Victoria’s Secret to Release Spice Girls Disc; Your Girlfriend to Stop Wearing Ugly Panties

I hope you’re just itching in anticipation, huff-huff-hunk-reader. Things been stale with ye olde girlfriend lately?

PROBLEM: Bad Underwear, Comfortable Love

As your life-changing-pre-marriage relationship gets warm in the cold, cold, night, things are getting so comfortable. You two lovebirds don’t need the outside world. You have a fire. A bear rug to cuddle on. Each other.

ADVANTAGE: No expectations.

Steady love is staying in, eating TV-dinners, and watching America’s Next Top Model.

DISADVANTAGE: No fun.

You: “Yup. Mmmhmm. Yea, honey. Seriously. You’re so much prettier than Tyra. Yes, she does have a big butt. Yup. You’re so right. Mmmm. I would never want those girls. Yea. They’re not... curvy... enough. Yup. Models are so... unattractive...”

“Are you going to eat that whole pint of ice cream?”

[Three seconds later]

“...And that pizza”

[Four minutes later]

“Yea, you’re much skinnier than Tyra. Yup. So pretty. So, mmmm... pretty...”

Fight me if you want, hunk-a-hunk-o’-burnin’-love reader. Look me in the eye and tell me your girlfriend didn’t get too comfortable the moment you allowed the two of you to watch Saturday MTV marathons. America's Next Top Model. Bret Michaels.

Remember my apt observation as you note the progression from sultry, to fun, to simple, to down-right I-don’t-give-a-damn underwear.

Mmmm. Worn cotton. That’s nice. I bet Tyra Banks wears worn, beige, cotton panties.

SOLUTION: A Trip to Vicky’s.

Good, overpriced, lingerie to spark up that old flame.

Not only that, reader-baby. Aside from incense, rose petals, and floating candles, YOU NEED SWEET, SWEET MUSIC. Since you’re far too love-itchy to head all the way over to the neighborhood music shack and pick up a Robert Goulet record, VS has your back.

Just so happens that your favorite Brit-pop girl-power mega-group is releasing their reunion album, Spice Girls: Greatest Hits, November 13, (first) at Victoria’s Secret. Additionally, the canned-band-best-gals will appear at the Victoria’s Secret fashion show, airing on December 4 on CBS.

The disc is available January 15 through Capitol, for the less... sexy.

TOURING MEANS ALWAYS WEARING MATCHING BRAS AND PANTIES:

As you’ve probably heard from your girlfriend, The Spice Girls are reunion-tourin,’ starting December 2 in Vancouver. Other dates include San Jose, California (December 4), Los Angeles (December 5, 7), and Las Vegas (December 8-9).

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