By Sarah Palin
America, don’t say I didn’t warn you. Senator John McCain and I spent the last few months travelin’ around the country, askin’ for your vote so that we could fight the powers of evil that threaten our great nation. Alas, the majority of you did not give us that vote. And now, you will pay. In fact, Judgement Day has arrived! Now that your anti-Christ BaracKKK Hussein NObama (a.k.a., The Really Really Super Evil One) is the president-elect, Socialist ideals have already begun eatin’ away our nation. What was once a land of hard-workin’, individualistic Joe-The-Plumbers is now devolvin’ into a massive Communist orgy.
Just look at this: New York City-based socialist/terrorist/Jihadist musical group Trans-Siberian Orchestra recently left a $10,000 tip at Sullivans Steakhouse in Omaha. This IN ADDITION to the tips they’d been leaving every single night for three weeks. Now, I spent some time in Omaha while we were campaignin’ and I must say, it’s not only the nicest city in the state of Canada, but it’s probably the nicest city in all of the Northeastern United States. I don’t know why this crazy Orchestra of Siberians would spread their wealth, but I know the people of Omaha are probably secretly hurtin’ over the whole episode.
This group of collectivist sinners may typically masquerade as a rock orchestra playing pseudo-classical prog-rock versions of Christmas classics, but I am going to out them right here: they are socialists. Just like Baraq Al Qaedabama. This sort of behavior is not somethin' that the average workin’-class REAL American will stand for. To leave ten grand for the waiters at Sullivans is simply another example of “spreadin’ the wealth.” Get ready for more of this folks, because this is how it’s gonna be from here on out. It might already be too late. Take cover while you can ‘cause we’re headed back to the days when dinosaurs and humans walked the Earth together. As for me, I’m headed back to Alaska to bury my head in the snow. Bye now!
Moody, blacker than black slowcore folk superstar Boduf Songs, fresh from dropping How Shadows Chase the Balance (TMT Review) on the flawless Kranky label, will bring joy to all the girls and boys this fall in his first U.S. tour. (Since this is his first U.S. tour, try and be nice, ya'll!) The tour includes two New York shows and a shit-ton of art galleries. The jaunt across the upper Midwest and Northeast also includes some on-air playin' and spitballin' on Pittsburgh's low-power, but pretty darn good WPTS before his performance later that night on November 19.
If his live show bears any of the intensity of this recent work, do not drink before these shows, unless you want to leap off a bridge later that night. All shows with To Kill a Petty Bourgeoisie.
Casiotone For The Painfully Alone Decide to Get Out of the House and Tour This November on Advice from New Psychiatrist
New Treatise on the Treatment of Agoraphobia
In attempting to rid oneself of the painful loneliness and draining anxiety often associated with moderate-to-severe Agoraphobia, it is of utmost importance that one begin simply. One must devise a certain activity that possesses the, shall I say, “malleability” so as to have the preordained characteristic of growth from distractingly intense inward focus to full-fledged public display. Several potential treatment options were examined, including baking, writing, bed-making-and-unmaking-and-then-making-again, and bird watching. But, fascinatingly, months of field research have yielded compelling results when one particular treatment method is employed: the Indie Rock Project Method.
- STEP 1: Start a modest indie rock “bedroom project.” The “bedroom” aspect is key here. Give the project a name that signals your condition to outsiders who may initially confuse you for a glamour-seeking social gadabout like Kevin Barnes. Let us consider the name “Casiotone for the Painfully Alone” in our example.
- STEP 2: Make a new record. Start small, perhaps with an EP, perhaps with a compelling title such as Town Topic. This EP could consist of almost anything; the only goal here is creative focus of the mind. It could even consist of 13 instrumental pieces, bookended by two vocal tracks, with titles like “Ice Cream Truck” (a therapeutic story of criminal-minded kids who go joy-riding in a stolen ice cream truck, perhaps?) and “Green Cotton Sweater (version)” (featuring blown-out drum machine rhythms, clattering pianos, and systematic vintage amp therapy?).
If you find yourself progressing with the treatment more quickly than expected, consider working with one or more outside artists, like new filmmaker Laruel Nakadate, for example. Construct your new EP in collaboration with his or her medium. For instance, your Town Topic EP would also function as the original soundtrack to Nakadate’s debut film Stay The Same Never Change.
- STEP 3: Set up a small tour in support of your new EP/soundtrack. Don’t worry; you need not leave the U.S. on this tour, and it need not include more than 10 dates for the treatment to remain effective. Please note that this process will seem daunting at first, but consider the following: you have already put in so much work on the product that it would be simply foolish not to tour on it. Also consider that these nightly live recreations of a record that you produced in the comfort of your own home will provide some measure of relief as you travel farther and farther from your former prison. Please see FIGURE 1a. below for an example tour schedule.
FIGURE 1a: Casiotone for the Painfully Alone “Systematic Desensitization” Tour ’08:
Earth Re-Releases Latest Album as Double LP Deluxe “Bible” Version; Every Time Southern Lord Puts Out Something Sacrilegious, a Demon Gets Its Wings Equipped with Gigantic Eyeballs
Dylan Carlson, mastermind of drone demigods Earth and hero to that weird guy in your Russian Civ class who wears a hooded cloak on chilly days, ain’t afraid to pull a sacrilege or two for the sake of his art. Like his heroes Black Sabbath before him, Carlson loves sticking it to the Christian ascendancy, filling their nightmares with scores of Beelzebubs thrashing baby Jesus with skyscraper-sized hell guitars. Unfortunately, the moral majority has no idea who Dylan Carlson is and probably never will since Christians tend to avoid people in hooded cloaks who aren’t monks. Such is their nature, and Satan bless ‘em for it!
Like so many other doom metal artists, Carlson’s brand of blasphemy is more sacrilege for sacrilege’s sake, with the latest addition in this demonstration of desecration being the limited-edition deluxe “biblical” reissue of Earth’s early ’08 album The Bees Made Honey in the Lion’s Skull (TMT Review). What makes it so scriptural, you ask? According to the vile beasties at Southern Lord Records, the gold-colored, 180-gram records come in an “over the top bible-esque tripe gatefold jacket” with a faux leatherette cover and gold embossed lettering. You know, because only one version of the Bible has ever been published, and it is leather-bound and lined with gold-leaf. Dammit, Southern Lord, I know the Christian Bible isn’t exactly your thing, but you should at least realize that fake leather and gold embossing does not a Bible look-alike make. At least include some fan-fictionalized version of Acts of the Apostles or something!
Despite a disappointing score on the sacrilege scale, the rest of this package seems pretty cool. Bob Weston of Shellac remastered the audio specifically for vinyl, and the inside pages include art and photographs from dragon and skull painter extraordinaire Arik Roper . The deluxe vinyl release also includes a bonus track, “Junkyard Priest,” and if the rest of the album is any indication, this song will most likely rock considerably. Get this album for the music, not the blasphemy.
Make no mistake, our usual morning routine at TMTHQ consists of quickly rifling off and posting a couple of stories of the "Pete Doherty and Amy Winehouse Both OD While Entwined in Blindfolded 69" or "Mildly Interesting Band to Tour" variety before quickly stepping out to sit around, wolf down a couple of these fucking atrocious things, and brag about our previous nights' fabricated conquests (in reality, a quick ass or nut grope in the lineup at the bar). However, if we get a real news nibble, then it's all hands on deck and noses to the grindstone until we hunt-and-peck type ourselves a story that is invariably dull and formulaic (this writer's specialty!). But at least they are timely! For example, if we get a hot tip that Radar Bros. have announced a few December U.S. dates, then it is our sworn duty to crank something out for our readers' enjoyment hasta pronto!
'Tis true. The Radar Bros. have announced some U.S. dates after they complete their current European tour, currently underway and continuing November 11 in the land of chocolate and schwingen, Switzerland. The band now consists of elder bro Jim Putnam alongside two new male siblings: Brian Hussey (bass, vocals) and Stevie Treichel (drums). The Brothers are touring in support of their latest album, Auditorium (TMT Review), released at the beginning of 2008 by matron-like label Merge.
11.11.08 - Zürich, Switzerland - Rote Fabrik
11.12.08 - Toulouse, France - Le Cri de la Mouette
11.13.08 - Castellón, Spain - Teatre Principal, Tanned Tin Festival
11.15.08 - Don Benito, Spain - Rincon Pio Sound
11.16.08 - Lisbon, Portugal - Lounge
11.17.08 - Zaragoza, Spain - La Lata de Bombillas
11.18.08 - Grenoble, France - Eve
11.19.08 - Dijon, Spain - Deep Inside
11.20.08 - Nantes, France - Live Factory
11.22.08 - Rennes, France - Bar 1929
11.23.08 - Paris, France - Le Bellevilloise
11.24.08 - Brighton, England - Komedia #
11.25.08 - London, England - Metro
11.26.08 - Brimingham, England - Bar Academy
11.27.08 - Manchester, England - The Dulcimer
12.06.08 - Chapel Hill, NC - Local 506
12.07.08 - Washington, DC - Black Cat, Backstage
12.08.08 - New York, NY - Mercury Lounge
12.09.08 - Cambridge, MA - The Middle East, Upstairs
12.10.08 - Brooklyn, NY - Union Hall
12.11.08 - Philadelphia, PA - Johnny Brenda's
12.12.08 - Baltimore, MD - Talking Head
Miriam Makeba, the South African singer who wooed the world with her sultry voice but was banned from her own country for more than 30 years under apartheid, died after collapsing on stage in Italy. She was 76.
In her dazzling career, Makeba performed with musical legends from around the world - jazz maestros Nina Simone and Dizzy Gillespie, Harry Belafonte, Paul Simon - and sang for world leaders such as John F. Kennedy and Nelson Mandela.
"Her haunting melodies gave voice to the pain of exile and dislocation which she felt for 31 long years. At the same time, her music inspired a powerful sense of hope in all of us," Mandela said in a statement.
A friend of mine once wrote that his first experience seeing Six Organs of Admittance live caused him to believe in things that were obviously untrue. He was convinced, for example, his apartment had a fourth dimension, and he was ready to take a hammer to the bathroom to discover it. This only scratches the surface concerning the mystical power of Six Organs' incandescent, Eastern-tinged, enveloping psychedelic modal noodling. It's barely conceivable what some would do to grip the rarest of Ben Chasny's repertoire. Lucky for us, RTZ curates some of the rarest and some of the best on one priced-to-own brain-burner.
The double disc (or three LP) set collects coveted, rare material, including "Resurrection" from the 6OA/Charlambadies split, one of Chasny's first recordings that was limited to 33 copies (dating back to ’99), and some choice live performances. Totally spiritual. It's like finding the arc of the covenant or some shizz.
RTZ drops January 20, 2009 courtesy of Drag City. No tracklist has yet been released, but it's not like you need a tracklist to know that you're going to pick this up.
Ah, The Strokes... America’s great white hope to save rock ‘n’ roll. After one enthusiastic debut album and two less-fresh-but-still-committed follow-ups, the NYC quintet will return to the studio in February to begin recording their follow-up to First Impressions of Earth. In the meantime, the warm stare of the public eye is a hard thing to shake (not to mention worldwide popularity and advances from supermodels and A-list actresses), but so is not following the muse that made you begin playing music in the first place. So, it comes as no surprise that Fabrizio Moretti, like Nikolai Fraiture (Nickel Eye) and Albert Hammond Jr. (solo stuff), has taken a calming walk away from his day-to-day (since it's on hiatus) and is toying around with different kinds of musics.
Moretti is still behind the drums, but has added singing, guitars, piano, and melodica to his performing skills in Little Joy, a junkyard calypso pop project he has created with Rodrigo Amarante (singer/guitarist with Los Hermanos) and Binki Shapiro (an unknown entity to TMT but wethinks she is the steady of Moretti). The trio started their inaugural North American tour a few days ago and will continue to play throughout the continent in November and into the middle of December as they attempt to carve out their own sound and audience unrelated to and unfazed by Moretti’s high-profile regular gig. Kinda like Dogstar did.
11.07.08 - St. Paul, MN - Station 4
11.08.08 - Chicago, IL - Subterranean
11.09.08 - Detroit, MI - Magic Stick
11.11.08 - Pittsburgh, PA - Hard Rock Café
11.12.08 - Philadelphia, PA - Khyber Pass
11.13.08 - New York, NY - Mercury Lounge
11.14.08 - Hoboken, NJ - Maxwell’s
11.15.08 - Asbury Park, NJ - Wonder Bar
11.16.08 - Cambridge, MA - TT the Bears
11.18.08 - Washington, DC - Black Cat
11.20.08 - Atlanta, GA - Smith’s Olde Bar (Atlanta Room)
11.21.08 - Nashville, TN - Exit/In
11.22.08 - St. Louis, MI - Blueberry Hill (Duck Room)
11.24.08 - Lawrence, KS - Jackpot Saloon and Music Hall
11.25.08 - Oklahoma City, OK - The Conservatory
11.26.08 - Dallas, TX - The Lounge on Elm Street
11.28.08 - Houston, TX - Warehouse Live
11.29.08 - Austin, TX - The Parish
11.30.08 - Tulsa, OK - Cain’s Ballroom
12.02.08 - Denver, CO - Larimer Lounge
12.04.08 - Scottsdale, AZ - Martini Ranch
12.05.08 - San Diego, CA - House of Blues (5th Avenue Side Stage)
12.06.08 - Costa Mesa, CA - Detroit Bar
12.07.08 - Los Angeles, CA - Troubadour
12.11.08 - Seattle, WA - El Corazon
12.12.08 - Vancouver, British Columbia - Plaza Club
12.13.08 - Portland, OR - Berbati’s Pan
Little Joy’s self-titled debut album (TMT Review) was issued through Rough Trade on Election Day (that was November 4 for all of you still hungover with ecstatic happiness, intense sadness, or mild indifference). If you have not bought/stolen the album yet, these tantalizing song titles may sway you to do so:
1. The Next Time Around
2. Brand New Start
3. Play the Part
4. No One’s Better Sake
6. Shoulder to Shoulder
7. With Strangers
8. Keep Me in Mind
9. How to Hang a Warhol
10. Don’t Watch Me Dancing
Study Finds Rate of Booty-Drops Set to Rise Dramatically When Telepathe’s Debut LP Is Released This February
Finally, a date for the upcoming Telepathe full-length! Their most recent EP, Chrome's On It, was released this October through IAMSOUND and featured remixes by the indie dance elect, including Mad Decent, Free Blood (ex-!!!), The Mae Shi, Bobby Evans (Brother Reade), and Frankmusik. They've been on the road with Diplo, Abe Vigoda, and Boy 8-Bit -- a tour that I'm sure history will look back on as one of the fall's most bangin'-est, and probably the only tour of 2008 to prominently feature a giant dancing hot dog and party pizza. Now, after playing shows and playin' hoes from Europe to Australia to New Zealand, Dance Mother, the nine-song LP, can finally be unveiled.
Back in late 2007, the all lady lineup checked into Stay Gold Studios with TV on the Radio's Dave Sitek, and only a few nine-or-so months later, in September 2008, the final touches have been successfully laid on. Slated for release February 17, 2008 via IAMSOUND, Dance Mother promises vintage synths, guest vocals from TV on the Radio's Kyp Malone, and !!!'s Shannon Funchess, as well as tons and tons of indie-rock-meets-dub-step, "should I dance to this or just nod my head really emphatically?" jams.
Telepathe's unique, unclassifiable sound has justifiably been getting rave reviews from the likes of Drowned in Sound, Interview, and the Village Voice, and underground buzz has been steadily building. And so, dear readers, if you're too indie rock to shake it like a salt shaker, but too fun to not wanna drop it low once in awhile, I'd like to encourage you to check this band out and find a happy medium.
Note to Telepathe: I know he is not yours, but the next time you tour, please bring the giant pizza. I really think we found something magical, one cold night on a hot dancefloor in Minneapolis.
Because we’re all about the idea of full disclosure and shameless plugs: the next stop for the International Noise Conference is on November 8 in Spokane, WA and is being curated by Tiny Mix Tapes’ very own interviews editor Leveer (real name: Barrington Labiathon Leveery III). He won’t cough up any details as to how he assembled the artists for the event but talking to a few of them gave us a good idea about the process and a whole lot of useful info about the man himself. Besides obligatory and painful arm-twisting and cries of “c'mon,” he apparently...
- “Sent us flowers.”
- “Called a couple of times a day... just to say hello!”
- “Genuinely liked being around our families at holiday dinners.”
- “Took an interest in the things we like.”
- “Flew in over the weekend to take us out for dinner and dancing.”
- “Respected me and all of my weird quirks.”
- “Just said the sweetest things!”
- “Talked about taking things slowly because he wants this relationship to be a long-term meaningful one.”
- “Drove 6000 miles, through three blizzards and two sandstorms, just to retrieve my favorite scrunchy from the movie theatre where we watched The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2.”
Key-rist, what a gent! While Leveer organized the shindig, the International Noise Conference is the brainchild, and features, Rat Bastard, the Laundry Room Squelcher, who has been playing his own brand of chaotic harsh noise at Churchill’s in Miami for ages.
The Spokane show will include performances by a host of northwestern noise addicts and will take place at Object Space on Saturday. The show will follow the Conference’s strict mandate of “15 minutes or less per act, no laptops, no drones.” You can learn all about the INC here.
Earplugs recommended. Feathers optional.
- Bruce Hormann
- Takedown UAV
- The Earwigs
- The Bivenators
- Penetration Camp
- Burrow Owl
- Soup Purse
- Forrest Friends
- Aural Antithesis / gohger
- Laundry Room Squelchers