Un-American Cat Power Tours Librul, Godless Europe

Hello. Nunpuncher here. Now, you might not know this about me, but one of my many interests (aside from ten-pin bowling, medium-distance running, and putting crisp packets into the oven so they shrink and make really cool keyrings) is the art of dedicatory literature -- or, as so many call it with barely-concealed scorn, "fan-fiction."

My work has not gone uncelebrated in certain circles -- The Newsom Cycle, in which the harpist is seduced by a beguiling young man with a mysterious past from northern England, was much cherished by those in the community, described as "a soaring epic" by SeXiBoi99 and "without parallel" by xJoannaxLoverx. I am not afraid to court controversy -- alt.spektor.yes.yes.yes was in uproar for weeks after Regina In Love almost paired the singer with Dave Berman, of all people (before she was seduced by a beguiling young man with a mysterious past from northern England).

Without further ado, I would like to present to you a short extract from my latest work, entitled Cat Power Goes Wild In Europe. The full story, weighing in at 253 pages, will be available soon at www.sexycatpowerfantasy.com.

Cat Power Goes Wild In Europe (extract)

Chan Marshall sat in her studio, tired and slightly sweaty from the New York Summer. "Oh, Boy, I'm tired (and slightly sweaty)," she said, flicking her fringe from her slightly sweaty forehead. "Working on the follow-up to The Greatest is much harder work than I thought. I'm stuck!"

Her thoughts drifted back to that summer, that wonderful summer two years ago with that beguiling young man with a mysterious past, who taught her so much about the art of love. She thought of his lips. Without thinking, her fingers moved down her slightly sweaty body to her

[snip - Ed.]

"Ah, that's much better," Chan said. "The memory of the beguiling young man with a mysterious past has inspired me!" She picked up a guitar and wrote a really good song and called it Nunpuncher, because that was the name of the young man (with the mysterious past).

Just then, there was a knock on the door. She answered, and on the other side of it was a mysterious young man. "Delivery for -- Chan?!" he said, his blue-green eyes blazing with the memory of that summer two years ago (because he was Nunpuncher). Chan fell into his arms. "Oh, Nunpuncher!" she said, falling into his arms. "I was just remembering that wonderful summer we shared two years ago, before you went away to cure diseases and fight crime in Africa!" Without thinking, they

[snip - Ed.]

Later on, wrapped in silk sheets, their slightly sweaty bodies engtangled, Nunpuncher asked what plans Chan had.

"I'm touring Europe, with the Dirty Delta Blues Band," she said. "Here are the dates:"

Then they had sex for like ten hours.