Don't like avant performance? Hate installations? Distaste sound? Have an aversion to film? Can't stand mayhem?? Loathe ecstasy?? Wish radical culture never existed??? Boy do I have a fest that'll get your goat, upset your apple-cart, ruffle your feathers, foam, mouth, bee, bonnet, etc.! It's called Transmodern Festival (Live.Art.Action), and it's running April 3-6 in Baltimore.
Tagged as "Baltimore's Best Art Event" by City Paper, the four-day fest features everything you hate ("avant performance, installation, sound, film, mayhem, ecstasy, and radical culture"), with over 50 artists crammed in the Load of Fun studios. Tell Dina Kelberman how much her cute art stinks! (Ooooh!) Throw water balloons at Anna Oxygen and tell her she needs more hydrogen! (Hah, youch!) Let Blevin Blectum (pictured) know her electronic music sounds organic! (Nice one!) Refuse to buy Thach Thao Nguyen's's Vietnamese-style spring rolls, no matter how Vietnamese-styled they are! (Preach on, P!)
In a time when artists have broken from mainstream aesthetics and are making hopeful attempts at unification through localized art fests, we need hate now more than ever. Cost to spread hate at the fifth annual Transmodern Festival: $10 each day; $25 for all four days. Time to show these knuckleheads how we show our deep-rooted horror and sense of repugnance in 2008!
A Woman Is Suing the RIAA for Racketeering and Spying; Are You Ever Surprised When You Read Headlines Like This?
Last month, Tanya Anderson counter-sued the RIAA after it tried to sue her for copyright infringement, but the lawsuit was dismissed by a federal judge. However, it's been recently announced that Anderson's lawsuit against the RIAA for racketeering and spying is back in full swing. This time, it's been revived as a class-action lawsuit against the RIAA and its use of MediaSentry (its spy subsidiary) to illegally hack into the private computers of tens of thousands of Americans and wrongfully accuse them of piracy.
The case was originally swatted down by the federal judge because the case was too subjective and didn't have much in the way of evidence. Hopefully the newly modified class-action suit will be enough for it to move up the justice system ladder. Time will tell whether or not the case is truly up to snuff, but if it does start rolling, the RIAA will be forced to explain just how legit MediaSentry probably isn't.
Jamie Lidell to Tour, Me to (Potentially) Go See Jamie Lidell in D.C. this June and Throw Frilly Panties Onstage, Me to Stop Procrastinating Writing TMT News Stories and Finding My Way Out of Trouble By Making Absurdist Frilly Panty References, That Being Said, Me to Actually Have Gone to Victoria’s Secret Yesterday to Take Advantage of Their 5 for $25 Deal Promoting Their PINK Product Line, Which I Consider Playful, Comfortable, and Reasonably Priced
In the beginning, so far back in antiquity that no record of it exists, three harvesters stumbled upon a discovery that would change the world. After screwing around with a variety of waters, dry land-grown fruits and grains, and naturally occurring yeast, they produced an intoxicating alcoholic beverage that they called “beer.” While the brew was a crude elixir, it seemed to have done the trick, because the three spent the night fighting, trying to kiss each other's partners, and repeating stories that they swore were “like, super important” at the time. Weaving through the makeshift city streets, one stopped to “drain his camel hump” and noticed the strange-colored urine being released from his zizi. He wasn’t the only one. From behind each shoulder, both friends remarked at the same time, “Awesome Color, Dude!”
Some say it was somewhere in Egypt in Babylonian times, some say it was somewhere in Bushwick, but shortly after this soused event, Alison, Derek, and Michael, as they were known, formed a power trio, naming themselves after that over-the-top statement they shared on that fateful night whilst pissing and watching pissing on the street. They were quickly forced to drop the “Dude” from their name after it was discovered that a group of musical miscreants down the Nile had already played some gigs using “Awesome Color, Dude.” So, they became known simply as Awesome Color. Electric Aborigines, their 2087th album since their Babylonian birth many centuries ago, will be released by their label of the past 3000 years, Ecstatic Peace!.
1. Eyes of Light
2. Already Down
3. Step Up
4. Come and Dance
5. Taste It
6. Outside Tonight
7. Do It Right
9. The Moon
10. Evil Rose
Over time, Awesome Color, Dude started using junk and saw their public and critical acclaim wane while Awesome Color honed their once-primitive chops into a well-formed, ass-thumping machine. Awesome Color, Dude split up hostilely among rumors of wife-swapping and conversion to Scientology, while Awesome Color managed to avoid the pitfalls that plagued other pre-Jesus rock combos, staying pure ever since. Still spry despite their advanced years, they will announce in due time a full complement of European and North American dates in support of Electric Aborigines, but they will definitely be playing two sunny Spanish festival shows in May and one in cruddy Connecticut on April 26.
04.26.08 - Middleton, CT - Eclectic House, Wesleyan University #
05.30.08 - Barcelona, Spain - Primavera Sound Festival
05.31.08 - Barcelona, Spain - Primavera Sound Festival
# Myty Conqueror & Crooked Hook
The following is a retelling of the events of March 21, 2008:
Mr P: What the hell is this shit? This was supposed to be an article about Aimee Mann. Why the bloody hell (Mr P is British) did you continually mention Paul Thomas Anderson, who has used Mann's music in his films?
Emceegreg: Talking about Aimee Mann and not mentioning P.T.A is like preachin' about Jesus and not mentioning his "sexy soccer legs."
Mr P: But you didn't begin to write anything about Mann or the actual album. You failed to mention the album has a different sound according to Mann, with no electric guitar and a lot of Moog. You also could have told the readers that she will be touring soon, as well as making appearances at the Bonnaroo festival in June, NPR's "All Things Considered," and Ovation's "Live From the Artist's Den."
I told Mr P that what he said was all bullshit, and then he clocked me in my right eye with his robotic fist.
The next morning when I arrived at the homeless Vietnam Vet And Injured Kitten Shelter that I volunteer at, I was bombarded with questions of how I got my black eye. I told them I ran into a door. A door named, Mr P.
Be Your Own Pet's Jemina Pearl (pictured above) sort of resembles Blondie. Which is to say, she fits very snuggly in a certain mold bastardized by cookie-cutter mall punks like Avril Lavigne and imitated by others, including pop-punk sensations like Paramore's Hayley Williams. In other words, she has the potential to bring in big dollars. So, for the domestic release of their sophomore album, Get Awkward (TMT Review), Universal made sure that the spunkiest songs of the bunch -- "Blow Yr Mind," "Becky," and "Black Hole" -- were left off of the record.
After sounding messy and defiant -- shouting "I'm an independent motherfucker and I'm here to take your virginity!" -- on their eponymous 2006 debut for Thurston Moore's Ecstatic Peace! label, the kids in BYOP have crafted a catchy, accessible, and slightly reined-in effort on their follow-up, Get Awkward. So, when Universal Records -- believing it may have a hit on its hands -- made an agreement with Ecstatic Peace! to release the record in the United States, it wasn't going to let a little bit of teen angst and artistic license hinder their cash flow or ability to create a controversy. God forbid the record not be sold in Wal-Marts everywhere.
When Pearl sings "Let's go and kill someone" on "Black Hole" to describe the boredom faced in a wasteland of a town, her punky shouts are the sound of plummeting profits to the Suits in charge. Just imagine the horror on Minivan Mom's face when her adolescent daughter -- enamored with Pearl's pretty golden locks and wicked sense of style -- pops in the disc and "Becky" blares: "Now I'm going to juvey for teenage homicide!" The local news would have a field day.
So, it was a close one, but Universal Records and its parent company Universal Music Group saved the innocence of our youth, just like they did when they brought us Eminem. Remember when he told Kim, "Bleed, bitch, bleed!" on The Marshall Mathers LP on UMG subsidiary Interscope? Ah, I love the smell of hypocrisy in the morning.
Despite this slump in the economy, the TMT offices are alive and well, and any rumor to the contrary is heresy. Now, has our water been turned off? Yes. Have we cut a few corners by canceling our internet and jerry-rigging a giant antenna to snatch the neighbors' Wi-Fi signals? Yes. But these are wise managerial strategies to be employed in any financial case.
Also unwavering is TMT's commitment to high workplace morale and productivity. Inside, we've all crowded into the same corner, where the only unsecure wireless signal is strongest, setting our laptops up on empty paper boxes and toner crates. Mr P sits across from me in one of the two -- count ‘em two -- luxurious office beanbags that we picked up on citywide trash day. "You ever heard that uh..." P says, browsing stuffonmycat.com, "...that, uh -- OH MY GOD! LOOK AT THIS STUFF ON THIS CAT!" but few lookup from their dutiful YouTubing. Next to me, an unpaid intern tensely attempts to delete "amateur XXX" from the cached history of his Google searches, as a pale kid near the wall sits feverishly formatting tourdates, as he is commanded to do day in and day out.
"Hey, tourdate kid -- you got those UK Twilight Sad dates for me yet?"
Like a well-oiled machine:
Okay, Wilco tour news story: I don't like you, and you don't like me. But let's just do this thing, so I can go get some food finally and YOU can inform the dear readers about Jeff Tweedy and co.'s spring jaunt across the U.S., Canada, and Australia in support of the very spring-like Sky Blue Sky (TMT Review).
What's that? You're telling me that they've already stared the tour? Oh man, let's step on it here...
What's that?? You say that we have to also talk about how Wilco are rumored to be headlining this year's Lollapalooza along with the “self-released-record-club” that is Radiohead and Nine Inch Nails?
Fine, fine. I guess we can stick that in there somewhere. Let's move, move, move!
What's that??? You say that Jeff Tweedy is looking pretty fat these days?!?
Now that's just plain mean...
Dates, cities, state abbreviations, and venues:
Pre-sale, anyone? You know those Missoula Montana tickets are gonna go like hotcakes!!
Mmmmm... speaking of hotcakes...