Hawks And Hacksaws Set Aside Decades-Long Rivalry, Collaborate For “Winter Animorphs Tour 2007”

Attention campers: are you ready for another glorious day? Well put
your beret on and set up that easel, boys and girls, because this
morning at the Arts & Crafts station you'll be making some
masterpieces! Last year's group made some of the most downright
beautiful things we've ever seen, and I'm sure you're all little
Picassos deep down too! Unfortunately, due to lack of funding (maybe
your parents didn't buy enough brownies at the bake sale?), we won't be
able to provide the glitter or rainbow-colored construction paper. We
also won't have the planks of wood, nor will we have any feathers or

Actually you'll all have to be extra, extra creative this year,
because the only items we were able to get our hands on were [A Hawk
and A Hacksaw->http://www.myspace.com/ahawkandahacksaw]! Only one of each, so we'll all have to put our minds
together and build something truly special! Ohhh, I can hear you
campers already, saying "What could we possibly make with A Hawk and a
Hacksaw?" Why, we counselors could list a million things! For example:

- Saw hawk in half!

- Saw hawk in quarters!

- Squeeze hawk until it shrieks, bounce sound off hacksaw!

- Appear on BBC 2's Culture Show and perform a live set!

- Pluck hawk feathers, glue onto hacksaw, hold up to mouth like a mustache!

- Glue hacksaw onto hawk's forehead, call it a unicorn (but know that
you're telling a fib)!

- Tour the UK and Ireland during December!

Just remember, kids, to be careful, whatever you all decide to
construct while we go skinny-dipping in the lake.

Radiohead’s In Rainbows Confirmed For Release on XL

Being one of the biggest bands in the world has its benefits, doesn’t it?

Billboard reported yesterday that Radiohead has signed a deal with British independent label, XL Recordings, to release the physical copy of their new album, In Rainbows (TMT Review). If you remember correctly, XL released Thom Yorke’s solo album, The Eraser, last year.

A release date for the "standard" physical version has not yet been revealed, but it's been rumored that it may be released on December 3, to coincide with the release of the “discbox” version of In Rainbows, available only at Radiohead.com.

Q: So what exactly does this mean for the music industry if one of the largest rock bands in the world can jump from a major label to an independent, garnering more respect from their fans and still maintaining the same level of success?

A: They’re fucked. And rightfully so.

“You Want Fame, Clipd Beaks? Well, Fame Costs. And Right Here Is Where You Start Paying… In Debut Albums and Tours.”

If the world was fair, fame would come to electochaotic quartet Clipd Beaks with the subtle breakneck speed of a category 5 hurricane. But the world is not fair; it is a festering stinkhole, full of sycophants and suckers, so fame will most likely approach the young California-based/Minnesota-bred band with the intensity of a hobo spitting out the piece of lard that floats on the top of his can o’ beans. Or tabaccy. Hobos love d’eir tabaccy! Velocity aside, fame WILL come to the boys in Clipd Beaks, some of whom have been playing together since they were baby birds. The first fruits of the last few years of hard work is due November 6, when Lovepump United release the band’s "official" debut album, Hoarse Lords.

Hoarse Lords has catalog # LPU15, which is odd considering this is Lovepump’s 14th release by my calculations. Hmm, there’s something fishy going on here. Oh wait, I forgot about the release by this band that the label put out but then deleted quickly (the world just wasn’t ready). Vinyl copies of Hoarse Lords are allegedly coming courtesy of NITCo. (Nail in the Coffin Records).

1. Melter
2. Wrathscapes
3. Manipulator
4. High on Charms
5. Hoarse Lords
6. We Will Bomb You (We Will)
7. Woo Melodies
8. Black Glass
9. Let It Win

This would be the perfect spot to say that Clipd Beaks are going on tour, but it wouldn’t be entirely true; they are already on tour. The traveling hootenanny started Sunday in Los Angeles (where else?) and continues tonight in San Francisco (where else?). Go forth and multi-fly..

10.31.07 - San Francisco, CA - The Hemlock Tavern
11.01.07 - Oakland, CA - 21 Grand
11.02.07 - Portland, OR - Ground Kontrol
11.03.07 - Seattle, WA - Comet Tavern
11.04.07 - Missoula, MT - The Palace
11.06.07 - Fargo, ND - The Aquarium
11.08.07 - Minneapolis, MN - The Triple Rock
11.09.07 - East Moline, IL - Mixtapes
11.10.07 - Chicago, IL - Ronny’s Bar
11.11.07 - Lafayette, IN - Knickerbockers
11.12.07 - Cincinnati, OH - Gypsy Hut
11.13.07 - Columbus, OH - Café Bourbon St

11.14.07 - Oberlin, OH - Oberlin College
11.15.07 - Toronto, Ontario - Sneaky Dee’s
11.16.07 - Montréal, Quebec - Zoobizarre
11.17.07 - Quebec City, Quebec - Le Bal du Lezard
11.18.07 - Allston, MA - O’Brien’s Pub
11.19.07 - Annandale-on-Hudson, NY - Bard College
11.20.07 - Burlington, VT - Club Metronome
11.21.07 - Providence, RI - AS220
11.23.07 - New York, NY - The Cake Shop
11.24.07 - Brooklyn, NY - The Silent Barn (Todd P party)
11.25.07 - Philadelphia, PA - Queen Sheba II
11.26.07 - Baltimore, MD - The Talking Head
11.27.07 - Purchase, NY - SUNY Purchase
11.28.07 - Washington, DC - TBA
11.29.07 - Columbia, SC - The New Brookland Tavern
11.30.07 - Atlanta, GA - Lenny’s
12.01.07 - Birmingham, AL - The Bottletree
12.02.07 - Hot Springs, AR - The Exchange
12.04.07 - Houston, TX - The Proletariat
12.05.07 - San Antonio, TX - The Rock Bottom Tattoo Bar
12.06.07 - Dallas, TX - TBA (Parade of Flesh)
12.07.07 - Austin, TX - Emo’s
12.08.07 - Oklahoma City, OK - The Conservatory
12.09.07 - Albuquerque, NM - The Curio
12.10.07 - Phoenix, AZ - Modified Arts

Method Man Sets Up Camp in Canada; Remember Canada? Hey, Scout Leader Kyle, the drinking age is only 18 in Alberta, Manitoba and Quebec! You, me, road trip!

Remember high school? Remember spring break? All the cool kids were setting up condos and hotels in Florida, and we (the ones wearing oversized Smashing Pumpkins shirts) were stuck at home where it would inevitably rain for seven days straight. While the jocks were fashioning four-story beer bongs and catching Chlamydia, we were thinking about Canada and purchasing beer legally. There was some town that started with a 'w' -- Windemere or some shit -- that always rose to the top of conversation like the head of a good beer. All it took was six hours of driving and we could gamble, drink, rent prostitutes, and get free health care. It never happened.

One summer we went so far as to write out an actual itinerary. It was written in pencil, smeared from passing it around at the lunch table, and it probably overstressed the importance of purchasing beer. Nonetheless, for the last two years of high school, Canada was seen as our Eden, a much more tangible Red Light district.

What does this have to do with current music news? Well, if you've read any of my other stories, you'll realize I haven't the slightest idea what I'm doing writing for this first-tier publication. But now, as I empty my eighth bottle of Labatt Blue and smoke my decriminalized Canadian weed, I realize I was supposed to tell my brothers up north that the good lord Method (Mefud) Man will be making a few stops in your area come November. Why he's skipping over his home country is no mystery, for I'm sure he, like I, remembers the days when Canada was like that uncle who sneaks you beers at family reunions, while America is that aunt who threatens to tell your parents about your bloodshot eyes. Wait, what's the point again? That America isn't the land of opportunity? That ain't patriotic. I don't even know anymore.


Russian Circles Sign to Suicide Squeeze = Most Obvious News Story Ever?

Top Five Four Most Obvious Reasons that Russian Circles would sign to Suicide Squeeze:

1. They’ve toured with Minus The Bear, a Suicide Squeeze band.
2. They’ve toured with fellow Chicagoans, Chin Up Chin Up, another Suicide Squeeze band.
3. They’re recording their follow-up to 2006’s Enter with producer, Matt Bayles (Minus The Bear).
4. Suicide Squeeze convinced the long-haired Russian Circles that they would fit in well against the grunge history of Seattle.
5. No, just kidding, I think.

Look for Russian Circles’ new album, Station, to be released in the spring or summer of next year. But, in the meantime, get your sprawling, instrumental fix on at the remaining Circles tour dates for 2007:

The Wire Magazine Now Legally Old Enough to Rent a Car Anywhere in The World, Holds Massive Month-Long Birthday Fiesta

Are you one of those people who stresses about their birthday? It comes once a year; you want it to be super fun and amazing, but there are so many things that could go wrong! Like, what if you pick an inconvenient time for the birthday dinner, and nobody comes except for your annoyingly perfect sister and her fiancé Kevin, the amateur inventor? What if your birthday coincides with a fun national holiday and everybody would rather be trick-or-treating/watching football/decking the halls? What if you show up at the bar thinking it’s punk rock karaoke night, but instead it turns out to be a Best of Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen movie retrospective? These are all valid concerns.

But not for much longer! Experimental music magazine The Wire has found a solution to those once-a-year birthday blues. You see, the clever people over at The Wire have decided that the best way to celebrate the magazine’s 25th birthday is not to try and squeeze everything into one short night, but to keep the party going through a month-long series of special events. Over the next few weeks, a variety of venues throughout London will host concerts, workshops, exhibitions, and films related to avant-garde music. You could attend a gig in an art gallery, a church, or even a town hall! It’s that experimental!!!

Last weekend, former Swans frontman Michael Gira and Boredoms got the party started with a special performance at Shoreditch Town Hall. Soon after, The Wire received a healthy round of birthday spankings from Matmos and the Soft Pink Truth. So who else is scheduled to help blow out the birthday candles?

All events are in London, UK:
11.01.07 – Lydia Lunch - St Giles-in-the-Fields Church
11.03.07 - Charles Linehan Dance Company and Harlassen + John Wall and L Gamble + Unknown Devices – Finsbury Town Hall
11.04.07 - Pymathon + Tomutonttu + Lau Nau + Kuupuu – Bush Hall
11.05.07 – Resonance Radio Orchestra – London Theatre Arts Basement
11.09.07-11.11.07 – Atlantic Waves – Institute of Contemporary Arts
11.12.07 - Sunny Murray + John Tchicai + Han Bennink + Spring Heel Jack + John Edwards + Orphy Robinson – Conway Hall
11.13.07 – The Road to Who Knows Where (film night) – Roxy Bar and Screen
11.15.07 - Metadub Special: Kode9 and Spaceape + The Bug with Flow Dan, Warrior Queen and Ricky Ranking + Shackleton + Appleblim – Plastic People
11.17.07 - Rafael Toral's Space Project with Roger Turner + Trapist + Klangstaub + Bo Wiget and Luigi Archetti – Bush Hall
11.18.07 - Jackie-O Motherfucker + Polly Shang Kuan Band + Axolotl + The Sound Of The Exquisite Corpse + Pumajaw + Birds Of Delay + Weyes Bluhd - Cargo
11.19.07 - Sonny Simmons with Tight Meat + Jooklo Duo – Red Rose
11.20.07 – Extraordinary Lives (film night) – Roxy Bar and Screen
11.22.07 – Christian Marclay (pictured) – Bush Hall

Ongoing events:
11.04.07 - 11.18.07 (Sundays)–Drop-in workshop: the Sound of the Exquisite Corpse - Toynbee Studios
11.10.07- 12.09.07 – Savage Pencil: New drawings, sculpture, primer illustrations (art exhibition) – 96 Gillespie Gallery

The Mars Volta Take Goliath to Bed(lam); Announce New Album, Webisode, and New Year’s Performance

Forgiving the lofty concept nonsense, Deloused In the Comatorium had its moments. The debut LP from The Mars Volta was the first in the line of bilingual prog-rock records, including the subsequent Frances the Mute and Amputechture, each featuring a fair share of spacey six-minute outros, keyless guitar "soloing," and glass-shattering high-notes courtesy of vocalist Cedric Bixler Zavala. And so the afro-ed portion of At The Drive-In keep on keepin' on with a brand new album, titled The Bedlam In Goliath (produced by the band's guitarist, Omar Rodriguez Lopez), to be released January 29, 2008.

To celebrate, the band has planned a New Year's Eve show/extravaganza at the Bill Graham Civic Auditorium in San Francisco. For a taste of the record and what you might be hearing as the clock strikes midnight to bring in '08, check here for a new webisode from the band, which features a new track called "Wax Simulacra."

The Bedlam In Goliath tracklist:

The five best things about celebrating All Hallows Eve this year:
5. The remote chance of a Meat Loaf sighting.
4. Those delicious UNICEF pennies people give out!
3. Seeing asinine costumes like this. And this. And this. And this. Oh, and this. Sorry, one more.
2. Silber Records’ Halloween compilation, Silber Sounds of Halloween. We like to give some love to this Raleigh, NC label when we can, because we like the cut of their jib, we like their moxie, and we like their free downloadable compilations full of noise pop, tone drones, and sound massages. With 30 artists and 130 minutes of music, it beats the hell out of a mini Snickers any day. The following songs are yours for the downloading here.

1. Lycia - The Dreaming Body
2. Peter Aldrich featuring Jon Harman & David Williams - Dawn of the Dead
3. Bryce Eiman - Itaint
4. Glissade - Flares
5. The Undermasks - Have You Seen the Ghost of John?
6. Planet Cock - Haunted House Song
7. Rachel Goldstar - Amsterdam
8. Miss Massive Snowflake - Magic at the Beach
9. The Wades - Sídhe
10. Robin Crutchfield - WitchingAndWalking
11. Attrition - what shall i sing?
12. Sorry Welcome - (Holy Is) The Lamb Who Was Slain
13. Arbus - I Was a Cyborg from Outer Space
14. Tara Vanflower - The Three Witches
15. Remora - A Few Notes from a Grave
16. Paolo Messere/Kiddycar - You Save Me From Understanding More
17. The Elysium Facade - Insanitarium
18. Promute - Rise Up
19. Lauri des Marais - Halloween Ball
20. The Zanzibar Snails - spectres gaping maw
21. Ocean City Defender - Low Tide
22. Cam Butler - Does Your River Run Deep
23. Not Them - Halloween
24. Gorgons - November Eve
25. Small Life Form - What's Your Real Name?
26. Drats!!! - Experiment
27. Mars Field - Fear is a Man's Best Friend
28. Thisquietarmy - As the Creatures Unravel from Within/Vampyr
29. Port City Music - Night Terrors
30. Electric Bird Noise - Moments Like Last Night Make Me Wanna Believe
in Ghost

1. This year and every year... Vincent Price’s “rap” in M.J.’s “Thriller”:

Darkness falls across the land

The midnight hour is close at hand

Creatures crawl in search of blood

To terrorize y’awl’s neighborhood

And whosever shall be found

Without the soul for getting down

Must stand and face the hounds of hell

And rot inside a corpse’s shell

The foulest stench is in the air

The funk of forty thousand years

And grizzly ghouls from every tomb

Are closing in to seal your doom

And though you fight to stay alive

Your body starts to shiver

For no mere mortal can resist

The evil of the Thriller!


Travis Morrison Tour Gets A Rating Of Zero Point – Oh Just Go See The Show Already

When the fourth Google hit for your name is an article on how destroyed your solo career is (on account of near universally bad reviews for 2004’s Travistan), it might be kind of a downer. I mean, does Toni Morrison have to endure such scrutiny? Far from it.

But then, a comical barrage of poor reviews was probably the quickest way to turn a smug critical wunderkind into a scrappy industry underdog. A rebranding of the "former Dismemberment Plan lead singer" to an "uncertain, possible, sort of eccentric genius," who, after writing most of the just-released All Y’All in "early 2005," went through "some unsatisfactory attempts to record them" then "stopped working on it" to sing in church choirs and volunteer around D.C.

America loves an underdog. And it’s a great day when you can cast the critics as the bad guys and keep going. "Morrison fights against evil indie empire establishment" in big marquee lights. Great stuff. I don’t even care how the new record sounds; I’ve already bought the hype. Plus, his band’s called the ‘Hellfighters.’

Study Says Music Industry Up! Earth Will Soon Be Available in Only MP3 Or Vinyl Format.

Looks like the only part of the music industry that's really going the way of the dinosaur is CDs.

Well, like, duh.

Some duder named Chris Anderson compiled this fine little list of stats:

- Concerts and merchandise: UP (+4%)
- Digital tracks: UP (+46%)
- Ringtones: UP (+86% last year, but probably just single-digit percent this year)
- Licensing for commercials, TV shows, movies, and videogames: UP (Warner Music saw licensing grow by about $20 million over the past year)
- Even vinyl singles: UP (more than doubled in the UK)

I've decided that soon the world will completely exist on the internet, and cities will become ghost towns. Vinyl will live on, but only through mail-order, and those vinyl people already never leave their houses anyway.

I guess the fact that concert sales are up kind of contradicts that ghost-towns-with-rebel-vinyl-collectors idea.

But then again, they could just do that "playing a show" thing on a sound stage and stream it. It'll happen.

I also predict the continuing increase of music being written only for ads and various products, to the point that bands cease to write songs that lack some kind of product placement or marketing potential. Cuz you know, people just really want to buy stuff.