In a surprising development, The Mountain Goats’ John Darnielle announced today that not only had he invented time travel, but he had also traveled extensively to both the past and the future. When asked about the street date for the technology, Darnielle demurred, saying “Well, I actually totally destroyed the technology; it didn’t really end up turning out how I wanted it.” Pressed for more details by a bunch of pissed looking scientists, Darnielle went on to say,
You know, we traveled far and wide looking for the devil to appear, and we always had extra copies of our Satan record with us as, like, a gift or whatever. We went way into the future, 2666, 3666, all the way up until the sun exploded. We even went back to 666 A.D. and B.C. for good measure. It turns out that in none of those years does Satan manifest and engulf the universe in flames, which Peter, Jon, and I all agree is some serious bullshit.
The pissed scientists went on to confirm that he was “absolutely serious” several times in increasingly distraught tones. Eventually, sensing the frustration in the scientists’ voices, Darnielle revealed that he had also visited 2002 in his travels. From the year 2002, he apparently recovered the master tapes for that year’s All Hail West Texas, which he has now had remastered and repackaged with seven additional songs, as well as a brand new 1,800-word essay detailing the writing and recording of the album. The reissue will be out July 23 on Merge Records in the US and August 6 in Europe on both CD and LP. This is the first time the album has been available on vinyl, which will surely excite those who don’t really care all that much about time-travel. Darnielle also directed everyone in attendance to his Tumblr if they were in the mood for some “rad movie posters,” a smattering of Parks and Recreation GIFs, and a delightful little essay by Matt Fraction.
Several scientists challenged Darnielle’s assertion that time-travel was even necessary to achieve this remastering feat. This apparently enraged Darnielle, as he disappeared in a puff of grey-ish smoke and has been tweeting the lyrics of Mercyful Fate’s Don’t Break The Oath in all caps at Neil Degrasse Tyson ever since.
In other news, The Mountain Goats are touring as a duo this summer with The Baptist Generals, and in all likelihood, they’re coming to an iteration of time near you.
06.03.13 - Washington, DC - 9:30 Club
06.04.13 - York, PA - Strand Capitol Performing Arts
06.05.13 - Hoboken, NJ - Maxwell’s
06.07.13 - New Haven, CT - Center Church on the Green
06.08.13 - Portland, ME - Port City Music Hall
06.09.13 - South Burlington, VT - Higher Ground Ballroom
06.11.13 - Munhall, PA - Carnegie Music Hall of Homestead
06.12.13 - Detroit, MI - Majestic Theatre
06.14.13 - Cincinnati, OH - Taft Ballroom
06.15.13 - Bloomington, IN - Buskirk Chumley Theatre
06.16.13 - Evanston, IL - Space
06.17.13 - Chicago, IL - Lincoln Hall
06.19.13 - Kansas City, MO - The Record Bar
06.20.13 - St. Louis, MO - Old Rock House
06.22.13 - Birmingham, AL - The Bottletree
06.23.13 - Gainesville, FL - High Dive
06.24.13 - Ft. Lauderdale, FL - Culture Room
06.26.13 - Charleston, SC - The Charleston Pourhouse
06.27.13 - West Columbia, SC - New Brookland Tavern
06.28.13 - Wilmington, NC - The Soapbox
07.26-28.13 - Newport, RI - Newport Folk Festival
09.13-16.13 - Miami, FL - Atlantic Ocean Comedy and Music Festival