Ticketmaster Wins An Injunction Junction What’s Your Function

Let’s just say: someone (dunno who) really wanted to see The Police on Halloween at Madison Square Garden: the ticket itself would only cost $254.50. But then you’d have to deal with Ticketmaster -- scourge of the ticket-buyer, monopolistic baron of the live music seas, emperor of your Police-loving wallet, so on and so forth. Well, get ready to dish out for the $14.95 convenience charge. Plus a shake more for mailing the tickets and possibly even a venue charge (consult The Oracle). All that extra money? That doesn’t sound very convenient, now does it? Maybe Pearl Jam was on to something.

Okay, a $254 dollar concert was maybe a bad example, but even this hypothetical situation only works if your event’s tickets are still available. Sell-out da Garden?? I know -- unlikely. If not for the assholes who hack through Ticketmaster’s online security like Livingston through the Dark Heart of Africa (for example, that squiggly gibberish word behind the checkered lines), then proceed to buy up Wisconsin-sized loads of tickets for your upcoming highly-in-demand event.

Well, luckily, Ticketmaster took those suckers to court. Kinda. Not the actual suckers, but the suckers who enable the suckers. The sucker-enablers who make programs that are allegedly used to break through Ticketmaster’s security features in all kinds of terms-violating ways.

Thus, Ticketmaster recently won a court injunction to halt the alleged sucker-enabling actions of one RMG Technologies, putting the brakes on any Ticketmaster-related chicanery until a full trial.

RMG Technologies’ website advertises “custom software services, catering to your specific needs in order to raise productivity for your environment,” especially useful if “your environment” includes websites like Stubhub and Craigslist, dark alleys near large stadiums, a penchant for scores of Hanna Montana tickets, and general douchebaggery.

With regard to the suit and upcoming trial, Ticketmaster CEO Sean Moriarty said something along the lines of, “This will not stand, ya know, this aggression will not stand, man...” before tightening up his bathrobe, lighting a spliff in his Gran Torino, and driving to the store for some milk.

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