McDonald’s Offers Zune Users Free Wi-Fi; Wow, So Cool

Finally, one location that offers both free wi-fi and happy meal toys courtesy of that young girl from that foreign country! Indeed, readers, McDonald's is giving away free wi-fi by the bushels, specifically to users of Microsoft's MP3 player, Zune. McDonald's serves nearly 47 million customers daily at over 31,000+ stores worldwide, and roughly 9,800 locations are set to promote the free (and slow) wi-fi deal. Damn, that's a lot of participating stores -- over 30%, in fact!

But despite this surprisingly large amount of locations offering FREE wi-fi to ZUNE users, there's one major flaw in McDonald's' logic: no one uses the Zune.

Jaguar Love Announce North American Tour with Japanese Band Polysics — Polysics Announce One Bad Idea After Another and Probably Make Jaguar Love Regret Associating Themselves with Such a Clueless Group of Musicians

Johnny Whitney was in The Blood Brothers. He is now in Jaguar Love. He runs a clothing company that specializes in “edgy” screen-printed apparel. Japanese people love tacky screen-printed crap. Polysics are Japanese. Polysics are touring with Jaguar Love. With a just little bit of deductive reasoning and offensive stereotypes, the upcoming Jaguar Love and Polysics tour begins to make more sense.

Jaguar Love, comprised of ex-Blood Brothers Johnny Whitney and Cody Votolato and ex-Pretty Girls Make Graves member Jay Clark, are touring North America on behalf of their debut LP Take Me To The Sea (TMT Review), released last month on Matador Records, and their eponymous EP released in June, both to generally positive reviews. And you should go see them because their lead singer’s vocals are usually compared to acts of torture and animal cruelty.

But what to do with Polysics? The Japanese band is co-headlining the majority of the dates with Jaguar Love, and the members have wasted no time announcing a veritable cavalcade of idiotic ideas on their MySpace in preparation for said tour. Speaking of MySpace, the nu-ravers (it just seems as if they would spell it that way -- you know, because they suck) are releasing their new album We Ate The Machine on the most hallowed of labels, MySpace Records, on September 30, and they are also doing some confusing digital discount thing, but I guess you can just check their MySpace for details, if you’re really that interested.

I, on the other hand, would prefer to simply make fun of them. Or just let founding Polysics member Hiroyuki Hayashi do it for me, in what was supposed to be a promotional release for the group. Here is “Hiro” on his love of Devo and a little lesson on how to be punk — not, like, putting-product-in-one’s-hair punk, but real punk rock, Polysics-style:

I thought it was so much more punk than just acting like a gang by greasing one’s hair. I was so impressed, and I thought, ‘I want to do new wave punk dressed in a jumpsuit like Devo!’

Finally! Kids these days need to be schooled on what it truly means to be punk, like a MySpace campaign to plaster their logo on various public spaces. So, head over to the public library and get to printin’, cause Polysics are playing at the Roxy in Los Angeles October 18 and The Casbah in San Diego the following night.

Jaguar Love tourdates:

* Polysics

# Nine Inch Nails, Stone Temple Pilots, The Flaming Lips, The Kooks

The Ruby Suns Announce Tourdates From Now Until Eternity, Hope D’Addario Strings Last Long Enough

Readers, let us pause together and take a gander at The Ruby Suns’ MySpace profile. You'll notice under their “Influences” section a picture of Bruce Willis from his role in Die Hard juxtaposed with an image of Thin Mints Girl Scouts cookies. Scroll just a bit further down and under the “Sounds Like” section, you’ll see a picture of an odd-looking burrito instead of a list of bands or genres that The Ruby Suns emulate. Either they really like food, or these New Zealanders have a great sense of humor. It's probably the latter, though, since their MySpace headline reads: “It’s Only Music!” It’s definitely refreshing to see an up-and-coming band that doesn’t let the blog hype inflate their egos.

On a different note, I’m currently watching some late-night TV as I type this story, and a Microsoft Windows Vista commercial just came on with none other than The Ruby Suns’ “Oh, Mojave” playing in the background. Hmm, it may be “only music” to the Suns, but it's music that pays the bills for all the jet-setting they’ll be doing the rest of this year.

Oh, Bill Gates:

& The Dodos

RIP: Earl Palmer, Hall of Fame Drummer

From an article by the Associated Press:

Earl Palmer, the session drummer whose pioneering backbeats were recorded on such classics as Little Richard's "Tutti Frutti" and The Righteous Brothers' "You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin,'" has died. He was 84.

Palmer died Friday at his Los Angeles home after fighting a lengthy illness, his spokesman Kevin Sasaki said.

- Earl Palmer Wikipedia entry
- Earl Palmer MySpace (dedication page)
- The Associated Press article: "Hall of Fame drummer Earl Palmer dead at 84"
- YouTube video: Earl Palmer "Tipitina"
- YouTube video: Earl Palmer "Walkin"

RIP: Willy Graves, former member of The Plot to Blow Up the Eiffel Tower

From a MySpace post by Willy's former bandmate Brandon Welchez (via

As I'm sure many of you have already heard, our dear friend Willy Graves passed away Sunday, September 14th. During our years together, we felt more like a family or a gang than we did a band. Every high and every low we experienced together. Willy brought so much to our band artistically, aesthetically, and in terms of general morale.

When the going got tough (and believe me, things would get fucking rough), we could always count on Willy to be the eternal optimist. Whether we were getting beat up in Salt Lake City, having our tires slashed in Baltimore, or getting pint glasses heaved at us in Wellington, NZ, we could always count on Willy to crack a joke or act silly to distract us from the lows. Same goes for all the highs we experienced together. All the amazing shows we got to play, amazing places we got to see, and amazing friends we got to meet; Willy lived all these things 100%. I've never seen him happier than when we raising hell in some foreign country.

We discovered so many things together, went through so many things together - it's unbelievable that he is gone so young. He had a lot more love, humor and art to give the world. This is everybody's loss. Please keep him in your hearts and remember him for the son, brother, musician and friend that he was.

- The Plot to Blow Up The Eiffel Tower MySpace page
- The Plot to Blow Up The Eiffel Tower Wikipedia entry

MVD Reissues Devo, Dwarves, Plasmatics, and GG Allin on Vinyl, Because You Could Never Hope To Grasp the Subtle Complexities of Freaks, Faggots, Drunks and Junkies Without the Revelatory Warmth of a Genuine LP

Listen up, all you hep cats and paper shakers, cause I sure got a scoop for you! A little birdie just told me about a boss new kick you can snatch up in all the malted shoppes and gas-go-getters ‘round town. They’re called vinyl record album LPs, and let me tell ya, these babies are definitely the most spread on some toast! All you have to do is hop in your cherriest flip-top, knock those wheels on over to your local music emporium, or maybe Best Buy (TMT News), and pick up a recording by whichever guitar-fister beats those keys just the way you want it!

Personally, I like these new cubes from around Ohio way’s. Ya know, them fruits with the red hats. Those squares who make the tunes about outer space and questions and stuff... Devo! Uh huh, that’s the cats! I hear the MVD Entertainment Group are putting out (wish my girl would do the same thing! Hey hey!) a record of four previously unreleased versions of that old chart-buster they had, "Watch Us Work It." Yep, the same tune those no good wet rags sold to Dell computers and was always on the television set when I was trying to watch Andy Griffith. I know I’ve probably heard that song enough times to give Eisenhower an ulcer, but I just have to know how else they’re gonna perform it, ya know! You think they’ll add a Clavioline solo? Jesus fucking Christ, I hope they do!

Speaking of fucking Jesus Christ, it looks like those palookas at MVD are re-releasing some albums by a big pack of bozos, too. Guy who goes by the name of GG Allin is putting out some record called Freaks, Faggots, Drunks and Junkies, and as long as he ain’t one of the first, second, or fourth things, I bet we’ll get along just fine. I mean, me and my old man get on alright, and unfortunately he’s number three through and through... I’ll be here whenever you want a son, Dad...

Anyway, MVD’s also re-releasin’ Beyond the Valley of 1984 by Wendy O. Williams and The Plasmatics for anyone who actually thinks some broad can actually be a rock and roller. Please! Next you’ll be telling me any dumb doll could be President! Rounding out the lineup of dorks, freaks, and the skirt comes The Dwarves in a limited-edition 10-inch record featuring these greasy punks performing live on KSZU Stanford on the first side and lead singer Blag Dahlia covering AC/DC’s "Big Balls" and the Ramones’ "The KKK Took My Baby Away," along with a few originals on the second side. So go on out and buy this bullcrap with whatever nuggets you got lying around your room. Meanwhile, I’ll be listening to "Watch Us Work It" over and over again until my dad gets home. I hope he never comes home...

Hercules And Love Affair Announce Tourdates; Zeus And The Romantic Rendezvous Place 3rd In The Hoboken Battle Of The Bands

I’m sure most of you have heard of dance-punkers Hercules and Love Affair. But did you know that the core members used to be part of Hoboken, NJ’s finest, Zeus And The Romantic Rendezvous? Yep. Apparently Hercules’ frontman Andrew Butler helped form Zeus and co-wrote some of their early hits. But like all local NJ favorites, creative differences proved to be too much for the Romantic Rendezvous, and Butler split to form Love Affair back in 2004. No worries though, Zeus and Co. were able to carry on and are now performing as an ’80s cover band at T.G.I. Friday’s happy hour.

Hercules minus the Zeus:

& Spin Magazine event with Mos Def and Rogue Wave, benefit for Center
^ Making Time Halloween party

% B-52s and James Murphy

The Faint Is Having a Dance Party Again Soon

I don't understand why this continuously happens to me (and apparently, a lot of other TMTers). My friends rave and rave about a band live, and either I can't make the show or the band doesn't schedule one near my home. Case in point: The Faint. So, The Faint were on tour the entire summer, right? But, of course, I was told about the show after they already played. Then I hear the great news: "Hey, The Faint are going on tour this fall!" So I look up the dates, and just my luck: there is not one date on the East Coast. No New York City, no D.C., no Pittsburgh, nothing.

I give up. Life sucks. It's over. Ugh, whatever. I guess I'll just have to wait until the next tour to hear live versions of their weird-electro-pop tunes from Fasciinatiion.

The Legendary Pink Dots Plan Nationwide Tour and New Album in October; The Unremarkable Pink Dots Eat Cold SpaghettiO’s in the Dark and Wonder Where They Went Wrong

It really bothers me that Britney Spears is pop music’s current craziest individual. Even though she’s little more than white trash with a Bentley, Brit-Brit has had the world transfixed for years with positively zany antics like not wearing underpants, driving poorly, and shaving her head, making it downright sad that the rap sheet of America’s premier loony reads like the reasons why some pimply junior varsity wrestler got grounded for the weekend. But worst of all, with the dawn of her latest VMA-driven comeback, Britney suddenly isn’t crazy anymore! Apparently she was going through a rough patch and now she’s back on track. Jesus Christ, I hate it when I get ripped off by some asshole who was already ripping me off in the first place!

That’s why I love The Legendary Pink Dots. I know that no matter how many years pass, no matter how many albums they release, no matter how many universes they visit and conquer, Edward Ka-Spel and company will never cease to be batcrap insane. Ka-Spel (a.k.a. Prophet Qa-Spel a.k.a. Che Banana a.k.a. D'Archangel) will never fail to spin me a wonderful tale about how some gnome keeps stealing his hat, why tooth enamel prevents most humans from becoming self-actualized, or how the real number of the beast is 834 (that one is actually true). It’s nice not having to worry about The Legendary Dots suddenly becoming sane since I know it’ll never happen, and in a world corrupted by normalcy, it’s nice to have something like that to depend on .

The Britain-born but Dutch-bred Dots’ crusade of crazy will march upon the world with their new album Plutonium Blonde, particularly the bizarreness bereaved USA on their upcoming American tour. The record is slated for October 7, and the tour will follow a little more than a week later. Don’t worry, the whole mess will be an assuredly wacky affair, just what this country deserves.

Pan-European Indie Label Group Attacks EC’s Decision to Allow Sony Corporation Buyout of Sony BMG (Because In Other Parts of the World, People Actually Freak Out When This Shit Happens)

Thanks to the European Commission's decision to let Sony Corporation gobble up Sony BMG, we're one step closer to a multi-headed monster that will be known as Sony Music Entertainment Inc. The EC's 2007 decision to allow the merger means that Sony Corporation of America is now free to acquire the 50% share held by Bertelsmann AG of Germany in Sony BMG. Yikes.

Pan-European indie labels body Impala has gone public with its outrage, and co-president Michel Lambot says: "The commission needs to completely reassess its view of the music market. They have just let the world's largest consumer electronics company merge with the second largest music company without any detailed investigation." Yeah, no shit, but no one else was gonna say it, because... oh right, this kind of thing happens all the time.

The European Commission insists that the merger will not have an effect on local market competition, stating that "the transaction would not lead to any horizontal overlaps in the music recording markets, examined at the creation of Sony BMG, as Sony has no other music recording activities in the EEA [European Economic Area]." That's kind of like saying "Yeah, we kind of let Bigfoot have free reign of the village, but, uh, don't worry, he won't do anything."

Impala led independent sector protests against the merger in 2004 and again in 2007, when it went up for approval a second time. Bertelsmann has declined to comment, except to say that the EC's approval is only one step of many, so, of course, we shouldn't get our panties in a bunch yet. See? Everything's going to be juuust fine.