Tom Jones cries while praying every night of three-month tour, cancels final date due to extreme dehydration

Tom Jones cries while praying every night of three-month tour, cancels final date due to extreme dehydration

Iconic singer and sideburn aficionado Sir Thomas John Woodward, known to the public as Tom Jones, was admitted to a Monaco hospital late Saturday, forcing him to miss the final date of his recent “Praise and Blame” tour. Jones, now 71, appears to be in the midst of a phase of repentance, indicated at the very least by the track choices on his 2010 record of the same name (Praise and Blame, not “Tom Jones”). Will the wounded knight be forced to repent for missing his repentance, throwing him into a never-ending repentance cycle? Sources close to Jones say “definitely”.

Jones denied early reports by sneaky members of the British press that he had suffered some form of heart episode, instead attributing his Princess Grace Hospital visit to dehydration. “There are no heart problems,” he declared, in a statement on his official website. “Only a fool breaks his own heart…” he elaborated, decades earlier.

• Tom Jones:

Unknown Mortal Orchestra proves that they’re the hardest working slacker band in showbiz with a string of fall headlines

Get ready to slip on your flip-flops, don your Ray-Bans, and totally “chill-out, max, and relax all cool” to the minimal 60s pop of Unknown Mortal Orchestra, who have announced a slew of extra fall headlining dates. The band already has quite a busy schedule on their hands after riding a wave of accelerating buzz this year. They’re fronted by New Zealand native Ruban Nielson (of Mint Chicks fame), and their eponymous debut album was released on Fat Possum earlier this year (it’s quite good; you can check out the track “How Can U Luv Me” at the Chocolate Grinder). It seems to have already plunged them into a realm of indie micro-fame, with the band playing their first show alongside Smith Westerns and nabbing slots on several music festival rosters.

Below, you can check out their upcoming tourdates, and if you’re feeling lethargic you can also view their feature on, where the band performs and gives an exclusive interview.


08.31.11 - Los Angeles, CA - Origami Vinyl 7pm
09.08.11 - Portland, OR - Hawthorne Theater / MFNW %
09.09.11 - Athens, GA - 40 Watt Club #
09.10.11 - Raleigh, NC - Hopscotch Music Festival $
09.11.11 - Washington, DC - Black Cat #
09.12.11 - Philadelphia, PA - First Unitarian Church #
09.14.11 - New York, NY - Webster Hall #
09.15.11 - Brooklyn, NY - Glasslands Gallery +
09.16.11 - Boston, MA - Paradise Rock Club #
09.17.11 - Montreal, QC - Cabaret Mile End #
09.18.11 - Toronto, ON - Opera House #
09.19.11 - Detroit, MI - Majestic Theatre #
09.20.11 - Bloomington, IN - The Bishop #
09.21.11 - Grinnell, IA - Grinnel College Gardner Lounge
09.22.11 - Urbana, IL - Pygmalion #
09.23.11 - Cincinnati, OH - Midpoint Music Festival #
09.24.11 - Chicago, IL - Lincoln Hall #
09.25.11 - Minneapolis, MN - Triple Rock #
09.26.11 - Fargo, ND - The Aquarium (Dempseys Upstairs)
09.28.11 - Seattle, WA - The Crocodile #
09.29.11 - Vancouver, BC - Venue #
09.30.11 - Portland, OR - Branx #
10.01.11 - San Francisco, CA - Great American Music Hall #
10.02.11 - San Francisco, CA - Great American Music Hall #
10.03.11 - Los Angeles, CA - El Rey Theatre #
10.04.11 - Phoenix, AZ - Crescent Ballroom
10.05.11 - Tucson, AZ - Club Congress
10.06.11 - El Paso, TX - Lowbrow Palace #
10.07.11 - Dallas, TX - Club Dada #
10.08.11 - Austin, TX - The Mohawk #
10.09.11 - Houston, TX - Fitzgerald’s #
10.10.11 - New Orleans, LA - One Eyed Jack’s #
10.11.11 - Tallahassee, FL - Club Downunder #
10.12.11 - Mobile, AL - Alabama Music Box
10.13.11 - Birmingham, AL - Bottletree #
10.14.11 - Atlanta, GA - The Masquerade #
10.15.11 - Columbia, SC - New Brookland Tavern #
10.16.11 - Asheville, NC - The Grey Eagle
10.17.11 - Winston-Salem, NC - The Werehouse
10.18.11 - Richmond, VA - Strange Matter
10.19.11 - Philadelphia, PA - Johnny Brenda’s
10.25.11 - Buffalo, NY - Mohawk Place
10.28.11 - Columbia, MO - University of Missouri
10.29.11 - St. Louis, MO - Billiken Club
10.30.11 - Kansas City, MO - Recordbar
10.31.11 - Dever, CO - Larimer Lounge
11.05.11 - Santa Cruz, CA - 418 Project
11.06.11 - San Diego, CA - Casbah
11.07.11 - Oakland, CA - The New Parish

# Toro Y Moi
% Little Dragon
$ Times New Viking
+ Woven Bones, Blouse, Man/Miracle

• Unknown Mortal Orchestra:
• Fat Possum:

The Jesus and Mary Chain to reissue six albums as deluxe 2-CD/DVD sets; buy now and instantly become super fan

I hope all you TheJandMC fans have disposable income because, knowing you, you’ll be buying every one of the soon-to-be-released Deluxe Reissue 2xCD/DVD sets that were announced… right now(ish)!

That’s right, music lovers! You thought that the Jesus and Mary Chain reissues released in 2006 were going to be the “Absolutely, Positively, Never-Have-To-Buy-Them-Again Definitive Versions,” but boy were you wrong. Because, as exclusively announced by me above, The Jesus and Mary Chain will reissue all six of their albums as “Better Than Last Time” versions that include B-sides, rarities, demos, a Jesus chain, a Mary chain, radio appearances, eyeliner, psychotic candy, lacy stockings, frizzed-up hair, a dog, your mother, a personal AM/FM radio, multi-page photo-illustrated booklets, two CDs, one DVD, and plenty of stuff that you’ve already listened to. And if that’s not enough to sweeten the deal: they cost a bunch of money that you don’t have!

So, make Demon Music Group (who are doing the reissuing) happy and spend your money on extravagant CDs on the following days:

- September 19 (my birthday): Psychocandy and Darklands
- September 26 (not my birthday): Automatic and Honey’s Dead
- October 2: Stoned and Dethroned and Munki

• Demon Music Group:

James Blake announces October release date for new EP Enough Thunder, asks music journalists to stop following him into the bathroom

In a minimalist style reminiscent of his sparse self-titled debut album, James Blake announced a brand-new EP on Twitter called Enough Thunder, with nary a shred of further info beyond a cover image and a release date: October 10. Well, it turns out that the man behind both Lindisfarnes has six tracks of rump-rippling music all packaged and ready for distribution on October 10 via Atlas. Two of these songs you’ve heard in a low enough quality that your rump may not have even begun to ripple, but that’s likely to change once they’re spinning on vinyl; those songs are “Fall Creek Boys Choir” (his recent collaboration with Boney Chair), and his cover of Joni Mitchell’s Blue highlight, “A Case of You”. That only leaves four more tracks to this EP, but remember that Klavierwerke and CMYK were both only four tracks and they still managed to break up your marriage.

If you’re desperate for more info, you have three options: refresh this page constantly until you see another article about Blake; post irritating questions to Blake’s Facebook page until he responds and adds you as a friend; or pester him in the middle of his set at any of the remaining tourdates listed below.


09.16.11 - Austin, TX - Austin City Limits
09.18.11 - Los Angeles, CA - The Music Box
09.21.11 - San Francisco, CA - The Fillmore
09.23.11 - Portland, OR - Wonder Ballroom
09.24.11 - Seattle, WA - Showbox at the Market
09.25.11 - Vancouver, BC - Commodore Ballroom
09.28.11 - Minneapolis, MN - First Avenue
09.30.11 - Toronto, ON - Phoenix Concert Theatre
10.02.11 - Montreal, QC - Club Soda
10.03.11 - Boston, MA - Paradise
10.05.11 - New York, NY - Webster Hall
10.08.11 - Philadelphia, PA - Trocadero
10.09.11 - Washington, DC - 9:30 Club

• James Blake:

Xiu Xiu compiling tattoos for new LP insert. Finally, the day you and your Jamie Stewart calf tattoo have been waiting for!

Some band logos are just waiting to be immortalized in the ink of the skin. Think of music’s most iconic branding: Black Flag’s four bars. Wu-Tang Clan’s W. That annoying Rolling Stones mouth. Xiu Xiu’s Jamie Stewart nuzzling a plush cat, as depicted on the cover of Fabulous Muscles. Really, I’d like to see one Xiu Xiu fan with a tattoo depicting their love of the band without making use of this timeless, arguably overexposed iconography. And so would Xiu Xiu!

If you are a lady or fellow with a Xiu Xiu tattoo, send a high-res picture of it to the band at The benefits of doing so are near-endless! First of all, you will get your sign of utter dedication beamed directly into the eyeholes of Mr. Jamie Stewart. Next of all, your tattoo will be displayed as part of the insert of the forthcoming Xiu Xiu record, which is coming out through Polyvinyl and Bella Union in February 2012 and follows last year’s Dear God, I Hate Myself (TMT Review). Last of all, you will receive a super-special Xiu Xiu prize package, consisting of that aforementioned record in any available format, the poster featuring all the submitted tattoos, and, of course, a pair of rubber gloves. Do what you will with those gloves. The deadline here is October 1, so get on it.

Don’t have a Xiu Xiu tattoo? Get one. I have suggestions:

• A half-man/half-bee monstrosity — man on top, bee on bottom.
• The famous red square from the A Promise cover.
• “Wig Master” in Comic Sans font.
• Angela Seo vomiting.
• The words “DO YOU LOVE ME JAMIE STEWART” across your chest.

There, now you have good ideas. By the way, Xiu Xiu are about to go on their fall tour. Go out, compare your tattoos with other Xiu Xiu obsessives. Win those rubber gloves.

Xiu Xiu dates:

09.08.11 - Durham, NC - Hopscotch Festival
09.09.11 - Asheville, NC - Grey Eagle *
09.10.11 - Charlottesville, VA - The Southern *
09.11.11 - Baltimore, MD - Metro Gallery *
09.12.11 - Pittsburgh, PA - Altar *
09.13.11 - Plains, PA - Redwood Art Space *
09.14.11 - Hartford, CT - The Wadsworth Atheneum Museum of Art *
09.15.11 - Ithaca, NY - The Haunt *
09.16.11 - Buffalo, NY - Mohawk Place *
09.17.11 - Rochester, NY - Dubland Underground *
09.18.11 - Cleveland, OH - Happy Dog *
09.20.11 - Pontiac, MI - Crofoot Ballroom *
09.21.11 - Grand Rapids, MI - Pyramid Scheme *
09.22.11 - Louisville, KY - Zanzabar *
09.23.11 - Cincinnati, OH - Midpoint Music Festival
09.24.11 - Champaign, IL - Pygmalion Music Festival (Polyvinyl’s 15th Year Anniversary)
09.25.11 - Ames, IA - DGs Tap House &

* Kindest Lines, Hedgehog
& Tires, Datagun, Coyote Slingshot

• Xiu Xiu:
• Polyvinyl:
• Bella Union:

Fang Island record dry, academic new album, go on joyless East Coast tour

Fang Island are a rock ‘n’ roll band from Providence, Rhode Island. Their music consists of an academic examination of the tones that result from the striking of guitars. Despite rumors that the group’s sound is similar to “everyone high-fiving everyone,” the principal members of Fang Island maintain that their music is only to provide mental growth and should not be compared with cheap physical acts, e.g., the slapping of hands. If one must compare Fang Island’s music to a physical act, a firm handshake with maintained eye contact is a more apt comparison.

The rock group is currently recording a new album. Last year, they put out Fang Island, a record liked by many, disliked by others, and met with indifference by those outside of the two aforementioned population groups. Their new album, which they describe as “extremely dry and technical, only for true academics,” will serve as the follow-up to their debut. Updates on that recording process may be found at the group’s Twitter page, even though the band members would vastly prefer the formality of a bi-monthly newsletter.

In September, the band has planned a break from their strenuous development of the new record. During this time, they will take to a series of concert halls to present their new theories and developments. These shows shall take place on the East Coast of the United States of America. Fellow rock group The Joy Formidable will be present on certain dates. Seating will not be provided. Please do not talk during the performance.

Fang Island dates:

09.10.11 - Pawtucket, RI - Machines with Magnets
09.21.11 - Washington, DC - Red Palace
09.23.11 - Durham, NC - Tremont Music Hall
09.24.11 - Atlanta, GA - The Drunken Unicorn
09.25.11 - Tampa, FL - The Orpheum #
09.26.11 - West Columbia, SC - New Brookland Tavern #
09.28.11 - Carborro, NC - Cat’s Cradle #
09.29.11 - Columbus, OH - Newport Music Hall #
09.30.11 - Rochester, NY - Club at Water Street Music Hall #
10.05.11 - Brooklyn, NY - Glasslands

# The Joy Formidable

• Fang Island:
• The Joy Formidable: