Listen... last night I said some things I didn't mean. I know, I know you've heard this before, but if you'll just wait and listen for a minute, then you can say whatever you need to say to me. Okay? Okay. So before I even get into any of the details, I just want to clarify that my feelings for you are the same, and I'm not just, you know... I'm not just saying that. You mean a lot to me, and that's why I'm not going to pretend that I didn't hurt you last night.
I guess the reason it all started is that I had a pretty long day at work. Sam's been on my ass about the November merger for weeks, but he was really laying it into me today. And so the whole drive home, I'm thinking how nice it's going to be to put my feet up, maybe squeeze in a quick nap before dinner, who knows. I'm not saying this justifies anything. Forget it. The point is, I had one of my shoes off and was on my way to the other, when you step out from behind the couch and practically scream straight into my ear, "Lisa Germano!"
In retrospect, I guess that was pretty sweet of you. I know how you love her music, and I was even going to ask you to burn me a mix so I could check her out sometime. It was just so sudden, honey. And then before I could re-orient myself, her CD was already being shoved in my face — yes, as a gift, but at the time it felt more like a threat. I'm sorry. All this shouldn't have led to any of the strong words I used. "Fuck Lisa Germano," I slurred, and nothing I can say to you will ever erase that fact. "That new album of hers, In The Maybe World, out now on Young God Records? Never should've been made." At that point I didn't even know what I was saying. "Remember her collaborations with Eels, Sheryl Crow, and John Mellencamp? Pathetic." Honey, look me in the eye. It was late, and I was being selective with my memory. Of course she's also worked with David Bowie and Iggy Pop. I know that. You wouldn't appreciate the music of some hack. You've got class.
The only way to prove to you that I'm not the man you saw last night... is to attend all 19 shows of her upcoming fall tour:
10.05.06 - Philadelphia, PA - North Star Bar
10.06.06 - New York, NY - Tonic
10.07.06 - Northampton, MA - Iron Horse Music Hall
10.08.06 - Somerville, MA - PA's Lounge
10.09.06 - Providence, RI - AS 220 Art Space
10.10.06 - Albany, NY - Valentine's
10.11.06 - Buffalo, NY - Mohawk Place
10.13.06 - Cleveland, OH - Beachland Tavern
10.14.06 - Cincinnati, OH - Publico Gallery
10.15.06 - Columbus, OH - Little Brothers (8pm early show)
10.17.06 - Bloomington, IN - Buskirk-Chumley Theater
10.19.06 - Milwaukee, WI - Cactus Bar
10.20.06 - St. Paul, MN - Turf Club
10.21.06 - Chicago, IL - Beat Kitchen
10.23.06 - Detroit, MI - Stormy Records Space
10.24.06 - Pittsburgh, PA - Quiet Storm Coffee House
10.25.06 - Charlottesville, VA - Gravity Lounge
10.26.06 - Arlington, VA - Iota Cafe
10.27.06 - Brooklyn, NY - Barbes
Also, I've been seeing someone else. We'll discuss this when I get back.
BAILIFF: The court of Who-Gives-a-Crap presided over by Judge
Couldn’t-Give-Two-Shits will now come to session in the case of Hawthorne
Heights vs. Victory Records head Tony Brummel. Please rise.
JUDGE: Thank you, Wilbur. Now in the interest of my seeing the links today, I’m not going to review the main points of our last session, though I would like to remind the jury of the key points “rotten zombie cock” and that “the band and the label suck a fat one.” That established, I believe we can move on. Now, am I to understand that the defendant has decided to file a countersuit? Wow, I really couldn’t give two shits.
DEFENDANT: Objection your honor! That was a really lame joke.
JUDGE: Sustained. Tony “Fucking Victory” Brummel, would you please explain your case?
DEFENDANT: Thank you, your honor. The case filed by the plaintiffs in this action is really about greed, despite the unfounded and spurious laundry list of allegations made concerning Victory Records.
The plaintiffs are now willing to say anything — no matter how untrue or defamatory — as a strategy designed to free themselves from their legal obligations to the independent record label that made them famous, in favor of the 'greener pastures' and financial inducements offered by so-called 'major' record distribution companies. Like those Virgin Records bitches! If I see them hanging around those screamo motherfuckers, I’ll break some fucking kneecaps! Those motherfuckers still owe me two records that better not suck or else there might be some unfortunate consequences... just sayin’, yer honor.
JUDGE: Well spoken Mr. Fucking-Brummel. I can see from here that three of those suburban, tight pants-wearing, whiny bitches have indeed shat themselves. Well, I guess that means I have to call a recess. We shall reconvene whenever I give a shit. Adjourned.
* * *
The preceding has been a broadcast of Trash Television. No one involved with Court Who-Gives-a-Crap has any legal experience or expertise or an IQ higher than 22. Please patronize our sponsors by phoning the following 900 numbers. Thank you.
I'll admit I haven't gotten a lot of writing done lately. In fact, I haven't gotten a lot of anything done lately. I'd like to say this is because I have been doing a lot of... actually I'd just like to say it's because I've been doing a lot. A lot of anything. But I haven't been. I've mostly been sitting in my apartment engaged in a battle of wits against a mouse that seems to be living somewhere in my room.
I never dreamt that a mouse would be such a formidable opponent. A lesser mouse would probably have fallen for my Trail of Cheese Strategy, which I previously thought to be unbeatable. At times, I feel like Bill Murray fighting the gopher in Caddyshack, except I am better looking and roll on 20-inch rims. Rest assured, though, one day when the mouse is traveling its usual route around the apartment from behind the refrigerator to an unknown location in my room, I'll be there. Damned if I'm going to let an unwelcome predator lay mouse eggs in my apartment. And unlike the U.S. Military, when I catch my suspects, the Geneva Conventions do NOT apply. Wait...
Either way, if for some reason you're still reading, I'm sure you're wondering how this relates to Clinic's new album. I'll tell you: It's because the "visitations" by this mouse are really making me paranoid, and I'm hoping I don't have to go to a "clinic" when I am bitten by it in my sleep and contract the bubonic plague. I don't think that's a stretch at all. The album Visitations will be released on Domino October 16 in Europe and on iTunes, and January 23, 2007 in North America. Even cooler: Clinic are also releasing a limited-edition single of the track "Harvest," which can be bought exclusively at indie record shops. B-sides "Lee Shan" and "You Can't Hurt You Anymore" also will be included... let's hope mice don't like the taste of vinyl.
Say a little prayer for me as you read this tracklist:
4. Harvest (Within You)
7. Children Of Kellogg
8. If You Could Read Your Mind
9. Jigsaw Man
11. The New Seeker
The band also YouTubed a video for the single, which can be found here.
A few years ago, around the time of that first Interpol jam, a band that was almost never named as an influence was Minutemen. Now, just a few years later, angular guitar lines and new wave keyboards are seen as being (like totally) over, and have Minutemen gotten their props yet? NO. Why the fuck not? They were great, but, apparently it is still not cool to tuck in your flannel shirt and jam econo, at least not as cool as a detached monotone and self-infliction. (She Wants Revenge come to mind, and, God, I wish they wouldn’t.)
One band that has little of that Minutemen sound in them are Oxford Collapse. While they may have had keyboards and danceable tunes in their past, they were not beholden to any fads and seemed like they could have been peers to '80s heavyweights like Minutemen, R.E.M., or Mission Of Burma, not just imitators. Now they are about to jump up a rung on the exposure latter. Their new album, Remember The Night Parties, graces record stores on October 10. This is the band’s third LP overall and their first for Sub Pop. If you preorder the album from the record label that put out Whatcha Doin’, you can also get your The OC-lovin' hands all over a free gift: a live, CD-R EP, entitled Live In The Metropolis Of Kalamazoo.
A few days before the new record is released, the band will start a month-long tour, combining their powers with the different, yet equally enjoyable, Chin Up Chin Up. Toward the middle of the trek, CUCU go off to learn about connecting letters in a word (i.e. Cursive) and The Joggers come aboard for five Collapse shows, but then CUCU will come back, undoubtedly with some bullshit story about where they’ve been. The whole thing ends with a sweet Sub Pop CMJ showcase that you will never get into, which features those alter-servers The Thermals (the band that put out one of 2004’s most popular albums in 2001), The Shins, and others.
Live In The Metropolis Of Kalamazoo tracklist:
1. Decking the Classics
2. Empty Fields/Volunteers/Proud Mary (medley)
3. Boys Go Home
10.05.06 - Fredericksburg, VA - Mary Washington College
10.07.06 - New York City, NY - Glasslands *
10.08.06 - New Haven, CT - Bar Nightclub *
10.09.06 - New Britain, CT - Central CT State University*
10.10.06 - Buffalo, NY - Mohawk Place *
10.11.06 - Cleveland, OH - The Spot (Western Reserve University) *
10.12.06 - Urbana, IL - Courtyard Café *
10.13.06 - Chicago, IL - Empty Bottle *
10.14.06 - Minneapolis, MN - 7th St. Entry
10.15.06 - Fargo, ND - Aquarium
10.16.06 - Billings, MT - Carlin Nightclub @
10.17.06 - Spokane, WA - Empyrean Coffee House
10.18.06 - Seattle, WA - Crocodile Café #
10.19.06 - Portland, OR - Disjecta #
10.21.06 - San Francisco, CA - Hotel Utah #
10.22.06 - Los Angeles, CA - Knitting Factory Club Inc. #
10.23.06 - San Diego, CA - The Casbah #
10.24.06 - Phoenix, AZ - Modified
10.26.06 - Denton, TX - Rubber Gloves *
10.27.06 - Austin, TX - Emos *
10.28.06 - Baton Rouge, LA - Spanish Moon *
10.29.06 - Atlanta, GA - The Earl *
10.30.06 - Mt. Pleasant, SC - Village Tavern *
10.31.06 - Wilmington, NC - Soapbox Laundro Lounge *
11.01.06 - Washington, DC - Black Cat *
11.02.06 - New York, NY - Bowery Ballroom (Sub Pop CMJ Showcase) %
* w/ Chin Up Chin Up
@ w/ So Many Dynamos
# w/ The Joggers
% w/ Loney, Dear, The Elected, The Album Leaf, CSS, The Thermals, The Shins
Now is not the time to bemoan the fact that the U.S. health care system is failing; it's ineffective and inadequate. Or that millions are uninsured, costs are forever skyrocketing, and competition and profit are undermining the traditional beliefs of medical practice. Or that it is becoming even more bureaucratic. Nope, it's not the time to squabble about the feelings of anger and alienation the program creates or address the eventual onset of financial ruin resulting from getting a boil lanced. No siree, not the time at all.
However easy it is to rant on the subject of the nation's health care sideshow, there's always more important things, namely the plight of those who badly need the care. Rogue Wave are putting on a benefit for Pat Spurgeon, their 'fro'd jack of all instruments (drums, keys, bass, guitar, autoharp, sample-master, shakey shaking things, etc.) at the end of their current tour. Spurgeon will be going under the knife to replace his one and only weakened kidney, a pricey procedure for him, his family, and his prospective donor that can't be covered scouring the nickels and dimes left on the floors of bars after shows. Joining in the goodwill and well-wishing at The Independent in San Francisco on September 30 will be various Death Cabs (Gibbard), Nada Surfers (Caws), Gusters (Miller), and Vanderslices (um, Vanderslice).
Here's the band's statement:
On September 30th, 2006, San Francisco band Rogue Wave will host a benefit concert to raise money for their drummer Pat Spurgeon, who is in desperate need of a kidney transplant.
The benefit concert will feature performances by Rogue Wave, Ben Gibbard (Death Cab For Cutie), Matthew Caws (Nada Surf), Ryan Miller (Guster), John Vanderslice, and other special guests. Daniel Handler (AKA Lemony Snickett) will MC the event.
Pat was born with one kidney and it failed. He had his first transplant in 1993 which served him well until now. After 13 years, it has started to deteriorate. He has been on dialysis since April and is hoping desperately to find a donor. Some of their friends have gotten tested to see if they are a match, but Pat has yet to hear good news. Provided he finds a donor, there will be an enormous amount of costs that both pat and his donor will incur.
In a logical world, medical insurance would cover his donor's and his expenses after the procedure, but it does not; so he and his family must carry the financial burden. The expenses can be huge. We are trying to raise money for costs like: donor's travel, care, bills, lost work wages, etc., as well as pat's expenses, care, bills, etc. while he is in recovery.
If you cannot attend the show, we encourage you to donate whatever you can.
Thank you for your love and continued support,
(Zach, Pat, Gram, Evan)
Wow... Vanderslice too? He never plays live! [roll eyes] Band leader Zach Rogue told Billboard in June that there's a bunch of material written and ready to be recorded for the third Rogue Wave album. However, the band's label status is less secure. Sub Pop has handled the band's previous albums, including last year's much-loved Descended Like Vultures, but the current contract between the band and the legendary imprint is done. Whatever the status of Rogue Wave's next album and label situation, Spurgeon's forthcoming operation is occupying everyone's thoughts in the here and now. So... donate! Setbacks are setbacks, but failures are failures, people! Here's the rest of Rogue Wave's upcoming live dates:
09.21.06 - Dallas, TX - The Cavern *
09.22.06 - Austin, TX - The Parish *
09.25.06 - Scottsdale, AZ - Martini Ranch *
09.26.06 - Solano Beach, CA - The Belly Up *
09.27.06 - Costa Mesa, CA - Detroit Bar *
09.28.06 - Los Angeles, CA - The Vanguard *
09.29.06 - Santa Cruz, CA - The Attic *
09.30.06 - Mountain View, CA - Shoreline Amphitheater #
09.30.06 - San Francisco, CA - The Independent $
* Jason Collett & Foreign Born
# Download Festival 2006
$ Ben Gibbard, Matthew Caws, Ryan Miller, John Vanderslice, etc.
So, your friend is in a band. A common occurance these days. My friend-to-band ratio is pretty high, and my acquaintance-to-band ratio is even higher. If I meet your friends, I'll assume they're in bands too because just like stereotypes, assumption saves time. I'm all about saving time. I even invented daylight savings time because I love it so much. So If I can assume your friend is in a band, I can assume the conversation will take on a typical form.
First, intros will be made. We'll talk about classes, maybe some movies we saw and liked, then probably types of music we enjoy. Do you like this band? Yeah, they're okay. I like their earlier stuff better, but the new album is decent. Yeah, what about this band? Sure, I got the album before their newest one. That's a good one... and so on and so forth. We'll eventually and coincidentally get to a band that sounds similar to the band your friend is in. And as a courtesy, or if I'm genuinely interested, I'll ask if they have any recordings on CD.
Well, we don't have any CDs.
How about a website?
We've got a MySpace page. You can stream our stuff and friend us. We've got a show coming up in a small town that is hard to get to, if you're interested.
Hmm... no CDs, not even a lowly mp3 somewhere?
You can hear us on YouTube, some songs from our last show are on there and Tyler skateboarding outside before we went on stage.
Alright, conversation over.
I don't need to go into the vices of these two sites, do I? MySpace is well-known, and YouTube has 34 million viewers in August according to Billboard.biz, all posting dreams of instant recognition and acknowledgement in shitty DV format. YouTube isn't just for music. It's for skateboarding videos, funny accidents, video diaries, and the bottom of the barrel of just about anything you can think of.
Now, thanks to the popularity of the site, imitators are springing up. Microsoft has started Soapbox and Sony recently bought video-sharing site Grouper.com for $65 million. Now we can see bad videos (music or otherwise) on multiple conglomerate-owned servers, ironically talking about the problems of our mass consumerism. Oh, and visit my merch store at Cafe Press.
Soapbox has started up to a limited, invite-only audience, but it'll soon open to everyone. Soapbox's forerunner, Microsoft's MSN Video was once popular, but YouTube and Myspace ecclipsed it long ago, tripling and quadrupling their users respectively. "We're definitely not blind to the fact that YouTube has a big lead right now," said Rob Bennett, general manager of MSN's entertainment and video services. "It's really early days in online video. This is still act one." Please be a one-act play.
In what amounts to a shocking development in the music webzine arena, Tiny Mix Tapes was today chosen as the official online
host announcer of the UK's Canada's semi-prestigious Mercury Music Prize Polaris Music Prize winner, above many other apparently worthy music sites who have in fact sold their souls to Satan.
Mercury Polaris organisers felt that TMT displayed "the elusive sense of style and variety which has come to be synonymous with the Mercury Polaris Prize, effortlessly combining explorations of different genres and textures with a lightness of touch unmatched by any other music-related online journal or magazine" "the wanton desire for attention and, mathematically speaking, more internet exposure, which warranted the sop which we are now throwing their way. We could easily have given this opportunity to another website, but we feel that TMT's craven attempts at humor show, to some extent, an innocence that is heart-warming in the current climate of fierce battles for exclusives and one-upmanship between popular online music journals and zines."
TMT is happy to reveal, exclusively, the first
list of the nominees Polaris prize winner for the year 2006. We feel that this list winner epitomizes the shallow worthy eclecticism of the Mercury Polaris Prize and its propensity to hedge its bets promote artists based on artistic merit. Final Fantasy completely deserves this marvelous accolade, especially for having the artistic courage balls to name its album He Poos Clouds. The list contains several albums by artists who could be said to have never released better work, the usual token encouraging nods to rap, electronica and post-punk, and some really awful sensational bands that have sadly become too famous important to ignore.
Broken Social Scene, Broken Social Scene (Arts and Crafts)
Cadence Weapon, Breaking Kayfabe (Upper Class)
The Deadly Snakes, Porcella (Paperbag)
Final Fantasy, He Poos Clouds (Blocks Recording Club)
Sarah Harmer, I’m A Mountain (Cold Snap)
K*Naan, The Dusty Foot Philosopher (Track and Field)
Malajube, Trompe L’Oeil (Dare to Care Records)
Metric, Live It Out (Last Gang)
The New Pornographers, Twin Cinema (Mint Records)
Wolf Parade, Apologies to the Queen Mary (Sub Pop)
Beck Tours; Realizes He Was Mistaken About Those Microphones and Turntables and Decides Pre-school Is Actually Where It’s At
Maybe it was just 'cause I couldn't hack the $7 beers at Huge Ticketmaster Pavilion Venue in Boston last year, but when Beck crooked his cute lil' finger at the kids in the pit and told 'em to get up and get down, I just stuttered a bunch and stood there. What a nerd.
This time around, I've got a way better reason: Puppets! (Yikes!) And not just any old run-of-the-mill puppets, oh no. Beck's snagged the likes of Puppetown Productions for his latest tour, after their antics at Bonnaroo entertained some folks who definitely didn't smoke anything at all. I don't know what you talkin' about, man.
Personally, I think the drugstore cowboy can kick out the jams pretty well on his lonesome, but hey, sometimes you need Muppet go-go dancers. (I say this like I understand. I don't. But I still love him.)
He's even gone all Sesame Street on the new record... I dub thee, sir: The Information. Produced by Nigel Godrich, it's fun for the whole family! Collectible sticker sheets inside! Collect all four! Fuck Cracker Jack!
09.27.06 - Chula Vista, CA - Coors Amphitheatre *
09.30.06 - Mountainview, CA - Shoreline Amphitheatre #
10.07.06 - Los Angeles, CA - 1st & Main Streets %
10.12.06 - Nashville, TN - City Hall
10.14.06 - Chicago, IL - UIC Pavilion
10.16.06 - Toronto, ON - Ricoh Arena
10.18.06 - New York, NY - Theater at Madison Square Garden
10.23.06 - Upper Darby, PA - Tower Theatre
* w/ Tom Petty (who had better get used to the idea of googly eyes)
# Download Festival
% Detour Music Festival
Sometimes I wonder if bands choose their names specifically to make the TMT news page. Now, I am unfortunately aware of "other" music news sources that attempt to use humor in their headlines, but for the sake of argument, we will either ignore them or just assume they don't have to deal with coming up with said humor themselves. To remain on point: Minus The Bear. I mean, seriously. Minus The Bear, Add the Stingray? Minus The Bear, Multiple the Snakes? Minus The Bear, Use Differential Equations to Make A Quickly Dated Joke? Well, Minus The Bear, I'm hip to your schemes. From this point on, this is going to be a straight-up no-nonsense news story:
Minus The Bear are touring this fall. The tour starts on October 5 in Chicago and ends on November 10 in San Francisco. Other acts on the tour are P.O.S., The Velvet Teen, and Russian Circles. The band line up consists of Dave Knudson, Jake Snider, Erin Tate, and Cory Murchy. They sound like "ting ting ting ting, ting-ting ting ting ting."
The dates are as follows:
10.05.06 - Chicago, IL - Logan Square Auditorium
10.07.06 - Grand Rapids, MI - Intersection
10.08.06 - Detroit, MI - St. Andrews Hall
10.09.06 - Buffalo, NY - Showplace Theatre
10.11.06 - Cambridge, MA - The Middle East - Downstairs
10.12.06 - New York, NY - Irving Plaza
10.13.06 - Philadelphia, PA - Tocadero Theater
10.14.06 - Washington, DC - Black Cat
10.16.06 - Asheville, NC - The Rocket Club
10.17.06 - Newport, KY - Headliners Music Hall
10.18.06 - Indianapolis, IN - Emerson Theatre
10.19.06 - Louisville, KY - Headliners Music Hall
10.20.06 - Nashville, TN - Exit/In
10.21.06 - Birmingham, AL - Bottletree Lounge
10.22.06 - Atlanta, GA - Drunken Unicorn
10.23.06 - Atlanta, GA - Drunken Unicorn
10.25.06 - Jacksonville, FL - Jack Rabbit's
10.26.06 - Tallahassee, FL - Club Downunder
10.27.06 - Gainesville, FL - Abbey Road
10.28.06 - Orlando, FL - The Club at Firestone
10.30.06 - Houston, TX - Warehouse Live
10.31.06 - Denton, TX - Hailey's
11.01.06 - Austin, TX - Emo's Alternative Lounging
11.03.06 - Albuquerque, NM - Launchpad
11.04.06 - Tucson, AZ - Club Congress
11.05.06 - Tempe, AZ - The Clubhouse
11.06.06 - La Jolla, CA - Porter's Pub
11.08.06 - Pomona, CA - Glass House
11.09.06 - Los Angeles, CA - El Rey Theatre
11.10.06 - San Francisco, CA - Bimbo's 365 Club
all dates with P.O.S., The Velvet Teen, Russian Circles
I don't know about you, but when I discover I've forgotten my iPod/giant binder of CDs/anything that keeps me from listening to Mix 97 in the car, I have the urge to bang my head on the steering wheel. (I've actually done this. Not a great plan. Beeping your horn for no reason at a stoplight does not make new friends.)
Once I've resigned myself to my fate, I stick to one of two freqs: the "oldies" station, in the off chance that they might play "Hang On To Your Ego" by The Beach Boys, and the college radio station, because, damn, the chick who does that Indian music show sounds F-I-N-E.
But if I venture away from those spots on the dial, I suddenly feel the need to drive into a tree (or even better, certain radio transmitters), because let's face it, kids: commercial radio is the worst thing since the dudes from Atreyu were like, "Hey, let's like... uh. Let's. like, be in a band but be all goth and shit but. like, trendy. Do you know how to put on eyeliner?" If the radio actually repped what's been released in this joint for the past 50-odd years, Led Zeppelin's catalog would boast, oh, maybe five songs.
But wait! There's hope (kind of)! Last week, the FCC announced that it will be holding six public hearings on "media ownership issues." Allow me to translate: "Media ownership issues" actually means "yeah, we know we let Clear Channel go all Pac-Man on radio stations and you're forced to hear 'Livin' On A Prayer' 57 times a day, but mannn, we was stooooned."
Chairman Kev Martin sez: "Public input is integral to this process [...] I look forward to hearing from the American people on a variety of subjects at these hearings such as the impact of the Commission's rules on localism, minority ownership, and various types of programming like independent and religious programming and children's and family-friendly programming."
Allow me to clarify: "We actually have no idea where all the independence and localism went in radio. I think it has something to do with that Clear Channel dude. One day we woke up, and it was all gone. Anyone have ideas? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?"