A nominal legal victory over our corporate ticketing overlords Ticketmaster returns about $2 to your pocket

A nominal legal victory over our corporate ticketing overlords Ticketmaster returns about $2 to your pocket

People say miracles don’t happen anymore. But that’s not true. This is some Moses parting the Red Sea shit here. This is some Jesus feeding 10,000 people from an ever-multiplying few rolls of bread and fish or whatever. This is like that movie where a maaaaagical reindeer gets lost from the North Pole and mends a broken family again. (That’s how that movie went, right? I mean, one assumes.) This is… the TRUE STORY of Ticketmaster reaching a settlement in the 2009 class action lawsuit filed against the money-sucking behemoth by a few customers who were like, “stop charging me $19 in ticket fees on a ticket that cost $32 originally.” (In other words, the plaintiffs rightly claimed that Ticketmaster inflated online fees exclusively to make some mad dough.)

Okay, so it’s not quite a reindeer/Moses/Jesus-level miracle. It’s more of an “I found a parking spot at Whole Foods without circling the f**king parking lot for 15 minutes” kind of miracle. A “yessssss, the cashier at Chipotle forgot to charge me for guacamole” kind of miracle. But it’s something, innit? So now Ticketmaster is going to pay out $400 million to customers who bought tickets online between 1999-2013… but it’s like this. The company is willing to issue 161 million $2.25 credits and up to 4.9 million $5 credits, but people have to spend money to redeem these credits and OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. If less than $10.5 million is redeemed within a year, Ticketmaster will throw a pizza party for users or something. (Actually they will make some events free for lawsuit participants. USA! USA!)

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