Radiohead to Self-Release New LP! Remember When We Wrote That as a Fake Headline Two Years Ago??

Word directly from the horse's mouth is that Radiohead will be releasing a new album in the near future. If you haven't already seen the release date, you must be thinking December or early January. You're probably thinking about which store you're going to pick it up from, or which torrent site will have the first advance copy. Neither matters. You won't find the new album in stores, and I highly doubt you'll see an advanced copy. Why? The album comes out October 10.

That's 10 days from now. Normally that kind of secret would be impossible to keep because of the astronomical amount of fake time between recording and release, but there's no label around to slow the process down artificially. Radiohead mark the first for a band of this magnitude to forgo the label and distribution process entirely to record, produce, and deliver the music on their terms. Well, that's not true. Radiohead are delivering the album on your terms. You decide how much to pay. I'm not shitting you, the digital copy of the album can be downloaded for any price; they said so themselves. What kind of fan service is that?

"I despise digital downloads, and prefer to enjoy my music through physical means" - Old Person

For those who aren't hip on this whole "MP3" business, Radiohead are making a delicious package of goods available for purchase. The "discbox" contains the new album on CD and on double 12" heavyweight vinyl, an enhanced CD with more songs and digital photography/artwork, and the lyrics booklet all enclosed in a hardback book. Unfortunately, this set doesn't feature a variable price and goes for a fairly steep $81. Keep in mind the band is not making use of a well-established distribution chain to manufacture everything in the set, because they're no longer benefiting from a major label's discount. That's a good thing, and the extra coinage is worth it.

I wonder what Lars Ulrich thinks of all this.

Radiohead to Self-Release New LP! Remember When We Wrote That as a Fake Headline Two Years Ago??

Word directly from the horse's mouth is that Radiohead will be releasing a new album in the near future. If you haven't already seen the release date, you must be thinking December or early January. You're probably thinking about which store you're going to pick it up from, or which torrent site will have the first advance copy. Neither matters. You won't find the new album in stores, and I highly doubt you'll see an advanced copy. Why? The album comes out October 10.

That's 10 days from now. Normally that kind of secret would be impossible to keep because of the astronomical amount of fake time between recording and release, but there's no label around to slow the process down artificially. Radiohead mark the first for a band of this magnitude to forgo the label and distribution process entirely to record, produce, and deliver the music on their terms. Well, that's not true. Radiohead are delivering the album on your terms. You decide how much to pay. I'm not shitting you, the digital copy of the album can be downloaded for any price; they said so themselves. What kind of fan service is that?

"I despise digital downloads, and prefer to enjoy my music through physical means" - Old Person

For those who aren't hip on this whole "MP3" business, Radiohead are making a delicious package of goods available for purchase. The "discbox" contains the new album on CD and on double 12" heavyweight vinyl, an enhanced CD with more songs and digital photography/artwork, and the lyrics booklet all enclosed in a hardback book. Unfortunately, this set doesn't feature a variable price and goes for a fairly steep $81. Keep in mind the band is not making use of a well-established distribution chain to manufacture everything in the set, because they're no longer benefiting from a major label's discount. That's a good thing, and the extra coinage is worth it.

I wonder what Lars Ulrich thinks of all this.

Former Ramones Drummer Wnats Wal-Mart, Apple, RealNetworks, and Johnny Ramone’s Corpose to Pay for His Cellphone Bills

The Ramones were an aewsome band.; Fast, punky, awesome. Some might sya, they're the greatest bavnd of all time!!!! Actually, Billboard said that. Anyway, Richard "richie ramone' Reinhardt was a durmmer for the Ramones during the shit period of 1983 through 1987. Dude wants to sue Wal-Mart, Apple, ReatlNetworks, the band's managment, and the motherfucking estate of guitarist Johnny Ramone. Why? Well, supposedly becaues he dint't sign of the rights of six songs he wrote, but probaly becuae he wants to ge paid. Who can blame lhim? Seriusly. The dude needs money.

My gf told me she's pissed cuz ehe's owes her wirelss company 80 bucks!!! wtf. and she aked if i was drunk.

So yeah, Sagat is a new writer. Actually, he's going ot draw stuff or Shirmp Scampi. He showe d me this ASCII art, and im' going to ry to recreatei t:


   |||||

  ( 0 0)

   ( V)

    | |

  ( . .)====d

  | |_|_

  |____8==D

   | | | |

   | } | }

   | | | |

   DD DD

Awwewwwww yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyway, Ramone is asking for $900,000 in ryolaties.

TOkyo pplice lolz

TRACKLISTING:

VIDEOS

1. Nature of t

haTOKTO plice club you standing! there tokyo police club

captpuling from a lesson in crime, tokyo poolice club have new story album coming out on coor obersts' record label!! hahaha i lon't like birght eye anymore cause i'm not ansgts y steenager and that is totally lame cause my friend, colt kgely, still likes bright eyes. i don't.

luv u colt.

um so. um new tokyo police club ep to be released on november 6 of 2007.

that stthis year. t love anyone not even yourself i' m listenting to acid house kings cause i like the some sooooo much. my friend just hid the vodka. he iommy.ts douch bag. his name you don't love me you don'

i luvs tok yo police club it's great. you should tooo novemeber 6th hahahhaahahahahh

Shocking Allegations Today As Miscellaneous Rapper Has Coincidental Beef With Another Rapper Who Both Have New Albums Coming Out Before The Public’s Attention Span Expires

Since the dawn of marketing, collective groups of people have relied on their own tactics to lure potential buyers into making the right decision. Rock has the drug overdose, Country has sweet sibling love, Emo has retards in stupid clothes, and Hip Hop has the feud. Pioneered by the likes of the Juice Crew and Boogie Down, Biggie and Tupac, and fuck...those emo kids really do piss me off. Hold on...man, you know what would be good right now? Some hamburger helper. Shit was just advertised on TV, using this really hot mom in one those tight little sweater vests. I barely even noticed what they were selling until they showed a close up of the finished product. Now lemme tell you, I've made Hamburger Helper, but it never turned out that good. I mean never. Some of it always sticks to the bottom of the pan, but wait...I got rid of that shitty pan, and I've got a new one that sticks to nothing. So maybe it was that awful 4.99 Ikea frying pan that was ruining my Helper. I should write a letter to Ikea. Tell them about these crazy hip-hop feuds that have been happening.

You know, Jay-Z vs LL Cool J(from UPN's In The House), Saigon vs Mobb Deep, and Kanye vs 50 cent. Conveniently all these dudes have newly released albums, and they all sport persona's that would benefit from the 'cred' this type of feud would generate. The conflict has even escalated to violence between Saigon and a member of Mobb Deep, with two punches being thrown at a recent show. Can you imagine this happening in any other genre? What about with those emo cretins? Instead of clever word play or actual violence, they'd see who can apply eye liner faster, or who can put on the tightest pants, and then culminate each feud in an riotous display of sissy slapping and crying.

I think noise feuds would be the most interesting, probably kick it off by mimicking the other artist's knob twiddling style, then mock them with an exaggerated mime laugh before finally pummeling the audience with a really harsh tone. The other artist would counter with an equivalent to the brown note, except it actually works, causing everyone to shit themselves. For bonus points, the music would be silenced and the sound of a room full of people shitting their pants would be recorded by the artist responsible, and would be used as a sample on a new track entitled 'Kanye raps over the shittiest tone ever while I slurp noodles into a mic.' They'd press it on the most expensive vinyl possible, and make limited edition buyers perform a round-the-world scavenger hunt ala the Amazing Race to find their copy. Hilariously, the hunt would lead to a local record store where the clerk reveals the edition was limited to one copy, which was unceremoniously destroyed in the alley, but the pieces are on sale for 7.99.

Fart.

This just in: Smashing Pumpkins Suck but That Doesn’t Stop Them from Scheduling More Tour Dates

Dear Billy Corgan,

I think it's about time you and I had a talk. Why? Why would you defame what's left of the Smashing Pumpkin legacy (which wasn't much to being with) by gathering up a bunch of B-list musicians--not to mention your lackey Jimmy Chamberlain--and drag them across the US like a carnival sideshow? Are you t hat hungry for attention? Is this a cry for help?

I know that you aren';t in a position to book wrestling anymopre nor are you really succeding as a solo artist. And we won't begin to dissect the disaster that was known as Zwan. I figured by now that your ego would be satisfied by the legion of gullible kids you've suckered over the past 15 years into hinging on your every word. In my book, you're just a step below L. Ron Hubbard, Charles Mason, and Marshall Applewhite (not to be confused with former Texas QB Major Applewhite--I totally want to name my first born male child Major but that's a subject for another day).

Anyway, I'm sure you'll dismiss this and dream of the days that "Tonight, Tonight" was a hit and you were contributing to the outcome of Glacier vs. Mortis for an edition of WCW Thunder alongside Bob Mould. So, enjoy your time on the road with a band of halfwits (and Jimmy Chamberlain) and bringing prothestic sadness to a bunch of confused teenagers with that pale, anemic bald head of yours.

Oh, I almost forgot: Fuck you!

[Most] Sincerely,

JSpicer

P.S. Why am I telling people when your tour dates are? Maybe it's a public service announcement to townsfolk to hide in basements and bomb shelters until you pass.

Radiohead Foregoes iTunes To Maximize Profits To Stave Off Attacks From The Machine, Man

Alright let's get this done because I have to pee a little... for a long time Radiohead hasn't had any of their stuff on iTunes (except the song from Romeo and Juliet!, which I really identified with as a kid because though I didn't have a gun I DID have a pack of sandwiches). Some people have probably been pretty sad about that, probably getting up from their chairs and being like "What's the deal guys, y'all's the Beatles or somethin'?," though I don't know many people who look for stuff on iTunes that's readily available in stores and came out 30 years ago...

Nevertheless, the band has made a BOLD wait bold decision to remain iTunes-less not because of any untoward actions on the part of Apple or Steve Jobs, but because they allow the selling of music "by the song." Radiohead and its members (THOMJONNYCOLINPHILTHATOTHERGUYWITHTHEFRILLYSHIRTS) feel that their albums must not be broken up into delicious slices. To listen to them you must accept a whole pie. Which reminds me that one time I went to a 24 hr diner and there was an acquaintance from high school who was eating a full cherry pie by herself and I was...well I was enthralled.

Let me just take a second here to put out a theory I have about the band, or less a theory and more a slight problem I have even in the throes of full enjoyment whilst listening to their songs: Is Phil Selway undermining the mission of the band with his robot-like drumming? Listen: if they're raison d'etre is to subvert the ways of machinery, how come they keep their anthems shackled under the cruelly calculated arm movements of their bald-headed "mate"?

Okay so just because you can't slam your sk8boards to their tracks via iTunes doesn't mean you can't download their albums in full mp3 format!! "iTunes insists that all its albums are sold unbundled, but 7digital doesn't. Radiohead prefer to have their albums sold complete. The artist has a choice, and if they feel strongly then we respect that," says someone that represents the band. So if you're itching for albums by this phantastic band, time to slap fives because 7digital's got the HOOOOK! Up. Just download "Pull/Pulk Revolving Doors" and set on repeat. Do you actually know how to tie a tie?

Radio JIHAAAAAAAD

tracklisting for ok computer:

shitfaced newsathon: deerhoof

MIGHT tthis be a better news story if i had actually heard the song si'm talking about? maybe. probnably? probably. i'm listening to "twin killers" right now, and just got done listening to "the last trumpeter swan," although it really is only the last HALF of the actual "the last trumpeter swan." anyway this twin killesr thing is live, but unexcitingly so. so far. anyway the thing i am talking about is the "new" "live" album deerhoof is releasing on their website. if you were around in 2005 you saw this smae kinda thing happen where they did that bibidi babidi boo thing and it wasn't very exciting, but whatever, it's deerhoof, right?

truth be told there used to be a lot of their stuff on the "puzzling music archives" that is very difficult to find, OH, in fact, this is the perfec topportunity (haha friend opportunity) to ask you people if you know what the HELL they're playing in this song, i think i either got it on the puzzling music archive or on soulseek sometime when i was trying to gather everything of theirs that they'd ever recorded. on my computer the track title tag is "Live 2000-2003," which is weird because it sa 14-minute track and you'd expect more from 4 years, but anywa it starts with this keyboard/vocal line that i really can't place anywhere in their catalogue. then again it's been a long time since i've listend to halfbird or holdypaws so, yknow, maybe my meory is just bad.

ANYWAY, the point of this news story is to tell you that deerhoof are "releasing" "a" "free" "mp3" "album" on their killrockstars tomain, which is deerhoof.killrockstars.com. and it's like, i can only imagine being excited about this if you're really REALLY into deerhoof, which, if that means you are anything like the 2002/2003 me, you've probably gathered stuff like this from various sources already, and if you're not that really into deerhoof, you probably don't care anway.

although, here's something interesting, for some reason ihave a track from a 2004 peel session that is labeled "jorbebs friend," and of course i thought th leack of an apostrophe wasn't terribly disconcerting, but now on this "mp3 album" they're releasing they seem to be calling it "Jorge b.s. friend," so who knows.

let me be totaly honest here and say that if you're not an obsessive deerhoof fan this is totally uninteresting to you, and in fact i know of a lot of stuff that's floating around that is actually more intersing than this, like for instance an alternate studio version of "top tim rubies" where satomi rather than greg does the "he was born here" lyrics, and there isn't even a "oh no he's already gone oh no" line, that melody is just played by a keyboard, anyway it's fascinating in a weird way, but i guess actualy if that were to be in fact fascinating to you, then this thing they're doing now probably will be also, so., just download it, i mean it's free, just don't expect to love it for any reason.

p.s. the new ween album leaked recently

oh and here's the more important stuff i forgot to say, as quoted directly from mr p

"Also be sure to check out the long letter from Greg, Satomi, and John that gives an in-depth account of Deerhoof happenings over the past year, and includes some really fun videos and photographs from their tours with Radiohead, The Flaming Lips, Fiery Furnaces, Busdriver, and more.

"Deerhoof is still touring in support of Friend Opportunity, their latest album which came out earlier this year on Kill Rock Stars. This week the gang will begin a tour with Bloc Party:

sep 21 - Houston, TX - Warehouse Live (w/ J Versus and Bloc Party)

sep 22 - Dallas, TX - House of Blues (w/ J Versus and Bloc Party)

sep 23 - Tulsa, OK - Cain's Ballroom (w/ Smoosh and Bloc Party)

sep 25 - Nashville, TN - City Hall (w/ Smoosh and Bloc Party)

sep 26 - Covington, KY - Madison Theatre (w/ Smoosh and Bloc Party)

sep 28 - Toronto, Ontario - Ricoh Coliseum (w/ Smoosh and Bloc Party)

sep 29 - London, Ontario - John Labatt Center (w/ Smoosh and Bloc Party)

sep 30 - Pontiac, MI - Eagle Theater

oct 01 - Madison, WI - Memorial Union Rathskellar

oct 02 - Minneapolis, MN - McGuire Theater at Walker Arts Center

oct 03 - Denver, CO - Bluebird

oct 06 - Salt Lake City, UT - In The Venue

oct 19 - Reykjavik, Iceland - Iceland Airwaves

nov 02 - London, UK - Release The Bats @ The Forum (w/ Liars,
Deerhunter, Black Lips, and more)

"Last week Deerhoof released the first picture disc seven-inch on KRS which featured new art from David Shrigley, the Scottish-based artist who created the 12 album covers for Friend Opportunity. They also have music featured both on the soundtrack and in the film Dedication, and the soundtrack is out now on Commotion Records/Koch."

so i guess follow the links that wil inevitably be tacked onto this article to find out what the hell he's talking about. after hearing friend opportunity i'm not as excited about deerhoof as i used to be DID I SAY THAT OUTLOUD.

oh and if you'r really into them you should chekc out some of their bsides, for instance "surprise symphony" from their "c" single of 2002 is really great, and they have some archived live perofmrance son wfmu that are worth checking out

and also if you're a newcomer seriously "man king girl" and "holdypaws' are worth checking out, i don' understand why holdypaws gets such a bad rap, it's actually pretty good

Band O’ Horse = New Album + Walmart + Tour + Irritably Drunk Amateur News Writer = You Got It Dude!

Hello shit-faced newsathon, I will be writing about Band of Horses tonight while intoxicated. I hope all readers enjoy.

Note: Indiana law prohibits the purchasing of alcohol from liquor stores on Sunday.

I realized Sunday was the best day to write this story. I've decided to skip my morning classes because I'm a pussy and I like to sleep in when I have a hang over. I am also lazy, and using this as an excuse to miss French 201 and Post-Colonial Lit.

With this last minute decision, I realized I had no liquor, not even drugs, and no contacts whatsoever. So I scrounged what I could.

- A flask full of vodka
- Three shots of Newfoundland Screech rum
- A half bottle of Bacardi rum
- Some fruity wine that child molesters drink
- One shot of Evan Williams whiskey

And so I started with the Newfoundland Screech. The rest is history.

Oh, I was supposed to be writing a news story... Crap, shit. I'm drunkered. I haven't been writing anything. I mean, I haven't been keeping a good count of the shots I've had. I started messing around with my instruments and not writing this story.

(sidenote for marv - yipee = greg do good, so after 3 shots of screech and and 5 shots of Bacardi, which I accidently chaced with Bacardi instead of coke, shit. Fuck. Word 2007 sucks.) (what a munute... I was going to write that I am lush sidenot = ebarrassssing, also was emabarrrassed that I rented John Tucker Must Die at work and that was a great movie.)

Okay, so Band O' Horses and Walmart -- (think of title later -- write it at top of written stuff).

So Band O' Horses sold out to Walmart. I'm a lush but I'll will drink more so I will be cool to our readership and society. I don't know who would want to read this. At fizirst I thought it was funny but "whoa I lost the mouser scrolly thing.

(sidenote thingy: 3 more shot of Bacardi:I don't even know. Fuck mr. p.)

So my fiancée keeps distracting me with POlarioids she has been taking of our kittens. Whoa. So TMT sold out. This a disgrace to journalistical intergrity. Rock on, Gorge Bucsh.!

Okay, s Band O' Horses. Here goes the story, right? Right@!

So Band O' Horses lended their beloved hiospter anthem "The Funeral" to the new walmart website--wait for link--.http://savemoneylivebetter.com/. This is a site abotunhot how cool walfart is..yeah joke. Walfart. Sp drunk. I'm cool.

So I worked at walmart for a month. I betg band o' horses never worked at walkmert. Assholes.no, I liked them. I liked carissa's weird better, but whatever... that's neither here or there essays. This was a bad idea mr. p. to have us write wasted. Bad. Bad idea. Anyways so I worked at walmart for a month, helping them create this grocery section out of a regular walmart and then bleeding myself to death in the deli. But the truth is the funniest thing I tell people about walmart is how their training video was about.

Scenario: If you are a cashier and someone holds a gun to you at "gunpoint" ... whoa, that sounded stupid, andyways if someone was robbing you as a cashier you are supposed to "act" and faint according to their training videos. I also worked at Target for three years -- they said "give the robber what was in the cash drawer, you are more important to us than money... Walmart's cares are obvious.

Question: If sam Walton was sooooo smart, than why is he dead?

At least I clocked in one day and just left and went back to bed. Came back in to clock at and some guy thought I was still working. HAHE. Ha. Okay so I want to get this over because I bought the fifth season of Full House on dvd earlier tonight at Walmart and I want to prefereabrly pass out watching the olsen twins coked up.

So what? They are still a decent India rock band. Quit you g-damn winin'. (3 or 4 or 5 more shots -- seriously, sorry mr. p -- you know I'm a good guy, and I'm trying to keep track) So they have a new album and tour as well. The album is called Cease to Begin and it's out on Subpop on October 9th. The guys will be on Letterman on October 18th and Conan on November 5th. Hell, maybe even I will be on Conan someday. I tired my best at writing this news. So I'll copy and past, lethargically, this album tracklist and tourdated. I hope that does people good. If not go to stereogum and/or p4k and get the ineveitable truth.

Okay, reader, so I took a break, comma, to, comma, eat some carrots... I was going to eat mircrowavered buffalo hot spicy wings, but I realized I a drunken fatass... so I ate carrots fo my drunken brak. The cat licked them...crazzzzzzy. But I still at them. Cat spit be damn good for you. Shit. But hey dawgs I used BACON RANCH, which kicks fuckin ass. So I cheated.

So that's the end. We had a greta time tonights fuckerz. But Jodie swetten is preggerz and life continues. Just band o' horses continues (btw -- for mr. p. sidenot -- most like 5 more shots) let me tell you publically real quickly about the time I puked all over my Armenian roommate Vache's white Persian rug as blacked out naked and woke up at my fiancés places the next morning with the worst hangover I ever fucking have, but still ate excellent thai food the next night. Let us pray the never happens again.

BAND O' HORSES LOVES KRAFT BACON RANCH AND SO THEY TOUR, TOUR, TOUR: and track list, once again bad idea mr. p. but god, do I love tmt.

CEASE TO BEGIN TRACK LISTING

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