You Like Jello Biafra? The Guys on the Football Team Say He’s for FAQs
By Judy Berman on 10-09-2006
Q: What is spoken word?
A: Don't you kids know how to use Wikipedia? Wow, Wiki... way to put GG Allin and William S. Burroughs in the same category.
Q. Who came up with this spoken word bullshit, anyway?
A: The term "spoken word" was coined by that guy who seems to live in your local coffee shop who you always see drinking a latte, with a copy of Kierkegaard's Fear and Trembling in front of him. He's never reading the book, though. He's always holding forth on postmodern philosophy and outsider art to some skinny girl in glasses and sweater and never lets her get a word in edgewise. One day, he realized that in order to keep ranting and raving without being labelled "annoying," "long-winded" or, God forbid, "pretentious," he was going to have to give what he was doing a really awesome name and transform it into an art. Thusly, spoken word was born.
Q. What could Jello Biafra, founder of seminal punk band Dead Kennedys, once the PMRC's public enemy #1, possibly want with such a boring and nebulous art form?
A: While many "spoken word artists," as people like Allen Ginsberg and Lydia Lunch (you're killing me, Wikipedia) like to be called, try to pass off their incoherent ramblings as poetic, Biafra does no such thing. His performances are more like well-scripted stand-up comedy, focusing on political and cultural issues. Think The Daily Show meets '80s punk rock.
Q: Why doesn't he just call it stand-up?
A: I have no fucking clue.
Q: If he called it stand-up, I would totally buy tickets.
A: I know, right? Anyway, that wasn't a question. Watch y'self, Q... if that is your real name.
Q: So is this crap really worth my 10 bucks, or whatever it costs?
A: Actually, it kind of is. Biafra spouts off on everything you're pissed off about, except he's smarter than you are, and well-spoken to boot. Plus, the guy goes on for like four hours and doesn't even get boring. If you don't believe me, listen to his new album, In the Grip of Official Treason (Alternative Tentacles). He probably doesn't even mind if you download it illegally. He's that cool of a guy.
Q: What's the difference between Jello Biafra and Jell-O Pudding?
A: One is artificially sweetened; the other is genuinely acerbic.
Q: What's your biggest Jello Biafra-related regret?
A: That I didn't hug him when I had the chance. He's like a teddy bear! And now his tour isn't even coming to New York.
Q: If the Dead Kennedys, in their current incarnation, tour without Jello Biafra, do they make a sound?
A: No; absolutely not.
Thus, spoken word Jello Biafra:
10.23.06 - Seattle, WA - El Corazon
10.24.06 - Eugene, OR - WOW Hall
10.25.06 - Portland, OR - Disjecta
10.27.06 - Olympia, WA - Capitol Theater
11.02.06 - Salt Lake City, UT - Opilis Union Hall
11.04.06 - Denver, CO - Gothic Theater
11.05.06 - Omaha, NE - Sokol Auditorium
11.09.06 - Antwerp, Belgium - De Nachten festival
11.12.06 - Albuquerque, NM - Sunshine Theater
11.13.06 - Flagstaff, AZ - Orpheum Theater
11.14.06 - Phoenix, AZ - Marquee Theater
11.15.06 - Tucson, AZ - Solar Cultural Theater
MuchMusic Sneaks Into MTV’s Bedroom, Puts On Its Panties, And Proclaims, “I Have A Little Digital Download!”
By Chris Gliddon on 10-09-2006
As the years roll on, Canadian TV network MuchMusic still insists on following in MTV's footsteps. After years of following its American counterpart's footsteps by regurgitating its awful ideas — Headbanger's Ball, less music videos, more painful reality shows — MuchMusic is now partnering with PureTracks, a DRM-ridden digital music file provider, to infest the already saturated legal download market.
According to Billboard, the service went live on Wednesday, October 4, and has since been offering Canadians their low-quality audio for $0.79-$1.29 CAD per track. To kick things off, the network has a promotional offer of an exclusive Evanescence acoustic performance when you purchase their newest album. And we all know how much you beautiful TMT readers love Evanescence, don't we!
Since I'm in a generous mood, here's a bunch of EXCLUSIVE YouTube videos of Evanescence for you to sing along to:
EXCLUSIVE!!!
EXCLUSIVE!
ONLY FOR US!!!
Wow, would you get a load of that gothy goodness. Kinda makes me want to go and buy some digital files. Then I'll take those files and move them from one folder to another, then back again. I just love collecting data; it makes me incredibly hot. HOTTT.
Please send your amazing Evanescence bootlegs to chrislovesevanescence@gmail.com.
Thank you for your consideration, and have a great day.
P.S. - When I say "exclusive," I actually mean "inclusive." Does that help?
Ted Leo/Pharmacists Record Another Album and Embark on Yet Another Tour
By C. Schell on 10-09-2006
It seems like the year is almost over, musically speaking. Once we get a week or two into November, the only things coming out are the mainstream hip-hop and or r&b flavors of the moment, and little else. The new release map for the remainder of '06 is pretty well-defined, with no apparent gray areas. So, one must look to the New Year for the next musical surprise.
Enter Ted Leo and his gang of Pharmacists without white coats. According to the band's Touch & Go publicist, last week marked the end of recording for their as-yet untitled new album. The label is eyeing March 2007 for the release of the LP, the group's fifth and first for Touch & Go. The band committed the tunes to tape with producer/drummer (obligatory Fugazi name-drop) Brendan Canty at Longview Farm in Northampton, MA.
Left without a finished product to be leaked online weeks before its official release date, the band have decided the only way they can get the new songs into their fans' ears is to go and play about five weeks worth of shows. The beginning (and majority) of the tour has the band opening for Death Cab For Cutie and most certainly blowing them off the stage (as opposed to the groupies, who blow, aww nevermind, you guys are already way ahead of me). The last few dates are Rx headlining shows, with Chris Leo's band The Vague Angels opening up for big bro Ted. What a way to spend Thanksgiving. The whole deal is finished in Seattle, with an Rx/DCFC reunion (ft. DCFC) and a Christmas concert thingy (for KEXP) that radio stations seem to insist on having every year.
Tourdates:
10.24.06 - Northampton, MA - Pearl Street Ballroom (Benefit for Flywheel Arts)
10.26.06 - Upper Darby, PA - Tower Theater #
10.27.06 - Rochester, NY - Auditorium Theater #
10.28.06 - Ottawa, ON - Civic Center #
10.30.06 - Toronto, ON - Massy Hall #
10.31.06 - Toronto, ON - Massy Hall #
11.01.06 - Montreal, QC - Metropolis #
11.02.06 - Boston, MA - The Opera House #
11.03.06 - Boston, MA - The Opera House #
11.04.06 - Providence, RI - Providence Performing Arts Center #
11.06.06 - Washington, DC - DAR Constitution Hall #
11.07.06 - Washington, DC - DAR Constitution Hall #
11.08.06 - New York, NY - Theater at Madison Square Garden #
11.09.06 - New York, NY - Theater at Madison Square Garden #
11.10.06 - Norfolk, VA - The Norva #
11.11.06 - Bell Vernon, PA - Ice Garden Arena #
11.13.06 - Columbus, OH - PromoWest Pavilion #
11.14.06 - Indianapolis, IN - Murat Theater #
11.15.06 - Louisville, KY- Louisville Palace Theater #
11.16.06 - Birmingham, AL - BJCC Concert Hall #
11.17.06 - Atlanta, GA - The Fox Theatre #
11.18.06 - Clemson, SC - Littlejohn Coliseum #
11.19.06 - Orlando, FL - UCF Arena #
11.20.06 - Coral Gables, FL - Bank United Center at University of Miami #
11.22.06 - Jacksonville, FL - Jack Rabbit’s *
11.23.06 - Mt. Pleasant, SC - Village Tavern *
11.24.06 - Asheville, NC - The Grey Eagle
11.25.06 - Charlottesville, VA - Starr Hill *
11.29.06 - Worcester, MA - The Grind @ Clark University *
12.09.06 - Seattle, WA - Key Arena #
12.10.06 - Seattle, WA - Neumo’s Crystal Ball Reading Room (KEXP Yule Tide Show)
# w/ Death Cab For Cutie
* w/ Vague Angels
Jimmy Buffett Stopped at French Airport with Ecstasy (Allegedly); Threatens to Re-Record His Cover of Bruce Cockburn’s “Wondering Where the Lions Are” With Topical Verses
By David Nadelle on 10-09-2006
"Sun's up, uh huh, looked okay
Gotta take a plane to St. Tropez
Thank lord I've got my pills with me
Need some ecstasy to take a hold on me.
Shrinking penis makes me laugh
Have to take a soak in the bath
Convinced I'm seeing blood in my pee
Some kind of ecstasy got a hold on me.
Dream of a bevy of bronzed beach girls
Topless on my sailboat as the waves curl
'Why don't we get drunk and screw?'
Is an ecstasy poem from me to you.
The airport garbage smells so sweet
Gitanes and croissants underneath my feet
My eyes keep darting from A to B
A lot of ecstasy has a hold on me.
And I'm wondering where the lions are...
I'm wondering where the lions are...
Baby-faced gendarmes doing double takes
Just want to kiss them by a moonlit lake
They laugh and point their fingers at me
This ecstasy now is lovin' up me.
Young men count pills... I'm so dumb
Should have stashed it up my bum
Twenty, sixty, a hundred (it better be!)
Lots of E should've been inside of me.
A $380 fine is all I pay
"Prescription drugs!" my spokesmen say
Sell one of my Hawaiian shirts on eBay
To deal with ecstasy's hold on me
When the sun came up, uh huh, it looked okay
Now Tiny Mix Tapes will have a field day
Have to say goodbye to MDMA
Cheeseburgers and margaritas...
(pause for climactic effect)
...return your hold on me!"