10. Two Italian films, Alessandro Angelini's L'Aria Salata and Paolo Sorrentino's L'Amico di Famiglia, feature songs by Antony and the Johnsons. No, they're not Spaghetti Westerns, jerk

09. After shooting both London performances in November and over 60 hours of touring and interview footage, Charlie Atlas and Antony are currently editing TURNING.
08. In collaboration with William Basinski, Antony is composing a sound installation to be featured at the Belsay Manor. Eat their asses LaMonte Young

07. Antony sang "Candy Says" with Lou Reed during the encores of his "Berlin" shows in Sydney, Australia. Julian Schnabel is producing a film of the New York Berlin performances. Loud Reed says song is really about Pixy Stix

06. In collaboration with composer Nico Muhly, Antony has scheduled a March 9 performance at the Brooklyn Academy of Music with the Brooklyn Philharmonic Orchestra. He's expected to play some new stuff. Also, expect some select dates in Europe this Spring. He's expected to play some new stuff. I'll probably go to each show, because he's expected to play some new stuff

05. Antony and Muhly composed a score for a Shakespeare sonnet. The score will be directed by Gavin Bryars and performed by the Opera North musicians February 24-25 at the Courtyard Theatre. "BORING!!!!!" one might say.
04. Who knew Björk was racist. Anyway, Antony sung a duet with Björk for her new album expected this Spring. This would've been much higher on the list, but you already knew this info, didn't you?
03. Antony and The Johnsons changed name to Green Day

02. Michael Cashmore of Current 93 has a new mini-album titled The Snow Abides, on which Antony sings all the vocals. David Tibet wrote the lyrics. You can order it NOW through Jnana Records.
01. Antony is hard-at-work (presumably) in the studio, recording new music themed around "ghosts and nature." He expects to be there for the next few months. There's no release date yet, of course, but I'm going to go ahead and give it a tentative release date of October 9, with an internet leak on August 28. Whether it will be released under the new Green Day moniker is still up in the air.

Battles To Tour And Release Album, But Seriously, Guys, Would A Press Release Hurt? Really? Just A Little One?

According to an incredibly uninformative message on their MySpace, Battles are getting ready to release their debut album, y'know, soon. Ish. It's going to be preceded by a single, and both will be released on Warp.

Uh... It will come on either an LP, which will be large and round, a CD, which will be smaller and shinier but still round, or as MP3s, which are invisible. It'll probably use instruments like guitars and drums, and some other stuff, and will be available in shops. It'll have a name, as will all the tracks on it, unless any of them are untitled, in which case they won't. It probably won't smell strongly of anything and will stop playing if exposed to extreme heat or pressure. If snapped, it'll break into several pieces, some of which will be very sharp, so watch out for that!

And that's all I can find out. Apparently actually telling anyone anything about it would be soooooo uncool. Well, FINE. Maybe I just won't BUY your stupid album. How d'ya like THAT, Battles? Huh? How d'ya like THEM apples? Are you crying? You crying? Aw, don't cry! Crybaby!

Oh, they're going on some dumb tour or something, too:

Hold Your Tongue and Say “The Apples in Stereo Tour”

[Scene: Kids are eating cereal at kitchen table. Dad enters.]

Dad: What the hell are you kids doing?

Son: We're just eating Apple Jacks dad.

Dad: What? What the hell are Apple Jacks?

Son's friend: They are like cheerios, but more colorful and festive.

Dad: What? A gay cheerio? Give me a bite, you little pissers.

Son: They're good, huh?

Dad: What? No, they don't taste like goddamn apples.

Son: Parents just don't get it!

Dad: And what the hee-haw is this jibber jabberin you dillweeds are listening to on the radio?

[The Dad walks over to the stereo on the kitchen counter, and violently knocks it onto the floor.]

Son: Dad! That was The Apples in Stereo. They're flip floppin' awesome. And they're going on tour to promote their latest masterpiece New Magnetic Wonder due in stores February 6, 2007. You may remember seeing lead singer Rob Schneider play the theme to The Colbert Report on the show back in December.

Dad: What? They don't sound like apples!

Son: Ha! See parents just don't get it.

[The Dad angrily grabs his son's arm, and then he stabs his son's friend in the chest.]

Son: Dad, you're hurting me. And you smell like whiskey and the dog's butt.

Dad: Where's your mom? YOU TELL ME NOW!

Son: She's still in the basement.

Tourdates:

Thermals Snuggle Up with Big Sleep for Coziest Tour Ever, Break Curfew with the Hold Steady

Indie "supergroup" (sorry, that just makes me think of Live Aid or the Super Bowl Shuffle) The Thermals started as a little ol' side project of Hutch Harris, Kathy Foster, Ben Barnett, and Jordan Hudson, who may or may not have been part of the following: All Girl Summer Fun Band, Kind of Like Spitting, and Operacycle. David Lee Roth tried to get in on the action, but he was de-NIED, which may or may not be the reason he recently went crawling back to Van Halen (I shit you not), but that's a whole other story we probably won't cover. Anyway, the fates smiled upon The Thermals, as O Holy Highness of Indie Rock Ben Gibbard nudged 'em toward Sub Pop, and three full-lengths later, they've provided us with The Body, The Blood, The Machine and a brand-spanking-new tour with Brooklyn dreamers The Big Sleep and Brooklyn transplant champion drinkers The Hold Steady.

(Beer) Cozies for everyone:

Just When I Thought William Elliott Whitmore Wasn’t Going on Tour, William Elliott Whitmore Announces He’s Going on Tour

When I was 14, my uncle Kasey told me that "Life is like the song of a blackbird." He didn't really explain why, but it was so poetic to my young ears that it sure made a lot of sense back then. As I worked my way through high school and finally college, the analogy stuck with me, even though I never really questioned it. Maybe it was because deep down I knew there was no meaning to it. Or maybe I was too scared to discover the truth.

Last year, I decided to seek out answers. I called my uncle and we met for coffee. After some superficial conversation about airlines (he's a pilot), I mustered up the nerve to ask him what he meant by his blackbird analogy. To my surprise, however, Kasey didn't even remember saying it! WHAT THE HELL. I looked him right in the eye and muttered, "Wrong answer." He let out a nervous chuckle, as I preceded to take out a hammer and fucking pound on his right arm until it looked like silly putty. BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM!!!

That dipshit. Wait... now that I think about it, I think it might've been uncle Perry who told me the analogy... Ha, isn't life funny?

William Elliott Whitmore tourdates:

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