Four out of Five Crooners Agree: The Jesus Lizard Will Be Ring-A-Ding on DVD!

"Rock 'n' roll smells phony and false. It is sung, played and written, for the most part, by cretinous goons. And, by means of its almost imbecilic reiteration, and sly, lewd and in plain fact, dirty lyrics -- it manages to be the martial music of every side-burned delinquent on the face of the earth."

"A rancid-smelling aphrodisiac."

"Rock 'n' roll is the most brutal, ugly, desperate, vicious form of expression it has been my misfortune to hear."

All of the quotes above were said by Frank Sinatra. For a man who simply hated rock 'n' roll, we can't help but wonder what he must have thought of Chicago friction-filled foursome The Jesus Lizard. Unbelievably (seriously, don't believe this), I recently unearthed an interview that "Ol' Blue Balls," er, "Eyes" gave just before he kicked the bucket that contains a rant about our favorite antagonistas. The tape hiss is loud and it's kinda scratchy too, but I can make out that legendary Jersey-accent saying the following words: "Listen, pally. This band of hoodlums and finks are the most smashed punks the world has ever seen. Their live show was a spectacle of degeneracy fit for the likes of Caligula and the Marquis de Sade. I'm dyin' when I hear those 18-karat bums. You'd do well to cash out your class-A barn-burner broads from these creeps as well, because they will give them the crabs. Avoid these crumb-bums at all cost and your life will be a gas. If you're a cool customer like me, you'll realize that Jesusing Lizard is not your bag. Scramsville to the coolest club and give your ripe tomato a twirl instead. That is the living end; those Jesus Lizards are original losers. Dig, Harve?"

Caligula? Crabs? Crumb-bums? I don't recall any of that when The Jesus Lizard played live. If only there was a way to see a taped performance -- eek, there is! MVD will be releasing a 65-minute DVD featuring the band live in Boston at the Venus de Milo club in 1994. MVD also stocks Nude Black Auto Mechanics 101, Latina Girls Gone Bananas #3, something called Thugs and Hot Tubs, and the 1996 made-for-TV movie Project: ALF -- bless their big hearts! But that's a whole other story. Jesus Lizard: Live will be out on June 5, and it contains 20 songs in video form (five of which are taken from a 1992 New York CBGB show, tracks 16-20 below) and has liner notes written by Michael Azerrad (Our Band Could Be Your Life).

As far as quotes go, I prefer this one from the Touch & Go website: "To put it bluntly (or perhaps to merely state the obvious), The Jesus Lizard were the greatest live band of the last decade of the 20th century. Mr. David Yow will forever be the frontman to end all frontmen." That may be all true, but did they ever bang Ava Gardner? End of story, pally!

My own urine-stained tracklist:

1. Gladiator
2. Mouthbreather
3. Destroy Before Reading
4. Puss
5. Bloody Mary
6. Nub
7. Horse
8. One Evening
9. The Associate
10. Killer McHann
11. Mailman
12. Boilermaker
13. Fly on the Wall
14. Chrome
15. Seasick
16. Then Comes Dudley
17. If You Had Lips
18. My Own Urine
19. Wheelchair Epidemic
20. Monkey Truck

Cat Power Doppelgänger Tours With The Dirty Delta Blues In July

Allow me to take the moral high road for a moment of your time: I am concerned for Chan Marshall. The more I hear about her new lease on life, the weirder I feel inside. A burgeoning acting career, spokesperson for Chanel, "candid interviews" about alcoholism and depression? It feels wrong -- not like Dylan doing a Victoria's Secret commercial, but like she's apologizing for the music she's made and acknowledging that ridiculous, tired assumption about "depressing music." What happened to the person who wrote "No Sense"? Or "Shaking Paper"? Or "Satisfaction"? Well, we know what happened to the person who wrote that last one: he's been catatonic for years. Cat Power's best songs destroy with each line and transcend with single words, something infinitely hard to do when good lyrics are so 1995. The sound of a solitary person in a dark room -- nothing else let in, physical or otherwise (other than the occasional Beastie Boys loop) -- that's the Cat Power I miss. Come back down here, pretty pretty please with a skull on top.

HEY, Y'ALL PUMPED FOR THE TOUR NOW???!!:

* Built to Spill

Photo: Mark Whitely

Field Music Take A Break from Indiedom

"We basically want to do things that aren't classed as 'Field Music indie band.' It just makes us sick, so [we] want to do something else. We want to still work with the people we like recording with and recording in the way that we do and make the music that we do. But we don't want to have to compete in the sphere of indiedom. We're not going to be a band for a bit."

This quote, (and its "Range Life" paraphrasing) is from a Field Music radio interview on BBC 6 Music. This whole music thing, i.e. "indiedom," apparently has gotten the FM boys down, so they are going on hiatus. Not a full-blown break up, just a break, albeit for an indeterminate length of time (how long is a bit?). In that same interview, the band goes on to say that Field Music "aren't going to be over because we've already got a bank account under the name, so we'll just continue [as] a company," and then added that it's "time to go and do some real work."

Field Music's timing couldn't be worse (have they been taking career advice from the Test Icicles?), as the past few months have seen the English band releasing its second LP, Tones Of Town (TMT Review) (Memphis Industries), to great acclaim, as well as taking part in a successful U.S. tour with Menomena. Plus, taking the story from odd to perplexing, the band just this week released TOT's second single in the UK, "She Can Do What She Wants," and still plans to play its upcoming summer European shows. They kinda stink at this "hiatus" thing. But to be fair, the h-word will likely start at the end of June, once all their shows have been played. Although, in the now times, with many once-broken up bands reuniting, no group is ever "taking a break," "on hiatus," "on extended hiatus," or "broken up" for too long.

Chemical Brothers Reveal New Album Tracklist, Collaborators, Minty Fresh Fragrance

Are you Willy Mason, Fatlip, Ali Love, Midlake, or The Klaxons? If so, congratulations! You're guesting on the new Chemical Brothers album, We Are The Night. By my calculations, there's now around 18 bands or artists left in the world who haven't yet collaborated with the Chemical Brothers, which probably goes some way to explaining Willy Mason.

British nu-rave champions The Klaxons (who still haven't successfully explained what, if anything, nu-rave has to do with, er, actual rave) are playing on All Rights Reversed -- see what you did there, clever -- while Midlake appear on presumably epic album closer "The Pills Won't Help You Now." Willy Mason is playing on "Battle Scars," and Ali Love is featured on the first single from the album, "Do It Again." Most concerning of all, though, is Fatlip appearing on a track called "The Salmon Dance." I mean, seriously, dude? As much as I dig The Pharcyde, there's just some things that I don't want to see a grown man do.

We Are The Night is going to drop on June 19. The Brothers will do their usual British festival circuit, before touring America in September.

Do the salmon, yeah, the salmon, uh, uh, the salmon, yeah, OH FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING:

Gorillaz Drop Music and Get Down with Harry Potter; Moms Everywhere Burn Old Blur Records

Little known fact kids, Terry Gilliam was J.K. Rowling’s first choice for directing Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone back in 2000. As we all know, Christopher Columbus was picked for the job. And according to Gilliam, those versions were “just dull; pedestrian.” Most people would curl and die after being passed over for a job like that. One of the most successful film series to date and the execs say, “No, we want some fifteenth century explorer. Not one of the funniest British minds ever.” The thing is, dig, Gilliam was born in America, and you know what that means? He wasn’t born a quitter. The boy has resilience! He bleeds red, white and blue! Though he did denounce his U.S. citizenship in 2006. Whatever.

Wait, this is about Gorillaz. Yeah, so Gorillaz are done making studio albums. Instead they are making a movie for which they will write the score. Now it has been rumored that Terry Gilliam is on ship with the boyz to make this movie happen. With that said, we can only assume that Gilliam has acquired the rights to the next Harry Potter film, Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince.

The list of characters is incomplete as of now, but there are a few obvious choices. Firstly, Murdoc is going to play Professor Snape. The boy is creepy. I mean he’s a member of Gorillaz, so at the end of the day, he is a good guy, but with his drug addictions and what not, we can’t wholeheartedly trust him. And we all know how slippery Snape can be. It’s a perfect match. Also, Murdoc claims to have lost his virginity at age nine. Creepy. 2D, the band’s lead vocalist, would most likely play the lead of Harry Potter. He is, after all, the band’s official pretty boy. And, like Harry, has marks on his face that have gained him recognition. Noodle, the only girl in the band, gets to be Hermione by default. Russel, the overgrown drummer, will play Hagrid. This move is done more for his size than any other reason.

Neither Gilliam nor the members of Gorillaz could be reached for comment on their newest endeavor, but Damon Albarn, one of the men closely connected with Gorillaz had this to say: “We're trying to make a film next, starting in September hopefully. It will be a film score. There won't be another pop record. When we made the first Gorillaz record, we had no idea it was going to be a pop record. You don't make records with that in mind. They become that if the public love them.”

Okay, well that quote had nothing to do with the potential of Gilliam directing the newest Harry Potter flick, nor did it have anything to do with the potential of 2D playing the role of Harry Potter. Thanks a lot Albarn. “Ring, Ring” “Hello?” “Oh hey, Albarn, it’s for you. Blur called, they said you peaked eight years ago.”

With such a derivative name as To Live and Shave in L.A., it's fitting that the group was founded by a dude named Tom Smith. The band name comes from a Ron Jeremy porno parody of neo-noir film To Live and Die in L.A., and according to Smith's philosophy of "PRE," To Live and Shave L.A., offshoot band To Live and Shave in L.A. 2, Ron Jeremy's To Live and Shave in L.A., and the 1985 feature film To Live and Die in L.A. all consist of the same, equally essential energy. Says their Wikipedia entry:

In a Blastitude interview, Smith said that he created the band to develop the idea of PRE in contrast to what he called the wrong idea of "POST" (compare with the genre term "post-rock," coined by music critic Simon Reynolds), which he derides as the fallacy of an "errant supposition that spiffed-up or newly hatched movements supplant others fit for retirement." In other words, Smith sees all genres and movements as being part of the same essential energy and movement, and equally valid—as opposed to a Platonic or historical hierarchy structure—mirroring Friedrich Nietzsche's rejection of the progressive in favor of an Eternal Recurrence of the Same. (Alternatively, Smith, who as of 2005 was pursuing a Master's degree in Ethics, has been quoted as having "serious problems with Martin Heidegger's aesthetics," preferring the social pragmatism of George Herbert Mead and the bold progressivism of John Stuart Mill.) Smith first wrote of "PRE" in a 1980 issue of short-lived Athens, Georgia fanzine Hot Java.

Dada dada dada dada!!! Okay, shuddup, TLASILA quiz time:

TRUE OR FALSE

1. Tom Smith is in love with Grindhouse's Zoë Bell
2. Jamie Stewart of Xiu Xiu rejected TLASILA's remix of The Air Force because it was "too creepy"
3. TLASILA is releasing a 7xCD3 box for Melted Matchbox
4. Billy Corgan teabagged Bill Maher's face
5. Tom Smith has made up with Weasel Walter and supports the release of TLASILA2 material
6. Rat Bastard invented the Rat distortion pedal
7. Thurston Moore plays on last year's Noon and Eternity (TMT Review)

MULTIPLE CHOICE

8. Who is NOT featured in the upcoming tour lineup?

A. Chris Grier

B. Graham Moore

C. Don Fleming

D. Weasel Walter

E. Rat Bastard

F. Ben Wolcott
9. Who makes the best butterscotch cookies?

A. Maria Sharapova

B. Tom Smith

C. Phil Elverum

D. Lewis Pardun

E. Tike All Mompsen
10. Which TLASILA album below is NOT being released on Savage Land?

A. Les Tricoteuses

B. Clap Your Hands Say Jergens, Natural Glow Firming Moisturizer

C. Commmiinnggg! and Practis'd the Black Art

D. A collaboration with Kevin Drumm
11. Which day is missing from Tom Smith's calendar?

A. March 12

B. December 19

C. April 1

D. February 12

ANSWERS

True of False: (1) T (2) F (3) T (4) T (5) T (6) F (7) T

Multiple Choice: (8) D (9) D (10) B (11) C -- nobody fools Tom Smith

Savage Land will release Les Tricoteuses at the end of this month. Check out TLASILA's blog and download some out-of-print back catalog stuff.

Devendra Banhart Recording New Album, Hiding Details in Beard

XL Recordings announced this week that everyone’s favorite mountain man will grace us with a new album in the near future. Note: I really hope he’s recording in Woodstock again, because it’s close to me and I will stalk him. And by stalk him, I mean not stalk him. Obviously.

No title yet, but the support staff can’t be beat: Andy Cabic of Devendra’s touring band Vetiver, Joanna Newsom’s bro Pete, and Luckey Remington of the Pleased, to name a few, who may or may not be growing larger beards of happiness during this endeavor.

Yeah!

Elvis Costello Reissues Some Stuff, Proves Why He’s Still The King

It’s that time of year again, kids, when stuff happens. It always seems to take place right before the money from tours come in and when rent is due. But Costello is re-releasing some stuff. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not exactly calling these potboilers. It’s just what’s the point? But fear not, for that question among two or three others will not go unanswered. The King, Elvis himself, is with me.

Petya: What exactly is being released?

Elvis: The Best of Elvis Costello: The First 10 Years and Rock and Roll Music. Also, we are releasing my first 11 albums digitally.

Petya: Ew, bringin’ it back to binary I see.

Elvis: Yeah.

Petya: What is the point of reissuing these shits, my man?

Elvis: It wasn’t really my initiative.

Petya: Yeah, whatever. Blame it on the Universal Music Group.

Elvis: Okay, I will.

Petya: What if I say I don’t want to buy any of these rehashed, gilded bits of history?

Elvis: There's no compulsion to buy these records. If they interest you, you'll buy them. The fact that they're going to be available (digitally) makes people's ability to buy them in excerpts easier, because people tend to do that these days when they're online -- if they haven't stolen them already.

Petya: Ew, in my face. Psh.

Well, that’s all the quotes I could round up from Billboard.com. Seriously, though, while Elvis Costello is doing well (including a ten-day tour starting May 2 in California), there are plenty of other Elvises who have been blowing it lately. For example, Elvis Presley is super-dead. Elvis Grbac? The boy gets constant boos in Baltimore, and after he tore his vagina or something, people starting yelling, “Elvis has left the building.” Bringing up the rear is Elvis Stojka. He used to be a decent figure skater, but now he’s retired. Wait, a figure skater? Yeah, he sucks. Moral of the story: support Elvis Costello before we run out of a reputable Elvis to cheer for.

Spiderman 3 Soundtrack is Equal Parts Webslingin’ Good and Joker-Lovin’ Bad

One could draw a line graph representing level of cool on the Spiderman 3 soundtrack; jumping off the charts with artists like Black Mountain and The Walkmen and hitting the ground with Jet. But I digress. While many would feel that allowing Snow Patrol to compose a movie theme (or produce any new material whatsoever) is not a wise choice, The Flaming Lips kinda make up for it by throwing down their new Spiderman-inspired track, "The Supreme Being Teaches Spider-Man How to Be in Love." However, it used to be called “Spiderman vs. Muhammad Ali.” Personally, I’d love to see the Lips write an entire album of imaginary face-offs. “Anderson Cooper vs. Bill O’Reilly”! “Fall Out Boy vs. The Black Lips Resulting in Many Busted Lips for Fall Out Boy”!

The “indie-leaning” (thanks, MTV) comp also includes the likes of Rogue Wave, Wolfmother, Wasted Youth Orchestra, Chubby Checker (!?), and uh, The Killers -- who probably don’t live up to their name at all and would definitely get their asses whooped by The Flaming Lips.

Yours to mock/appreciate May 1 on The Record Collection, three whole days before the film release.

Bipolar tracklist:

1. Snow Patrol - "Signal Fire"
2. The Killers - "Move Away"
3. Yeah Yeah Yeahs - "Sealings"
4. Wolfmother - "Pleased to Meet You"
5. The Walkmen - "Red River"
6. Black Mountain - "Stay Free"
7. The Flaming Lips - "The Supreme Being Teaches Spider-Man How to Be in Love"
8. Simon Dawes - "Scared of Myself"
9. Chubby Checker - "The Twist"
10. Rogue Wave - "Sight Lines"
11. Coconut Records - "Summer Day"
12. Jet - "Falling Star"
13. Sounds Under Radio - "Portrait of a Summer Thief"
14. Wasted Youth Orchestra - "A Letter to St. Jude"
15. The Oohlas - "Small Parts

Google Still Plans to Implement YouTube Filter That Will Add Technicolor Effect to All Videos; Industry Can’t Wait

On Monday at the National Association of Broadcasters conference in Las Vegas, Google CEO Eric Schmidt said, "We are very close to turning this on." He's referring to Claim Your Content, the new name for Google's YouTube filtering system that would supposedly cut out your favorite music videos (and TV shows and movies, etc.). But how does it work? Will the burden be placed on the content uploaders or the content owners? With little details revealed in Las Vegas, Schmidt left the industry -- particularly the media conglomerates -- confused.

A little more to the mystery was revealed yesterday at a keynote discussion at the Web 2.0 Expo in San Francisco. Schmidt explained further: "Under law, the copyright owner has to monitor what’s going on your sites. So we’re automating that process.” To the dismay of content owners, it's appearing that the "filtering" system may continue placing the burden on the media conglomerates to find and remove copyrighted material, a currently non-automated shitball that has already prompted a $1 billion lawsuit from lovable, friendly giant Viacom.

It's been roughly four months since an announcement was made to filter out copyrighted content from YouTube, and media companies are increasingly frustrated with what some call Google's "stalling tactics." But hey, Google's busy selling ads on all of the radio stations owned by Clear Channel Communications and acquiring ad-serving software DoubleClick for $3.1 billion. Can you blame them? And the traffic at YouTube is skyrocketing!! Besides, the filter couldn't possibly work good enough to please the media companies. Could it? Gotta please the media companies!! Sigh.

'Scuse me while I iron some wrinkles.

  

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