Young Marble Giants to Play Colossal Youth at ATP; Kid Midnight Creams His Pants, Ignores Puns

This is where I would put the requisite pun that a story like this deserves, something along the lines of: “ATP just got more YOUTHful” or maybe I could do “Young Marble Giants announce GIANT show.” However I won’t bore you with puns and stupid plays on words, because I can write better than that.

Ah, the hell with it! I need to do at least one, right? Young Marble Giants made Colossal headlines today with the announcement that they will play the entirety of their only full-length album, 1980’s Colossal Youth, at next spring’s ATP UK Weekend 1: The Fans Strike Back. I was already psyched about the lineup -- Devo, Spiritualized, Grails, and stoner rock titans Sleep performing their album Holy Mountain, as well as selections from Dopesmoker -- and now this? (Side note: Now, I know that Holy Mountain and Dopesmoker are pretty fucking sweet, but I'd feel sad if I saw Sleep and they didn’t play a track from Jerusalem, too. Do them all!)

Young Marble Giants reunited early last year to play a show at last years’ Hay Festival in Wales, around the same time that Domino Records unveiled their plans to reissue Colossal Youth (this supposedly wasn't a coincidence, if you catch my drift). The trio has only one other show scheduled at the moment, and it happens to be this upcoming weekend, November 14-16, at the Swn Festival also in Wales. Jeez, you’d think that the guys in Young Marble Giants were from Wales or something, right?

In other reunited band/ATP festival news. The recently reunited experimental hip-hop group Anti-Pop Consortium have ALSO been added to the ATP vs. the Fans lineup. With all these bands getting back together lately, it can’t be long before Nirvana start making music again, right? Right? Oh, yeah, I forgot. Krist Novoselic is into politics these days, and you can’t have a Nirvana reunion without Novoselic.

_The Herbaliser’s_ Tour Is Beginning _today_, And It’s Going to be _awesome!_

Yes, it's true! _The Herbaliser's_ tour begins _today_! Hitting up cities like _Portland_ and _Winnipeg_, this tour should be _amazing_. But despite how _amazing_ it'll be, it's expected to be _amazing-er_ too, because _"a scratchy, live band funk sound replaces the deep digging loops and samples" of the past, according to the press release_.

_The Herbaliser's_ latest album is _Same As It Never Was_, which was released or is set to be released _May 27, 2008_ via _!K7_. The funny part? Well, did you know that _I might actually make an appearance at the November 18 show in Chicago_?? HAHA!

Anyway, here are the tourdates for _The Herbaliser_, which again starts _today_ and hits up cities like _Portland_ and _Winnipeg_. Just don't be surprised if _I might actually make an appearance at the November 18 show in Chicago_, like I said in the second paragraph!

From Baltimore With Love: Upcoming Beach House Tour Brings Quiet Pretty Rock, Probably Not the SpongeBob Dance

Ah, Baltimore. Charm City. Home to John Waters, John Hopkins University, and -- according to Wikipedia -- a dance called the SpongeBob. This illustrious city on the Patapsco River is also home to a really awesome aquarium, where I bought a shirt with a beluga whale on it when I was a kid, as well as being the main headquarters of globe-trotting dream-pop duo Beach House. Although they've only been together for three years, by now you're probably familiar with the group's delicate organ-accented shoegaze jams, either through hearing their acclaimed self-titled debut or their follow-up, this year's Devotion (TMT Review).

They've been touring like crazy, hitting the road for lengthy periods of time, and going to places Sarah Palin's never even heard of! And now they're heading back across the Atlantic, getting ready to take on Europe (and the East Coast) -- very, very quietly. Of course, they'll be doing more than just racking up frequent flyer miles, posing with tourists in front of cathedrals, and playing awesome festivals. If we've learned anything from checking their MySpace profile several times a week to see when a new album is coming out -- which I, um, totally don't do -- it's that Beach House takes a nice promotional photograph. Seriously, they have some of the best promo pics I have ever seen. Way higher class than any internet picture you or I could ever hope to have. And where better to take awesome photos than on a European touring vacation?

Seriously: big things are coming from this tour. I can feel it.

@ Jana Hunter

* The Walkmen

**Tickley Feather

Trans-Siberian Spreadin’ The Wealth, Leave $10,000 Tip

By Sarah Palin

America, don’t say I didn’t warn you. Senator John McCain and I spent the last few months travelin’ around the country, askin’ for your vote so that we could fight the powers of evil that threaten our great nation. Alas, the majority of you did not give us that vote. And now, you will pay. In fact, Judgement Day has arrived! Now that your anti-Christ BaracKKK Hussein NObama (a.k.a., The Really Really Super Evil One) is the president-elect, Socialist ideals have already begun eatin’ away our nation. What was once a land of hard-workin’, individualistic Joe-The-Plumbers is now devolvin’ into a massive Communist orgy.

Just look at this: New York City-based socialist/terrorist/Jihadist musical group Trans-Siberian Orchestra recently left a $10,000 tip at Sullivans Steakhouse in Omaha. This IN ADDITION to the tips they’d been leaving every single night for three weeks. Now, I spent some time in Omaha while we were campaignin’ and I must say, it’s not only the nicest city in the state of Canada, but it’s probably the nicest city in all of the Northeastern United States. I don’t know why this crazy Orchestra of Siberians would spread their wealth, but I know the people of Omaha are probably secretly hurtin’ over the whole episode.

This group of collectivist sinners may typically masquerade as a rock orchestra playing pseudo-classical prog-rock versions of Christmas classics, but I am going to out them right here: they are socialists. Just like Baraq Al Qaedabama. This sort of behavior is not somethin' that the average workin’-class REAL American will stand for. To leave ten grand for the waiters at Sullivans is simply another example of “spreadin’ the wealth.” Get ready for more of this folks, because this is how it’s gonna be from here on out. It might already be too late. Take cover while you can ‘cause we’re headed back to the days when dinosaurs and humans walked the Earth together. As for me, I’m headed back to Alaska to bury my head in the snow. Bye now!

Boduf Songs on His First U.S. Tour (They Grow Up So Fast)

Moody, blacker than black slowcore folk superstar Boduf Songs, fresh from dropping How Shadows Chase the Balance (TMT Review) on the flawless Kranky label, will bring joy to all the girls and boys this fall in his first U.S. tour. (Since this is his first U.S. tour, try and be nice, ya'll!) The tour includes two New York shows and a shit-ton of art galleries. The jaunt across the upper Midwest and Northeast also includes some on-air playin' and spitballin' on Pittsburgh's low-power, but pretty darn good WPTS before his performance later that night on November 19.

If his live show bears any of the intensity of this recent work, do not drink before these shows, unless you want to leap off a bridge later that night. All shows with To Kill a Petty Bourgeoisie.

Casiotone For The Painfully Alone Decide to Get Out of the House and Tour This November on Advice from New Psychiatrist

New Treatise on the Treatment of Agoraphobia

In attempting to rid oneself of the painful loneliness and draining anxiety often associated with moderate-to-severe Agoraphobia, it is of utmost importance that one begin simply. One must devise a certain activity that possesses the, shall I say, “malleability” so as to have the preordained characteristic of growth from distractingly intense inward focus to full-fledged public display. Several potential treatment options were examined, including baking, writing, bed-making-and-unmaking-and-then-making-again, and bird watching. But, fascinatingly, months of field research have yielded compelling results when one particular treatment method is employed: the Indie Rock Project Method.

- STEP 1: Start a modest indie rock “bedroom project.” The “bedroom” aspect is key here. Give the project a name that signals your condition to outsiders who may initially confuse you for a glamour-seeking social gadabout like Kevin Barnes. Let us consider the name “Casiotone for the Painfully Alone” in our example.

- STEP 2: Make a new record. Start small, perhaps with an EP, perhaps with a compelling title such as Town Topic. This EP could consist of almost anything; the only goal here is creative focus of the mind. It could even consist of 13 instrumental pieces, bookended by two vocal tracks, with titles like “Ice Cream Truck” (a therapeutic story of criminal-minded kids who go joy-riding in a stolen ice cream truck, perhaps?) and “Green Cotton Sweater (version)” (featuring blown-out drum machine rhythms, clattering pianos, and systematic vintage amp therapy?).

If you find yourself progressing with the treatment more quickly than expected, consider working with one or more outside artists, like new filmmaker Laruel Nakadate, for example. Construct your new EP in collaboration with his or her medium. For instance, your Town Topic EP would also function as the original soundtrack to Nakadate’s debut film Stay The Same Never Change.

- STEP 3: Set up a small tour in support of your new EP/soundtrack. Don’t worry; you need not leave the U.S. on this tour, and it need not include more than 10 dates for the treatment to remain effective. Please note that this process will seem daunting at first, but consider the following: you have already put in so much work on the product that it would be simply foolish not to tour on it. Also consider that these nightly live recreations of a record that you produced in the comfort of your own home will provide some measure of relief as you travel farther and farther from your former prison. Please see FIGURE 1a. below for an example tour schedule.

FIGURE 1a: Casiotone for the Painfully Alone “Systematic Desensitization” Tour ’08:

  

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