My Bloody Valentine Announce Warm-Up Shows For This Week, As Well As Warm-Up Act for Warm-Up Show

To those of you who have tickets and were excited to see the band's "first reunion" show June 20 at The Roundhouse, My Bloody Valentine have prepared a special announcement, just for you: "YOU'RE NUMBA THREE! YOU'RE NUMBA THREE!"

After having recently added Saturday Night Fiber and The Electric Picnic Festival to their international tour -- not to mention the Loveless and Isn't Anything remasters last month -- My Bloody Valentine have announced two warm-up rehearsal shows for this Friday and Saturday at London's Institute of Contemporary Arts, mere days before the five-day Roundhouse stint. Aww. AWWWW.

The first rehearsal show features just My Bloody Valentine (haha, "just"), while the second show will receive support from Le Volume Courbe, a project of Charlotte Marionneau with whom Kevin Shields has previously collaborated. See, My Bloody Valentine are so damn cool that even their rehearsals have opening acts. (Fun fact: Le Volume Courbe will also be at the June 20 Roundhouse show, Bestival, and ATP NY.)

Tickets are NOT available at WeGotTickets.com, because TheyAin'tGotTickets. This shit's long sold out already. Maybe you should scalp your Roundhouse ticket and try your luck here. Hey, £199.99 ($391.50) is the price you pay for some cultural currency!

$ warm-up rehearsal

How to Make Extra Golden’s Upcoming Tour That Much More Delicious

Ingredients :

- 4 firm Extra Golden members
- 2 copies of Extra Golden's newest album, Hera Ma Nono, chopped
- 2 cloves garlic, minced
- 1 tbsp. chopped parsley
- 6 tomatoes, chopped

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 325°F. Prepare a baking dish. Set aside.
2. With a butcher's knife, halve the Extra Golden members and remove heads, feet, and any remaining instruments that may or may not be strapped to their bodies. Scoop out their centers (insides) and sprinkle with salt. Drain blood into bowls and set aside for later.
3. Let their insides stand for a few minutes. Wash with cold water and wipe dry.
4. Sauté the Extra Golden insides in a frying pan until red, fleshy color disappears and everything starts turning brown. Remove from pan and set aside. Keep warm.
5. In the same pan, sauté the chopped copies of Hera Ma Nono until soft and translucent. Add the garlic, parsley, and chopped tomatoes. Cook, stirring constantly for 5 minutes.
6. Remove from heat and cool the mixture.
7. Fill the Extra Golden insides with the mixture and place in a baking dish.
8. Sprinkle with salt and pepper, and drizzle a portion of the drained blood over the insides to taste.
9. Bake for an hour until insides are Extra Golden. Allow to cool and serve inside their skulls. Add vodka to the remaining blood and serve as a side drink.

Ray LaMontagne to Release New Album in September, Which Means He’ll Be Touring Soon, Which Means More Wasted Women Will Flirt With Him At Shows

Two years ago I saw Ray LaMontagne live and was stoked. But two years ago I was not as cool as I am now, as I wouldn't be caught dead at a Ray LaMontagne show ever again. Now, don't get me wrong, I do occasionally enjoy his music, and I'm not bashing on him simply because he's handsome, but, from my experience, some of the women he attracted to that show were focused more on shouting sexual innuendos than actually listening to his performance.

Featuring his live band as his studio band, LaMontagne's new album, Gossip in the Grain promises to be more "open-sounding," but it unfortunately doesn't promise not to attract flirtatious women under the influence.

Gossip in the Grain will be released September 9 on RCA Records.

Details of Thurston Moore and Byron Coley’s No Wave Book Revealed

Believe it or not, there are already several books about No Wave, the avant-garde movement that originated in New York City in the late-1970s. Sonic Youth’s Thurston Moore and writer/editor Byron Coley are just the latest authors to take on No Wave in their new book, No Wave: Post-Punk. Underground. New York 1976-1980, due out this month.

The book will consist of 150 poignant images, selected by Moore and Coley, most of which have never been published before. It will also include an oral history delving into the exploration and celebration of No Wave, as well as a comprehensive index of the people, bands, and places that played key roles in the scene.

If you’re thinking a party is in order, Moore and Coley are one step ahead of you. Come join the duo June 13 at the KS Art gallery in NY (73 Leonard Street) for a book signing and the opening of an exhibition of photographs and other items from the book, the latter of which will run until July 2. And as we reported earlier (TMT News), NYC's Knitting Factory will play host to one-off reunion performances by Teenage Jesus and the Jerks (featuring Lydia Lunch, Jim Sclavunos, and a surprise bassist rumored to be Thurston Moore) and The Information.

What’s that? You already had plans for June 13? No worries; Moore and Coley have some additional book signings and Q&As scheduled:

Do you sometimes feel like North America's summer music festival season is missing something? We here in the New World don't really get a chance to dance to Björk in the shadows of an ancestral castle or smear mud on each other in the mythical lands of King Arthur. We do, however, now have the opportunity to experience a New Pornographers-curated musical weekend convenient to the Vancouver Children's Zoo, where we can park our cars at the Horse Barn Parking Lot. I imagine it's just like what it sounds like! Seriously, horses LOVE Neko Case.

The weekend of August 31-September 1 will mean a sweet ending to summer for Vancouver residents and roadtrippers. The New Pornographers have assembled a lineup of their favorite groups from the area and beyond! It's held at the Malkin Bowl in lovely, petting-zoo filled Stanley Park. Artists confirmed include Andrew Bird, Destroyer, Neko Case, Deerhoof, and the Evaporators on the first day, and Visqueen, The 1900s, Stevie Jackson of Belle and Sebastian, The New Pornographers, and a mysterious "special guest" on the last day. Proceeds will benefit the ALS Society of Canada and the Urban Native Youth Association.

Girl Talk To Release LP Under Pay-What-You-Want Model (Because His Fans Have Disposable Income And He Wants To Get Rich And Subjugate People)

Girl Talk's forthcoming album, Feed The Animals, the highly anticipated follow-up to Night Ripper (TMT Review), is set for release "over the next few weeks," according to Billboard. BUT IT WILL ONLY BE AVAILABLE ON THE I.N.T.E.R.N.E.T.! Featuring over 300 samples crammed into 55 minutes, Feed The Animals will see Girl Talk adopting the tip-jar model made most famous by Radiohead.

A physical copy of the album is planned for release later in the year, but until then, you're best bet is to to keep refreshing Girl Talk's website, Illegal Art, over and over and over until your head explodes, resulting in blood splashing all over the walls and on close family members and friends, with scattered brain parts getting stuck in funny places, like your grandma's hair and the sound hole in your acoustic guitar. (Wouldn't it be funny if everyone just started laughing while your grandma picked up the acoustic and started strumming "In Bloom"?)

Girl Talk has a mini-tour scheduled for the summer, but Billboard reports that a fall tour is also in the works.

Baby Gramps Tours, Leaves Reindeer at Home

Do you have fantasies of Santa Claus finger-picking a steel guitar? Are you excited by foot-long, knotted beards? How about scarves? Appalachian folk songs? Jazz music? Songs about eating worms, palindromes, and making a cool milli?

Welcome to Baby Gramps, the purveyor and salesman of the aforementioned musical wares. Gramps, with a voice that sounds like a Swiss cheese muffler, lovingly guides audiences through a free-associating tour of American music. His origins are purposefully mysterious -- he lives in the Pacific Northwest, he’s been playing music since the ’60s, and he, uh, tours sometimes. A mixture of ecstatic singer-songwriter, unfrozen vaudevillian, raconteur great-grandfather, and hobo chic paragon, the act goes down like a glass of warm milk.

The best part is that if electricity were never invented we’d still have Baby Gramps.

Raise your Oreos:

* Devil Makes Three

$ Rogues Gallery CD concert tour

Aesop Rock to Release Instrumentals, A Capellas, and Lyrics for None Shall Pass, Carrie Bradshaw to Fictitiously Discuss This In Her Fictitious Sex Column, American Women to Blindly Accept That Writing a Sex Column Would Warrant A Budget Sizable Enough For Weird, Expensive Headwraps, Fur Shrugs, Cases of Marlboro Lights, and Enough Cosmopolitans to Kill a Lifetime of Loneliness, Intense Periods of Sexual Frustration and Realized Inadequacy

What matters more ladies? Your girl friends or love? It has been my experience that a good high-heel romp with your best gal pals can cure any bout of lovesick man drama. As in: there is nothing quite like a gal pal’s love. Gal pals are just perfect. They are sort of well-dressed and giggle coyly when I say the word “gal pal” or when I tell them about the homeless man I slept with last night. I am so wild, I cannot be tamed! (I am 30-something and unmarried and not afraid. Except very afraid.) Why does Samantha like sex so much? Why do I wear weird headwraps? These things I do not know. I do know:

(1) Love conquers all;

(2) So do cosmos!

(3) Aesop Rock has released instrumentals, a capellas, and lyrics for his most recent LP, None Shall Pass (TMT Review), available to be downloaded exclusively at Def Jux.

XOXO – Carrie <3

And Then They Porked: Sunburned Hand of The Man On Tour

To prepare for his big date, a young man went onto the rooftop of his apartment to work on his tan. Not wanting any tan lines, he sunbathed in the nude, but fell asleep and accidentally burned his penis.

Not wanting to miss out on his date with a hot blonde, he applied some ointment to his manhood and wrapped it in gauze. The blonde showed up at his apartment later that night, and after dinner they went into the living room and listened to all of Sunburned Hand of the Man's 18 related releases from 2008 (seriously, 18).

During the movie, the young man’s sunburn began to hurt. After several minutes of extreme discomfort, he asked to be excused.

A friend had told him that milk was very effective in reducing sunburn pain. So he went to the kitchen, poured a tall glass of cold milk, and placed his sunburned member into the milk. He experienced immediate relief.

The blonde, wondering what the young man was doing, wandered into the kitchen and found him with his shaft fully immersed in the glass of milk. With a look of understanding the blonde exclaimed, "So that’s how men re-load their things!"

And then they porked:

@ Comets on Fire

$ WHY?, Matmos

  

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