Wow. In the annals of most bizarre-o Christmas specials, this one's got to take the cake -- as well as possibly being a sign of the impending apocalypse. Move over Hall and Oates "Jingle Bell Rock" video, where the guys bop around full of Christmas cheer and camp, exchanging gifts, and excluding undesirable carollers from their winter hideaway. Forget you, Family Matters episode where Urkel learns the true meaning of giving. There's a new offering on the spoof table, and that's Comedy Central funnyman Stephen Colbert's A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift of All. Debuting November 23, the hour-long show will feature Feist, Elvis Costello, John Legend, Willie Nelson, and -- OMG -- Toby Keith.
Of course, the question on all your minds is probably "Will Colbert be singing?" The answer: a resounding yes. Expect compositions from the duo of David Javerbaum, executive producer of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, and Adam Schlesinger of Ivy and Fountains of Wayne. These future hits will include numbers like:
- "Please Be Patient" by Feist
- "Little Dealer Boy" by Colbert/Willie Nelson
- "There Are Much Worse Things To Believe In" by Colbert/Elvis Costello
- "Hanukkah" by Colbert and the man who doesn't know he's my boyfriend yet, Jon Stewart
- "Nutmeg" by Colbert/John Legend
- "(What's So Funny 'bout) Peace, Love And Understanding" by everybody
- "Have I Got a Present for You" by Toby Keith, which presumably is not a country music answer song to Justin Timberlake's Christmas smash of last year, "D*@# in a Box."
The premise of the show involves Stephen Colbert getting snowed in at his upstate New York cabin with a motley crew of vocally-talented guests, America's conscience, and a heroic young horse who teaches everyone how to believe in their dreams*. No word yet as to whether Hall and Oates are sharing the cabin next door.
Only two short days after the Colbert Christmas lights up screens across America, it will be released November 25, with a percentage of the purchase price going to charity Feeding America. The lucky owners of this DVD will benefit from extras, like an advent calendar, alternate endings, and what is described simply as a "book burning Yule log."
*Not actually true, to the best of my knowledge.
Universal Cancels Metallica Interview After Pirate Bay Download Admission, Dubs Perpetrators “Unforgiven”
According to a report published earlier this week, Metallica's label, Universal Music, canceled an interview the band had planned with the Swedish newspaper Sydsvenskan, after a writer there, Jonn Jeppsson, admitted to reviewing an unofficial copy of the metal militia’s newest flop, Death Magnetic, that he obtained via popular torrent site The Pirate Bay.
But wait, it gets funnier: As if the boys in Metallica don't have a sordid enough relationship with The Download already, it was also revealed that, instead of reviewing the official version of the album-proper, Jeppsson reviewed an unauthorized cut called Death Magnetic: Better, Shorter, Cut, which contains mercifully shorted versions of the original album songs.
Umm, needless to say, Universal Music was not pleased. According to Universal Sweden (yeah, who knew that existed?) spokesman Per Sundin, "the reviewer is referring to a torrent where someone has altered the original songs. The reviewer explains exactly where one should go in order to download the file that is totally infringing copyright. It's not only an illegal file, but an altered file. The reviewer also writes that this is how the album should have sounded." Ziiiiing! Boy, you knew that was coming, right?
"File-sharing of music is illegal. Period. There's nothing to discuss. That fact that Sydsvenskan has a writer that has downloaded this music illegally and then makes mention of an illegal site in his review is totally unacceptable to us," the frantic-tic-tic-tock Sundin continued in an attempt to sound even more out of touch and record label-ish. Hinting that Universal may stop sending promo material for Sydsvenskan to review, he ends: "We live in symbiosis with each other, and we send them our artists' record for free for review. But if they download the albums illegally instead, then there's no point in doing that." Bangarang?
Meanwhile, Death Magnetic entered the UK chart at #1 this week. But hey, you never know! If not for all the illegal downloads and such, it could have debuted at number 0 or something, right?
From the Detroit Free Press:
Norman Whitfield, a producer and songwriter whose work propelled Motown Records into more ambitious musical territory, died Tuesday at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles. He was 67.
Whitfield had struggled for months with complications from diabetes, and his prognosis had been day-to-day for several weeks. He had recently emerged from a coma.
“It’s a very sad day,” said Janie Bradford, who with Whitfield cowrote the Temptations hit “Too Busy Thinking About My Baby.”
- Norman Whitfield Wikipedia entry
- YouTube video: Marvin Gaye I Heard It Through The Grapevine (1968)
- YouTube video: The Temptations - Papa Was A Rolling Stone (1972)
- YouTube video: The Undisputed Truth - Boogie Bump Boogie (1976)
According to Buddhists, Nirvana is attained through the Noble Eightfold Path. Consisting of the right view, right intention, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness, and right concentration, it is a strict disciplinary approach and end-goal to living that most of us eff-ups may consider initiating at some point during a happy blender-drinks party but wouldn't get three seconds into practicing the next hungover afternoon. Given the dedication required to lead a life contingent on strict philosophical beliefs and practices, it is not all that astonishing that some choose a different road.
Fortunately, some are able to invoke levels of transcendence few can appreciate or explain by playing music. Talibam!, for example, project blissful states simply by attacking and embracing the ridiculous that surrounds them and then running with it. For that, they are our enlightened artists of the day!
Matt Mottel and Kevin Shea have been harmoniacal busybodies since coming together in 2003, so to appease and infuriate religious completists, 2008 has already seen or will see releases on Holidays Records (split 7-inch with But God Created Women), stop scratching (cassette), No=Fi Recordings (live cassette), Thor’s Rubber Hammer (Ecstatic Jazz Duos series, split 12-inch with Wasteland Jazz Unit), Wallace Records (PhonoMetak series, split 10-inch with Jealousy Party), and Roaratorio (12-inch collaboration with Daniel Carter).
Phew... devoting yourself wholly to anything, be it a guiding philosophy or music collecting, is a religion unto itself.
Talibam! starts its six-week, twelve-country tour in grand style tonight in Paris with a special performance alongside Rhys Chatham -- who will join our heroes Mottel and Shea on fuzz trumpet and guitars -- and which features opening slots by Peeesseye, Religious Knives, Gala Drop, and Corridors.
09.17.08 - Paris, France - La Maroquinerie #
09.20.08 - Tilburg, Netherlands - ZXZW Fest!
09.21.08 - Tilburg, Netherlands - ZXZW Fest!
09.22.08 - Amsterdam, Netherlands - DNK %
09.23.08 - Utrecht, Netherlands - DBS Studio $
09.25.08 - Oslo, Norway - Café Monno
09.26.08 - Frederikstad, Norway - Blaagrotte
09.30.08 - Helsinki, Finland - Black Box
10.01.08 - Tampere, Finland - Vastavirta
10.02.08 - Saarbrucken, Germany - Saarländisches Staatstheater
10.03.08 - Augsburg, Germany - Junges Theater
10.04.08 - Munich, Germany - Laab
10.05.08 - Stuttgart, Germany - Interventionsraum
10.06.08 - Zagreb, Croatia - TBD
10.07.08 - Belgrade, Serbia - Rex Center
10.08.08 - Sofia, Bulgaria - TBD
10.09.08 - Skopje, Macedonia - TBD
10.12.08 - Athens, Greece - Kinky Kong
10.16.08 - Caserta, Italy - Jarmusch Club
10.17.08 - Rome, Italy - Sinister Noise
10.18.08 - Bari, Italy - Taverna Vecchia del Maltese
10.22.08 - Cesena, Italy - Officina 49
10.23.08 - Bologna, Italy - Lazaretto
10.24.08 - Milan, Italy - Dauntown
10.25.08 - Verbania, Italy - Perchè No?
10.26.08 - Bristol, England - The Croft
10.27.08 - London, England - The Sazerac
10.31.08 - Brooklyn, NY - New Sonic HQ
11.15.08 - Brooklyn, NY - Dead Herring
# featuring Rhys Chatham, with Peeesseye, Religious Knives, Gala Drop & Corridors
Top 5 Reasons Why Kemialliset Ystävät Should be More Popular Than The Hold Steady:
5. Kemialliset Ystävät (Jan Anderzén) released an untitled album last year, and to quote reviewer Keith Kawaii: "As future generations grow even more accustomed to completely ‘songless’ records, Kemialliset Ystävät will feel more like the rule instead of the exception." (TMT Review) The Hold Steady albums are full of song songs.
4. "Kemialliset Ystävät" is Finnish for "Chemical Friends," and since you don't have any friends, chemical or otherwise, you might as well have a Finnish one. Besides, The Hold Steady have so many friends already they wouldn't be able to fit you into their bar-hopping, I-don't-like-their-music-very-much schedule.
3. Kemialliset Ystävät RULES!
2. Kemialliset Ystävät has sampled Sun Ra, Karlheinz Stockhausen, and Vibracathedral Orchestra. The Hold Steady's guitarist said he likes Oasis (and dissed Radiohead).
1. The Hold Steady aren't very good. Really, though, why are they so either loved or hated? You think I like being negative like this about a band that gives so many people joy? You know how many angry emails from Hold Steady fans I'm going to get? Hell, I got enough for my Jack White/Coca-Cola story. GOD. Sometimes I wonder if any of this is worth it. Sometimes I wonder if life is worth it...
Confession: I don’t listen to the band Fucked Up. All I know about them is that they’re on Matador Records, they’re from Toronto, and their music is a bit too hardcore for my tastes. That said, this week I had two separate conversations with people I know in which they mentioned Fucked Up, so I felt it fitting that I contribute a news story this week about them. Here are my Fucked Up tales:
- Fucked Up Tale #1 (with my brother on Instant Messenger):
Him: the title track is one of the best songs i've ever heard, period
Him: it's about the plight of sex workers in Canada
Him: it's 18 minutes long
- Fucked Up Tale #2 (with my friend via e-mail):
Me: Did you just mention Jay Reatard and Fucked Up?Â Those are new bands; I thought you didn't listen to anything post-1995, hahah.
Him: Dude, Jay Reatard's been around since the 90s -- he started when he was 16. I met the lead singer of Fucked UpÂ when I was in Toronto a few years ago... he wanted a button I was wearing. Yeah, right! What would you do if this man approached you and said he wanted your button?
Whatever you do, don’t let Fucked Up's lead singer talk you into giving away your buttons:
% Vivian Girls
Senate Judiciary Committee Approves the RIAA-Backed Enforcement of Intellectual Property Rights Act, Now Steps Away From Becoming Law; Senator Patrick Leahy Makes Damn Sure that He Gets Every Penny from That Dark Knight Cameo
On September 11, 2008, the Senate Judiciary Committee reported a piece of legislation called the Enforcement of Intellectual Property Rights Act, which passed through the committee by a 14-4 margin. If turned into law, the act would expand the federal government’s jurisdiction over copyright and counterfeiting cases. The RIAA-backed act grants federal prosecutors with the authority to slap P2P file-sharers in violation of copyright laws with civil lawsuits, while also establishing an intimidating-sounding position within the executive branch to oversee these more stringent IP laws — the IP Enforcement Coordinator.
I know this intellectual property rights business gets a little complicated, so why don’t I just let one of the original proponents of the bill, Democratic Vermont senator Patrick Leahy, explain the significance of these potential copyright laws:
I know first hand how important it is for criminal investigators, and the lawyers who prosecute those cases, to have a full arsenal of legal tools to ensure that justice is done. I also know how important the intellectual property industries are to our economy, and to our position as a global leader… The Vermont Teddy Bear Company relies heavily on its patented products.
See, the Justice Department isn’t using your tax money to pursue harmless file-sharers on behalf of billion-dollar industries such as the RIAA -- they’re leveling a crusade against evil counterfeiters bent on wiping out the wholesome mom and pop teddy bear industries that this country is built upon.
And combining what seems to be one of those MasterCard “priceless” advertisements with severe head trauma, Leahy further elaborates the importance of intellectual property rights to our national economy -- and the his own personal importance as a rising motion picture star:
I was once a prosecutor. I am now a Senator. But I have always been a fan of movies. My cameo in the latest Batman movie, The Dark Knight, was priceless to me but we can put real numbers on the value of that production to the economy.
Mitch Bainwol, CEO/Chairman of the RIAA, cheered the Senate panel’s decision, stating in a RIAA press release, “This legislation is a welcome verse in a great song.” So, in honor of the RIAA’s victory over individual privacy and decent metaphors, I’m announcing the kickoff of the completely imaginary “The RIAA is Conspiring with the Federal Government to Eradicate All Traces of Internet Privacy in a Desperate Ploy to Recoup Diminishing Revenue / Name that Tune Contest!” Because I think that there is a pretty good joke somewhere in there, especially if I pretend that the prize is an original teddy bear from the Vermont Teddy Bear Company.
An Exploratory Tour With High Places of Steep Cliffs and Large Mountains Around the Continental United States
High Places, the beloved electro-pop duo of tragically flat Brooklyn, NY, would like to invite you on an expedition sure to raise the altitude and perhaps your blood pressure. They’re embarking soon (today, in fact) on a tour around the country to support their upcoming self-titled album (due September 22 on Thrill Jockey). But, brave explorers, this is not the main focus of their journey! Those among you who enjoy both glorious music and glorious views are encouraged to attend pre-show hiking trips at high places (See how it’s not capitalized this time? Comedy, people!) “near” each city’s venue. You are encouraged to bring:
- hiking boots (for rough terrain)
- light luncheon (for sustenance)
- parasol (apparently the sun gets way intense up there)
- baseball bat (to ward off bears)
- buttons (no clue)
Be advised that this band is pretty high-energy, so you could get left behind. That’s where the baseball bat comes in handy.
Ready, set, exhaustion!
* Dan Deacon
# Yo La Tengo
^ Wet Hair
@ Peaking Lights
Quick! Between McCain and Obama, which one is more likely to show up at a Nautical Almanac gig? Give up? Well, Brian Chippendale from Lightning Bolt and Brian Miller from Foot Village already know the answer to that one and recently raised the Noise for Obama barn. Noise for Obama takes on a multi-pronged attack, featuring artist statements from the hottest hearthrobs in noise waxin' on why they're voting for Obama in November, a place for fans to have their say, and info on registering to vote.
The Noise for Obama idea originated after both gentlemen changed their MySpace pages to an Obama ’08 theme. Afterwards, Chippendale, Miller, and friends noticed a lot of political apathy in the noise scene. It was high time to give everyone a little push toward civic responsibility. Miller wrote in the site's press release:
We were both concerned that a lot of people, both audiences and artists, in the noise/underground music community don't vote and may not have considered what an important election year this is. So I started writing to other noise rockers and found that there are others that feel as strongly about Obama as we do.
Check Noise for Obama for statements from No Age, Friends Forever, and Deerhoof. You can bet Obama has been pumpin' his fist to Friendship Nation (TMT Review) and Hypermagic Mountain (TMT Review) all week. Meanwhile, both Lightning Bolt (TMT News) and Foot Village (TMT News) are set to tour this fall.
Read the full coverage of MusicfestNW here, where you can also find more videos.