Tokyo Police Club Announce Plan To Escape The Stockholm Sheriff Squad By Releasing A New Album And Touring
It appears that our longtime rivals, the Stockholm Sheriff Squad, are on the loose again and have come looking for us. Thankfully, we came up with this brilliant two part plan to evade them.
Part A – Diversion:
Our debut full length album, Elephant Shell, is due for release April 22 on Saddle Creek in North America and May 5 on Memphis Industries in the UK. We hope that the Stockholm Sheriff Squad will be so busy trying to decode our lyrics for secret messages that they’ll leave us alone for the time being. The tracklisting is as follows:
Tokyo Police Club
Pretty & Nice Join Arthur & Yu, the Dutchess & the Duke on Hardly Art Records; The Captain & Tennille Aren’t Getting Their Hopes Up Or Anything, But Honestly They’ll Take What They Can Get When It Comes to Reasons to Get Up in the Morning These Days
With the economy facing seemingly imminent downturn and the unemployment rate growing higher and higher every day, it seems the Bostonian lads in Pretty & Nice have made the only smart economic decision left: Start a band and have it underwritten by a division of Sub Pop records.
With Hardly Art’s extremely competitive benefits package, 401(k) plan, and profit-sharing system, Pretty & Nice will soon be more prepared for the next Great Depression than most people half their age. And if this is any indication of things to come, I’d say America has a lot to learn from Pretty & Nice.
The group is taking their show on the road for South by Southwest next month, and I’m told that if you’re drunk enough, their performances double as financial advice seminars.
Prove me wrong:
* Exit Clov
# Fred Weaver, A. Armada
[Full disclosure: I'm good enough friends with Pretty & Nice that, strictly playing the odds, I'll probably see one of them later and talk about this very sentence.]
Cat Power Announces April Dates for North America, Dances The Watusi Despite Publicists Telling Her Not To
Since the release of Jukebox (TMT Review) earlier this year, Cat Power has been touring NON-STOP. Just kidding!! But she has been touring quite a bit. She has one show left in the U.S. (at Los Angeles' Wiltern Theater) before she heads to Australia for a li'l tour. Then she gets to relax? Course not! Cat Power has just confirmed even more North American dates with her Dirty Delta Blues band for April. Oh, boy, it's going to be doozy.
Sierra Leone (jk!):
I am sick, so my creative powers are at an even lower ebb than usual. Also, I have to go to work, so get ready for a germ invasion, retail associates!! In the spirit of this totally lackluster day and in appreciation for how much I totally want to go to bed, I present you with the following story about A Whisper in the Noise's upcoming European tour, complete with the excessive punctuation I will attempt to use as a distraction for how totally foggy and out of it I am.
So, Minneapolis-based group A Whisper in the Noise are bringing their loud/quiet/bleak/quiet brand of atmospheric rock to Europe this spring!!! They'll be promoting their late-2007 release Dry Land, available from Exile on Mainstream Records!!! WOW! Did I mention that they are touring EUROPE?!?!?! WOW, again, just WOW.
** The Winchester Club
1. Think of an obnoxious headline.
2. Fill in the body of the story with bullshit and be sure to use the
a. Headlights are from Illinois.
b. Scout Leader Kyle is a genius.
c. They reside on the Polyvinyl Record Co. Label.
d. Headlights has a new album named Some Racing, Some Stopping coming out this year.
e. Brett Sanderson from Headlights has a large penis.
f. Headlights are on tour.
3. Add these tourdates:
all dates Evangelicals
Björk Announces Euro Tour After Exxon Mobil Announces $40.6 Billion Profit (True), Gets Off Soap Box To Let Me Have a Ride
Björk, two-time Soap Box Derby champion, has traded in her soap box for... music? That's right. Björk has said goodbye to the Soap Box world and hello to melodies and beats.
"It's true," says Derby commentator Sebastian Block. "Björk seems to be fed up with the politics of soap-boxing. And I'm not talking about the disproportionate power relations behind the scenes. I'm talking about Senator Hillary Clinton. Björk hates her. I do too."
With the U.S. economy already in a fragile state -- the words "recession" and "depression" appearing frequently in the media -- Björk claims she is most upset with Exxon Mobil's early February announcement that it has scored its highest, all-time corporate profit: $40.6 billion.
According to this article: "The profit taken in by this single company amounted to more than the gross domestic product recorded in two thirds of the world's nations, placing the company midway between Ecuador and Luxembourg, while its total sales—more than $404 billion—top the GDP of 120 countries. It is more than the entire amount spent by the US federal government on K-through-12 education."
Björk's decision to let me hop in her Soap Box couldn't come at a more opportune time, as I have been eagerly awaiting to report this disgusting news, especially since a lot of major media aren't. Somehow I doubt Obama or Clinton will specifically address this bullshit.
This soap box feels kind of good. Only at TMT I guess:
* Tim is Reader of the Day!
Ready to throw down? Start growing that facial hair, boys. You’ll need all the time in the world to compete with wicked-hairy sweetheart Tim Kasher.
BE PREPARED, THOUGH: Rumor has it that the March-April tour gap is reserved solely for Kasher’s beard growing, combing, styling and/or deep-conditioning.
Or, hey, maybe when you head out to one of these Cursive shows, the dude will be clean-shaven. You know, just to throw Patti into a tailspin. Or for art.
HAIR TODAY MAYBE TOMORROW:
# New Trust
$ Capgun Coup
I have reached a point in my career as an obnoxious music whore where I am really done listening to mediocre indie pop that rides on kitschy lyrics and C-G-D chord progressions. This moment of total disenchantment struck me two weeks ago while listening to "Cape Cod Kwassa" again. I was sitting on the floor in front of the stereo with a fresh wave of nothing washing over my brain, when I found myself staring, eyes unfocused, bobbing my head around to the beat. When the song ended, I felt dumber, dismal, and ashamed.
In desperate need of musical resuscitation, I stumbled upon Citay. My friends, I was lost, and now I'm found because as it turns out, sometimes really good things do happen to music. A throwback to epic-heavy rockers of the ‘70s, San Francisco's Citay sounds like Pink Floyd as a church band or Led Zeppelin rolling in flowers. It's the gentle folk influence of pure rock that's experiencing a revival with groups like Black Mountain, and not a moment too soon. Viva la psychadelia.
Citay has come to set you free:
The following is a presentation of the Public Broadcasting Service.
The Clash Live: Revolution Rock
Their first all-live video collection, premiering on PBS in March. Check local listing for play times.
This program was made possible by:
Grizzled punk rockers that apparently work at PBS.
This program was also made possible by contributions to your local PBS station, by viewers like you.
America, Canada, and Australia, lock up your daughters! Jay Reatard is amped and set to cut a very wide swath through the world this spring. But will you be ready? Are you prepared for the raw rock action he
will be unleashing upon unsuspecting (and now, totally suspecting)
audiences? Let me prepare you with this simple Jay Reatard primer.
- What: The sheer power of the scariest guy you know's fist shattering a
window made of pure rock ‘n’ roll.
- Who: Matador Records recording artist Jay Reatard
- Why: There is no "why," there is only PURE ROCK ‘N’ ROLL.
- When: See next question.
- Where: Take a deep breath, scroll down, and breathe in the essence of
out-of-control garage rock MADNESS.
Jay Reatard on tour:
* The Black Keys