Boredoms to Release New Live CD/DVD, Tour; Yoshimi to Release Documentary OST; You’re Welcome!

Do you know how to speak Japanese? Can you learn it? Because if you do or can, then you could be translating Boredoms/V∞redoms news for TMT!

You see, every time there's news about Boredoms, it's a pain in the ass to even report it. Why? Everything is in Japanese! I know, I know... the Westernization of Earth is a little behind schedule, but I assure you: with some increased focus on free trade, liberating, and teaching non-white kids English one by fucking one, we'll one day live in a beautiful world where your favorite beer will be available in every bar, where sites like freetranslation.com will become an internet dinosaur, where any geographic variation will be smoothed out with a good ol' Rowenta iron.

Until that glorious day comes, we'll just have to settle for less-than-perfect (imperfect) news stories about Boredoms. Not that what I'm writing isn't gold or anything. Come to think of it, you should probably be thanking me for my research skills, because boy do I have news for you: Boredoms are releasing a new CD+DVD set December 19! Titled Live at Sunflancisco, the live document will be released on Commmons, the same label that released Super Roots 9 (TMT Review) earlier this year.

AND THERE IS MORE. Yoshimi of Boredoms seems to have written the soundtrack to a documentary. It's called Yunnan Colorfree, and according to Commmons, it will be released November 21. Or, as freetranslation.com put it: "The truck listing of the documentary film "cloud south COLORFREE" the original sound truck 'YUNNAN COLORFREE' that YOSHIMI of BOREDOMS manages music arrived. ! !"

Doesn't that kind of read like a Pitchfork review?

Oh, no I didn't!

Yunnan Colorfree tracklisting:

Overcomplicated Logistics Deter Even the Most Determined Nada Surf Fans from Deciding to Attend a Show Nearest Them

I know, I'm one of them. What started as a simple discovery of the latest Nada Surf tour ended with intense analysis of the group's past material and speculation of the probability of material soon to be released. Equations came into play with factors such as: talent of Nada Surf's three members, individually; the sum of that talent as a cohesive effort as the group Nada Surf; the probability of that total cohesive talent being expressed as a masterpiece that may or may not be the upcoming release; and material that said talented individuals will tour in support of after the late October/early November East Coast shows are played.

Now, when it comes to weighing amazing past material blindly against the possibility of ass-kicking material yet to come (but not entirely blind, as you can preview a track off the forthcoming album here), well I don't take those kind of risks. I can't take that gamble. But maybe you are a risk taker. Maybe you love danger. Maybe you're willing to predict that the fifth studio album by Nada Surf is going to blow your mind, and you want to buy that ticket and take that ride. Well please, do so, and allow me provide you with some guiding light. Imagine this, a touch-tone menu, and my voice, the soothing calm of a matter-of-fact and omniscient, rock 'n' roll directory operator.

Commence imaginative activity:

- If you loved the 2005 release The Weight Is a Gift and would like to see Nada Surf tour predominately with this material from now to November 2 -- or, if you're a shallow power-pop fan who gets turned on at the possibility of hearing "Popular" played live, press 1.

- If you're stoked for the upcoming release of Lucky and would like to see Nada Surf tour predominately in support of this material in the opening months of 2008, press 2.

- If you KNOW Lucky is going to kick ass and you're hella stoked for the early 2008 tour, press 3.

- If you don't know shit about the Lucky release, press 4.

- If you choose to abstain from decision making at this time, press 5.

----

#1- Tourdates for the Fall of 2007 are as follows, with tickets on sale now:

#5- Huh uh, I don't think so. I know I listed this as an option, but it's not. You pick from 1-3 and you pick now.

Rivers Cuomo to Release Demos, Prepares to Erase Past Seven Years from Existence Using Harvard Degree

Remember back in 7th grade when your friend first played Weezer's Blue Album over at his house? Somewhere between the inexplicable freshness of the chord progression of "My Name is Jonas" to the orgasm-inducing breakdown of "Only in Dreams," it occurs to you: I've discovered music. My 7th grade was in the year 2000. Six years after Weezer's debut CD hit the market, five years after Windows 95 came with the "Buddy Holly" video, three years after the gloriously bitter Pinkerton hit shelves, and two years after Weezer ceased to exist. Oh, and one year... uh... eh... since I started puberty.

The story of Weezer since that day in 2000 has been one mostly of disillusionment and disenchantment. Since reforming, Weezer have slowly become too important to ignore, yet too disappointing to support. Kind of like The Simpsons or the war in Iraq. (Did I just compare Weezer with Iraq? Yikes.) Which is exactly why this newest piece of news should be exciting.

According to his MySpace account, Rivers Cuomo plans to release a new CD. Best yet, the word "Weezer" will not be printed in trademark "century gothic" font across the cover. Here's a fragment of his post:

I've compiled a CD of my favorite demos from the years 1992 to 2007 and Geffen Records has agreed to put it out this December, on the eleventh. I hope you enjoy it. I may also be able to put out more demo CDs in the near future.

Releasing ancient demos pulled from the crypt isn't exactly new for Rivers. Tracks spanning beyond Weezer's existence have been posted on previous incarnations of his website, as well as the official Weezer site. But if Rivers' song catalog is any indication, plenty of "new" material exists for the new CD. Here's pulling for the triumphant release of "I Will Poor On Their Car Seats" at last!

The Real Slim Cuomo also mentions the planned eventual release of some sort of book that will undoubtedly include some crazy credentials in the About the Author leaf. Something along the lines of Rivers Cuomo, BA, Harvard University, Ph.D, Vipassana Meditation, Fk.D, Asian Girls, Fvt.Band, KISS, A/S/L, oldenuf/yes/yurmouth. Cuomo mentions doing research for the book, so unless he has taken a literal interpretation of finding himself, chances are its more than autobiographical.

For now though it seems that it will join the live DVD that never was in a lead vault where they've kept all of the good Weezer material from the past decade. I think my suave might be locked inside there, too.

Dinosaur Jr To Show Up For Shows On A Fall-Touring Tour

I have it from a reliable source that the recent Smashing Pumpkins "reunion" shows have been attended not by nostalgia-addled 30 & 40-somethings looking to relive the experiences of Lollapalooza '94 and of trying to decide whether or not going goth would be a good stylistic route (but ultimately deciding it was too weird), but by younger people who are as familiar, if not more so, with the group's more recent recorded output than they are with "Rhinoceros" or "Rocket."

If this is true, then it could be possible that, like Billy C. and the Wu-Tang Clan, Dinosaur Jr may also be for the children. The attendees of the band's upcoming fall tour, which starts November 20 in Millvale, PA, could look more like they belong on a college campus instead of a Mike Watt convention (where everyone claims to have "drove up from Pedro"). That, plus the addition of new tunes from the band's 2007 LP, Beyond (Fat Possum), would be a refreshing change from the usual reunion shows.

Tourdates:

* Shonen Knife, Juilet Dagger

Top 10 Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen Movies; Tegan and Sara Tour

Get it? Twins.
10. Winning London (2001)

The prequel to losing weight.
9. Holiday In The Sun (2001)

And then Weezer covered their song -- Rivers Cuomo, how ironic!
8. How The West Was Fun (1994)

It wasn't. Ever.
7. Our Lips Are Sealed (2000)

The twins' own "Stop Snitchin" campaign.
6. It Takes Two (1995)

They were actually triplets before Kirstie Alley had one for lunch.
5. When In Rome (2002)

Snort blow like the Romans do.
4. To Grandmother's House We Go (1992)
"Over the river and through the woods..."? Like they'd walk. Good thing Land Rovers have four-wheel drive.
3. Passport To Paris (1999)

Where even Mary-Kate looked fat.
2. Double, Double, Toil and Trouble (1993)

Fire burn and crack rock bubble.

1. Switching Goal (1999)

Not to be confused with the 2001 porno, Switching Poles.

"Brother For Sale" or "The Con"? You decide:

Method Man DVD Released… Finally!

This is great! I can't believe it took this long for them to release the first (only) season of Fox's brilliant Method & Red. I still don't know how Fox pulled the plug on this one. First Method & Red, then Arrested Development -- when is this network going to learn that a water cooler filled with malt liquor is hilarious? Those two were truly "puttin' the URBAN in SUBURBAN." I thought they should have gotten two seasons out of that catch phrase alone.

Well, at least now the poignant social commentary of Johnny Blaze and Redman will be preserved on DVD for future generations. Now, if they'd just get to work on putting out Parker Lewis Can't Lose.

What the...

Oh bother!

This isn't the first season of Method & Red at all.

My fault.

This is Method Man: Live from the Sunset Strip due out October 30, 2007. I guess the first live DVD from the Wu-Tang rapper is still good news, but it's not a sitcom that sticks it to those white-bread neighbors. According to MVD Entertainment Group, the 72-minute live DVD will include "Da Rockwilder," "Ice Cream," "Wu-Tang Clan Ain't Nothing Ta F' Wit," and many more.

Newly Label-Free Morrissey Announces Plans for 2008 Studio Album, Prances into My Heart

I suffer from terrible nightmares. Every night before I drift off to sleep, I attempt to subvert these bad dreams by meditating on happy, soothing subjects. Sometimes I imagine catching up with old friends at a favorite bar. Sometimes I imagine a relaxing vacation in France. And sometimes I imagine cavorting through the streets of fin-de-siecle, decadent London with Morrissey.

It wouldn’t matter that I’m a girl in a dapper gentlemen’s world. Oh no! We would be just two fops out for a jolly good night on the town. We’d while away the evening in red-walled opium dens, flirting with rosy-cheeked ladies of the night, and sipping absinthe in the gilded halls of the Café Royal. Then later on, in the early hours of the morning, we’d retire to Morrissey’s personal chambers to discuss his upcoming studio album. The pale moonlight would linger over the satin folds of Morrissey’s black smoking jacket, and he would lean in close and tell me about his plans for 2008. He would tell me — just as he told Billboard earlier this month — about his decision to enter the studio once he finishes touring in early November. He would explain how he has already written the album and is performing new songs like "I'm Throwing My Arms Around Paris," "All You Need Is Me," "That's How People Grow Up," and "One Day Goodbye Will Be Farewell" on his current North American tour.

I would nod appreciatively, lulled by the smooth sounds emanating from the Victrola. As I slipped into a sweet, undisturbed sleep, Morrissey would whisper his plans for a September 2008 release date. “September?” I would mumble dreamily. “That’s the month of my birthday!” Morrissey would look at me knowingly before dimming the gas lamp and quietly leaving the room. Because, even though Morrissey is a suave fellow, living beholden to no label after his deal with Sanctuary Records expired and currently mulling over a possible deal with Warner Brothers, he is at heart a gentleman and an artist.

Dream a little dream of Morrissey:

Speak Squeak Creak: Melt-Banana Tour 13,000 Miles at Light Velocity

STORY: [4 across]-[6 across] are going on [5 down]. Their new album, [3 down] [1 down], was released back in [2 across]. Where the fuck's our review??

(Hover your cursor over the crossword for 5 seconds for the answers to this difficulty-level-5 puzzle.)

Battles Tour, Release EP, Join Mile-High Club

Two months ago on a plane to New York, I was leafing through the in-flight entertainment guide hoping a better movie would play on the trip back (success if you call Lucky You good, and if you do, then I strongly disagree). In the back of the guide were playlists for the in-flight radio stations. One station was called "The Buzz" and sported the oh-so-enticing tagline "Open your ears to uncharted musical territory!" I assumed American Airlines thinks uncharted musical territory is "Hey There Delilah" -- and it does -- so I was confused to discover Battles' "Atlas" on the same station. Well, confused is an understatement; I freaked out, and the cat sitting on the woman next to me started going crazy. Speaking of which, what was a fucking CAT doing on a plane? Anyway, I spent the rest of the five hours wondering if the average flyer would actually be compelled to purchase Battles' excellent debut Mirrored (TMT Review). My conclusion? Doubtful.

Look for the creepy guy who was sitting next to you in the hotel lobby:

Xiu Xiu Complete New Album, Set January 2008 Release Date; Now Who Wants Some Porn??

Our clothes are soaking wet and nothing more than the sleeping bags we are carrying can warm us as we setup camp. We put the sleeping bags together and take off our clothing, pushing them to our feet, as we lay naked hugging each other for warmth.

We fall asleep around 4 A.M. and don't wake up until around noon. She wakes up, and I am still asleep. She kisses me passionately on the lips in order to wake me up. I awake nestled in her arms, looking into her beautiful eyes. Our clothes lay at our feet, still moist from the rain barrage that so vigorously poured on our bodies.

Our lips embrace as our hands massage a path wending down each other's bodies, grasping and exploring one another. The dilatory, lethargic grasp lasts only for a moment before she places her legs next to her hands, as I take her lap into mine, our skin meeting, her body rubbing against the tip of my member. She straddles my lap as I pull her even closer. Our tongues meet. Her eyes whisper passion and exultation at the sensations.

"Oh shit!!!" she exclaims.

"What?"

"I forgot to tell you. Xiu Xiu just finished recording their new album! All I know right now is that it's coming out January 2008 on Kill Rock Stars."

"Uh ok..." I say as my boner shows signs of weakening.

"If you're at CMJ this year, you can check out the new album at the Kill Rock Stars showcase with Xiu Xiu, Marnie Stern, The Mary Timony Band, and Miko Miko. I think it's on Wednesday, October 17 at the Gramercy Theater, but don't quote me on that."

"Okay okay. Can't we talk about this later?"

"Oh, haha, sorry," she says nervously.

"Now, why don't you put some stank on me!?"

She gets this puzzled look on her face.

"Wait a sec... did you steal that line from Will & Grace?"

And that's when I pulled up my pants.

  

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