Unwed Sailor Tour States With Syphilis, I Mean, Sybris

By Scout Leader Kyle on May 16 2008

Why is the headline above so simplified? Because no amount of sass on my part could've made it any weirder. No, "Condoleezza Rice" isn't the name of some smart-ass indie band; it's the name of that super sexy smart U.S. Secretary of State that we've all come to know and love. Indeed, the Secretary of State will be attending and playing at the Aspen Music Festival. She'll be giving a talk and playing some tunes at 3 PM August 2 in the Benedict Music Tent.

Condie is a former student at the Aspen Music School and supposedly she's a mean pianist. At age 15, Condie played some Mozart with the Denver Symphony and she's been playin' music ever since. She currently plays with a chamber group in Washington, DC. Seems like something you readers would be interested in knowing about.

Here's her musical background, in full detail:

In the early ’70s, our hott little teenage Rice cake was a student at the school for one summer, while her family was parked in Denver. She fell in love there with another young politician and musician by the name of Sonny Bono. Sonny and Condie fell deeply in love but had to keep it a secret from Sonny's second wife, the famous Cher, who eventually divorced Bono because of Sonny/Condie sex tapes that she found in 1975. After Condie and Sonny's summer of love, the two ended up never seeing each other again, per Sonny's request, and Condie never returned to the music school. The following summer, Condie decided that she didn't want to go to music school, because she wanted to study witchcraft instead. It's said that, while listening to "I Got You Babe," she conjured a spell that would cause Sonny Bono to die on January 5, 1998. Surely such prophetic madness couldn't come true, but it did. Sonny Bono died in a tragic skiing accident on the very day.