What Made Milwaukee Famous Tours, Contemplates What Made Them Famous

What Made Milwaukee Famous:

- Miller beer
- Summerfest
- The Allen-Bradley Clock Tower, a.k.a. the world's largest four-sided clock
- Harley-Davidson

What Made Milwaukee Famous (the Barsuk Records band, not the city):

- Performed on Austin City Limits with Franz Ferdinand, making them the only unsigned band to do so in ACL’s 32-year history
- Fooled everyone into thinking they’re from Milwaukee when they’re really from Austin
- Opened several shows for The Smashing Pumpkins in 2007

But don’t expect WMMF to be content with that list; they’ve got a city with the same name to compete with after all! Their sophomore album, What Doesn’t Kill Us, is due out March 4 on Barsuk, and they’ve got a whole slew of tourdates this spring to help spread the good Milwaukee name around. Good luck, boys -- I heard the city’s been around since the 1800s.

What Made Milwaukee Tour:

Open Wide: Black Dice To Blow Their Load on Tour

So, you think you figured out what Black Dice meant when they titled their latest album Load Blown (TMT Review)? Think again, junior. Had Black Dice answered my e-mails/calls, they would've explained how Load Blown isn't merely about jerking off and then having your "load" "blown." They're talking about you jerking off, having you shoot off an initial load, and then having that load get a blowjob -- hence, your "load" getting "blown." Fucking hardcore.

Now it's your turn to show Black Dice how hardcore you are, by jizzing all over fucking everything -- the walls, toiletries, bar stools, staff, fans, stage, music equipment, roadies -- fucking everything your load can reach at the European venues below. As for you women? Well, all I can say is that you should definitely consider sporting protective eyewear.

Back and forth, up and down:

Ice Cube Changing the Face of Hip-Hop, Not Including a “Feat. T-Pain” in a Potential Collaboration with Nas, Scarface

According to hip-hop’s sweaty-solid-cool Ice Cube, there could be an upcoming collaboration featuring the rapper himself, Nas, and Scarface in the future.

And, in bizarre departure from everything that’s been going on as of late, the potential collab does not mention a plan to feature T-Pain in any way.

Obviously, T-Pain will take this lack of inclusion as a personal insult, considering the incendiary, Earth-shattering nature of an American hip-hop artist NOT featuring the teamwork-happy artist, and NOT having to maybe share a Grammy with him.

A crazy gypsy (vagrant, whatever) grabbed me by the ankle yesterday and started screaming at me -- something about müm and how they aren't "just" glitch IDM and "can't you SEE it!?" I was of course freaked out and was all, "Yeah man, whatever, just let go of my leg," but he held tight. I kicked him a couple of times before he let go, jumped on my bicycle, and rode home. As I soaked myself in a hot bath, I thought more deeply about what the crazy fuck had said. "There be meaning in them words," I thought.

I got up and grabbed the müm lyric sheets that I had lying around, and took them back to the bath for contemplation. Nothing but nonsense. Or Icelandic. Same thing? Out of boredom, I hovered the pages above the bath water and swirled them around, watching the steam curl the edges of the paper before the hot water suffused and sank them. I got out and pulled the drain, the paper whirling around and around, and as the last of the water spiraled out of sight, I noticed the remaining bits of paper had rearranged themselves into an illuminating text, a telling prediction of müm's world tour to come.

- "I go away, go away/ Past the hills, past the day" – Nightly Cares

Having just finished a four-date tour in Japan, müm (while no longer joined by its founding Valtýsdóttir sisters still boasts seven members) are indeed going away, sweeping through Europe, Singapore, and Australia in support of their 2007 release, Go Go Smear The Poison Ivy (TMT Review), their first release since Summer Make Good (TMT Review) released three years earlier.

- "Look how the lights lit/ Look how its tone shifts" – Oh How The Boat Drifts

The band has plans to hit a slew of cities with a schedule that's as fit for sightseeing as it is business (if you can call touring "business"): Dresden, Florence, Amsterdam, Sydney.

- "We who/ Lose our way/ Too drunk/ Scream and shout" – The Island of Children's Children

Hopefully not losing their way, müm's lined up some epic shows where you will be fully expected to drink, scream, and shout. Using a variety of traditional and non-conventional instruments along with pre-recorded material, microphones, computers, and on-stage improvisation, müm's live shows and DJ sets are widely recognized for their artistic impact and are not to be missed.

- "I hope tonight/ You will touch my hair/ And draw ghosts on my back" – The Ghosts you Draw On My Back

And they hope very much that you'll attend these shows and touch their hair...

- "Where are you/ I just want to say ‘how are you’/ Come here" – Abandonded Ship Bells

Despite the schism between old skool and new skool fans (original müm lineup with Valtýsdóttir sisters vs. müm post-Valtýsdóttir sisters), many people are attempting to bridge the gap, saying that the newer material and performances are, while markedly different, just as enjoyable as before. And müm thinks so too. müm wants their fanbase to be happy and wish very much to see you -- all of you.

- "A while go way [sic] nice and dark come back/ Home" – The Island of Children's Children

But they can't tour forever, and when March 19 has come and gone, the band will return home to begin work on their next release.

You never know what to expect:

Goodbye Crippling Boredom, Hello Raveonettes Tour!

Ahh... unemployment. While many people stuck in terribly boring, low-paying jobs may dream of the day their time at the local burrito shop or discount retailer will come to an end, leaving them with no greater responsibility than that of sleeping in late and watching judge shows on television all day, the truth is that unemployment very quickly becomes very lame. Perhaps my perspective would be better if I could identify myself as one of the idle rich. But I am not. (Attention idle rich people: if you are lonely and need someone to accompany you on a champagne-fueled yacht journey through the Florida Keys, or just need someone to screen your calls so Paris Hilton leaves you alone, please do not hesitate to contact me.)

For the past few weeks I have been filling my time in pursuit of three main goals. These goals include, but are not limited to: (1) obsessively searching for jobs on Craigslist, (2) obsessively drinking tea and coffee, and (3) obsessively looking up eBay auctions on which I cannot afford to bid. Also, I spend a lot of time making up new nicknames for my cat, looking for funny news on the internet, and checking concert
listings. Fortunately, this last hobby has been fairly fruitful. Today's discovery was that Danish garage rockers The Raveonettes have recently taken up residence in the United States and plan on bringing their feedback-infused live show from sea to shining sea for a Spring tour in support of their debut album on Vice Records, 2007's Lust Lust Lust. And now I am passing that discovery on to you, the reader, in hopes that I can be of help whether you, too, are unemployed and searching for entertainment in the upcoming months, or whether you just need someone to open endless bottles of Dom Pérignon on the SS Buffy or whatever your boat is called. Note: I am also available for rhino safaris.

* Blonde Redhead

Felice Brothers Tour, Repping the 845 Area Code Quite Nicely, IMHO

Here's a fact: when it comes to the Felice Brothers, I'm biased. First of all, they hail from my college stomping grounds. (Note: I have only been out of college for less than a year, but since I have indeed moved out of my college town, I have every right to refer to said town as "my college stomping grounds." Just clearing that up right now.) Secondly, they go quite well with a pint of whatever's on tap, and they manage to indulge in a few themselves while cranking out some of the most earnest Americana rock/folk I've heard in a long while. Simone Felice often opens for his own band with the help of his wife's keyboard accompaniment, and Bob Dylan comparisons run rampant right into the main set, where he's joined by his violin&accordion&guitar-wielding (hey!) brothers.
2008 seems to be treating these "upstate" (not really) New York boys quite well, kicking off a national tour with Son Volt and meeting up with the Drive-By Truckers on the West Coast. Pretty boss considering their First Real Record, Tonight At the Arizona, only came out last year. Tear. I'm rather proud.

No irony allowed, especially on a tour of such length, sheesh:

Apes Keep Evolving with New Tour, Album, and Vocalist

Apes! What can our primate cousins not do? They paint! They colonize
planets and enslave humans! They wear funny outfits! And now Gypsy Eyes Records is releasing their newest LP on February 19, 2008!

Okay, so maybe the Apes responsible for Ghost Games are slightly
different, inasmuch that they're actually humans. But that certainly
shouldn't diminish our wonder and excitement in any way. This is the
band's fourth release and the first without former vocalist Paul Weil,
who left the band back in 2005 to start a family. Now fronted by
visual artist/new vocalist Breck Brunson, Apes have recently shared
the stage with Klaxons, The Slits, Deerhunter, DMBQ, Spankrock, and

This winter they're gearing up for a series of East Coast tourdates, with a South By Southwest performance and West Coast dates expected.

* Sole

** These Are Powers, Ex Models, and Mixel Pixel

*** Sole, Telephone Jim Jesus


So, it's Thursday and I didn't have any class today. I woke up around 11 AM, and my girlfriend and I had a bowl of Lucky Charms. I love Lucky Charms because those marshmallows just become so puffy and tasty when you add milk to them. I only drink skim milk because I don't want to be fat. Plus, it's better for you or something. Anyway, I just got back from lunch -- it was tasty. I had a club sub and some macaroni and cheese. Now I'm in my community room watching my roommate speed-run through Super Mario World.

Bowser is so evil. His little cute smiley face spinny hovering bowl is pretty cool though, and you just know that Peach is in there givin' him a blow j. I so wish I was Bowser right about now.

Kick his ass Mario! Yeah!

I have swing dancing class later on, and I think we're going to order pizza before that, so that should be cool, and I'm pretty stoked because Donatos has good cookies and dessert pizza.

I love college and life. Yay!

Oh yeah! I have new pix up so PIC COMMENT for PIC COMMENT!


Man Man Tour, No Girls Allowed

Attention loyal lady TMTers:

Is it just me, or has your sex kinda... dropped the ball lately??

No, no, no! Put that down! Just, just hear me out, okay?! Sheesh...

Anyway, what I mean is, when's the last time you really took a stand and struck a blow for women's rights? When's the last time you've welled up with a passion for change, looked male tyranny straight in the monocled-eye, and shouted "I am woman, hear me roar"?? When's the last time you really listened to Meredith Brooks' "Bitch"???

Well, ladies, break out the picket signs and Kate Chopin, because now's your chance.

See, there's this certain social club, a dirty, vile little group that consists of -- get THIS -- all male members! And, by all accounts, they stubbornly refuse to let any women join in the eerily masculine, cult-like noise-making rituals in which I am told they participate almost nightly, as they spread their gospel of segregation and tyranny around different parts of the United States.

This "band," as the sexist menace cleverly refers to itself, audaciously calls itself Man Man, presumably in order to rub your delicate, feminine noses in the fact that these mysterious perverts revel in their archaic male-exclusivity.

Oh, and also get THIS: they hail from none other than the male-centric City of Philadelphia, a.k.a. "the city of brotherly love!" Coincidence? I HIGHLY doubt it! Who do these woman-supplicating crackpots think they’re fooling, am I right?

I said, AM I RIGHT?!?

But, oh, it gets worse, ladies! This Man Man group has been known to jet set around the country, playing all manner of shows in nothing but boxer shorts and t-shirts, as if to say "We have a new record coming out April 8 called Rabbit Habbits! It’s our debut on Anti- Records, home of such decidedly monosyllabic male artists as Tom Waits and Nick Cave! And there's nothing you can do about it, bitches!"

The bastards! And that is why I encourage each and every one of you to get out there to the following headlining tourdates and, amid the pulverisingly gleeful Klezmer din that is a Man Man show, dance the dance of protest!

Er, I’d go myself and join in the picketing, ladies, but there’s no Chicago date. Uh, but don’t you worry your pretty face about it; I’ll be at home rooting for you with every ounce of my body... my inherently biologically superior male body.