A Very Modest Mouse Tour; Kahooga! I Write For Tiny Mix Tapes, I’m Rich Now!

by Luke Lindberg (age 12), brother of Emceegreg

You may think Modest Mouse started out like every other band, starting out just like everyone else. But what you think is wrong, it is so wrong, that it’s crazy just thinking about it. It all started several years ago in a galaxy far, far away......

A man named Issac Timalolo, searching for the perfect pet for Timalolo's girlfriend, Karen Odelaufph, who wanted one dearly. Timalolo was about to give up until he saw this extremely small mouse in the back of a animal store reading to a group of orphans. He ran in as fast as he could and asked the mouse, "What is your name?"

The mouse looked up to him and said, "The name's Modest."

"Would you like to come home with me? I have a girlfriend that would take care of you."

Modest accepted, he was getting bored reading to orphans all day. For many days Issac and Modest would become best friends and hang out all the time. One day while everyone was asleep, he crept into the basement after Issac said don't go in. When he was down there he found something so beautiful to him that a tear fell from his face while looking at it. It was a..... keyboard. He walked towards it, confused and frightened at the same time. He then jumped on the instrument. He accidently hit one of the keys, and was delighted with the sound. He played all night until Issac caught him in the morning.

"Modest, what are you doing up so early in the morning?"

Modest replied in high expression, "Can you teach me how to play this marvelous machine?" Then after that point, Issac taught Modest lesson, then soon after they would go on musical gigs together as the Human and Mouse Band. Becoming famous in over a zillion states. But several months later, Modest the mouse died from old age. Issac was devastated. But he wanted to continue the band in memory of Modest. He hired many musicians to help him fill in band members. While they were practicing, one of the band members asked "Is The Human and Mouse Band sound right now since there's no mouses and we’re all... you know... human?"

Issac was confused. "You think we should change it?" Issac said. They all agreed, They all thought real hard until Issac said "I know! What about Modest Mouse?" All the band members all agreed upon it. And from that day the band would be known as Modest Mouse. To honor the mouse that gave them hearts and showed them how to love, and also have the ability to talk, play the keyboard, and most of all, read to orphans. Modest the mouse.

The End?

Modest Tourdates:

[This news story is part of our Take Your Kids to Work Day special]

Björk Releases New Avatars, Extends Töur; Smjörið er brætt og hveitið smátt og smátt hrært út í það, þangað til það er gengið upp í smjörið.

Hi ya'll! Björk is extendin' her tour! Yay! Forum avatars for everyone!!!!!!!11

The butter is melted and the flour stirred into it slowly but surely, until it has blended with the butter:

* Big Day Out Festival

$ Sydney Festival

Now is the Winter of Our Discounted Castanets; Raposa To Hit the Road

Having the memory of an elephant can be a truth-telling bitch at times and a godsend at others. There are too many embarrassing nights I wish I could block out of my mind. On the plus side, I can remember everything about my Grade 7 French teacher, Madame (Mme.) Menard. She was a young-ish, beautiful, new teacher who taught for the love of the language and was serious as a heart attack (10 cent line of the day) and hell-bent on turning the class into Francophones by the end of the year. In fact the only cracks in her prim and proper exterior appeared, infrequently, when a funny part of what we were reading made her chuckle (she would let out a “Woopalai!” or “Oiyoiyoiyoiyoi...!” while we sat stone-faced in front of her) and, often, when a particular story, poem, or image moved her to tears. During these emotionally charged times, she would stop, bow her head a little, and say, “it ‘urts my ‘eart.” Needless to say, the gang of clowns to which I belonged latched onto the pensive, lovely phrase like a baby to a teat and used it for EVERYTHING. A girl looks super hot in crazy tight jeans? “Ooh, it ‘urts my ‘eart.” Someone got bagged in dodgeball? “Ouch, it ‘urts my ‘eart.” Someone let out a disgusting fart during gym class? “Ewwuuch, it ‘urts my ‘eart.”

I can appreciate Mme.’s catchphrase now that I’m older. If it didn’t sound so ridiculously faux-French, I would have used it when my son smiled, babbled, or crawled for the first time, when the Ottawa Senators made it to the Stanley Cup Finals last year (despite getting their asses handed to them by Anaheim), and whenever I have listened to Castanets. Ray Raposa and his rotating band of romantics will be breakin’ hearts (definitely) and takin’ names (why not?) starting tomorrow at the SUNY campus in Purchase, New York, just in time for the release of his new album In the Vines on October 23

10.19.07 - Purchase, NY - SUNY Purchase
10.20.07 - Philadelphia, PA - Johnny Brenda’s
10.21.07 - Washington, DC - The Red and Black
10.23.07 - Williamsburg, VA - William and Mary College *
10.24.07 - Chapel Hill, NC - Nightlight
10.25.07 - Montreat, NC - Montreat College
10.26.07 - Athens, GA - The Secret Squirrel
10.28.07 - Lexington, KY - Icehouse
10.27.07 - Knoxville, TN - the Pilot Light
10.29.07 - Chicago, IL - Empty Bottle #
10.30.07 - Grinnell, IA - Bob’s Underground (Grinnell College)
10.31.07 - Indianapolis, IN - The Underground *
11.01.07 - Bloomington, IN - The Cinemat
11.03.07 - Toronto, Ontario - Whippersnapper Gallery
11.07.07 - Portland, ME - Space Gallery
11.08.07 - Somerville, MA - P.A.’s Lounge
11.09.07 - Annandale-on-Hudson, NY - Bard College
11.10.07 - Ithaca, NY - Cornell University
11.11.07 - Lancaster, PA - The Sugar Tank

* Cryptacize

# Tunng

Raposa will release In the Vines thorough the Asthmatic Kitty label. Partly inspired by “a Hindu fable about being trapped in an inescapable fate, with death and he limitations of our physical lives closing in from all corners,” it is safe to day that In the Vines is destined to be another engaging and vital listen. Thankfully “it ‘urts my ‘eart” that the man does not seem capable of disappointing people with his records.

In the Vines:

1. Rain Will Come
2. This Is the Early Game
3. Westbound, Blue
4. Strong Animal
5. Sway
6. The Fields Crack
7. Three Months Paid
8. The Night Is When You Can Not See
9. Sounded like a Train, Wasn’t a Train
10. And the Swimming

RZA Raises Motherfucking Ruckus at Celebrity Chess Tournament; Wu-Tang CANCELS Tour

Fuck the new Wu-Tang album, fuck the new Ghostface album, and fuck the noise regarding the release dates. It's time for RZA to shine! The Hip-Hop Chess Foundation (HHCF) has just announced RZA as the winner of the 1st Annual Chess Kings Invitational Champion Belt. Part of an effort to raise money for the HHCF Education Scholarship Fund, RZA beat out eight other participants, including GZA, Sunspot Jonz (Living Legends), Ralek Gracie, Paris, Amir Sulaiman, and Casual (Hieroglyphics). The final match was between GZA and fellow Wu-Tang member Monk.

Combined, the volunteering artists helped the HHCF raise $10,000 in educational scholarships, which were awarded to the participants from Oakland's Unity High, Youth Uprising, San Francisco's O'Connell High and Muhammad University of Islam. Fucking awesome!

Random chess tip: The best way to play aggressively is start with 1.e4 as white and play an open game. As black, defend 1.e4 with 1....e5 and defend the Ruy Lopez. Against 1.d4 play 1...d5 2. c4 d:c4 the Queen's Gambit Accepted.

UPDATE: Wu-Tang have canceled their upcoming tour!! Ghostface Killah's dates are still on though. Raise the motherfucking ruckus, indeed.

Cat Power Covers Record Tracklist by Helen Schumacher

On Tuesday, Matador Records revealed the tracklisting for Cat Power’s next album, Jukebox, which is slated to be released January 22 of next year. The covers record draws mostly from country and soul artists, such as Lee Clayton and James Brown, but it also features staples of Chan Marshall’s repertoire, like Bob Dylan and Hank Williams. It even has a cover of Creedence Clearwater Revival's “Fortunate Son.”

Interestingly, Marshall covers the theme from New York, New York, which should fit in nicely with the Memphis tone of the album, while the album also includes one new track, the Dylan-inspired “Song for Bobby.”

Unlike 2000’s The Covers Record, which featured bare-bones Chan, The Dirty Delta Blues band plays on the album.

Jukebox tracklisting, with publishing credits and everything:

1. Theme From ‘New York, New York’

Written by Fred Ebb/John Kander, published by EMI Unart Catalog, Inc. (BMI)
2. Metal Heart

Written by Chan Marshall, published by Dormat Music/Mattitude Music (BMI)
3. Ramblin’ (Wo)man

Written by Hank Williams, published by SONY/ATV Acuff Rose Music (BMI)
4. Song To Bobby

Written by Chan Marshall, published by Mattitude Music (BMI)
5. Aretha, Sing One For Me

Written by J Harris/Eugene William, published by Happy Hooker Music/Irving Music (BMI)
6. Lost Someone

Written by James Brown/Bobby Byrd/Lloyd Stallworth, published by Jadar Music Corp. (BMI)
7. I Believe In You

Written by Bob Dylan, published by Special Rider Music (SESAC)
8. Fortunate Son

Written by John Fogerty, published by Jondora Music (BMI)
9. Silver Stallion

Written by Lee Clayton, published by Resaca Music Publishing Co. (BMI)
10. Dark End of the Street

Written by Chips Moman/Dan Penn, published by Screen Gems-EMI Music, Inc. (BMI)
11. Don’t Explain

Written by Arthur Herzog, Jr./Billie Holiday, published by Songs Of Universal, Inc. (BMI)
12. Woman Left Lonely

Written by Spooner Oldham/Dan Penn, published by Embassy Music Corp./Dan Penn Music (BMI)

Simon Joyner + Conor Oberst = BFF4LYFE, Or Touring Buddies

It wouldn’t really be a Bright Eyes tour without a few of Conor Oberst’s friends along for the ride, now would it? Between M. Ward, My Morning Jacket’s Jim James, and Neva Dinova’s Jake Bellows, it seems like Oberst is constantly inviting the same handful of friends on tour with him. Conclusion? The dude needs to branch out his social circle a bit more.

Luckily, fellow Nebraskan folkster, Simon Joyner, wasn’t doing anything and decided to join Oberst and Co. on their upcoming U.S. trek. Sure, Joyner has toured with Bright Eyes multiple times, but hey, when you’re stuck inside a tour bus for months at a time, it’s a little hard to make new friends. In other news, Oberst’s Paxil prescription should kick in any day now.

With Joyner set to open the first half of Bright Eyes’ upcoming tour, Maria Taylor, The Felice Brothers, and Nick Freitas will take over for him starting November 6 in Memphis, TN.

Joyner’s dates are as follows:

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