Cat Power Announces April Dates for North America, Dances The Watusi Despite Publicists Telling Her Not To

Since the release of Jukebox (TMT Review) earlier this year, Cat Power has been touring NON-STOP. Just kidding!! But she has been touring quite a bit. She has one show left in the U.S. (at Los Angeles' Wiltern Theater) before she heads to Australia for a li'l tour. Then she gets to relax? Course not! Cat Power has just confirmed even more North American dates with her Dirty Delta Blues band for April. Oh, boy, it's going to be doozy.

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Sierra Leone (jk!):

A Whisper In The Noise Take The Show to Europe; I’m Taking Germs And A Headache to Work!

I am sick, so my creative powers are at an even lower ebb than usual. Also, I have to go to work, so get ready for a germ invasion, retail associates!! In the spirit of this totally lackluster day and in appreciation for how much I totally want to go to bed, I present you with the following story about A Whisper in the Noise's upcoming European tour, complete with the excessive punctuation I will attempt to use as a distraction for how totally foggy and out of it I am.

So, Minneapolis-based group A Whisper in the Noise are bringing their loud/quiet/bleak/quiet brand of atmospheric rock to Europe this spring!!! They'll be promoting their late-2007 release Dry Land, available from Exile on Mainstream Records!!! WOW! Did I mention that they are touring EUROPE?!?!?! WOW, again, just WOW.

* Bombee

** The Winchester Club

Create Your Own TMT News Story In Three Easy Steps: Headlights Tour

Directions:

1. Think of an obnoxious headline.
2. Fill in the body of the story with bullshit and be sure to use the
following information:

a. Headlights are from Illinois.

b. Scout Leader Kyle is a genius.

c. They reside on the Polyvinyl Record Co. Label.

d. Headlights has a new album named Some Racing, Some Stopping coming out this year.

e. Brett Sanderson from Headlights has a large penis.

f. Headlights are on tour.
3. Add these tourdates:

all dates Evangelicals

Björk Announces Euro Tour After Exxon Mobil Announces $40.6 Billion Profit (True), Gets Off Soap Box To Let Me Have a Ride

Björk, two-time Soap Box Derby champion, has traded in her soap box for... music? That's right. Björk has said goodbye to the Soap Box world and hello to melodies and beats.

"It's true," says Derby commentator Sebastian Block. "Björk seems to be fed up with the politics of soap-boxing. And I'm not talking about the disproportionate power relations behind the scenes. I'm talking about Senator Hillary Clinton. Björk hates her. I do too."

With the U.S. economy already in a fragile state -- the words "recession" and "depression" appearing frequently in the media -- Björk claims she is most upset with Exxon Mobil's early February announcement that it has scored its highest, all-time corporate profit: $40.6 billion.

According to this article: "The profit taken in by this single company amounted to more than the gross domestic product recorded in two thirds of the world's nations, placing the company midway between Ecuador and Luxembourg, while its total sales—more than $404 billion—top the GDP of 120 countries. It is more than the entire amount spent by the US federal government on K-through-12 education."

Björk's decision to let me hop in her Soap Box couldn't come at a more opportune time, as I have been eagerly awaiting to report this disgusting news, especially since a lot of major media aren't. Somehow I doubt Obama or Clinton will specifically address this bullshit.

This soap box feels kind of good. Only at TMT I guess:

* Tim is Reader of the Day!

Cursive to Tour, Hipsters to Experience Tim Kasher Beard-Lust

Ready to throw down? Start growing that facial hair, boys. You’ll need all the time in the world to compete with wicked-hairy sweetheart Tim Kasher.

BE PREPARED, THOUGH: Rumor has it that the March-April tour gap is reserved solely for Kasher’s beard growing, combing, styling and/or deep-conditioning.

Seriously: Guys want to be him; girls want to do him. Proof? Look no further than Justo’s Live Journal and Patti’s MySpace.

Or, hey, maybe when you head out to one of these Cursive shows, the dude will be clean-shaven. You know, just to throw Patti into a tailspin. Or for art.

HAIR TODAY MAYBE TOMORROW:

# New Trust

$ Capgun Coup

Is Something Burning? No, But Citay’s on Fire

I have reached a point in my career as an obnoxious music whore where I am really done listening to mediocre indie pop that rides on kitschy lyrics and C-G-D chord progressions. This moment of total disenchantment struck me two weeks ago while listening to "Cape Cod Kwassa" again. I was sitting on the floor in front of the stereo with a fresh wave of nothing washing over my brain, when I found myself staring, eyes unfocused, bobbing my head around to the beat. When the song ended, I felt dumber, dismal, and ashamed.

In desperate need of musical resuscitation, I stumbled upon Citay. My friends, I was lost, and now I'm found because as it turns out, sometimes really good things do happen to music. A throwback to epic-heavy rockers of the ‘70s, San Francisco's Citay sounds like Pink Floyd as a church band or Led Zeppelin rolling in flowers. It's the gentle folk influence of pure rock that's experiencing a revival with groups like Black Mountain, and not a moment too soon. Viva la psychadelia.

Citay has come to set you free:

PBS Presents The Clash Live: Revolution Rock! (It’ll Also Be Available on DVD in April)

The following is a presentation of the Public Broadcasting Service.

The Clash Live: Revolution Rock

Their first all-live video collection, premiering on PBS in March. Check local listing for play times.

Starring:

This program was made possible by:

Grizzled punk rockers that apparently work at PBS.

This program was also made possible by contributions to your local PBS station, by viewers like you.

Jay Reatard On Tour And in Effect

America, Canada, and Australia, lock up your daughters! Jay Reatard is amped and set to cut a very wide swath through the world this spring. But will you be ready? Are you prepared for the raw rock action he
will be unleashing upon unsuspecting (and now, totally suspecting)
audiences? Let me prepare you with this simple Jay Reatard primer.

- What: The sheer power of the scariest guy you know's fist shattering a
window made of pure rock ‘n’ roll.
- Who: Matador Records recording artist Jay Reatard
- Why: There is no "why," there is only PURE ROCK ‘N’ ROLL.
- When: See next question.
- Where: Take a deep breath, scroll down, and breathe in the essence of
out-of-control garage rock MADNESS.

Jay Reatard on tour:

* The Black Keys

The Brian Jonestown Massacre’s newest hotcake, My Bloody Underground, is scheduled to drop April 15 on Anton Newcombe’s label-baby, “a recordings” – a triumphant pronouncement of the really-honestly-seriously-it-is-never-cavalier-e.e. cummings-type-aversion-to-capitalization.

My Bloody Underground marks the thirteenth full-length release for The Brian Jonestown Massacre and comes after the band spent time writing, recording, and, you know, not doing any drugs in Liverpool and Reykjavík.

Like, totally.

For-real-real tracklist:

1. Bring Me The Head Of Paul McCartney On Heather Mill’s Wooden Peg (Dropping Bombs On The White House)
2. Infinite Wisdom Tooth / My Last Night In Bed With You
3. Who Fucking Pissed In My Well?
4. We Are The Niggers Of The World
5. Who Cares Why
6. Yeah-Yeah
7. Golden-Frost
8. Just Like Kicking Jesus
9. Ljosmyndir
10. Automatic Faggot For The People
11. Darkwave Driver / Big Drill Car
12. Monkey Powder
13. Black hole Symphony

Prompted By Michael Gira’s “Use ‘em or Lose ‘em” Sick Day Policy Down at The Office, Akron/Family Plan Family Vacation

Boss Michael Gira down at Young God Records is a real stickler.

Apparently, if you don't use your vacation days, sick days, personal days, hang-over days, and fuck-it's-cold-I'm-not-coming-in-today days before the end of the fiscal year, old man Gira has this crazy policy that you lose them!

Since the fiscal year ends soon (look, just go with it), trusted assistant to Mr. Gira and noted family man Mr. Akron has no choice but to take a highly inconveniently-timed, albeit very well-deserved vacation right in the middle of his most hectic work season. Bummer.

Mrs. Akron, stay-at-home mother of two, thinks her husband could use some time off. And frankly, she's been searching for an opportunity to tell him so. See, things have gotten rather hectic lately, and she wants the whole Akron/Family to... well, reconnect. And what better way to do that than for the four of them to get out there and see the whole country!

"It'll be like a tour of sorts, honey," she assures her despondent husband. "A tour for the whole Akron/Family (TMT Review)! We can even make stops at those, uh, whatdoyoucall'em... ‘South by Southeast’ and ‘Cochella’ music festival thingys along the way. I even wrote out an itinerary already! What do you say, hun?"

"It's South by Southwest, honey," Mr. Akron retorts wearily. Still, even he can hear the faint overtones of fatigue in his voice, and after letting out a long sigh, he turns to the bedroom wall where his eyes fix upon a recent photo of the Akron/Family taken at the nearby K-Mart. How happy they all look, all energetically smiling and full of the love that comes from just standing close.

Mr. Akron turns around once again to face Mrs. Akron, new fire once again flickering in his tired eyes. "All right, honey, let's see that itinerary."

Akron/Family Vacation 2008:
03.02.08 - Allston, MA - Harper's Ferry
03.04.08 - Middletown, CT - Wesleyan College
03.05.08 - Hoboken, NJ - Maxwell's
03.06.08 - New York, NY -NYU Kimmel Center-Eisner&Lubin Auditorium
03.07.08 - Pittsburg, PA - The Andy Warhol Museum
03.08.08 - Princeton, NJ - Terrace club at Princeton University
03.09.08 - Vienna, VA - Jammin Java
03.15.08 - Austin, TX - Emo's Inside Room (SXSW festival)
04.26.08 - Indio, CA - Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival
04.29.08 - Santa Cruz, Ca - Crepe Place
04.30.08 - San Francisco, CA - Rickshaw Stop
05.01.08 - Visalia, CA - The Cellar Door
06.21.08 - Philadelphia, PA - Popped Festival on Drexel University Campus
07.24.08 - New York, NY - River to River Festival at Castle Clinton

[Photo: MK12]