Dear Budweiser Dudes:
I totally l-o-v-e your f-ing hillarious "Real Men of Genius" ad campaign. I am su-uch a huge fan of Budweiser and of drinking beer in general... seriously, you don't even know!
Anyway, I have this idea for a new commercial for you guys. I just think it would go over like Gangbusters! Uh... do people still say "Gangbusters?" Whatevs, anyway... here's the script. Let me know what you think:
REAL MEN OF GENIUS
Announcer: Budweiser presents: Real Men of Genius.
Male Singer: Reeeeeeeeeeal men of geeeeeeeeeeeeeenius!!!
Announcer: This week we solute you, Mr. VH1 Rock Honors 2007 Planning Guy.
Male Singer: Mr. VH1RockHonors2007Plaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaningguy!!!
Announcer: In a world where most Organizations try to make their award shows relevant and meaningful... you couldn't care less, and neither could we.
Male Singer: Give meeeeeeee the VMA's!
Announcer: Most people would try to make sure that their line-up of talent was the best that money could buy, but not you, Mr. VH1 Rock Honors 2007 Planning Guy. You're too busy pumping that cash straight
down Flavor Flav's nose.
Girl Backup Singers: Oooh, sniff, sniff!
Announcer: Your honorees include the pointless likes of Genesis, Heart, ZZ Top, and the always-charming Ozzy Ozbourne... all of whom will be presided-over by television's least interesting of ugly rich kids: "Jackass" Star Bam Margera.
Male Singer: Wait, isn't thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat an MTV show??!?!?!
Announcer: And just in case this tepid list of Who-Cares-Who's-Who celebrities isn't enough to rope in your ambiguous demographic, you've also brought in the big guns: Nickelback... Gretchen Wilson... Keane... and your crowning achievement... the legendarily god-awful Alice In Chains... that's right, I said Alice In Chains.
Girl Backup Singers: You can't stop the Rooooooooster!!!
Announcer: But don't worry, Mr. VH1 Rock Honors 2007 Planning Guy, because your absurd list of hosts will pick up the slack. Who needs credibility when you've got such laughable presenters as Robin Williams, Billy Bob Thornton, Cameron Diaz, and even the biggest douche bag on television... Criss Angel?
Male Singer (impersonating Jonathan Davis): Miiiiiiiiiiind Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeak!!!!
Announcer: So what are you waiting for? Crack open an ice-cold Bud Light, oh Impresario of the Illegitimate! Because come May 12, when this train wreck is taped at Las Vegas' Mandalay Bay Events Center and May 24, when this quote-unquote "special" airs on VH1, you'll be able to sit back and say to yourself: "So what if I lost my job at VH1? At least I'm not Layne Staley."
Male Singer: Mr. VH1 RockHonors2007PlaaaaaaaaaaaaaaningGuy!!!!
Announcer: Bud Light Beer: Anheuser-Busch Inc. St. Louis, Missouri.
Well? What do you guys think? Let me know.
I'll be here.