Unfortunately for Death Cab for Cutie lead guitarist Chris Walla, his four-years-in-the-making solo album Field Manual hit a snag on the home stretch. Speaking to MTV, after finishing recording:
"Barsuk Records hired a courier to bring the album back from Canada. And he got to the border and he had all his paperwork, only they turned him away, and they confiscated the drive and gave it to the computer-forensics division of Homeland Security …And now I couldn't even venture a guess as to where it is, or what it's doing there… I don't know if we can hire an attorney. Is there a black-hole attorney? You can't take a black hole to court."
You know who can take a black hole to court? Chuck Norris. In an effort to settle the dispute, I've turned to an impartial source of evidence: the lyrics from Walla's main band. Sure, he didn't write them, but he still could have, at any time, stopped the release of immoral subject matter. But did he? No.
Number of DCFC songs mentioning:
- death: 8
- dismemberment: 5
- things burning: 3
- booze: 11
- Jesus: 0
Not to mention the fact that the "rocks left in both of our shoes" line from "Soul Meets Body" are clearly explosives.
Such incriminating evidence makes me happy that our tax dollars are hard at work catching terrorists working under the guise of independent recording artists. Good job, Homeland Security. I feel a lot safer at night, now that you've stopped this imminent threat to our nation's welfare.