You Might Be a Liar if You Read This News Story and Hint that You Didn’t Find it at Least as Indulgently Enjoyable as Drum’s Not Dead

Yew also might be a Liar if... you went to Disney's Wild Hogs and told your wife you “didn't really feel comfortable” with the skinny-dipping scenes

Yew might be a Liar if... you applied for a job as a satellite-dish installation expert after earning a journalism degree and told yourself you didn't feel like a total sell-out.

Yew might be a Liar if... you worked with Grant at a sporting-goods store and said you didn't take the money missing from the upstairs vault, all the while watching poor Grant get harassed by Rathdrum, Idaho police and forced to take a lie-detector test he knew from research would only be 60-70% accurate.

Yew might be a Liar if... you were to slate the release of your fourth, self-titled album for August 28.

Yew might be a Liar if... you told your wife your sleep-moaning last night wasn't the result of a dream about, to put it lightly, a case of Jungle Fever.

Yew might be a Liar if... you told your mom you didn't believe in God anymore and thus wouldn't be attending church when you really just wanted to watch football.

Yew might be a Liar if... you swore up-and-down to Rathdrum, Idaho police that you didn't steal the money... (but, you know, probably not).

Yew might be a Liar if... you said your upcoming album would be released care of white vinyl, CD, and digital formats.

Yew might be a Liar if... you told your boss on a long road trip that his karaoke-on-CD “sounded, you know, pretty good ... I mean, you know, not great, but it's good.”

Yew might be a Lair if... you assured your wife that the boxers she got you don't cramp your motzo balls.

Yew might be a Liar if... you said –- while you definitely didn't steal the money –- that you didn't at least steal a few batteries and a cool-ass butterfly knife from said sporting goods store.

Yew might be a Liar if... you said your new album is more “practical,” with traditional approaches to song structure and instrument usage.

You might be a Liar if... you said you didn't have to edit out a zillion “like” and “you know”s when you interviewed Karen O years ago.

Yew might be a Liar if... you said you didn't know how your DUI fees were magically paid off in full a few weeks after Grant successfully passed his lie-detector test.

Yew might be a Liar if... you said you didn't write this news post when you were supposed to be working.

Yew might be a Liar if... you said you “never felt like a songwriter” until you wrote the music for your aforementioned fourth album.

You might be a Liar if... you said you wouldn't prefer to read your music news without all the fancy-pants frills.

Yew might be a Liar (or something akin to one) if... you're one of the cud-chomping, redneck yahoos responsible for keeping lie-detector tests admissible in the Idaho court of law.

You might be a Liar if... you claimed bringing up Angus Andrews' lover isn't a cheap, all-in-all lousy thing to do.

You might be a Liar if... you said the tracklisting for your upcoming album is as follows:

You might be a Liar if... you claimed this news post wasn't about your life, down to the seediest detail.

Newsfeed