A rock star may receive the honor of a guitar bearing her or his illustrious name. A festival may be named after a rock star who just so happens to attract fans of the Confederate flag. But come on, did you really think Neil Young would settle for that? He's got his own SPIDER, bitches, and it's going to come after you in the night with its big, bushy eyebrows:
The new species of trapdoor spider was discovered by East Carolina University biologist Jason Bond, who explains, "As long as [the] rules are followed, you can give a new species just about any name you please. With regards to Neil Young, I really enjoy his music and have had a great appreciation of him as an activist for peace and justice."
Myrmekiaphila neilyoungi lives in a burrow and builds a trapdoor to protect itself from predators, stealthily waiting underneath for its prey, and then leaps out to drag the unfortunate victim back into its lair.
Hang on a second... this just in! Neil Young has reportedly built a new underground home directly outside the doorway of America's largest factory farm owner. More on this story as it develops.
Back in 2002, I regretfully started a band called Stereo Labrador and the Funk Fries. This band consisted of me pressing a button on a TalkBoy that played a sample of a timpani and a pan flute and my black Labrador, Pauly Shore, who went back and forth on the stage on a skateboard, with a boom box Duct-taped to his back.
One show was accidentally booked as Stereolab, and let's just say that a lot of people were pissed. The real band should have sued me. But they didn't, and here I am today, a free man, to tell you about the anticipated release of the group's newest album, Chemical Chords.
Chemical Chords will be released August 19 in the U.S. (August 18 outside of the U.S.) on Duophonic UHF Disks/4AD. Featuring 13 songs by Laetitia Saider and Tim Gane, the album marks the first proper release of new material since 2004's Magerine Eclipse.
Chemical Chords tracklist:
$ performing Perfect From Now On in its entirety
Before recording their newest album, Keep Your Eyes Ahead, The Helio Sequence’s Brandon Summers lost his voice, which pretty much is the worst thing to happen to a singer I’d imagine. Thankfully, he regained it by singing along to Bob Dylan songs and teaching himself to sing like Dylan. So, the question remains, if you lost your voice and had to teach yourself to sing again by only listening to one singer, who would it be and why? All answers must be in essay form, 3-5 pages, 12 point Times New Roman font. Papers are due in class on May 15.
My god Billie Joe is cute. It is in this spirit that I report that the members of Foxboro Hot Tubs, most well-known for not fooling anyone but themselves, have announced a handful of dates to promote the release of Stop, Drop and Roll (TMT Review). Tickets are $20 and only available at the venue on the day of the show.
Billie Joe really does make my teeth sweat.
You know what's awesome about Nick Cave? (Well, besides that unbelievable mustache he's been cultivating.) He and his unassailable band, the Bad Seeds, really do-up a world tour right! Unlike your average American laze-abouts who, aside from a few Canadian engagements, are content to flaunt their sound-o'-the-month around a few UK universities and call it a day, Cave and co. are takin' their highbrow garage-funk tunes to the streets, playing cuts from their most recent beatnik ball-buster Dig, Lazarus, Dig!!! (TMT Review) everywhere from Denmark to Croatia to Vienna to Serbia (and even a few places in between) before they even bother to grace the U.S. in the fall.
That's dedication, my friends! Ain't no one else I know rollin' up to Belgrade to play a rock show anytime soon. That's right, not even Thom "via satellite" York. That's rock ‘n’ roll! That's what you call, as Royal Tenenbaum so eloquently put it, "takin' it out, and choppin' it up"! Way to go, Nick Cave! That's what you call a T-O-U-R tour.
But you know what sucks about Nick Cave? Finding the two-letter abbreviations for all of those damn countries to format his goofy-ass tourdates!! Come on, Nick, have a heart. The tourdate kid is off today! Something about a "senior class trip" to the state capital or some shit...
Helloooo, carbon emissions:
I'd like to think that the release date for Weezer's forthcoming eponymous album (titled "The Red Album") was pushed up three weeks because of file-sharing, but I really don't like to think. So, how's about we see what the press release has to say:
"The streets can't wait any longer: Buoyed by a single which reached #1 at Modern Rock radio a mere eleven days after its release to the format, and a tidal wave of buzz, Weezer's new, self-titled album on DGC/Interscope Records has had its release date moved up three weeks to June 3."
(I haven't confirmed with the publicist whether or not the press release sent by the publicist is legit, but it's safe to go with this release date until I say otherwise.)
Meanwhile, the aforementioned single, "Pork and Beans," reached #1 on the Billboard Hot Modern Rock Tracks chart, which means: this single, inspired by a meeting with Geffen, in which the band was told to write something more "commercial," is now ironically making Geffen more money. Some journalists were calling this a "fuck you" to the label. How cute!
Brothers Matt and Bubba Kadane, formerly of Bedhead and current mainstays of indie rock sensation The New Year, are back in action. First, a new album is slated for release this fall on Touch and Go. No details aside from this little morsel of news has yet been announced, but I promise you this, dear reader: it won't be called The End Is Near. (They've already named their 2004 album that.)
But before the album's released, The New Year will do some road-testing this summer. Technically, it's just Matt and Bubba on tour, and ostensibly, it's to fight general tyranny, but no-matter-what-y, it'll be sexy.
I still really love Bedhead:
$ Bottomless Pit
Apparently, there is a place called Lufkin, Texas, and it is the 76th largest city in the Lone Star State. In an effort to force themselves into the national consciousness, a Lufkin federal court jury ruled against mega-corporation Clear Channel Communications to the tune of $66 million, doubtlessly scaring every born-again in a 60-mile radius.
Clear Channel, which operates nearly 1,200 radio stations nationwide, has been ordered to fork over the sizable chunk of cash to Grantley Patent Holdings. According to Billboard.biz, Grantley founder Billy Shane Fox (not a porn star) invented and patented multiple systems of "inventory management and revenue projection," from which a Clear Channel tool called Viero borrowed.
This Fox character is supposedly a big deal in the "inventory management, price forecasting and traffic billing systems" world, and while I can't quite wrap my head around what this all means, it's always reassuring to see the big guy go down. And while $66,029,750 is about how much Clear Channel tips at Waffle House, a victory is a victory. So, although patent infringement for revenue management technology might not be the most titillating subject in the music business world, it says something that any ruling against a bona fide corporate monster like Clear Channel feels like a tally in the win column for the rest of us.