So I'm sitting here trying to think of a way to lead into this story, but it's impossible to concentrate on what I'm writing. Normally, it wouldn't be such a big deal, but tonight, I am at my parents' house, and I am sitting across the room from them as they watch the racially segregated new season of Survivor. And one of the contestants on the show is resting, leaning back casually in the shade, with an enormous erection. Oh God, and the narrator just said he was "cocky" about something, and I'm pretty sure that comment is to be interpreted on multiple levels. He's not even being discreet about it; it's just there, completely perpendicular to the rest of his body.
This is really upsetting to me, because I have been waiting for Joanna Newsom to tour for a pretty long time. I wanted to write some sort of article that reflected how I felt about her music, which is to say, an article that was absolutely gorgeous and original and clever. Maybe something that was written on an antique typewriter, in the middle of a meadow, at dawn. A robin would come and sit on my desk and tweet simple melodies to the beat of my fingers hitting the keys. The words would just come to me, as if in a vision, and when I was finished, I could rise from my seat knowing I had left the world a better place. Instead, all I can think about is this dude's boner and the apathetic reaction it received from the rest of the caucasian tribe. Seriously though, to me it was really obvious, flagrantly just... there, shamelessly and for no apparent reason.
I keep getting sidetracked. Joanna, if you're reading this, I want you to know that I'm sorry. You deserve better, and I did all I could to make an article worthy of having your name included in it. Instead, I combined Survivor and erections, and for that I offer my sincerest apologies. But for God's sake, it was just there, practically taking up half the screen, in broad daylight no less.
It was just there:
11.04.06 - Salt Lake City, UT - The Depot
11.05.06 - Denver, CO - Bluebird Theater
11.06.06 - Omaha, NE - Scottish Rite Masonic Center
11.07.06 - St. Louis, MO - Blueberry Hill
11.08.06 - Chicago, IL - Logan Square Auditorium
11.09.06 - Colombus, OH - Little Brothers
11.10.06 - Cleveland, OH - Beechland Ballroom
11.11.06 - Pittsburgh, PA - Andy Warhol Museum
11.13.06 - New York, NY - Webster Hall +
11.14.06 - Boston, MA - Somerville Theatre +
11.15.06 - New Haven, CT - Toad's Place +
11.16.06 - Philadelphia, PA - First Unitarian Church +
11.17.06 - Washington, DC - Black Cat +
11.18.06 - Greensboro, NC - Gail Brower Huggins Theater
11.19.06 - Atlanta, GA - Variety Playhouse
11.20.06 - Nashville, TN - Mercy Lounge
11.21.06 - Knoxville, TN - Blue Cats
11.22.06 - Asheville, NC - Diana Wortham Theatre
11.24.06 - Louisville, KY - Headliners
11.25.06 - Birmingham, AL - Bottle Tree
11.29.06 - Malibu, CA - Malibu Performing Arts Center
11.30.06 - Los Angeles, CA - El Rey Theater
12.03.06 - Portland, OR - Aladdin Theater
12.04.06 - Seattle, WA - Showbox
12.05.06 - Vancouver, BC - St. Andrew's-Wesley Church
12.11.06 - Norman, OK - Meecham Theater, University of Oklahoma
+ w/ P.G. Six
Ys comes out on Drag City on November 14.
Organizers Quietly Check to Make Sure Australians Speak English Before Asking Dirty Three to Curate All Tomorrow’s Parties 2007
Feel that tingling in your fingers? You know what that means, don't you?! The first All Tomorrow's Parties festival of 2007 has just been announced, and it's going to be frickin' ace. If you don't know how ATP works, here's a quick rundown: every year (well, it's more like every six months or less at the moment) the organizers choose an artist to curate the festival, who then picks her/his favorite bands and films and TV shows to play over one weekend. Then, they have to pick their party theme. Who could forget 2005's Slint "Shark Attack!" ATP? Or The Yeah Yeah Yeahs and their "Toga Party" festival earlier this year?
Next year it's the Dirty Three's turn to curate. And their theme? Well, you'd best get your dancing shoes all buffed up, because they've decided it's going to be hit musical Grease! And they're going overboard this year. Along with your ticket, you'll receive a sealed envelope with either the word "Jock" or "Nerd" printed inside. You'll be expected to turn up dressed accordingly. Candy floss and root beer are going to be served for 10p each, and you're only going to be allowed to smoke in a small area behind the main stage, looking shifty and watching out for teach', or Warren Ellis.
In addition, each band picked will play at least one song from the Grease soundtrack. Formation dancing is expected, but will not be required. Here's the lineup so far:
Nick Cave ("Look At Me, I'm Sandra Dee")
Grinderman ("Summer Nights")
The Dirty Three ("Grease Theme")
Papa M ("Greased Lightning")
The Drones ("It's Raining On Prom Night")
Faun Fables ("Alone At The Drive-In Movie")
Brokeback ("Hopelessly Devoted To You")
Tara Jane O'Neil ("Rydell Fight Song")
Magnolia Electric Company (GREASE MEGA-MIX!!!)
Thee Silver Mount Zion Fantastycal Mystery Orchestra On Wheels In The Sky [or whatever the hell they're calling themselves at the moment] ("You're The One That I Want")
Devastations ("Greased Up and Ready To Go")
Apparently, Low and Papa M fought like dogs to get the chance to play "Greased Lighning." Dave Pajo's like a fighting machine. He'd already snapped Mimi Parker's arms like twigs and was about to tear out Alan Sparhawk's jugular with his teeth before they admitted defeat.
ATP 2007 is to be the second one to move away from its old home at the Pontin's at Camber Sands (after the upcoming Nightmare Before Christmas, which is curated by Thurston "Hell Yeah" Moore). Instead, ATP 2007 is going to be hosted in Minehead, in Somerset. No, that's not near London, America. While the ATP hardcore might protest the change in venue, bear in mind that this new place has a motherfucking water slide. Also, the last place was, to all intents and purposes, Auschwitz.
Wow, would you get a load of that! A real headline! How boring. Perhaps I should have scoured my press releases for something to build a series of useless puns off of, so as to create an award-winning, eye-catching headline to draw in the readers, and thus, continue making TMT the most amazing site ever.
Instead, I am forsaking all creativity and simply writing about some Canadian indie musicians. Woe is me. So there's this guy who is in this band called Wolf Parade, and he has another band that he calls Sunset Rubdown. Before he was in this band called Wolf Parade, he was in this band called Frog Eyes, who has this other guy in it who is also good buddies with this other guy who is in this other band called Destroyer. Got it? See, these dudes decided that it was time to do something different than stand around the pool table together, and they created this other band called Swan Lake.
The trio, who have a strange obsession with ballet, are going to call their little collection of songs Beast Moans, after the scene in that one ballet where that guy comes after that woman with this dance move, then this other guy comes out, dances a little jig, and saves the woman so they can dance away into the sunset together. The 13-song album will be released on November 21 by the world's biggest ballet-focused record label, Jagjaguwar, who was named after an extra from The Nutcracker. (I think; I dunno, you may have to research that one.)
1. Widow's Walk
2. Nubile Days
3. City Calls
4. A Venue Called Rubella
5. All Fires
6. The Partisan But He's Got To Know
7. The Freedom
8. Petersburg, Liberty Theater, 1914
9. The Pollenated Girls
11. Pleasure Vessels
12. Are You Swimming in Her Pools?
13. Shooting Rockets
Of course, if this doesn't make any sense to you, you could always read more about it over at Jagjaguwar's official site. I don't know why you'd want to though, considering how good we are. Go, Baltimore, go!
Last time we wrote about Clayton, it was in disgust at the $30 million lawsuit EMI was throwing at him for creating a mash-up of two of the label's most popular and iconic albums of all time: The Beatles' Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band and The Beach Boys' Pet Sounds. He called this record The Beachles' Sgt. Petsounds and released it for free on his blog. People downloaded it, so EMI also demanded the IP addresses of everyone who would do such a thing as "be curious about music." Oh, and let's emphasize that Clayton "released" this album only as a free download; he wasn't selling it, advertising it, or promoting it. In fact, he only posted the album to one forum once. (Papaya's headline said it all best: "'Beachles' Mash-Up Creator Becomes World's Richest Man Overnight; EMI Merely the Innocent Victim of His Insatiable Desire for Power.")
Well, I contacted Clayton to see how he was doing — and if he was dead yet. Answer: he's alive. Whew. The world cannot stand to lose someone blowing their nose on corporate bedsheets like this right now. And apparently Clayton's legal situation is getting better too, as he has not had contact with EMI in a long time.
"For the most part, our communication has ended. For a time, we were sending email back and forth to determine the 'amount to be discussed,' " wrote Clayton in an email. "I asked them, directly, how much was owed to them, and they ignored the question completely, so I'm guessing it's mostly blown over. But you never know with these guys. I have a few lawyers willing to go the distance for me, but that's probably the last thing EMI wants."
"I did feel that it was my obligation to inform the public about them wanting IP addresses," wrote Clayton. "To my knowledge, no other cease and desist has demanded such a thing. And even if it has, I'm the first to have pointed it out." From what we can tell too, this was the first case with a demand for the addresses. "A weaker-willed individual might not have been able to see through their threats, which from a legal standpoint were mostly empty, so I wonder if others have complied with such demands in the past."
Clayton received a lot of attention for The Beachles, and not just from the usual suspect blogs. The Rolling Stone blog wrote about the lawsuit, memorably saying, "Dude, you should be thanking EMI for giving you free publicity for your 'art.' BTW? We heard some of the tracks, and let’s just say that the whole was way, way less than the sum of its parts." Similarly, Stephen Cole of CBC.ca wrote a review with the sub-head "Beatles + Beach Boys = one headache-inducing remix album." Clayton's response:
"You know, I think it's funny. I mean: in the CBC newsletter, Stephen Cole amended his article to say that my record illustrates an 'utter lack of talent.' I guess he thinks that more talent is to be found in one of his articles about the season finale of 'West Wing.' I dare say that his is not the final word. Likewise, Rolling Stone gives lip service to anyone with a record contract, so I'm not sure that their opinions are necessarily unbiased," wrote Clayton (who really knows how to dish it back!). "But this record has been downloaded more than any experimental record I can think of, as well as any mash-up record this year, so I'd say that it's due some respect."
"It didn't just fall together by accident, although it may seem that way. But the truth is, this record demonstrates a good measure of talent, regardless of what anyone says. I've been working with digital audio for more than a decade, and it's only too easy to say that because I opted to leave things out of tune, or rather in tune with the originals, that this somehow makes it amateurish. It is giddily cynical, but not in the least bit sophomoric, and any attempt to characterize it that way is laughable."
I also asked him what he plans for the future, mostly because it's hard for me to imagine what you do before you make The Beachles and after you make it. I mean, was this a crazy record or what?! But it turns out he used to be a DJ in good ol' Chicago, and now he's concentrating on a "space-rock bossa nova record, which is thus far exceptionally melodic and easy to listen to" and doing re-mixes in his spare time.
He also mentioned future anti-major label actions, something that makes me want to high-five my enemies (who are, coincidentally, the major labels).
"Since all of this happened, though, I have been contacted by several investors who are interested in helping me start a record label, so for the next couple of years I will likely be spending a great deal of my time dismantling the major labels in every way I can," wrote Clayton, our hero. "Every dollar I make will help to demolish the old model of distribution. And seeing how my website is still getting several thousands of hits a day, I'd say that I'm off to a pretty good start."
We think so, too. Clayton will be speaking at a few colleges about his legal troubles come 2007, although none of the dates are scheduled and the only college he could confirm at this time is Belmont University in Nashville. He will be speaking as a guest of the Belmont Copyright Society.
Now that the gigantic metal bean in Millennium Park has been fully polished, most Chicagoans have no need for secondary entertainment. Day after day they flock at the bean's summit, gazing into its smooth surface for hours at a time, cramming their pockmarked and broken faces in front of the reflected cityscape. Traffic on Michigan Avenue comes to a standstill each morning, as those possessed by its enchanting curves pour out of buildings and alleyways, a swelling mass that can only be satisfied by the unholy grandeur of twisting metal. Mothers clutching infants stand in the park, paralyzed with fear as the crowd approaches, and are trampled without pause. The frontrunner of the mob raises his pike in the bean's direction and offers the freshly-sacrificed head of a plump sow as offering to the bean. It is only then that the true voice of the Beangod can be heard, and she sings a pure reverie of erotic destruction, a song no mortal can ever hope to silence, and when i erase my corporeal form to fully ordain the fenestration of souls.
...Wh ...where am I? Shit, sorry guys. I had a nice little opener about Chicago set up, but then I got on the phone with my landlord and got kind of distracted from writing. What I was meaning to say was that the new Hyde Park Art Center in Chicago is going to be holding a two-day symposium on whack-jazz-afro-futurist-extraterrestrial musician Sun Ra. "Traveling The Spaceways" is its name and will include musical performances, readings, and even panel discussions, with titles like "The Sun Ra Diaspora: Art After Ra."
The symposium kicks off at 10 A.M. on Saturday, November 11, but a special concert will also be held the night before, billed as "Music For Tomorrow's World: A Dedication To Sun Ra" and featuring Thurston Moore as its headliner. I guess Thurston has some extra time in between curating festivals with ridiculous line-ups that are in far-off places that I don't have enough money for, and even if I did, they're in faraway places that I could never get to unless of course I invoked the abiding spirit of Frau Beangod who neither sleeps nor rests but enters my soiled bed at night using pliers and a thin raspy whisper.
11.10.06 - Chicago, IL - The Hideout
Michael Bay May Want to Greenlight This One: A Live-Action Fraggle Rock Musical to Grace the Silver Screen… and a Zappa Is Involved!
Wagwan bois and gyals, I iz here representin' Lady Sovereign, and I waz jus' stoppin' by to let everybody know dat she be goin' on a mad fit tour dis fall. Yo yo, check it – I has heard that she iz travelin' all across big man America and his bruvva from the north, Canada (where her pops iz from). All you eskimo bois, battymen, rude bois, gangstas, big batty gyals, nanna's bois, and even you crazy motherfuckas better get out to see the major playa, one n' only S.O.V. when she comes spittin' through your town.
Not only iz she flowin' in her 5'1" frame cross country, but she be droppin' her debut album on motherfuckin' hallows eve, dis October 31st! Iz called Public Warning and you can already get your grimy hands on some sick e-cards if you can't wait fo da real ting. She be cheeky but fly as a fuckin' flyin' fish, and she def ain't gonna take no shit from any o' yous smartass pricks. She sayin' so herself that "if you hate [her] then fuck you." So fuck you.
Go out and support da only feminist rhyma around and see Lady Sovereign wit her "hairy armpits," "big baggy T-shirt," and "non-existent bum" while she kick some misogynist American rapper arse in da U.S. of A(nonymity). Big S.O.V. iz here to stay. Big up yo'self and spin her shit at your next lame party.
10.23.06 – Montreal, Canada – Club Soda
10.24.06 – Toronto, Canada – Opera House Concert Venue
10.26.06 – Boston, MA – Paradise Rock Club
10.28.06 – Washington D.C. – 9:30 Club
10.29.06 – New York, NY – Bowery Ballroom
10.30.06 – New York, NY – Bowery Ballroom
10.31.06 – CD RELEASE NOT ANYWHERE IN PARTICULAR
11.01.06 – Philadelphia, PA – Starlight Ballroom
11.03.06 – Detroit, MI – St. Andrew's Hall
11.04.06 – Chicago, IL – Metro
11.05.06 – Minneapolis, MN – The Varsity Theater
11.07.06 – Boulder, CO – Fox Theater and Café
11.10.06 – Vancouver, Canada – Commodore Ballroom
11.11.06 – Seattle, WA – Neumos
11.12.06 – Portland, OR – Wonder Ballroom
11.14.06 – San Francisco, CA – Club Mezzanine
11.15.06 – Los Angeles, CA – El Rey Theatre
11.18.06 – Las Vegas, NV – Empire Ballroom
11.19.06 – San Diego, CA – House of Blues
11.22.06 – Dallas, TX – Gypsy Tea Room and Ballroom (17+ wtf?)
11.23.06 – Austin, TX – The Parish
11.24.06 – Houston, TX – Meridian Red Room
11.26.06 – New Orleans, LA – The Parish
11.27.06 – Tallahassee, FL – The Beta Bar
11.28.06 – Miami, FL – Studio A
11.30.06 – Petersburg, VA – The State Theatre St
12.01.06 – Atlanta, GA – The Loft