Death Cab Add More Tour Dates, Cutie Has Abortion

This just in: someone must have told Pacific Northwestern doily-rockers Death Cab for Cutie that they could, you know, make more money by playing more shows on their upcoming Spring romp through North America (a.k.a. "Death Cab Country") in support of their upcoming Atlantic Records release, Narrow Stairs. Rather savvily, the band decided that making as much money as possible before Ben "Hey Ya'll" Gibbard gets any MORE BEAUTIFUL would be a very good thing -- so, yeah, they are going to go ahead and play all of these dates.

But enough with this "objective reporting" bullshit. What exactly does this mean to YOU, the jilted TMT reader?

Well... plenty, I reckon!

For example, I guess it means that, if you have younger cousins or something, it's now your duty to stick to them like glue and make sure they don't waste their mom and step-dad's money on concert tickets? And who among us doesn't relish an opportunity to be responsible??

Or maybe it means that you and your buddies have a new summertime record to "enjoy ironically"? You do that sometimes, right?

Or it could mean that you've got a whole new Ben Gibbard lyric sheet to crib from when you're trying to seal the deal with that uptight girl/guy from work.

See, Death Cab might even get you laid! Now aren't you glad you didn't scroll past this shit?

Right. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to devote the rest of my morning to formating this now-sizable list of tourdates for this shell of a band. Have a super day, everyone!

For Our Older Readers: Parlophone’s Best-Of Radiohead Release to Be Release in June

Hi old person! Wow, you actually managed to turn on the computer without your daughter's help. Congratulations! Here, let me enlarge the font for you, so you don't have to squint at the screen:

There... is that better? Alright, oldie but goodie, I've got some exciting Rock Music news for you, boy oh boy. Radiohead's ex-record label, Parlophone, is set to release -- Hey, you want some anti-aging cream? Not now? Okay. -- a best-of compilation for Radiohead. No, this isn't that shitty box set (TMT News); it's much, much worse.

Coming out June 2, Best of Radiohead will come in three, maybe four versions: (1) a single CD version, for those of you who mainly want a solid disc to nestle away with your Sheryl Crow and Dave Matthews CDs; (2) a double CD version, for those of you who want that one Romeo & Juliet song; (3) a limited-edition 4LP version, for those of you who collect antiques and quilts; and (4) a non-CD, non-vinyl, non-MP3 version -- it's just a version that you can't hold or hear because you refuse to buy this piece of shit release because Parlophone have no shame. You'd be better off purchasing a stick with which to shoo away bratty kids.

Hey, your dentures fell out. Viagra, white hair, arched back, rocking chair, etc. God, you're old.

Best of Radiohead tracklisting (CD version):

Tayna Anderson to RIAA: Eat My Poop; Landmark Case In The Works, Landmark Outcome Still Up in the Air

Tayna Anderson was just one out of thousands of people targeted by the RIAA for alleged copyright infringement between 2002 and the present. The RIAA contracted the services of MediaSentry, a computer investigative company, to peer into Ms. Anderson's personal hard drive and identify any music that fell under the RIAA umbrella. After MediaSentry allegedly discovered infringing files, the RIAA filed a boilerplate lawsuit that claimed thousands of dollars in lost revenue and made threatening demands about how the non-profit entity would recover it. Anderson promptly replied "fuck you" and filed a counterclaim that included a Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations (RICO) charge. In response, the RIAA tried to depose Anderson's then 7-year-old daughter, effectively asking to interrogate and threaten a little girl.

The RIAA was denied its opportunity to bully a child and eventually dropped its case against Tanya. But it was unable to convince the judge not to award Ms. Anderson her legal fees. The RIAA took a little while to hand over the cash and the presiding judge had to remind the monopoly representative organization of its obligation of the cash-money payout. Anderson's counterclaim suit was then upgraded to a class-action, but the judge rejected the claim, requesting more information within 30 days. The judge spent nearly an hour and a half detailing what she wanted to see in the claim, and Anderson's crack legal time complied.

And that brings us to today, as the RIAA now says the amended claim is "too long and complex for our tiny brains." Paraphrasing slightly for humor's sake, of course, the RIAA has requested that the judge reject the new claim outright or give them more time to respond because "we had to call our brother who's an actual lawyer, because we can't understand all this legal gobbledygook." The RIAA had spent the better part of two years prosecuting Ms. Anderson but is unable to sit down for an hour and read the "massive" 108-page document detailing in full the background, case itself, and counterclaims with supporting information. Anderson is claiming such awesomeness as Negligence, Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress, Racketeering, Conspiracy, Abuse of the Legal Process, Defamation, Unlawful Trade Practices, Fraud, Invasion of Privacy, Computer Fraud, and the best of the bunch: Injunction Relief.

That last one, "Injunction Relief," means that if the judge approves this draft and the case moves forward and is successfully argued, the RIAA will be barred from continuing to litigate any private citizen of the Unites States. How freakin' awesome is that? Ms. Anderson and her team of lawyers deserve a high five for that one. Effectively saying "eat our shit" to a monopoly, and if the judge is cool with it, they'll be legally forced to. Boo yeah.

Two Gallants Attend Therapy To Prepare For Upcoming European Tour

Dr. Vaughn: So, Adam, you’ve been having that dream again?

Adam Stephens: Yeah, the memories from our incident in Texas keep coming back to me every time we tour. I want to keep touring, but I just don’t know how to deal with it.

Tyson Vogel: Yeah, and his dreams are really taking a toll on me too. It’s hard to hang out with someone for months on tour when they’re upset and anxious all the time.

Dr. Vaughn: Hmm, upset and anxious, I see, I see. Well, Adam, it sounds to me that you just have to keep on touring and eventually you’ll learn to deal with the demons from your past.

Adam: Yeah, I guess you’re right.

Dr. Vaughn: Mmhmm, but in the meantime, let me write you a prescription to help you sleep a bit better at night. Oh, and, do you think you could get me guest-listed for your show with The National in Dublin this spring? I’m going to be vacationing there with my husband, and we’re both huge fans.

Tyson: Of us?

Dr. Vaughn: Oh, I meant of The National... but, uh, you guys are great too.

Adam: Uhh, thanks, I guess. I’ll see what I can do.

Steady Rollin’:

* Elbow

& The National

ASCAP to Sue 29 Night Clubs, Night Clubs to Respond by Raising Drink Prices On Us

ASCAP (you know, the American Society of Composers, Authors, and Publishers?) has always been in the thankless business of pinching pennies for... well, generally penniless artists, admirably robbing from the rich to feed the poor, standing up for the little guy, striking a blow for intellectual property, fighting for truth, justice... you know the drill.

But you know what? Fuck that polite, good guy routine. ASCAP is sick of your favorite nightclub's SHIT, man. It's been pushed too far, goddamn it, and now it's taking the kid gloves off, getting down to business, and trading its cute, Penny-Larcany racket for some real Grand Theft.

The Schwarzenegger-esque vengeance has begun with the recent filing of 29 separate copyright infringement lawsuits against nightclubs, bars, and restaurants in 22 U.S. states and Washington D.C. ASCAP claims that these dastardly defendants have publicly performed the songs of the performing rights organization's songwriter, composer, and publisher members (you know, via playing the songs on their jukeboxes, hosting live shows, and so on) without a license.

See, all such establishments are required to obtain licenses from the various performing rights organizations (ASCAP, BMI, and SEASAC, in the U.S.'s case) before they start kicking out the jams to ensure that all of the represented artists can obtain their fees for public performances of their music. Nearly 90% of the fees ASCAP collects are paid as royalties directly to its members, while the balance covers ASCAP's operating costs. The action heroes at ASCAP claim to have repeatedly reached out to the owners of these ne’er-do-well establishments over "a significant period of time" before deciding to workout, get huge, buy some ammo, and take this blockbuster legal action. But each felonious club failed to license the music while continuing to play it.

"By filing these 29 actions at the same time, ASCAP is aiming to heighten awareness among music users and the public that it is a federal offense to perform copyrighted music without permission," says Vincent Candilora, ASCAP senior VP of licensing (and, now, ass-kicking). "ASCAP's priority is to serve as a voice and advocate for its more than 315,000 members who are essentially the smallest of small business owners. ASCAP not only has a right to collect license fees from the users of music, but it also has a responsibility to its members to ensure they are adequately compensated for their hard work."

Bangarang, Vincent! It's time to take out the trash!! Hasta la vista!!! How does it feel to be hunted?!?!! Huh? Oh... yeah, umm, anyway: "Using music is a vital part of the total service that businesses offer, both in attracting customers and driving more revenue," Candilora continues. "By accepting an ASCAP license, business owners can legally use music in ASCAP's popular and ever-increasing repertory." Church!

ASCAP’s Revenge List:

Brookside Sports Bar & Grille, Surprise, Ariz.; Bar 330, Brea, Calif.; Paulie's Upper Deck, Redondo Beach, Calif.; Frankie's Too!, Falcon, Colo.; The Guards / Griffin Room, Washington, D.C.; Matilda's Pub & Barbie, Newark, Del.; Ultra Lounge, West Palm Beach, Fla.; Best Western - Sea Breeze Lounge, Fernandina Beach, Fla.; Wrigleyville North, Chicago, Ill.; Ice Lounge, Indianapolis, Ind.; Tin Alley Grill, Framingham, Mass.; The Quarter Bistro & Tavern, Ann Arbor, Mich.; Scott's 1029 Bar, Minneapolis, Minn.; Parrot's Sports Bar, St. Peters, Missouri; Black Tie Nightlife, Raleigh, N.C.; Dexter's, Riverdale, N.J.; One, New York, Your browser may not support display of this image.N.Y.; Cannon's Black Thorn Inn, Rockville Centre, N.Y.; Fireside Inn, Port Crane, N.Y.; Club Majestic, Tulsa, Okla.; Emerson's Pub, York, Penn.; Charleston Beer Works, Charleston, S.C.; Chattanooga Food & Drink, Chattanooga, Tenn.; Drillers, Houston, Texas; Pat's Pub, The Colony, Texas; Vette's Sports Grill, Odessa, Texas; Five 01 City Grill, Virginia Beach, Va.; The Flame, Spokane, Wash.; and Long Wong's, Milwaukee, Wis.

Sub Pop Offers Scholarship to (Hip) Losers

Are you a loser? If you answered yes, yep, yeah, or "no, I'm actually pretty cool," then the Sup Pop "Loser Scholarship" may be just right for you! Okay, so in order to be eligible, you have to live in Washington or Oregon and be a graduating high school senior, and you should also have an interest in music and the arts. But if all this applies to you, then you have a chance at getting a scholarship from the label that released Bleach!

Sub Pop is giving away one $6,000 scholarship and two $3,500 scholarships, so that ought to help pay for a book or two.

Alright, my little 18-year-old TMT reader, let's do the financial aid rain dance:

To get the scholarship, you have to submit a one-page essay with images and links to your work to

Make sure the essay includes this stuff:

- What are you doing in the arts/music field in your community?
- How and/or why did you become interested in artistic outlets?
- Why do you need this scholarship money?
- What are your influences and/or who inspires you?
- Who are some of your favorite bands or artists?

If you want to do it snail mail:

Sub Pop Records

Attn: Scholarship
2013 4th Ave, 3rd Floor

Seattle, WA 98121

Good luck! The deadline is May 1st. If you need more info or want to bitch about how the 48 other states aren't eligible for the scholarship, then mosey on over to Sub Pop's information page here.

Harmony Korine’s Mister Lonely And The J. Spaceman/Sun City Girls Soundtrack Get Release Dates; I Don’t Know Who the Target Audience Of This Story Is, But They’re Probably Totally Nuts

Harmony Korine, the goofy bastard responsible for such lovable fare as Gummo and Julien Donkey-Boy (Dogme 95-approved), as well as the screenwriting for Kids and Ken Park, is set to release a neat little movie called Mr. Lonely (trailer). It's about celebrity impersonators. At one point in the film, the main character, a Michael Jackson impersonator, “comforts a nonagenarian non-actor who appears to be hitting himself with a plastic hammer."

Clearly the film needed a heavy dose of good sense, so Korine tapped the sensible, old-fashioned bedrocks of stability, Sun City Girls and J. Spaceman (of Spacemen 3 and Spiritualized), to write the soundtrack (yay!), but independently of each other (awww). This news is extra notable for Sun City Girls fans, as the band broke up last year after the untimely death of drummer Charles Gocher. The soundtrack is among the last recordings of theirs yet to see the light of day.

But here's the new news: both the film and the soundtrack have actual release dates! The film is scheduled for a U.S. release on May 2, while Drag City announced the release of the soundtrack, Mister Lonely: Music from a Film by Harmony Korine, for April 22. It will be packaged in a convenient recorded format, which doesn't require the consumer to, um, view the actual Harmony Korine movie.

Mister Lonely: Music from a Film by Harmony Korine tracklisting:

One More Reason to Wish You Had Disposable Income: Futuresonic Announces Headliners RZA and Wire

As spring sets in and summer festival fever starts to take hold of the UK, Manchester's Futuresonic festival reveals the first additions to this year's lineup. The festival, which runs from May 1-5, will feature performances from Mike Paradinas (you know him as µ-Ziq) Venetian Snares, Luke Vibert, Flying Lotus, Chrome Hoof, The Chap, Dirty Projectors, Gay Against You, Rolo Tomassi, and so much more! In this case, the "more" in question consists of headlining performances from the Wu Tang Clan's RZA as Bobby Digital and legendary post-punks Wire. But the fun doesn't stop there! OH NO IT DOESN'T. Because, you see, Futuresonic is not just about music -- it's also about art, learnin', and FUN.

Futuresonic gives props to music and digital culture through a series of conferences with experts, big-wigs, and assorted movers ‘n’ shakers from both fields. Expect intellectual stimulation from "media futurist" Gerd Leonhard, "gaming academic" Aleks Krotoski, and a whole slew of fun, smart people. And around the city there will be art and art experiments! There's just too much to describe. Besides, the laundromat where I wash my clothes and steal free wireless from the adjacent apartment building smells terrible, so I need to leave as soon as possible, but the Futuresonic website has extensive information. Now if only the festival provided ticket scholarships for unemployed former graduate students, it would be PERFECT.

Let’s All Read Harvey Keitel’s Mind In Hopes It Will Shed Some Light on the New Girl Talk LP

Those Dates He Was Talking About:

* Denotes unsettling date

Oh, and while I was looking for a suitable picture of Mr. Keitel, I found this website, which catalogues some of cinema’s greatest bathroom scenes. Just figured I’d let you know.

Stereogum Fully Owned by Buzznet; Interscope Buys Stake in Buzznet

paidContent (via news aggregate The Daily Swarm) keeps us abreast with Stereogum news so we can keep you updated. But why should you care about Stereogum? Well, first of all, it's an influential (and, uh, promotion-heavy) music blog. Second, we love us some industry news, and Stereogum is a good example of the increasing corporate interest in online music coverage, which I think readers like you should know about. Besides, you probably read it anyway.

Late last year, we relayed the news that Stereogum traded an estimated $5 million worth of equity stakes to Buzznet, a social media network. Along with founder/ex-VH1 dude Scott Lapatine and ex-MTV guy Jason Hirschhorn, Stereogum is partly owned by former AOL executive Bobb Pittman, owner of investment firm The Pilot Group. (This guy's known for investing heavily in new media like DailyCandy, Thrillist, Double O radio, TV stations, the OTX net marketing company, and

Just 3-4 months later, word has it that Buzznet now fully owns Stereogum. What's more is that Buzznet has recently raised something around $25 million, which includes a few million invested from Universal Music imprint Interscope. What does this mean? Well, aside from the fact that Stereogum's parent company has investments from crap label Interscope (oh wait, you probably like Feist), you can bet your ass that this is just the beginning of more "content acquisitions."

Alright, enough of that. Time to brand some indie rock artists!!

Oh wait, wait... oh shit... it's coming, oh fuck, it's.. it's.... BLEEECHHHHHH!!