forecast who would be playing SXSW every year… hell man, you don’t even wanna know. There are CHILDREN on this internet. Anyway, now you can just click on a link and read this article. The goat entrails have spoken, and they say that when SXSW takes over Austin in 2013, from March 12-17, the next wave of announced bands includes the likes of The Soft Moon, Robyn Hitchcock, The Blind Shake, Dead Prez, The Heavy, and hell, the total # of confirmed bands is now at 800, so I’m just gonna let you read about it here at SXSW’s website. Note: the SXSW website is written in human letters, not goat sex guts. The old ways no longer reign.

• SXSW: http://sxsw.com

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