Beirut Announce New Album and Tour, Almost Daring You Not To Blog About It

Is Beirut the next Nirvana? Of course not. Christ, that has got to be the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Although both seem to have inspired more than a few imitators (you'll find Nirvana clones on radio stations and Beirut clones at house parties), Beirut haven't exactly gotten to meal storage-levels yet. In a way, since they are one of the newer the newer groups to inspire imitation, they kinda are the next Nirvana (stop throwing shit at me).... or at least the next At The Drive-In (stop it!). The point is that Beirut has defiantly risen to the level where others are trying to bite their style. So, what do they do next?

The info surrounding the group's upcoming second LP, coming out October 9, seems to point toward a new direction of sorts. The yet-to-be-titled album, the follow up to 2006's The Gulag Orkestar (Ba Da Bing!) was recorded in two separate sessions, one at The Arcade Fire's studio in Montreal and the other at the A Hawk & A Hacksaw practice space. While the first LP was done almost completely by Head of Band Zach Condon, this time the other seven members of the group (the, *cough* Orkestar), with extra orchestration and vocals from Owen Pallett of Final Fantasy, took part in the process.

Sound-wise, the album is said to be headed out of the Eastern bloc and toward more of a classic French pop (the group covers Jacques Brel on an upcoming UK single) sound. Somebody should write in a news story about how some group of writers should review a bunch of French Pop records for a whole month, making it seem like the newswriter came up with the pre-existing idea. Anyway, Beirut is taking eight people, two LPs, and one EP's worth of tunes -- and a lot of weed -- on tour this fall to promote the new record. Go to those shows and make sure to ask Condon what the hell a track zero is...

Title TBA tracklisting:

Tour dates:
09.23.07 - Princeton, NJ - Terrace F Club*
09.24.07 - New York, NY - Society for Ethical Culture (Wordless Music Series) *
09.26.07 - New York, NY - Delacorte Theater *
09.30.07 - Montreal, QU - La Salla Rosa *
10.02.07 - Toronto, ONT - Danforth Music Hall *
10.04.07 - Chicago, IL - Portage Theater *
10.08.07 - San Francisco, CA - Herbst Theater *
10.09.07 - San Francisco, CA - Herbst Theater *
10.10.07 - Los Angeles, CA - Avalon *

* Colleen

Punk Planet Closes Its Editorial Doors

According to The Columbia Journalism Review, roughly 700 new magazines start up each year. 60% of those magazines don't even last a year. Lasting 13 years and 80 issues, Punk Planet is clearly not included in that 60%, as the magazines in the 40% margin are ones that standout, spread ideas, and make relevant points about culture. Punk Planet was one of those magazines. On June 18, 2007, a blog post was published on their site declaring that Punk Planet was dead. The biggest blow to Punk Planet, according to the post, is their bad distribution deal with RetailVision. Other factors included a lack of advertisers and declining subscription sales. All of these factors spell out disaster for any magazine, making it virtually impossible for any paper zine to survive.

Even though most of the writing was purely contribution-based, Punk Planet tried to pay their writers every now and then, but all payments stopped six issues ago. It's just so powerful to see how love and passion have nothing to do with money. It's terrible to see such a unique and amazing zine fall. It was an amazing zine that didn't follow the current trend of focusing on consumerism and aesthetics in culture but ideas and the people behind them. It focused heavily on music as well, with Punk Planet literally trying to review every independent album sent to them, and if not in the zine, you could always find more reviews on their website. Of course all of this is hard to keep rolling since the magazine version of Punk Planet is dead.

Notice how I simply said, "the magazine version of Punk Planet is dead." Thankfully, it means that Punk Planet can live on through the internet if they play their cards correctly. Punkplanet.com is a hell of a domain name (and excellent site already), so they could definitely utilize that domain and their massive list of credentials to create a website as influential as their print zine. Even better, it's still possible a company could pick up Punk Planet and get the magazine kilns fired up again. For the time being, though, all of Punk Planet seems in pieces and they aren't sure of a new direction, but their spirit still seems to remain intact, and I'm positive they're not finished wreaking havoc against ideas they denounce and proliferating the independent and punk ideas they feel so passionate about.

Kinsella Family Update

Like the Deacon in Universal Picture’s Waterworld, starring Kevin Costner as a enigmatic seafarer (SPOILER!!!!!! WITH GILLS), Mr P has gone mad in a quest for blog dominance. Actually, now that I’m writing this down, I’m realizing that the Deacon (as excellently portrayed by Dennis Hopper) had absolutely no justification for his ongoing battles with the scattered atolls and remnants of humanity. He was more or less destroying things... just cause. And while I will not deny the aesthetic/hilarity value of sending men holding harpoons, in tattered clothing, on jetskis, over scrap metal walls, I’m not sure that constitutes character motivation. ADDITIONALLY, if they were so far in the future... alright, that's it. I’m making a list of plot holes in Universal Picture’s Waterworld starring Kevin Costner.

1 - Why didn’t anyone just go to the high ground when the ice caps were melting? The only way that they would not do this would have been if the ice caps had melted in like 15 seconds.
1a - How did people have time to construct massive floating civilizations scattered throughout the world but didn’t have time to go to a mountain?
2 - How was Kevin Costner the only one who grew gills?
2a - Did he have parents? Did THEY have gills? Did his parents mate with fish? WERE his parents fish?
2b - At Enola’s Atoll, it is discovered that Kevin Costner has gills (because he doesn’t want to make some girl pregnant... no one has appropriately acknowledged that huge leap in reasoning); why would they attempt to kill him rather than breed him so humanity can... you know... continue?
3 - The map on Enola’s back meant absolutely nothing. And the overall solution was just flying until Dry Land was found.
3a - Why had no one tried this plan before?
4 - Where did the smoker’s tobacco reserves come from? If enough time had passed that Kevin Costner could grow GILLS, shouldn’t the remaining tobacco supplies been used up or rotted?
5 - Why does everyone call gasoline “Go-Juice” and water “Hydro”. Nearly every other word from before the flood has survived and yet the names of the most important and most abundant things, respectively, have been lost.
5a - And yet the character still call the place they live Waterworld rather than hydroworld...
5a1 - Why did the name of the planet change anyway?
5a2 - The characters deny that Dry Land ever existed and yet they call it Waterworld, suggesting that they are aware that at one point water was not the only thing present.
6 - Why are machines still functioning perfectly?
7 - How did this film NOT find mainstream success?

POINT BEING (other than the fact that Universal Picture’s Waterworld starring Kevin Costner is rife with inconsistencies), Mr P has gone on a quest for control of the indierock blogosphere with a viciousness normally reserved for Dennis Hopper’s attacks on innocent atollis. In a staff e-mail, he directed every writer to pen something that would do more damage to P4k’s (or, as he put it, pSUk’s LOL AMIRITE?’s) credibility than the line head writer- Waterworld would do on a resume. This leaves me in a position where I say something disparaging about Lil Wayne (NOT happening) or give a compliment, that is not belittling or backhanded, to a Kinsella.

So: Mike: I hope your upcoming tour under your Owen moniker goes well. Your stripped-down, AIM profile-ready lyrics do not remind me of John Mayer. Not at all. I hear you’re playing with City on Film. Bob Nanna is pretty neat sometimes. I like his name. Maybe you’ll get to eat some good food abroad and see the sights. That would be nice.

* With The City On Film

Tim: I hope the 7-inch of reworked Joan Of Arc songs from your last album sells enough to allow you to continue making music. I imagine this work will help boost share ratios on OiNK. People will appreciate that too. The white vinyl will also be nice to look at. I assume.

Many Times I’ve Mistaken 7-inch:

1. Many Times I've Mistaken
2. Eventually All At Once

Nate: Are you still in jail? I hope not. Watching you play drums was amusing. Actually, just checked. You are not. That’s good. I hope you don’t get arrested at your upcoming shows with Tortoise. Additionally, I hope you are not upstaged by their drummer

06.30.07 - Minneapolis, Minnesota - Cedar Cultural Center *
07.01.07 - Chicago, Illinois - Metro *

* Tortoise

TAKE THAT SCHREIBER.

Straight from the Presiden’t Desk: Sonic Youth to Record Exclusive Song for Starbucks; Hell Freezes Over

In a recent exclusive AIM interview with the President of the United States of America, Thurston Moore told the Oval Office that Starbucks will be releasing a new Sonic Youth compilation album with an exclusive song and a tracklist made up of celebrities like Portia de Rossi and Michelle Williams' favorite Sonic Youth tunes.

Here's the interview:

GeorgieNhizBush: Yeeeeehawww! Hey, Thurston, how the %^*# have you been?! LOL

apatheticAnDproud38: Hey Georgie! Whut's ^ foo'? I just mailed u a mix tape <3

GeorgieNhizBush: NMU? Thirsty, The Pentagon and I jest decided to seize the Greenland ice cap and blow it up, so we can keep selling SUV's and not worry 'bout dem caps meltin'!

apatheticAnDproud38: Aw shit, I love my SUV. It's got SO MANY CUPHOLDERS!!! ;)

GeorgieNhizBush: Yep. Wana get some joe?? Er some oil?? I sure do luuuuvs oil! $$$

apatheticAnDproud38: Nah dood, I just drank dis new hot-chocolate-mega-mocha-kappa-gamma-frothy-ass-latte from STARBUCKS!!© Oh, speaking of STARBUCKS!!©...

GeorgieNhizBush: ...Uhm, Thirsty, how come ya keep typin up dat copyright thingy-ding when ya say Starbucks??

apatheticAnDproud38: They pay me everytime I do it!

apatheticAnDproud38: ANYWAY! STARBUCKS!!© is gonna have Sonic Youth CDs on the counter with the biscotti and the Dixie Chicks CD real soon!

apatheticAnDproud38: We're getting a buncha hot babes to pick all the songs from our back catalog for it, and we're recording an exclusive song for it too, 'cos we know that all our biggest fans are also incidentally STARBUCKS© frequenters!

GeorgieNhizBush: YEEHAW!!! I LUV STARBUCKS! ..Got n e good porn?

Dark Meat Pack Up Drumsticks and Wing Their Way Northward for Tender, Juicy Tour

You know something? Dark meat always gets a pretty bad wrap, man. Sure, you can get those giant turkey legs at County Fairs and such, but as beautiful of a sight as that is, it's generally more due to sheer portability and inherent "pirate factor" than anything else, I think. (n.b. I, myself, must confess to getting into many-a-pirate-themed sword fight with friends using the aforementioned giant legs of Turkey when I went to Disney World back in High School. And this was BEFORE Johnny Depp made pirates badass again)

And yeah, sports aficionados have been known to get-down on a plate or two of wings, while they're huddled around the ol' LCD flatscreen with friends and neighbors. But that hardly counts; those things are so covered in tangy marinades, chunky dressings, and tongue-fucking spices that the chicken is little more than a conduit for the heart-clogging condiments.

It's sad but true. Fact is, if given the choice, just about everybody everywhere would opt for the white meat when feasting on fatted fowls of any kind. The dark meat's usually the first thing to go whenever a turkey is carved up on Thanksgiving, and face it: if a burger joint sold a chicken patty sandwich made of dark meat (I think I had one from a Hardees in a rest stop once, actually), the patrons would be heading for the nearest Wendy's in a hurry. Dark meat usually just gets kind of a raw deal.

Until Now, that is.

Athens Georgia's own Dark Meat (a.k.a. Dark Meat Vomit Lasers Family Band/Galaxy... don't ask) are trying their damnedest to turn things around for the much-maligned legs and wings of the world. This 18-piece (or so) order of psych-fried, backwoods, secular-gospel howlers is gonna be representin' big time over the next few months, when they peck their way into just about every venue in America they could fit into in a single summer, spreading their down-home goodness all over a city near you to promote their recent raucous release, Univeral Indians (Orange Twin). 18+ musicians all on the road at once?? Man, it's gotta be a pain for all of them to exit when one guy's gotta go to the bathroom!

So, if you're not doing anything this summer (maybe because you're unemployable due to the fact you smoke as much these cats do?), feel free to grab one of those turkey legs from the County Fair, hold it up high, and march on over to the Dark Meat show. Who knows? Maybe you can use it as a weapon like I did and get some free merch... or arrested... either one, really...

Finger lickin' dates:

Os Mutantes Overcome Differences for Second Summer in a Row, Offer Cheezy Grins, Please Critics

Rumors abound as to why Os Mutantes, the seminal Brazilian tropicalia group, disbanded in the 1970s. One of the least pervasive, yet most convincing rumors:

Arnaldo Baptista decided the band would play a different brand of guitars and urged his brother Sergio Baptista, "From now on, we will play Gibson, the guitars of Jimmy Page."

Sergio, preferring a different make of guitar — presumably Fender — simply would not have it, and Arnaldo was subsequently sent into a catatonic downward spiral, later requiring institutionalization. The brothers underwent a typical Noel-Liam (Gallagher) rivalry for many several years until Sergio decided to let bygones be bygones.

In an act of brotherly kinship, Sergio invited Arnaldo to dinner, whereupon Arnaldo witnessed wall upon wall lined with Fender guitars. Arnaldo lost it again, once again requiring institutionalization.

Last summer, Arnaldo, after seeing the decrepit state of the once virile Jimmy Page, saw it fit to reform Os Mutantes. American audiences were able to view for the first time Arnaldo's wispy tendrils blowing in the Chicago night, his hammy grin showcasing years of near-insanity in New York City, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Seattle, Denver, and Miami alike.

Though publications such as the Chicago Tribune suggest last year's appearance at Pitchfork Music Festival was one of the top ten live music moments of the year, the audience seemed in on the sarcasm involved in a three-decades-in-the-making reunion. In other words, it was relieving that the festival was ending, the reunion much akin to seeing Lynyrd Skynyrd or The Police. It seems like a good idea; you're glad to experience it, but...

Os Mutantes will release Everything is Possible later this year, a reissue of 1999's greatest hits collection, available through David Byrne's label, Luaka Bop, where an alternative biography may be viewed.

Arnaldo's grinnin' on showcase at these fine American metropolises:

GG Allin Has a Small Penis – That’s Right, I Said It; MVD to release “Special Edition” DVD this August

So, this one time, an angel visited Merle Allin Sr. in his sleep and told him his son would be a great man. Like the Messiah. So, the dude names his first kid Jesus Christ Allin. Splendid, right? Then his mom changed his name to Kevin. GG, a.k.a. Jesus, a.k.a. Kevin (whatever) went on to front GREAT bands like The Scumfucs, The Texas Nazis, The AIDS Brigade, The Fuckin Shitbiscuits, The Swanfucks, The Toilet Rockers, and The Drug Whores, to name but a few. What's-his-face died in 1993 of an overdose after a show, probably in a pool of his own vomit and shit, just as he liked it.

A YouTube search of "GG Allin" will already provide you with all you need to ever see from the "shock artist." But still think pooping on yourself is cool and want to see more? Well, if that's the case, then you can run out and spend your allowance on HATED, a 60-minute GG Allin Special Edition DVD of him shitting on himself and teabagging poor girls in the audience, to be released August 7 through MVD Visual.

It gets better: MVD promoted a cover art contest for this "Special Edition" DVD. The entries are "very graphic in nature" (quite laughable) and can be viewed here.

In addition to three music videos and commentary tracks by Todd Phillips, Merle Allin, and Dino Sex, the DVD contains exclusive interviews with Allin and Arleta Gunther (GG's mom.) If that weren't enough, be one of the first 5,000 to own this DVD, and you'll have a chance to get a poster of GG's portrait by John Wayne Gacy (because serial killing is cool) AND GG ALLIN TEMPORARY TATTOOS!!! I presume they will be poop tattoos you can smear all over your face. At least I hope so.

"HATED," highlights the featuring "hits":

Sleater-Kinney to Release Retrospective DVD; My Heart Still Broken

The last time I really thought about Sleater-Kinney breaking up, I was at one of their last shows in NYC last Summer. Since then, it's been buried deep, deep down in my most repressed of memories. But this morning, out of curiosity, I went and poked around to reminisce a bit and to see if anything was up.

According to their website, SK are compiling a DVD and VHS video for a retrospective that will surely bring a reminiscent tear to our eyes. SK are asking that you kindly send copies of any footage you might have of them to them, in an attempt to "make a complete visual artifact, leaving no stone unturned."

No solid details about the release of this retrospective have been released as of yet, and the band promises not to use your footage without your permission. Upon release, we expect thousands upon thousands to curl up with some popcorn and a soda (and probably a box of tissues or two.)

Send your eye candy here:

College-Age Pink Floyd Fans Name August 28 Honorary 4:20 in Spirit of {Piper at the Gates of Dawn}’s Reissue; EMI to Take Financial Advantage of Bros Everywhere; Or Look Behind You, Prospective Buyer! It’s a Chick Who Digs Guitar Players… Oh, No, Sorry, That’s Just the Back of a Young Roger Waters

Time to spark up a collective doobie, rhythm-guitar-strumming, chick-digging, sweat-stained Bros of America!

Spotting an opportunity to earn a quick buck at the expense of cool dads and rookie stoners everywhere, EMI will re-release Pink Floyd’s Piper at the Gates of Dawn August 28, honoring the 40th anniversary of the Syd Barrett-dropping, LSD-popping band’s psych rock debut. Apparently, the box set includes three discs -- both a stereo and mono version of Piper at the Gates of Dawn, plus one disc of “rare” B-sides and demos, available to all who purchase said album and probably to those who send emails to EMI riddled with virtual winking, cough-coughing, and Benjamin-slipping (or Washington, depending on how you roll) in the rare case that a prospective buyer’s just too busy to head out to a record store, with obligations like:

(a) playing with da’ band for a love of music, made evident through shirtless solos and closed-door sessions with groupies who can’t keep their hands to themselves;

(b) coaching his son’s little league game;

(c) smoking a blunt and playing Guitar Hero;

(d) smoking two blunts and playing Guitar Hero II;

to purchase a copy before they... sell out... ?

SERIOUSLY, THOUGH: Packaging was designed by Floyd-a-licious collaborator Storm Thorgerson, which includes reproductions of stuff from Syd Barrett’s notebook.

AND, I’M ONLY TELLING YOU THIS BECAUSE WE’RE SUCH GOOD FRIENDS: Rumor has is that 50 box sets distributed randomly in record stores across America include (laced) vintage temporary tattoos, that when licked, will certainly kick a ruby slipper-ed foot in the ass of that time you and your buddies watched The Wizard of Oz with the sound off and jammed out to The Dark Side of the Moon after smoking a blunt and playing Guitar Hero.

You’ll feel music, man, you’ll feel it.