Tiny Mix Tapes Gone to Heaven

It had been five days since Tiny Mix Tapes went into operation, and Shelly was excited to see how it turned out. Flashes of old memories from Geocities ran through her head -- first date, first kiss, first love. She even remembered what shirt TMT was wearing the day they met. Shelly started getting nervous. What could he be doing in there still? Why isn't he out yet? She only hoped the operation was successful. Shelly isn't normally one for surprises, but TMT assured her she'd love this particular surprise.

"Mrs. Barry?"

"Yes?," Shelly replied.

"He's ready to see you."

This was it. Shelly sprung from her chair and followed Dr. Rosenfield.

"Here's the room... I'll let you and TMT have some... privacy."

"Hey Doc... how.. how'd it turn out?" Shelly asked.

"Oh, you'll see..." he said coyly

Shelly knocked twice and slowly cracked open the door. "Hello?" On the hospital bed was TMT, wearing see-through music reviews and a tight news story. Shelly scanned his body, with her mouth open in awe.

"Oh my god, TMT... Did.. did you... Did you do what I think you did??"

"Yeah... what do you think of it?" TMT said shyly.

"But why? I thought you were perfect... I mean, the operation looks amazing, really, but.. I hope you didn't do this because you thought I wanted you to!" exclaimed Shelly.

"No, no. Don't worry Shelly. I did this because I love you. You've been so good to me over the years, and I wanted to just... you know, spice things up."

"Well... thanks TMT. It's amazing."

"Of course, it's not perfect just yet. It'll probably take through at least the rest of the year for it to be completely 100% ready... hell, you'll even see some changes throughout the day, but I was so excited I wanted to show you now. Plus, the doctor said it's alright if we want to... you know..."

After an uncomfortable pause, their eyes met. Shelly couldn't help but stare at what he had done. She started smiling, giggling nervously. TMT began taking his clothes off, as Shelly thought to herself how funny it is that years of studying the cultural implications of objectification could fly out the window so quickly. It was time to get it on.

New Album From Yoko Ono and Friends, Fred Durst Not Asked to Participate

Around two months from now, peace activist/musician/Queen of Bizarre Happenings Yoko Ono will release a new album entitled Yes, I'm a Witch. Many of the songs on this particular album were created by giving artists (such as The Flaming Lips, DJ Spooky, Peaches, Cat Power, and The Bomb Squad's Hank Shocklee) access to vocal and audio tracks from any song of their choosing, plucked right out of Ono's extensive collection of recorded works. The artists would then experiment and see what would result.

Though most artists agree that the existence of this album will be primarily positive for the music world, others are not so pleased. Enter Limp Bizkit's Fred Durst, who is visibly upset by his exclusion from the album.

"At first, I thought I just needed to get on Ms. Ono's good side." Durst said. "Not only did I send her a custom-made pair of Jncos, I also sent her one of her own head shots, autographed by me. Oh, and also, a tray of 'Cherries 'n' Cheesecake' Fig Newtons and a Best Buy gift card worth $20. And still, no response. She's really playing hardball." Ono has declined to comment. Durst has yet to make mention of the controversy on his Xanga, but an update regarding the album from a distraught Durst would come as no surprise to fans.

Yes, I'm a Witch will be released on Astralwerks in February of 2007.

Calexico Donates Money to Thirst-Quenching Along the Border, Aah….

TMT likes bands that try to make a positive impact, if not to your ears, then to your surroundings. Calexico are a prime example. Soon, they'll embark on a short tour presented in association with Music for America, a non-profit organization that engages young people to get involved with politics through music communities, informing concert-goers about human rights issues on the border and registering voters.

The first stop is a hometown gig in Tucson, AZ, at the Rialto Theatre, which marks the continuation of Calexico's yearly benefit concert bash. Calexico will be donating a portion of the proceeds to KXCI-FM, a local community-sponsored radio station, and to Humane Borders, an organization that, according to a press release, "offers humanitarian assistance to those in need through more than 70 emergency water stations on and near the U.S.- Mexican border, ultimately trying to quell the hundreds of deaths every year in the Arizona desert due to dehydration." A representative from Humane Borders will make appearances at all of Calexico's headlining Southwestern shows to answer questions and/or provide insight into HB's cause.

Vocalist Joey Burns explains, "The issue is a complex one, and now with President Bush signing the bill that would build a massive wall between the two countries, the problems will undoubtedly become more severe and horrifying." I guess we haven't learned a thing from the Berlin wall.

Calexico's latest release, Garden Ruin, is lyrically more politically conscious than their previous albums. Burns recently stated, "In the past, there were songs that brought up social political issues like 'Service and Repair', 'Sanchez', 'Sunken Waltz' and 'Across The Wire,' but never has an album been so concentrated on these themes as this album. I would say we are confronting these times of political extremism on songs like 'All Systems Red' and 'Deep Down'."

"I think we are trying to do what we can in the music and lyrics to help people relate to the sense of frustration that's so prevalent," drummer John Convertino agrees. "I don't think we have ever had such 'political' thoughts going through our brains in the process of making a record as we have had with this one. There are monsters lurking all over it, even in the pretty bits."

Special online pre-sale for the Southwest shows may be bought here. Each ticket purchased here comes with a free MP3 download of an unreleased acoustic version of "Deep Down." So, if you're into that acoustic shit, bring toilet paper. The band is also hosting a contest to win free tickets, a copy of World Drifts In (Live at the Barbican) DVD, and a vintage Calexico tour poster without having to sell your soul. All you have to do is promote their shows and be as charming as humanly possible. For more information on the contest click here. No not there, here!

It feels good to hear about bands making an effort to change political injustices. Kick out the jams, Calexico:

United Kingdom’s Copyright Law has Midlife Crisis, Regains Composure, Seems Surprisingly Lucid at 50 Years

Every once in awhile, there's a news story that reminds us why we all love the United States — and we ALL love the U.S.A, especially me! United States of Amazing, am I right about that? Am I right about that being the United States of Amazing? Sure I am. Where else can you get U.S. flags? And where else can your copyrights last longer than 50 years? That's right; right here in the red, white, and blue.

Copyrights, as always, are a hotly contested issue. In the U.S., copyright owners get the rights to works for their life plus 70 years. The majority of commercial music, film, and literature is 'work for hire,' meaning that a label, studio, or publisher owns the copyright (making them the owner of the material). Here, the term is 95 years, and it can be renewed when the term is up. That's the U.S., so when my free-style rap about pieces and walking gets released on Sony, I can die happy knowing that it will never enter the money-grubbing public domain. Here's an excerpt:

"So I flip through the pages and what should I find?

Holy shit, pieces before my eyes!

I need pieces

I'm walking, step one, step two

I'm walking down the street and damn, I see you

Cause I got to find these pieces in my mind

Walking down the street, one at a time

One foot forward and then the next one

It's taking me places because its lots of fun

If you don't really walk, then you gotta run

Fuck, walking. Walking!

So I'm walking again, yup, stepping down the street

Everybody sees me but I don't want to compete

With the running

That's why I choose to walk

Fuck, walking.

Walking! walking!"

You won't get that kind of protection in the United Kingdom, no sir. Worse, you won't get royalties! And isn't that what it's all about? The BBC is reporting that a recent push for British copyright law to parallel the U.S.' probably isn't going to happen. 50 years is the term for work for hire, and it is coming at a critical time for artists like Sir Cliff Richard and The Beatles. Richard's earliest recordings will lose their copyright in 2008, and The Beatles will be out of theirs just a few years after that, in roughly 2012.

An independent review, conducted for Chancellor Gordon Brown by Andrew Gowers, a former editor of the Financial Times, is recommending the copyright terms stay at 50 years. The British Phonographic Industry is up in arms over the possible move, and rightly so. To them, losing copyrights means losing money, and doing that on groups as profitable as The Beatles and The Rolling Stones isn't exactly fair.

"This outcome would mean the report had 'missed a great opportunity' to support the music industry," the chairman of the British Phonographic Industry claimed. I guess England will have to wait for my free-style rap. As you plainly can see above, it's their loss.

Marco Polo? What Was That You Said? Oh. Eloe Omoe.

Have you ever wondered what it's like to be in the mind of a criminal? Have you ever wondered what it would be like if you could control time? Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be God?! Well, I'm pretty sure The Cell takes care of the first question, Click is a pretty good option to answer number two, and Bruce Almighty is as close as you'll probably get to number three. Movies can basically answer any of your deepest, darkest desires, and that's why we go to watch them – to feel better about ourselves by finding out other people think in the same fucked-up ways. But without music, how could movies even attempt to portray their profound messages to the mindless public? Before the advent of organized sound, how could anything be portrayed anywhere?! I know, these are truly horrifying thoughts, and someone should make a movie out of them before I start to question my sanity. But ideas matter, and if someone isn't thinking all the time, no one will be able to come up with new ways to postpone the death of music (i.e. the onset of the apocalypse/Mel Gibson's Apocalypto), and that's where journalism steps in.

Anyway, these two crazy motherfuckers, Tim and Sam, decided to name themselves after a famous jazz musician and play some music, naturally. But then they started thinking: what type of music should they play, how, and most importantly, why? These thoughts inevitably led them to the nearest AMC movie theater, where they paid $10 dollars each to see American Hardcore. Leaving the theater, they went home and read some reviews on the internet and joined some heated discussions on IMDB, when they finally understood why they were so indecisive about where to proceed musically – because Henry Rollins is a fucking sellout.

This revelation led to the births of thousands of bands and the deaths of a million others, but ultimately aided in Tim and Sam's decision to smash their instruments and make music underwater while swimming with sharks in the warm waters of the Red Sea. Deemed "freesludge" by this drugged-out dude I know (how else can you come up with new words?), the music of Eloe Omoe definitely takes its cues from the man-eating sea beasts they used to frolic with in their youthful days. They've decided to gather their sounds and lead the way on the "Dentition is Destiny Tour" while taking their newest full length Marauders with them, which won't be out officially until late December on Animal Disguise Recordings. Please, if you have a heart, let Eloe Omoe rip it from your chest to feed their hungry friends below.

Sam is a girl. Bet you didn't know that. Cool, huh?:

TGINAS75 (Thank God It’s Not Another Sweet 75 Record) — Krist Novoselic to Play Music with Flipper on Tour

Wasn't that Sweet 75 record a tremendous gem? Or am I the only one who remembers its existence? Then there's that Eyes Adrift group that Novoselic was involved in with a Meat Puppet and that Bud dude from Sublime. It was a little better. But now, Novoselic is finally contributing his magical lanky-armed bass playing abilities to something truly worthwhile again
— namely, a Flipper reunion tour.

Turns out the San Friscan punk legends (whom Nirvana were tremendous fans of) are doing a short series of dates in the Northwest, starting in (of course) Seattle on December 1.

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