The Replacements return from long-term faster-than-light space mission for first shows in 22,000 years

The Replacements return from long-term faster-than-light space mission for first shows in 22,000 years

The Replacements have returned! After a 22-year absence in which the band traveled throughout the universe at speeds greatly exceeding the speed of light, the infamous ‘Mats have once again landed on our verdant planet. “This was the plan all along,” said a chipper, if spaceworn Paul Westerberg. “You’ll notice we don’t really look all that much older. That’s because of the time dilation,” he continued before taking a long swig from his space beer. Westerberg’s science is sound. According to the folks at NASA, “When an object exceeds the speed of light, time passes differently for it with respect to the universe. Though us Earthlings have felt the passing of 22 years, The ‘Mats have only experienced about three and a half.” As expected, the band has been a bit ill at ease about some recent technological developments. Tommy Stinson apparently tried to karate chop his handler’s neck when he first heard the sound of a human voice over a telephone. He didn’t fully calm down until he was informed that phones were actually already a thing back on July 5, 1991 when the band blasted off (that was the day after their final show).

The group will play three festival dates at Riot Fests in Chicago, Toronto, and Denver alongside other space-traveling groups like Guided By Voices, The Dismemberment Plan, and Blink-182. The currently confirmed Replacements lineup will consist of Westerberg and Stinson, with the remainder to be announced later. The band has reportedly been working on lyrical updates for some fan favorites, including “Waitress in the Endless Sky of Space,” “Color me Decompressed,” and “Gary’s Got a Space Boner.”

While you’re getting all excited about the prospects of Replacements shows and deep-space exploration, maybe go and pick up Songs For Slim, an EP the group recorded last fall to help raise money for their guitarist Slim Dunlap, who had unfortunately suffered from a stroke. Really, it’s the least you can do for a band so clearly committed both to bringing the rock and to boldly going where no human has gone before.

Dates:

08.24-25.13 - Toronto, ON - Fort York (Riot Fest Toronto)
09.13-15.13 - Chicago, IL - Humboldt Park (Riot Fest Chicago)
09.21-22.13 - Denver, CO - May Farms (Riot Fest Denver)

• The Replacements: http://colormeimpressed.com
• NASA: http://www.nasa.gov

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