The Friz’s 50th TMT News Story Celebration Special Featuring Special Guest Jose Gonzalez Tour Info
By The Friz on Feb 12 2008
For my 50th TMT News Story Anniversary, we initially had a whole party planned – cake, noise-makers, those pointy paper hats with garrote wire elastic chinstraps. That was until the TMT Central Planning Committee voted down the “ungreen” idea. Sending 50+ paper invitations by mail would have been kind of expensive, and plus no one had time to go to Party City for supplies. It was tentatively decided to put all events on hold, at least until the whole Tijuana fiasco blew over. Plus Mr P said that if Jose Gonzalez could figure out a way to make his upcoming North American tour bodaciously green, then why not us.
But Scout Leader Kyle (whose TMT legacy was celebrated a few weeks prior), Petya Romanov (whose legacy includes, but isn’t limited to, the various strands of the herpes virus currently circulating the office (TMT News), and I decided to go for it anyway.
Using inconceivably complex Google-like metrics to triangulate the closest rendezvous point, we met in Claysville, Pennsylvania at Allum's Family Restaurant off I-70. We managed to scrape up enough money from the TMT Petty Cash box for a decorative cake and some thruway trinket party favors.
Ordering round after round of dribbly black coffee in the coal-mining bosom of rural Appalachia, the meal could have been described as peaceful, even serene, by most standards. I picked at the remnants of my fried egg and cheese as we discussed Dreamcast, tourdate formatting, and titty bars.
“I mean, not to get too technical, but isn’t this really your 53rd story?” said Petya nervously eying his bike locked outside.
“Yeah, but this whole ‘green’ thing turned out to be such a hassle,” I responded. “It took a week to get my VW converted to bio-diesel. And stopping at the Cracker Barrel in Wilkes-Barre to fill up on fryer grease was such a hassle.”
“I don’t mind eating off biodegradable plates, but having to wipe with that brown paper bag TP? I’m not so sure,” chimed in Scout.
“I think this whole ‘green’ thing is all just a marketing ploy. I don’t buy it,” said Petya.
Silence rolled over the group in tacit agreement, already thinking of ways to make the next batch of tour news interesting and/or self indulgent.
Gail, who’d been dutifully replenishing the coffee all afternoon, came back to deliver the check.
“Why is this cake in the shape of a boner?”
$ Mountain Stage TV Taping
@ Mia Doi Todd
The Release Date for The New Boris Album Smile Is As Sound As A Bell
By Scout Leader Kyle on Feb 12 2008
Boris have always been as strong as an ox, and being a metal band from Japan makes them as sweet as sake. The new album, Smile, is as tight as a drum and will be released like a snug bug in a rug April 29. Hopefully it's not dry as a bone.
The band is also releasing a limited 7-inch single February 26, and it'll include "Statement" from the album and a B-side called "Floorshaker," which if their past music is any indication will hopefully sound as bold as brass.
Make a Wish. Was It for Richard Villalobos to Make a Rare North American Appearance? Because It Has Come True! Oh, It Was for McDonald’s to Issue a Limited-Edition “Mac Tonight” Bobblehead? You Douchebag!
By David Nadelle on Feb 12 2008
Ten things you don’t see often:
10. Halley’s Comet.
9. Nicole Ritchie and her boyfriend Karl Malden.
8. A romantic comedy that can be considered romantic or a comedy.
7. Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam.
6. Mr P shirtless (sigh...someday).
5. Iroc-Z limousines.
4. Life on mars.
3. Animal contact lenses. Or as I like to call them: "Animal-eyez!"
2. Boners in sweatpants.
1. Ricardo Villalobos in North America.
Talking to XLR8R’s Tony Ware in September 2007, the Chilean-born, Berlin-based, hugely-entertaining DJ Ricardo Villalobos said: “My whole life changed because of American politics, so it’s my way of protesting, of saying something against what is happening in Chile in 1973 or whatever is happening at the moment, is not to go to America. But I would like to have the feeling to go as someone invited for something important, something with joy, not something strange trying to invade. I really would like to come."
This personal boycott has resulted in Villalobos being an extremely rare sight to North American shores during the past decade. That will change for one night in March when Villalobos ("Townwolves" or “Housewolves,” if we were to translate his name hyper-literally and totally unnecessarily) comes across the Atlantic for a show. He will not be playing the United States, where his political snub remains in effect. Nor will he be playing Mexico, where he should be dead against that country’s policy of police-patrolling the beaches and stopping me from getting my bone on during a vacation there in 1997. Villalobos will be playing North America, though, in Montréal, Canada (“the Mexico of the North”) March 1, as part of the fifth annual “Nuit Electronik” at Metropolis. The Mutek and Piknic Electronik co-sponsored all-nighter will feature Villalobos spinning a headlining set as well as playing with fellow Chilean-born, Berlin-based DJ Dandy Jack (Martin Schopf) as “Ric y Martin” (geddit?).
Villalobos did say he would lift his embargo and would like to play the U.S. if he gets an appropriate and viable offer. So don't just sit there and slump further into your chasm of depression (read: your ratty futon) -- make him an offer! If you don't, you will simply have to make your way to “la belle province” to see the living legend of minimalist techno. If all else fails, feel free to celebrate the birthdays of the super hot Mark-Paul Gosselaar and the super cute Mary Lou Lord on March 1 anyway.
“Housewolves” with Dandy Jack, Ric Y Martin, DJ Poontz, Vincent Lemieux, Che Vi Che, and Bliss:
03.01.08 - Montréal, Quebec - Metropolis
MTV President Christina Norman Calls It Quits, Plans to Develop Reality Show Actually Based on Reality
By 8bit on Feb 11 2008
Attention world! President Christina Norman has decided to quit her job at MTV (the worst thing to happen to music since "Freebird," with the possible exception of Woodstock ‘99). Honestly, nobody should care about this. MTV should have ceased being culturally relevant sometime in the late 1990s, yet has somehow maintained a firm grip on the United States youth. MTV has always managed to corrupt children, but some could argue that they were influencing a more expressive, artistic audience. Good luck convincing anybody that Celebreality (a concoction of Norman) has any redeeming inspirational or educational qualities.
Actually, I've already given Norman too much credit. MTV had long been heading to irrelevance before she took charge in 2005, eventually bringing us classics such as The Hills and A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila. I don't think she can be blamed for the continual downfall of the once great musical icon. Nobody can. MTV has become a cognizant being, perpetuating its own desires through human pawns that keep the public from becoming suspicious. While this theory is disputed by several scientists and gynecologists, several sophisticated computer models have been developed to predict MTVs future trajectory. While still confidential, the results are rumored to point to an elderly Roseanne Barr undergoing liposuction.
I performed a Turing test on a television set tuned to MTV, and while I was convinced for a short time that I was indeed speaking to a 12-year-old girl, the final results were inconclusive.
