Teenage Jesus & the Jerks Reunite! Dick Cheney Says "So"?

By Emceegreg on

This morning, I was blessed with the opportunity to interview Dick Cheney for my college paper on "Famous Black Vice-Presidents." But before I made my phone-in interview with Dick "Darth Vader" Cheney, I received fantastic news from the implanted TMT Newsfeed© in my ear:

TEENAGE JESUS & THE JERKS HAVE REUNITED FOR TWO SHOWS AT THE KNITTING FACTORY IN NYC ON JUNE 13.

Still ecstatic from the feed, I decided to ask Cheney what he thought about the news. Here's what he said:

Emceegreg: Did you hear about Teenage Jesus & the Jerks reuniting?

Dick Cheney: Yes, I have. On the No Wave front, I think there's a general consensus that TJ & J have always made major progress. But they're not really a major success, since I've had nothing to do with
them.

Emceegreg: Two-thirds of Americans say the reunion is fucking awesome news.

Cheney: So?

Emceegreg: So? You don't care what people think?

Cheney: No. If it's not good ol' music like "One" by U2, then frankly I don't give a shit.

What an asshole, huh?

On the bright side, this marks their first appearance in over 20 years since the band last took the stage. Joining Lydia Lunch on stage will be Jim Sclavunos of The Bad Seeds and apparently a "lost member" on bass. The shows will coincide with Abrams Image's release of No Wave: Post-Punk. Underground. New York. 1976-1980 on June 1, which is the Thurston Moore/Byron Coley book about the No Wave scene Teenage Jesus & the Jerks helped create. Also, Atavistic plans on releasing the band's complete catalog in June. So? So there, Dick!

Sony/ATV Sues Karaoke Companies for Copyright Infringement, But No One Sues Karaoke SINGERS for Being Assholes

By Nobodaddy on 03-27-2008

FYI, folks. Every time you sink enough Red Stripe to find the idea of waltzing up to your neighborhood bar's Karaoke machine intending to conjure a rousing "everybody sing-a-long!" version of "Hey Jude" to be logical, you're not just hurting yourself and others with your off-the-mark impressions of McCartney's Little Richard-channeling yelps. Hell, you're not even just hurting McCartney, either. Nope, your wounded caterwauling is pissing off the big guns. How big? Try SONY/ATV Music Publishing, asshole.

So before you pick up that stale beer-stenched mic, consider this: Sony/ATV, a.k.a. a GIANT music publishing company that owns the publishing rights to countless hot[t] jams, is suing karaoke companies and individuals(!) based in California, Korea, and the Cayman Islands for -- you guessed it -- copyright infringement and "unfair business practices." The publisher claims that more than 200 karaoke CD+G and SCG+D recordings are being used without proper licenses from the music publishers or their agents, which, naturally, violates our old friends, the U.S. Copyright laws. ("CD+G" and "SCG+D" recordings are re-recordings of hit songs either without the lead vocal or with a vocal track by sound-a-like singers. But you already knew that, didn't you? I thought everybody knew that...)

Anyway, the suit, filed in the federal District Court in Nashville (the place where Sony/ATV administers most of its catalog), names California-based Cavs USA, Aaron Han, Ace Karaoke, David Su, Nutech Digital (Karaoke Klub, Magic Tracks, Nutech Party Paks, Nutech Nikkodo), and Lee Kasper as defendants. Also invited to the conjecture party are Seoul-based Cavs Multimedia and the Cayman Islands-based Three Boys Ltd. So, you know, if any of these guys happens to handle your neighborhood's Wednesday night sing-a-long fixes, do us all a favor and stand clear!

So what's in a karaoke license anyway? Glad you asked! Here's the skinny, booze-bag: see, karaoke use generally requires a sort of holy trinity of permission: a synch license for graphical display of the lyrics, a mechanical license for reproducing the song, and (if lyrics are reprinted in a booklet, anyway) a print license. Sounds simple enough, right?

Now, most publishers generally grant all of these rights in a single, negotiated license with the various karaoke manufacturers and distributors (and yes, sadly, they ARE various, indeed). And this past January, a federal Court of Appeals in California held that a compulsory mechanical license does not include the right to graphically display or print lyrics for karaoke use. The companies must also obtain, brace yourselves now, a synch license from the music publisher at a negotiated rate.

The complaint claims that the defendants were involved in "manufacturing and distributing the unlicensed recordings in physical formats as well as online." It claims they also streamed unlicensed samples on websites. Richard Greenberg, president of the Nutech (you know, one of the defendants named in the suit?!? Sheesh, pay attention, bro), has stated that the company's counsel is reviewing the matter. He then prattles on rather ambiguously about how the suit involves a "variety of issues" that arose before the company was acquired by the current owners. Once they determine what went on, he says, the issues will be resolved. Sounds like he runs a very tight ship there, doesn't it?

Sony/ATV lists 201 songs allegedly infringed upon by the defendants, including the always-popular "Hey Jude," the mildly popular "Eleanor Rigby," the show-stopping "King of the Road," the pathetic "I'm a Believer," and the fairly lukewarm "I Should Have Known Better."

Oh yeah, and did I mention that the suit seeks an injunction and damages up to $150,000 per infringement??? Try putting THAT on your bar tab...

Leonard Cohen Is On Tour, Yes, But The Important Thing Here Is That You Recognize How Much Allen Ginsberg I’ve Been Reading And That I’m Currently Bumming Around New York

By Hanky Panky on 03-27-2008

Not five minutes ago I snuck into the Chelsea Hotel and am now standing in silent, wide-eyed awe outside the door of room #424.

#424- Where Leonard Cohen lived for years

#424- Where Janis Joplin came to copulate from down the hall (room #411)

#424- Where some schmuck now pays two grand a month to live, saying "Yeah, Leonard Cohen used to live in the same room. Pretty cool I guess."

But does Leonard Cohen really mean anything to such a Chelsea district ultra-lounger? Has he heard every unofficial live bootleg version of Chelsea Hotel #2, as I have? Has he taken Leonard's last name in trying to solidify a fantasy of love and happiness, together forever that consumes his every waking moment, as I have? Does he know that Leonard Cohen was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in March, and was he cuffed, booked, and held overnight for temporary insanity when he broke down screaming and sobbing "LEONARD I LOVE YOU!" at the ceremony, as I was? I bet he hasn't even sacrificed EVERYTHING to follow Leonard throughout the world, as I have. Oh god, have I.

And clenching your fist for the ones like us

who are oppressed by the figures of beauty,

you fixed yourself, you said, "Well never mind,

we are ugly but we have the music":

Dweezil Zappa to Play Frank Zappa’s Music; First Public Performance of His Work Since Frank’s Death (Just Kidding)

By Heidi Vanderslice on 03-27-2008

Dweezil Zappa has spent the past year holed up and hiding away in preparation of a tour in which he will play his father's music. You know, his pops: Barry Manilow. Or Frank Zappa. Same thing. But more importantly, this marks the first time I have ever accidentally text messaged someone announcing that Frank Zappa is touring. Unfortunately, of all the friends I could have chosen to text, I selected another music journalist and will now be subjected to assorted teasing remarks for the next week or so. God, I'm a hack.

On gearing up to take his show on the road, thus spake Dweezil: "Prepping for the tour has been like preparing for a medieval battle where going into it your sharpest weapon is a spoon. But I'm pretty deadly with that spoon now." Just wait till he gets his hands on some salad tongs.

Guesses about where Pamela Des Barres will show up may be sent to my attention:

Dr Pepper Says It Will Give “Everyone in America” a Free Can If Guns N’ Roses Release Chinese Democracy in 2008

By Mango Starr on 03-26-2008

Dr Pepper, which has everything to do with Guns N' Roses, has announced that it will give a free can of Dr Pepper to "everyone in America," if the should-be-mildly-but-is-hotly anticipated Chinese Democracy sees release this year.

"It took a little patience to perfect Dr Pepper's special mix of 23 ingredients, which our fans have come to know and love," says Jaxie Alt, director of marketing (of course). "So we completely understand and empathize with Axl's quest for perfection -- for something more than the average album. We know once it's released, people will refer to it as ‘Dr Pepper for the ears’ because it will be such a refreshing blend of rich, bold sounds - an instant classic."

Poetry right there.

Dr Pepper even created a blog dedicated to the offer. The first post reads: "We are on the verge of economic collapse, the housing market is beyond repair and rock n' roll has been taken over by wannabe singers and musicals about high schoolers. Never before in the history of time has the world needed a savior as badly as we do now. That savior is Guns N Roses."

HAHHAHAHAHAH!!!!

That said, here are some things to consider:

1. Dr Pepper is shamelessly trying to tap into the music blogosphere with this campaign.
2. Anyone who posted about this offer is a fool and are playing right into Dr Pepper's hands.
3. We're fools.
4. Dr Pepper is owned by Cadbury Schweppes.
5. Cadbury Schweppes owns these soft drinks: 7Up, Bournvita, A&W Root Beer, Cactus Cooler, Canada Dry, Cherry R.C., Cool Ridge, Coolah Energy, Country Time, Cream Soda, Crush, Deja Blue water, Diet RC Cola, Diet Rite, Dr Pepper, Dry Lemon, Ginger ale, Gini, Grapefruit Soda, Granadilla Twist, Hawaiian Punch, Hires Root Beer, IBC Root Beer, La Casera, Lemon Sour, Mistic Brands, Mott's apple juice, Nantucket Nectars, Nehi, Orangina, Peñafiel, Quinine Tonic water, ReaLemon/ReaLime, R.C. Cola, Ricqlès, Russchian, Schweppes, Schweppes Cola, Slush Puppie, Snapple beverages, Solo, Sparberry, Spring Valley Juice, Squirt, Stewart's Soda, Sundrop, Sunkist, Tahitian Treat, TriNa, Vernor's Ginger Ale, Welch's, Wink, Yoo-hoo, Jeranium, Woodroofe
6. Cadbury Schweppes also owns these chocolates: Boost, Bournville, Premium Dark, Brunch Bar, Caramilk, Fudge bar, Thins, Caramello Koala, Cherry Ripe, Chomp, Creme Eggs, Crispy Crunch, Crunchie, Curlywurly, Dairy Milk, Dairy Milk Melts, Dairy Milk Giant Chocolate Buttons, Dairy Milk Buttons, Dairy Milk Tasters, Double Decker, Dream, Cadbury's Chocolate Eclairs, Fingers, Five Star, Flake, Freddo Frog, Freddo Frog with Caramel, Fuse, Gems, Jaffas, Marble, Milk Tray, Mini Eggs Cadbury Mini Eggs., Mini Rolls, Miniature Heroes, Moro, Old Gold, Perk, Picnic, Roses, Snack, Snaps, Spira, Star Bar, Sweet Marie, Time Out, Twirl, Wispa, Wunderbar
7. Cadbury Schweppes is on the verge of de-merging into two separate entities.
8. Pining for a Guns N' Roses release is equal parts nostalgia, sarcasm, and romanticism.

The Green Man Reveals First Fruits of Festival Lineup From Its Gigantic Tree-Like Limbs and Leafy Loins; Beirut, Iron & Wine, The National, Black Mountain, and More Grateful to Be Discharged to Wales for Momentous Event

By David Nadelle on 03-26-2008

Every year, the organizers of the Green Man Festival in Wales announce a spectacular lineup of living legends, perennial folkish favorites, and up-and-coming leftfield acts. And every year, I write a story about it because it is the closest I ever get to experience the wonder that takes place annually in the Brecon Beacons, Wales. I seriously considered going this year. I even had a flight booked to the picturesque Glanusk Park Estates for August 15-17, but now I’ve been told that my services at TMT HQ are needed that very same weekend. Like Mr P can’t outsource his latrine cleaning and fluffing requirements to street urchins and adult newspaper carriers looking to supplement their income! Yeah, and I can’t wait to get paid in "smiles" like last time either, P! Grumble, grumble...

If it is scrubbing fun you want, then join me for the time of your life! If it is mesmerizing sets by artists surrounded in breathtaking scenery and unequaled atmosphere, then you should join the throngs who make the pilgrimage every year to the Green Man Festival in Wales instead of those who stay home and write about them. With DJs (Richard Noris/Beyond the Wizard's Sleeve, Andy Votel/B-Music), and cinephiles (7 Inch Cinema) playing obscure psych nuggets and a bounty of communal family fare to be had, the Green Man ain't your Grandad's festival. Actually, come to think of it, it is exactly like your Grandad's festival, before these kinds of events started to be frequented solely by your younger bro and his frat brothers and sponsored by Red Bull and Bank of America, "Ass in the Tub" Hot Sauce and the GOP.

Here’s who will be dancing around the maypole August 16-18 in Glanusk Park:

Super Furry Animals, Richard Thompson, Beirut, Iron & Wine, The National, Black Mountain, Nina Nastasia, Drive By Truckers, School of Language, Howlin Rain, The Cave Singers, King Creosote, Caribou, Magik Markers, Jennifer Gentle, The Yellow Moon Band, Devon Sproule, Alela Diane, The Accidental, The Drift Collective, Cath and Phil Tyler, The Moon Music Orchestra, One More Grain, Duke Garwood, Threatmantics, Mugstar, Radio Luxemburg, Cymbiant, Beth Jeans Houghton, Brygyn

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