Shellac Tour – Whatever You Think That “Means” to You, Albini Wants You to Know That You’re WRONG

According to the Touch and Go website, “there is no specific coordination between Shellac's record releases and touring schedules.” The somewhat churlish “band bio” section for the famed Chicago noise-rock trio goes on to explain that “you can expect the band to tour at its usual sporadic and relaxed pace.” Man, when it comes to Steve Albini, Bob Weston, and Todd Trainer, “touch and go” is right.

But regardless, apparently the stars are all aligned or whatever, because the band is back in all of its glorious full-force-nonchalance for a -- you guessed it -- “sporadic” and “relaxed” bout of U.S. and European Spring tourdates. Man, Shellac, if only I could pull this kind of assumptive noncomitance with the girls I meet!

Oh, and guess what? Yeah, they’re not supporting a new release! Or are they? No, they’re not... right?? Hmm. Either way, I’d better not think about it for too much longer, because that might make me a “corporate rock whore” or something. It’s bad enough that this whole article is fucking DIGITAL.

Shellac Spring dates:
05.13.09 - Groningen, Netherlands - Vera
05.14.09 - Amsterdam, Netherlands - Paradiso
05.16.09 - Minehead, United Kingdom - Butlins Holiday Center (ATP Festival)
05.17.09 - Minehead, United Kingdom - Butlins Holiday Center (ATP Festival)
05.29.09 - Barcelona, Spain - Primavera Sound Festival
06.11.09 - Seattle, WA - Vera Project
06.13.09 - Portland, OR - Berbati's Pan
06.14.09 - Portland, OR - Berbati's Pan
06.15.09 - Eugene, OR - W.O.W Hall
06.17.09 - San Francisco, CA - Great American Music Hall
06.18.09 - San Francisco, CA - Great American Music Hall
06.20.09 - Los Angeles, CA - Echoplex
06.21.09 - Los Angeles, CA - Echoplex
06.25.09 - Minneapolis, MN - Varsity Theater

Look Out for High Speed Dove Droppings on April 7

Listen up, hipster trash. I don't want to hear it. Doves is a great band that carefully construct soaring melodies, lush arrangements, and make Panopticon-sized moody Britpop listenable again. Their 2000 album Lost Souls still slays me and keeps me cozy between Spiritualized releases. Shit, Doves is so much better than that Lykke Ting Tings crap you all have been listening to. So do something with that sneer of yours and see what the group is offering for once.

The NME, who generally relish in hyperbole (but I'll listen anyway), are calling Kingdom of Rust, Doves' latest, "their most sonically adventurous, intimate, cerebral, propulsive album to date." Sounds good to me. Kingdom of Rust drops April 7 courtesy of Astralwerks.

The first single, "Jetstream," certainly showcases a more rhythmically-focused, halfway-to-motorik, almost dance-oriented approach than what you've heard from Doves in the past. But it's no club banger -- headphone technology is certainly recommended.

Speaking of jet streams, I learned the other day that the jet stream's wind speeds in the troposphere average around 300 MPH. Ain't that some shit? See, you can't say you never learned anything from TMT.

Kingdom of Rust tracklisting:

1. Jetstream
2. Kingdom of Rust
3. The Outsiders
4. Winter Hill
5. 10.03
6. The Greatest Denier
7. Birds Flew Backwards
8. Spellbound
9. Compulsion
10. House of Mirrors
11. Lifelines

05.14.09 - San Diego, CA - House of Blues
05.15.09 - Anaheim, CA - House of Blues
05.16.09 - Los Angeles, CA - The Wiltern
05.18.09 - San Francisco, CA - The Fillmore
05.19.09 - Eugene, OR - McDonald Theatre
05.21.09 - Vancouver, BC - Commodore Ballroom
05.22.09 - Portland, OR - Wonder Ballroom
05.23.09 - George, WA - Sasquatch! Festival
05.26.09 - Denver, CO - Gothic Theatre
05.28.09 - Minneapolis, MN - Varsity Theatre
05.29.09 - Chicago, IL - Vic Theatre
05.30.09 - Detroit, MI - Majestic Theatre
06.01.09 - Toronto, ON - Kool Haus
06.02.09 - Montreal, QC - Le National
06.04.09 - New York, NY - Terminal 5
06.05.09 - Philadelphia, PA - The Trocadero
06.06.09 - Washington, DC - 9.30 Club
06.07.09 - Boston, MA - House of Blues

Universal Music Holds D- Online Auction for A+ Cause!

Okay, to avoid any misunderstandings, let’s not joke around here for a minute: The TJ Martell Foundation, a group of music industry executives, artists, and supporters dedicated to finding a cure for leukemia, cancer, and AIDS, has teamed up with Universal Music to help raise money in the form of an online eBay auction. This, of course is an outstanding and magnificently worthy cause, and as such, Universal has seen fit to donate a sizable cache of music memorabilia.

Okay, now that we all understand each other... Check out this ludicrous list of gross and/or absurd items topping the bill for this auction!

- Autographed Jon Bon Jovi Fender Stratocaster Guitar
- Autographed Maroon 5 Fender Squire Stratocaster Guitar
- Stratocaster Guitar Signed by 3 Doors Down
- Autographed Nickelback Fender Stratocaster Guitar
- Kelly Clarkson autographed My December CD
- Kings of Leon autographed Youth & Young Manhood CD
- And many more!

Woof. Poor Maroon 5 had to autograph a Squire Strat?? And for god's sakes, couldn’t K-Claw have signed her good record?! (You know, Breakaway?)

Anyway, there is a whole slew of items available at the actual auction site, and donations are always excepted through the foundation’s website, so please check everything out for yourself. Also, banners for the auction are available here. So, you know, the least you could do is throw one of those up there, even if you aren’t in the market for any Nickelback gear.

Fancy a Space Holiday with Her?

You forgot about Valentine’s Day, didn’t you? Since then, you've had to suck up to your lover in every way possible, meeting their every demand and being more sensitive to his or her quirks and eccentricities. Beginning on May 6, however, you have the opportunity to instantly dispel your lover's melancholy in one fell swoop by taking him or her on their very own space holiday. Your trip will be punctuated by both gentle, folksy tunes and Marc Bianchi’s introspective vocals. Her Space Holiday will be adventurous, poignant, and sure to rekindle that lover’s spark all for the bargain price of $12.

Her Space Holiday’s tourdates:
05.06.09 - San Francisco, CA - Bottom of the Hill
05.07.09 - Los Angeles, CA - The Echo
05.08.09 - Santa Barbara, CA - Velvet Jones
05.09.09 - San Diego, CA - The Loft at UCSD (Students Only)
05.10.09 - Phoenix, AZ - Modified Arts
05.13.09 - Austin, TX - Mohawk
05.14.09 - Houston, TX - Walter's On Washington
05.15.09 - Baton Rouge, LA - Spanish Moon
05.16.09 - Birmingham, AL - Bottle Tree
05.17.09 - Atlanta, GA - Drunken Unicorn
05.18.09 - Carrboro, NC - Local 506
05.19.09 - Washington, DC - Rock N Roll Hotel
05.20.09 - Philadelphia, PA - The Barbary
05.21.09 - Brooklyn, NY - Bell House
05.22.09 - Boston, MA - Middle East Upstairs
05.23.09 - Buffalo, NY - Mohawk
05.24.09 - Cleveland, OH - Grog Shop
05.25.09 - Pontiac, MI - Pike Room at Crofoot
05.26.09 - Chicago, IL - Subterranean
05.27.09 - Minneapolis, MN - Triple Rock
05.29.09 - Missoula, MT - The Other Side
05.30.09 - Seattle, WA - Chop Suey
05.31.09 - Portland, OR - Backspace

Catch Some WAVVES on Newly Expanded North American Tour

Wave hello to WAVVES, a great little noise pop group who surfed onto the scene last last year with their album WAVVES. Their upcoming shows will surely have audiences everywhere doing the wave, especially since their new album, WAVVVES (not the extra "V"), is set for release March 17 via Fat Possum.

“At first I thought they were just another group riding a wave of hype,” said TMT writer Munroe at an office picnic. “But their sound waves turned out to be the real deal. I can see why they’ve been making waves with critics and fans alike.”

Get ready to wear your wave haircuts and eat some Wavy Lays at the following:
03.16.09 - Phoenix, AZ - Trunk Space
03.17.09 - Denton, TX - 715 Panhandle
03.18.09 - Austin, TX - SXSW
03.22.09 - Dallas, TX - The Lounge
03.23.09 - Knoxville, TN - The Pilot Light
03.24.09 - Chapel Hill, NC - Nightlight
03.25.09 - Harrisonburg, VA - The Blue Nile
03.26.09 - Baltimore, MD - The Zodiac
03.27.09 - Philadelphia, PA - The Marvelous Music
03.28.09 - New York, NY - Cake Shop
03.29.09 - Brooklyn, NY - Market Hotel
03.30.09 - New York, NY - Mercury Lounge
03.31.09 - Toronto, ON - Sneaky Dee’s
04.01.09 - Detroit, MI - Magic Stick
04.03.09 - Chicago, IL - Empty Bottle
04.04.09 - Milwaukee, WI - U of W Project Lodge
04.05.09 - Minneapolis, MN - 7th Street Entry
04.06.09 - Fargo, ND - Aquarium
04.08.09 - Olympia, WA - The Northern
04.09.09 - Seattle, WA - The Funhouse
04.11.09 - Portland, OR - Holocene
04.12.09 - Davis, CA - DAM House
04.13.09 - San Francisco, CA - Bottom of the Hill
04.15.09 - Los Angeles, CA - The Echo
04.16.09 - Irvine, CA - Acrobatics Everyday
04.17.09 - San Diego, CA - Casbah

[Photo: Alex Miranda]

RIAA Sued for Abuse of the Legal System

The minds at the RIAA must have thought economists of the future would describe their innovative business model -- suing their customers -- with flowery adjectives such as “brilliant” and “good.” So, it must really hurt to hear their practices being described as a campaign of “sham litigation.” Shahanda Moelle Moursy, a North Carolina resident, was a defendant in such a sham lawsuit with the RIAA, and she has had it. She is suing the RIAA (along with Vivendi Universal, Warner Music, Sony BMG, Motown Records, Safenet, and MediaSentry) for abusing the legal system. According to Moursy's attorney:

These suits are designed to attract media attention, and often do, as stories emerge of [the RIAA, etc.]’s suits against the elderly, disabled, technologically clueless, and other vulnerable victims. Many of these victims have no idea how to operate a computer, let alone how to install and use peer-to-peer networking software to exchange music they would not likely be listening to anyway. But actual innocence is rarely a consideration.

Along with the much dugg Pirate Bay trial (which ends today), this lawsuit against the RIAA represents yet another blow to the current system of record sales, distribution, and the corresponding enforcement suits. It will be interesting to watch this case unfold.

John Parish and PJ Harvey Make Beautiful Music Together Again

John Parish and PJ Harvey are touring together across Europe this spring. They'll be playing cards on the bus, taking photos in front of the Eiffel Tour, telling each other ghost stories, and all the other fun things people presumably do on tour. But wait -- who is John Parish, you ask? Well, ask no more. Perhaps you are familiar with his 1996 joint album with Ms. Harvey, Dance Hall at Louse Point. Perhaps you recall that he produced her latest full-length, White Chalk (TMT Review). But there is soooo much more to John Parish than just the aforementioned facts.

Let me lay it down for ya. The working relationship between these two fine English artists started in the late 1980s, when they were in a band together called Automatic Dlamini -- one of PJ Harvey's first musical projects. Parish then began working as a producer, both with Harvey and with a spectrum of artists like Giant Sand, Sparklehorse, Tracy Chapman, and 16 Horsepower. He co-wrote an Eels album, guested on the first Goldfrapp album, and collaborated with Portishead's Adrian Utley. Quite an impressive pedigree, mmmm??? All I've done in the past 10 years is work retail and learn how to make Thai green curry. And now the Parish/Harvey partnership is back in effect. Not only is this tour in the works, but a new album, A Woman a Man Walked By, is slated for a March 30 release on Island Records

04.15.09 - Brighton, UK - Corn Exchange
04.16.09 - Oxford, UK - Regal
04.18.09 - Bristol, UK - Anson Rooms
04.20.09 - London, UK - Shepherds Bush Empire
04.22.09 - Birmingham, UK - Town Hall
04.24.09 - Manchester, UK - Ritz
04.26.09 - Edinburgh, UK - Queen's Hall
05.02.09 - Porto, Portugal - Casa Da Musica
05.04.09 - Milan, Italy - Auditorium
05.06.09 - Stuttgart, Germany - Theaterhaus
05.07.09 - Berlin, Germany - Passionskirche
05.09.09 - Stockholm, Sweden - Nalen
05.10.09 - Oslo, Norway - Rockefeller
05.11.09 - Copenhagen, Denmark - Vega
05.13.09 - Amsterdam, Holland - Paradiso
05.14.09 - Brussels, Belgium - Ancienne Belgique
05.17.09 - Paris, France - Bataclan

Beach House Embarks on Short Tour

The last we heard from Beach House was, well, the last time you listened to "Gila" on iTunes. Not much news has trickled in from their front, but at the rate the year is going, I fully expect them to surprise and wallop us with a fantastic EP in the fall.

Beach House will mostly breeze through the South on an upcoming tour that starts March 11. Actually, is there a minimum requirement of dates for it to qualify as a tour? Lawd knows.

Here's the schedule:
03.11.09 - Baltimore, MD - Sonar
03.17.09 - Houston, TX - The Orange Show *
03.18.09 - Austin, TX - Forcefield PR/Terrorbird SXSW Day Party
03.18.09 - Austin, TX - Red 7 and The Radio Room
03.19.09 - Austin, TX - Volume (Carpark/Paw Tracks SXSW Showcase) #
03.20.09 - Austin, TX - Cedar Street Courtyard
03.21.09 - Austin, TX - Auditorium Shores
03.31.09 - Lexington, KY - Hop Hop
04.01.09 - Bloomington, IN - Waldron Arts Center
04.02.09 - Iowa City, IA - The Picador
04.03.09 - St. Louis, MO - Billiken Club
05.25.09 - George, WA - Sasquatch Festival

* Jana Hunter

# Adventure, Belong, Ear Pwr, Ecstatic Sunshine, Lesser Gonzalez Alvarez, Dent May & His Magnificent Ukulele

Twitter Tussle! Brian Eno and Former Boss Alan McGee Fight Through Twitter

We love Twitter because bite-sized conversations are the future. Fuck depth, fuck substance, and -- most of all -- fuck Alan McGee (Alan McWho?). The former Oasis manager and one-time boss of Brian Eno is using the social networking site to pick a fight with old-man Eno. See the following:

@Brian_Eno put on any record you have ever produced brian if you want people to sleep.was it your idea to dress up coldplay as the beatles

@Brian_Eno morning brian wondered when you would wake up when are you going to make a decent record again it was 1972 was the last one cunt

@Brian_Eno or should i say obnoxious cunt

@Brian_Eno what boring shit are you going to produce next brian old bean?

@Brian_Eno i would have stuck to the art installations more chance of having a decent conversation with a bulb than coldplay or dido/bland

So far, Eno only had this to say:

@alanjmcgee Fuck off, wanker

Maybe Twitter's not so bad after all. Actually, don't we have a Twitter too?

Ticketmaster Tries to Pull a Fast One on Canada/Leonard Cohen, Fails

Last week, as part of a recent settlement with New Jersey regarding its Great Leader Bruce "The Boss" Springsteen, Ticketmaster said it would stop redirecting visitors to its solely-owned resale site, TicketsNow, before tickets went on sale to the general public (TMT News). Because, you know, it's kind of a little bit unethical. Fast forward to now. Looks like the company is doing just that with tickets to see The Patron Saint of Canada Leonard Cohen. Ontario's Attorney General Chris Bentley won't have it and says his office is now looking into a whole slew of entertainment and sporting events that Ticketmaster is in charge of. In layman's terms: you screw with The Kinky Jew/Monk, you screw with Canada, eh?

"Sometimes it's a matter [in] large corporations like that of the left hand not knowing what the right hand is doing. Is that understandable? Yes. Is that excusable? No. Do they need to correct it? Absolutely. We're not happy and I think fans are justifiably very unhappy," Copps Coliseum chief executive officer, Duncan Gillespie said. "The reality is that somebody will pay $1,000 for a Cohen ticket, but he [The Good St. Cohen] wants to keep it at reasonable prices for people, so this undermines [his intensions] totally."

Tickets with a face value of $99 to $250 were being sold on for between $568 to $856, plus a service charge ranging from $85 to $128 per ticket. Ticketmaster took a break from cackling and rolling in the money of the Great White North to insist that it hasn't done anything wrong whatsoever. It then let out a high-pitched shriek, morphed into a Jabberwocky, and flew off into the night.

Ticketmaster has already been hit with four Canadian lawsuits. The latest represents Canucks in Manitoba going all the way back to February of '07. It was initiated by a woman who tried to purchase Carrie Underwood tickets in an attempt to see the subtle differences in vocal inflection between the recorded and live versions of such hits as "Jesus Take the Wheel." She tried to buy tickets on the Ticketmaster website, but kept being redirected to TicketsNow where she thought she purchased four tickets at $57 a pop. Later, the credit card was charged $917.75 including "service" and a "delivery charges." After seeing the bill (and I can only assume after actually listening to Carrie Underwood), she tried to cancel the order, but was denied. Cohen wept.