They Think My Penis is a Mr. Bungle; I Think It’s a Secret Chiefs 3

My friends and I have been playing a new game, a time-waster, really. It combines two of our greatest passions — our genitals and the music we like. The game consists of ascribing a band name to one's genitalia. Granted, band names tend to be more conductive to the male genitalia, but I see no reason why the ladies can't play. It bears out, however; when we play it's just guys.

I suppose you can adopt your own rules, but the chosen band is best when it is significant to the player in question. Ben prefers to call his penis Big Black. That's a good (though probably racist or something) one, but we might counter that by calling his dick Dead Kennedys. It's hard to say if Ben won — it's not really a game you can win, so it's a lot like the movie War Games with Matthew Broderick. That is to say, you win by not playing. Okay, so it's a game of one-upmanship or "playing the dozens" or whatever you want to call it.

Phil chooses The Kinks for himself. We think he's more of a Neil Young. Elliot chooses Wooden Wand and we give him Calvin Johnson instead. As you can see, a shit-ton of band names work.

That brings the game to me. By the time I've struggled to come up with nothing, the group has already come to a consensus. I'm Mr. Bungle. This is particularly damning. I was a fan of Mr. Bungle, but now, I mean, times have changed, right? They've got me cornered, and the name sticks — for days.

As time passes I come up with a list of better alternatives: Cock E.S.P., Captain Beefheart, hell, even Melt-Banana or Tortoise would be better than Mr. Bungle. But I can't shake it. I'm Mr. Bungle.

And then it hits me: Secret Chiefs 3!

The name conveys an amount of mystique, not to mention the nuts and bolts of the cock-and-balls trio. Likewise, Secret Chiefs 3 borrow a handful of members from the ill-fated Mr. Bungle, making them that much more relevant to this time in history. Besides, the perpetually elusive and absent Secret Chiefs 3 are back in a big way.

You see, just released is a retrospective and rarities CD Path of Most Resistance, available from their label Web of Mimicry, and there's more: Splinter groups have formed from the Chiefs to release four limited-edition 7-inches. The first is a split between Electromagnetic Azoth and UR titled The Left Hand of Nothingness / Personnae: Halloween, the second a split between Ishraqiyun and Electromagnetic Azoth titled Balance of the 19 / UBIK, the third by UR titled Kulturvultur / Drive, and the fourth also by UR titled Circumambulation / Labyrinth of Light. The four 7-inches are limited to 1000 copies each, and rumor has it about 600 copies of each have already sold. Also, Secret Chiefs 3 have a release titled Book of Souls, Folio One slated for a near-to-distant future release.

Lastly, SC3 are touring:
05.12.07 – Melbourne, AUS – East Brunswick Club
05.13.07 – Melbourne, AUS – Corner Hotel
05.15.07 – Sydney, AUS – The Factory
05.16.07 – Sydney, AUS – The Factory
05.17.07 – Newcastle, AUS – Cambridge Tavern
05.18.07 – Bangalow, AUS – A & I Hall
05.19.07 – Gold Coast, AUS – Coolangatt Hotel
05.20.07 – Brisbane, AUS – The Zoo
05.26.07 – Los Angeles, CA - Troubadour
05.28.07 – Portland, OR – Aladdin Theater
05.29.07 – Seattle, WA – Neumo's
05.30.07 – Bellingham, WA – The Nightlight
05.31.07 – Vancouver, BC – The Plaza
06.01.07 – Eugene, OR – W.O.W. Hall
06.03.07 – San Francisco, CA – Great American Music Hall