Warner Music CEO Rats Out His Own Kids; RIAA Comes Down On Them With An Iron Slap On The Wrist

First, a discovery. Scientists made an exciting announcement on Wednesday, confirming what some have believed for almost a decade. It turns out that downloading music IS stealing! You know those commandments that some politicians want displayed in courtrooms? Yeah, stealing is in there somewhere. Honestly, you should be grateful that we don't live in the time of eye-for-an-eye or the penalty for music piracy would be the severing of your virtual hand.

Speaking of the virtual world, Warner Music Chief Executive Edgar Bronfman granted an interview to Second Life, a virtual community for child predators last week. The conversation turned to the subject of music piracy and the result was positively SHOCKING...

So, you have seven children, have you ever caught any of them using Gnutella or Limewire or the P2P network?

Bronfman: I have. I explained to them what I believe is right, that the principle involved is that stealing music is stealing music. Frankly, right is right and wrong is wrong, particularly when a parent is talking to a child, a bright line around moral responsibility is very important. I can assure you they no longer do that.

What were the consequences?

Bronfman: I think I'll keep that within the family. (Laughter)

We know what you're thinking. Where's the blood?! I want consequences!! Hey RIAA, seven subpeonas, coming right up! Fact is, dude seems like a reasonable father (businessman, not so much). Within the context of a home, ganking music from a P2P network is like taking cookies from the cookie jar before dinner. Most times you don't get caught, but if you do, the strongest reaction it would elicit is something on the level of a less than convincing shrug.

We can only imagine the conversation went something like this:

Dad: Son?

Son: Oh... ummm... I was just finishing up an, uh... Excel document so I cank eep track of all my ponies.

Dad: Oh no! Oh God, no! Did I just see SoulSeek up on your screen?

Son: (Looks down) I'm sorry dad. I mean, you give me all these free CDs
from Warner, but frankly, your music sucks.

Dad: I'm so disapointed in you, son. You are taking an artist's intellectual property, you know that, right?

Son: I know, I know. I'm really sorry... Uh... dad, how much do artists
make off of cd sales?

Dad: Uh, way less than 10 percent. muHaHahaha!!!

Son: More ponies for us, eh?

Dad: Yeah, more ponies.

Makes you wonder, who's the real pirate? Here's one clue: it's not Bronfman's kids.