Last week, the United States officially reminded the world's terrorists to "please stay focused" when the Guinness World Record was handed out to a high school junior from Rochester, Minnesota for "highest score for a song" on the video game Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock, a.k.a. that game where players shred the ol' 6-string (uh, there are no strings) while watching a video screen to score points based on how well they pretend to play along with a song. This somehow-noteworthy, record-setting effort came during Guinness' launch of its über-nerdy Gamer's Edition 2008. No really. Check it out.

Competing against other presumably jobless gamers in New York City last week, 16-year-old Chris Chike earned a graaaaaaand total of 870,647 points (or 97% completion on "Expert" Level, so they tell me) for the umm... yeah, for the song "Through the Fire and Flames" by DragonForce.

What's the matter? Not familiar??? Oh, well, let's fix that right now, reader friend.

"It's like out of this world," the Century High School junior with poor diction unoriginally said after setting the mark on the, you know, fake plastic guitar. Meanwhile dear old Kai Huang, co-founder of the creators of Guitar Hero, reportedly said, "We congratulate Chris on a fantastic accomplishment that is worthy of a Guinness World Record." Now that's an emotional man.

Chike also reportedly said in an interview with the Rochester Post-Bulletin that he "has gotten a higher score playing at home." He also told the newspaper that he used to play four to five hours a day, but added that he doesn't play so much anymore "because it's not as challenging." God, Chris, I really hope that there weren't any girls listening to that.

Anyway, the praise for this little milestone just keeps on coming. "Chris' accomplishments are nothing short of amazing," said Guinness World Records judge Doug Parsons, who, sadly enough, had to be on hand to certify the attempt. "The speed and accuracy showed by Chris today truly cements his spot as gaming royalty."

Meanwhile, in Iraq, thousands have died.

Black Pus (Solo Project of Lightning Bolt’s Brian Chippendale) To Release Lots of Music, Opens for Boredoms

Yes, a new Lightning Bolt album will come out this year, and boy am I ever so excited. But, honestly, I'm even more excited about the new music expected from Black Pus, LB drummer Brian Chippendale's solo project. To my ears, Black Pus sounds even more visceral than Lightning Bolt. It's noisier too, which is saying a lot, and features some truly fucked up vocal stylings. Ever wanted to know what Lighting Bolt would sound like through a saxophone? Black Pus, my friend!

But don't go by my word: You can download the first three Black Pus albums here for FREE. Yes, for free! Although Chippendale releases music under his own diarreahRama Records (with FANTASTIC hand-printed artwork), he also ZIPs ‘em up and throws them the way of the Faux Fetus Collective, a group of like-minded artists who post full works online for free. All they ask is for a little donation should you have any extra cash lying around.

So, now that Black Pus is your favorite artist, you'll be extra thrilled to know that BP has a bunch of releases slated for release this year, including Black Pus 4: All Aboard the Magic Pus on diarreahRama (with an LP version on Limited Appeal Records), a 7-inch on Corleone Records, a CD/LP on the almighty Load, and a split with Foot Village on DeathbombArc. (If you want to read all this again in different wording, it's your lucky day.)

As I've said before, I'd take Black Pus over Lightning Bolt any day.

Scattered dates scheduled, with a few shows sharing the stage with Boredoms and Soft Circle:
03.23.08 - Providence, RI - AS22
03.28.08 - Northampton, MA - TBA
03.30.08 - New York City, NY - Terminal 5 *
04.02.08 - Philadelphia, PA - Starlight Ballroom *
04.03.08 - Washington, DC - 9:30 Club *
04.05.08 - Purchase, NY - Suny Purchase

* Boredoms, Soft Circle

Madlib, Peanut Butter Wolf, and More at Hella International 2008 – No Shirt, No Shoes, No Charge, No Badge Required

A Fresh Prince flashback is like a bad dream. "Bouncin in the city where the heat is on/ All night on the beach till the break of dawn/ I'm going to Miami/ Welcome to Miami." That's as far as I could get by memory, and, frankly, it's far enough. You'd think that after 11 years, a really shitty hit would fade completely from your memory, but such is not the case. That's why we still hum songs like "Eye Of The Tiger" or anything by The Eagles.

In 1997, I added Will Smith's "Miami" to the list of songs I petitioned the artists to publicly apologize for releasing in the first place, but if it were, by a fluke/for some reason/please god no, reissued today, perhaps it'd do well to stay "contemporary" with lines about the upcoming Hella International hip-hop show:

Here I am in the place where I come let go

Miami the base and the sunset glow

Everyday like a Mardi Gras everybody party all day

No work all play okay...

And I heard that V-Tech and Stones Throw present

A show on March 29th from 1 to 10
21 and up, but it's totally free

At the Raleigh Hotel on Beach Miami.

Gots all the hot names, if you dig that thing

Independent hip-hop from the Cali scene,

Bomb-ass DJs and a dance party

And you don't even have to RSVP

...So we sip a little something lay to rest the spill

Me an Charlie at the bar runnin up a high bill

Nothin less than ill.

Hella International 2008*
03.29.08 – Miami Beach, FL – Raleigh Hotel

Ain't no surprise in the club to see:

Madlib

Peanut Butter Wolf

A-Trak

DJ Mehdi

Egon

James Pants

Karriem Riggins

Baron Zen

Dam-Funk

* hosted by Aloe Blacc

When David Karsten Daniels last came to my town, he was opening for Tom Brousseau and Mice Parade. I went to the show alone (never a good start for a planned night of teetotaling), showed up very early (again...), and quickly found the venue changed to a club nearby, where I happened to know one of the bartenders quite well. After downing umpteen pints of beer and Jägermeister, I proceeded to talk the ear off of both Brousseau and Daniels (both of whom couldn't have been classier cats, for the record). Shotgunned notes cobbled together the next afternoon -- “...the sound of oompah band Card Sharks freckled-face Mona Lisa trumpet Judas Kiss forever spoken in native Tlingit wonder drug munchables...?!?!” -- proved a trifle inappropriate for a live review, especially for a review submitted to Tiny Mix Tapes (Have you read the live reviews on this site? They are positively spellbinding!). I am glad but embarrassed that I managed to remember everything about the night, from the downright inspirational sets to the pants-down passing-out in my apartment building's corridor with a 7-11 smoked turkey sub splayed out on my chest.

But I digress. Daniels' show was a blinder, as you would expect from such a down-to-earth but heaven-gazing songwriter. The three-piece, as opposed the dozen-and-a-half found on his Sharp Teeth (TMT Review) album, was astounding and quickly won over the few early worms in attendance with epic-sounding gems. Daniels' Sharp Teeth follow-up is entitled Fear of Flying, and it will be released by FatCat April 29. A digital download single, “Martha Ann” (b/w “Sharks”), was released March 10.

Fear of Flying tracklist:

1. Wheelchairs
2. That Knot Unties?
3. Martha Ann
4. Falling Down
5. A Myoclonic Jerk
6. A New Garment
7. Every Time a Baby Is Born
8. The Caretaker
9. Oh, Heaven Isn't Real
10. In My Child Mind You Were a Lion
11. Evensong

FatCat says of the single, “Martha Ann is a fine starting point; a harbinger of the change in tone, and redolent of what David does so well, melding bittersweet yearning to pop hooks, with a keen eye for compositional detail.” And who are you or I to argue with that (although I thought the statement had too many commas...)? It will certainly be a compelling listen; Daniels has that whole adorably beautiful/disturbing dichotomous thing down pat. Having just played some gigs at SXSW, Daniels will soon start two overlapping monthly residencies in Portland and Seattle and has three shows lined up with FatCat labelmate Nina Nastasia. A full U.S./Canadian tour has not yet been announced but is expected soon. If he decides to skip a certain Eastern Ontario town this time around, I'll know why... and I won't blame him one bit

04.07.08 - Seattle, WA - Nectar #
04.08.08 - Portland, OR - Mississippi Studios &
04.14.08 - Seattle, WA - Nectar $
04.15.08 - Portland, OR - Mississippi Studios *
04.21.08 - Seattle, WA - Nectar %
04.22.08 - Portland, OR - Mississippi Studios
04.28.08 - Seattle, WA - Nectar (CD release show) ^
04.29.08 - Portland, OR - Mississippi Studios (CD release show) +
05.01.08 - San Francisco, CA - Hemlock Tavern +
05.02.08 - Santa Cruz, CA - The Attic +

# PWRFL Power

& Matt Sheehy

$ Grand Hallway

* Tim Perry (of Pseudosix)

% The Moondoggies

^ Welcome

+ Nina Nastasia

! SXSW showcase w/Ola Podrida, Bowerbirds, Peter and the Wolf, Zookeeper, Brenden Jenkins

@ Porchlight Pop Festival w/Zykos, Peel, Joan of Arc, Headlights, The Little Ones, Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin, Zookeeper

Vetiver to Release Album of Covers; “Undercover of the Night” Not Included

Conventional wisdom dictates that after a band releases an album they normally do their bit of touring then scurry away from the stage spotlights to write and record a follow-up album. They then commence touring and promotion of said album until another is required (barring any upsets in the pattern: singer leaving for ill-conceived solo career, fatal drug overdoses, etc.). It is the cycle of band life, man, and any deviation from this routine is punishable by donkey kicks to the abdomen.

Vetiver knows that conventional wisdom sux baboons butts. Gnomonsong and FatCat, possibly in association with Doritos, Cheetos, Sun Chips, and Rold Gold (the ORIGINAL “Munchies” party crew, no matter what Bits & Bites and Chex Mix bitches will have you believe) will release the next Vetiver album, Thing of the Past, May 19. While the album comes chronologically after the band's feted To Find Me Gone, it is not exactly a follow-up to that dynamite disc. Joining the ranks of Cat Power and Tiny Tim, the Andy Cabic-led, Devendra Banhart-frequented gang of “freakish” “folkish” hippies have recorded a covers album! Hooray!

Thing of the Past features guest appearances by Vashti Bunyan and Michael Hurley and interpretations of lost classics by Derroll Adams, Bobby Charles, Norman Greenbaum, Hawkwind, Michael Hurley, Garland Jeffreys, Dia Joyce, Ian Matthews, Biff Rose, Townes Van Zandt, Loudon Wainwright III, and Elyse Weinberg. A new Vetiver remix 12-inch is out now, which couples two To Find Me Gone tracks, "You May Be Blue" and "Been So Long," remixed by Neighbors.

1. Houses (Elyse Weinberg)
2. Roll On Babe (Derroll Adams)
3. Sleep a Million Years (Dia Joyce)
4. Hook & Ladder (Norman Greenbaum)
5. To Baby (Biff Rose)
6. Road to Ronderlin (Ian Matthews)
7. Lon Chaney (Garland Jeffreys)
8. Hurry on Sundown (Hawkwind)
9. Swimming Pool (Loudon Wainwright III)
10. Blue Driver (Michael Hurley)
11. Standing (Townes Van Zandt)
12. I Must Be in a Good Place Now (Bobby Charles)

Vetiver will be playing some dates too, don'tcha know, as the opening act and backup band for former Jayhawks front-guy Gary Louris' U.S. tour beginning next week in Denver, as well as some dates with Kelley Stoltz in May.

To find me gone... to these gigs:
03.23.08 - Denver, CO - Bluebird Theater #
03.25.08 - Minneapolis, MN - State Theater #
03.27.08 - Madison, WI - Barrymore Theater (no Vetiver opening set) #
03.28.08 - Chicago, IL - The Vic #
03.29.08 - Pittsburgh, PA - Mr. Small's Theater #
03.30.08 - Toronto, Ontario - Mod Club Theatre #
04.01.08 - Somerville, MA - Somerville Theater #
04.02.08 - New York, NY - Town Hall #
04.03.08 - Washington, DC - State Theater #
04.04.08 - Carrboro, NC - Cat's Cradle #
04.05.08 - Atlanta, GA - Variety Playhouse #
05.01.08 - Sacramento, CA - Harlow’s
05.02.08 - Portland, OR - Roseland Theater Grill $
05.03.08 - Vancouver, British Columbia - Media Club $
05.04.08 - Seattle, WA - High Dive $
05.06.08 - San Francisco, CA - Great American Music Hall %
05.07.08 - Los Angeles, CA - Troubadour ^
05.08.08 - San Diego, CA - The Casbah +
05.09.08 - Santa Cruz, CA - Crepe Place +
05.10.08 - Visalia, CA - Howie & Sons Pizza and Beer Parlor +

# Gary Louris

$ Kelley Stoltz

% Kelley Stoltz and The Mumlers

^ Kelley Stoltz and Jonathan Wilson

+ Jonathan Wilson

Weezer to Release New Album in June; “Beverly Hills” Still Not Meant to Be Ironic

According to a post titled "03/11/08 A Message From Rivers and Weezer," Rivers Cuomo wrote to Weezer fans (who can be considered "punky") and said, "Hey Weezer punks." He went on to say "We have one song left to mix and then it’s on to mastering." He's referring to the band's forthcoming sixth album, by the way. Anyway, after he said that, Rivers said "We should be all done very soon." After that sentence, Rivers finished the paragraph with "Then we chill for a minute."

Rivers then executes a paragraph break and wrote, "The album will be out in June so with any luck you will hear a new Weezer song on the radio soon." The second sentence in this paragraph went on to say "I think I know which song is the first single but I’m not sure so I can’t tell you." Then he starts talking about giving hints about the song: "I’ll give you some hints, though." Then he lays out the hints: "It’s one word, starts with a T, ends with an R and contains twelve letters." He ends the paragraph by saying "You should be able to figure it out because you’re smart li’l Weezer fans."

To finish, Rivers then executes another paragraph break and writes one line: "The album is meaty, crunchy and melodic like a good Weezer album should be." He ends the "03/11/08 A Message From Rivers and Weezer" post by saying "Peace out," line break, and then "Rivera," which TMT has discovered to be referring to his real name, Rivers.

Here's the post in full:

Hey Weezer punks,

We have one song left to mix and then it’s on to mastering. We should be all done very soon. Then we chill for a minute.

The album will be out in June so with any luck you will hear a new Weezer song on the radio soon. I think I know which song is the first single but I’m not sure so I can’t tell you. I’ll give you some hints, though. It’s one word, starts with a T, ends with an R and contains twelve letters. You should be able to figure it out because you’re smart li’l Weezer fans.

The album is meaty, crunchy and melodic like a good Weezer album should be.

Peace out,

Rivera

Producer Scotty Hard Partially Paralyzed from Car Accident; Antibalas, Bill Laswell, and More Confirmed for Benefit Show

Last month, Scott Harding (a.k.a. Scotty Hard), hip-hop/jazz producer/engineer who has worked with artists such as De La Soul, Black Sheep, and Medeski Martin & Wood, was involved in a car accident that crushed his vertebrae, leaving him partially paralyzed. Like many artists living in the U.S., Harding has no health insurance and is "facing large medical and legal fees," according to a press release from CrystalTop.

Harding now needs cash as quickly as possible. Through The Scotty Hard Trust, you can donate money through PayPal or direct mail; you can even donate an item to be auctioned.

Additionally, a benefit show has been setup for March 19, with a confirmed lineup including Antibalas, John Medeski, Billy Martin, John Scofield, DJ Logic, Bill Laswell, and more, taking place at The Highline Ballroom in New York. 100% of proceeds will go directly to The Scotty Hard Trust. Click here for more information.

Alright everyone, let's show our support!

Spiritualized have sold billions of Ladies and Gentlemen We Are Floating in Space. Clinic are easily the most well-known group from Liverpool. The Beta Band have signed endorsement deals with Coors, Sprint, and Gap. Stephen Malkmus has a beautiful Swarovski collection. The members of Supergrass are owned by Waner Music Group (but are signed to EMI). Sigur Rós are official members of NATO. Four Tet are #208 in Forbes' Platinum 400 (The Best Big Companies in America). And Sparklehorse, well... they're probably successful, too.

So, what do these artists have in common? Radiohead. All of them have opened for Radiohead, and now all of them are enjoying success in this beautiful capitalist world in which we have no other choice but to live because it's all-consuming, horizontally-spread, and embedded in the very fabric of global commerce. And now, word has it that Liars are next in line for endorsement deals, big bucks, and... um... political in·ex′·tri·cabil′·ity? Having released a self-titled album (TMT Review) last August and the Yorke-triply-approved Drum's Not Dead (TMT Review) in 2006, Liars are set to jam out their tunes before Radiohead hit the stage to also jam out their tunes.

Let's just hope Liars aren't traveling in that Mercedes-Benz G-Class luxury SUV still.

Underworld are rumored to be opening for the yet-to-be-announced August North American dates, and Radiohead might be playing South America for the first time, with possible dates in Japan.

Dates with Liars:

Free Dates:
04.01.08 - London, England - BBC's Radio Theatre (Radio 2)
04.06.08 - London, England - BBC's Radio Theatre (BBC 6 Music)

White Rabbits Sign to Radiohead’s U.S. Label, TBD Records; Label Becomes Target of an Illegal Prostitution Ring

Hot off the release of last year's Fort Nightly, White Rabbits have recently been inducted into the hall of "Not a Bad Place to Be" when the indie-cock rockers got signed as the sole labelmates of Radiohead on TBD Records. In case you've been incarcerated (haha) or weren't born yet (teehee), TBD Records is Radiohead's U.S. label. Sweet ass buffalo tits, huh?

Now, I'm sure White Rabbits didn't get the job solely based on their gifts from God. Maybe Radiohead saw their energetic performance on Letterman and recommended them? Maybe it's because they are snazzy dressers? Either way, White Rabbits will be working on a new release for 2009. Meanwhile, they'll be testing out their laser eyes on a big-ass U.S. tour with Spoon and The Walkmen.

Radiohead White Rabbits tourdates:

* Spoon , The Walkmen

# Lonely, Dear, Guilemotts Soko

Whoa! This just in: TBD has been discovered by the Feds to be an illegal prostitution ring! When asked to comment, Radiohead members exclaimed, "We thought it was a legal prostitution ring." (The Feds also reported that Yorke and Greenwood had a combined man mass of 27 units. In laymen's terms, they have big dicks.) Silly Radiohead.

Donate Sperm for European Festival Tickets!

UPDATE: Like a lot of things in life, this deal was too good (great?) to be true. Alas, the people at Sperm for Tickets have posted an "Urgent Update," claiming the "purpose of [their] website was to test market interest through a pilot scheme." They go on to say that "applications for donation packs have far exceed the expectations" and are now "calling a halt to the invitation to apply for packs, and will review the results of the scheme to decide on how to proceed." My recommendation? Squeeze out the juice you've been saving up, because who knows what'll result from Sperm for Tickets' pilot/publicity scheme/bullshit.

...

- Do you live in Europe?
- Do you masturbate often?
- Are you male and proud of your sperm?
- Do you want tickets to a European music fest?

If you answered yes to these questions, then Ireland and you should totally get in touch, because it has the goods if you have the man juice! Why and how you ask?

Well, Ireland is currently in a state of code red when it comes to sperm donations, and it's running out of current cum supplies faster than it can fill the demand. So, now Ireland needs you to grab your member and jack off into a special cup that'll keep your seeds fresh for three days while you ship them via UPS or DHL! A fuckin' modern marvel!

And what do you get out of this (besides an orgasm)? Well, Sperm For Tickets will provide you with tickets to any European festival of your choice! That's right: jizz for tickets. Pretty dope deal, right? Well, be warned: your sperm will go through some pretty rigorous tests to make sure you don't have any impurities -- you know, from that girl you hooked up with after that Girl Talk show last April.

  

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