You Just Can’t Go Wrong with a Shellac Tour!!

Oftentimes something seems like a good idea that is really a bad idea. This can be detrimental not only to one's sense of satisfaction, but also to his or her pocketbook, self-esteem, waistline, etc. Now, I may not be an expert in, say, the national economy, the proper use of "lay" versus "lie," or which side of the street to park your car on during a Minneapolis snow emergency, but I can proudly profess to being good at distinguishing a stupid option from a good one. (Of course, this sense usually kicks in approximately one minute after I have been faced with the decision.) In the spirit of a thoroughly disappointing Wednesday, I would like to present:

Things that seem like they will be awesome but turn out not to be awesome


Things that seem like they will be awesome and then turn out to be totally awesome

A side-by-side comparison.


Things that seem like they will be awesome but turn out not to be awesome:

- Calling your credit card company when you notice a weird charge on your account and having the bank dude get all attitude-y.

- Ordering a cinnamon roll from the coffeeshop only to find it is stale and partially frozen.

- Realizing you don't have to work tomorrow, only to realize there's nothing to do tonight.

Things that seem like they will be awesome and then turn out to be totally awesome

- Shellac going on tour this spring.

- Shellac going on tour this spring to places I will not be, but which sound incredible and will probably totally enhance the lives of each and every member of Shellac.

- Steve Albini

* Allroh

You’re Cordially Invited to Theodore Francis “Ted” Leo’s Pre-St. Patrick’s Day Affair And The Subsequent Tourdates That Succeed It

Dear friends, family, and strangers on the internet,

Theodore Francis “Ted” Leo hereby requests that you join him in celebrating the great St. Patrick:

Friday, the fourteenth of March, two thousand and eight

IBEW Local 103

Dorchester, Massachusetts

With special guests The Dropkick Murphys


Saturday, the fifteenth of March, two thousand and eight

Lowell Memorial Auditorium

Lowell, Massachusetts

With special guests The Dropkick Murphys

A reception will follow each performance.

Theodore also wishes to extend a warm welcome to those in Europe that are not able to join him for the St. Patrick’s day concerts. He requests the honor of their presence at his upcoming European performances during the spring of two thousand and eight:

Elliott Smith Memorial Wall Vandalized… Again

The wall featured in the background of Elliott Smith's Figure 8 album cover is actually part of a building that houses an electronics store called Solutions, located in Silver Lake, Los Angeles. Since Smith's 2003 suicide, the wall has transformed into a memorial to the songwriter, covered with scrawls bearing messages and poems. This past summer, however, an exemplary specimen of the human race decided his "artwork" was more worthy of the wall, obscuring the top half of the memorial with blue spray paint. Not long after, another aspiring artist decided that large bubble letters were the extra touch the wall needed, essentially ruining the memorial. What's next, a touch-up on the John Lennon wall in Prague?

A group of fans restored the wall this week, but all of the previous messages written to Smith have been lost. The owner of Solutions, Stephon Lew, is planning to create a monument in memoriam to Smith, following the original artistic theme of the wall:

These are my dreams: I plan to place an electronic object of importance….a 5 foot 7 inch tall monument (of Elliott’s size--with two loudspeakers at the base of the monument to represent his two big shoes) formed from crushed electronics parts---to play and to identify Elliott’s musical influences (Elliott’s hobby, I hear, was to experiment with electronics to make music tone)---to have the monument--emanate new energy and the many solutions that music can provide.

Sin And Degradation on Sunday; WFMU Pledge Drive Marathon With Yo La Tengo Murdering The Classics

Listener supported radio WFMU calls it their 50th anniversary pledge drive, I call it a karaoke wet dream. Let us rejoice in an event that's primarily about you, your radio, and Yo La Tengo ruining your favorite songs over and over again.

Since 1996, Yo La Tengo and the gang have been taking pledger's requests and hurling themselves headfirst into reckless covers, a phenomenon immortalized in the group's 1996-2003 compilation Yo La Tengo Is Murdering The Classics, released on their own label Egon and available here.

While past WFMU pledge drive events have included DJs setting themselves on fire, self-inducing sickness on junk food, and getting Eagles tattoos, Yo La Tengo is hands down the highlight of the annual pledge-drive marathon. It's all for the cause.

Shh shh shhhhhh. No words. Just emotions.

This Sunday, March 2, on WFMU with hosts Gaylord Fields and Bob Brainen, 5-8 PM Eastern time. Stream it if you got it.

Animal Collective to Release New, Possibly Sexy EP


This site contains material which is adult in nature and intended strictly for mature adults. All sex stories on Tiny Mix Tapes are fictional sexual fantasies and are published here for adult entertainment and artistic expression only! If you are not of legal age to view adult material in your area or you find pornography or any other type of Animal Collective material objectionable or obscene, please leave or close your web browser now. Tiny Mix Tapes and its owner(s) cannot and will not be held responsible for any content published on this website. If you proceed further, you accept full responsibility for your actions and consent to viewing adult material. Bookmarking, clicking beyond this page, or reading the Water Curses EP tracklisting means you fully understand and accept the conditions here.

Water Curses EP, to be released on Domino May 6:

* Kria Brekkan

[Photo: Adriano Fegundes]

M83 Tour and Release Saturdays = Youth; The Following Article = An Orgasm for Your Mind

Here at TMT, I am like the guy who sleeps on the couch and puts in little input. I don't even pay rent. Actually, I'm writing this right now in my Little Bill pajamas at the TMT offices in Brooklyn. As I twirl my hair with my grotesquely long penis*, I am thinking of what would make an article about M83 special.

I mean, what could I possibly say about M83, a.k.a. Anthony Gonzales, that hasn't been said before?

I could do the meticulous routine of mentioning that M83's fifth studio album Saturdays = Youth will be released April 15, and a U.S. tour will start five days after the release, beginning in Los Angeles.

I could make up a false, humorless story about how I am pissed that Gonzales stole his new album's title from me. I had a similar title for the first LP from my imaginary band, Pelvis Pressley, entitled Saturdays = Sodomy.**

I could try to write about a true life event that has absolutely nothing to do with the news article. For instance:

I had a dream last night I was at a night class for mentally handicapped newswriters. The teacher told a long story about how surfers sometimes have "maggot nests" attached to the ends of their boards. The teacher then told me to look up at the ceiling. I tried to look, but my head wouldn't move. I slapped my thigh, as it felt like there was a bug sucking the blood out of me. I woke up and found no bugs. I called cousin Dirk and told him about the dream because he is an avid surfer. He said that my dream was ridiculous, and then he told me he was busy visiting his girlfriend's family in Michigan. He said they lived right off of route M-83. I said, "Whoa!"***

Saturdays = Youth was produced by Ken Thomas and co-produced by Anthony Gonzales and Ewan Pearson. The single "Couleurs" was released February 26, with a remix by Jori Hulkkonen.****

* I always have to unnecessarily mention some form of the male anatomy in a news article.

** I commonly make up false stories that often result in a lame anecdote about butt sex.

*** I tend to turn my TMT articles into my own personal, "Who Give a Shit?" diary, where I try to resolve the story around the band. In this case, M83 is named after the planet, not the highway.

**** I vaguely remember what I was writing about in the first place, so I end with a couple of facts, and then I cry myself to sleep next an oiled-up and nude Mr P.

M83, you slay me -- tourdates:

Happy Belated Birthday, Karl Blau; New LPs, Reissue, Tour

A conversation between Giant and Karl Blau from November 2007:

Giant: I will tell you three things. If I tell them to you, and they come true, then will you believe me?

Karl Blau: Who's that?

Giant: Think of me as a friend.

Karl Blau: Where do you come from?

Giant: The question is, where have you gone?

The first thing I will tell you is: Shell Collection, your out-of-print Knw-Yr-Own release from 1997, is being reissued on deluxe vinyl because of an internet petition. You will request black and white drawings of shells to be included in the album's artwork. You will set the deadline for March 31.

Karl Blau: Shell Collection...

Giant: The second thing is: You released an album titled AM on Kelp! Monthly (issue #16) in 2005. On March 18, 2008, you will release a re-recorded, remixed, and re-sequenced version of AM on Whistler Records.

The third thing is: without chemicals, he points.

Karl Blau: Huh?

Giant: You have a tentatively titled album Nature's Got A Way to release in demo form again on Kelp!. You will release a new version of it on K Records late 2008 or early 2009.

Karl Blau: What do these mean?

Giant: This is all I'm permitted to say. Give me your ring. I will return it to you when you find these things to be true. We want to help you.

Karl Blau: Who's "we"?

Giant: One last thing: Leo locked inside a hungry horse. There is a clue at Leo's house. You will require medical attention.

Karl Blau: Uh... could you PLEASE GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!?

Giant: Reeeeeeearrrr!!!


Maxim Reviews ANOTHER Album Without Listening To It

Remember that news post you read a few days ago about Maxim publishing a review of the new Black Crowes album, Warpaint, after only listening to one song?

Well, according to The New York Post, it has happened again. This time, rapper Nas is claiming that Maxim published a review of his new album, Nigger, when he’s not even finished recording it yet! Yes, that’s right, kids; it appears that Maxim are such a superior magazine that they don’t even need to listen to singles any more to write “educated guess preview reviews” (as in the Black Crowes case). Nope, Maxim is so forward-thinking that they know what an album is going to sound like before they even hear a single note! It seems that their ESP skills were only strong enough to earn Nas two-and-a-half stars out of five.

The good news, though? Nas could really care less: "I'd prefer [a review from] Playboy," the rapper said to The New York Post. "That kind of stuff doesn't reach my radar or affect anybody around me. I don't know what a music rating from Maxim is... I don't know what it even means really."

In the meantime, look for real reviews of Nas’ new album Nigger around its release date April 22, and amuse yourself by watching dumb CNN newscasters try to make sense of The Black Crowes debacle.

RIP: Buddy Miles, Band Of Gypsys Drummer, Dies at 60

From Buddy Miles' official website:

"It is with tremendous sadness that we must share with all Buddy's fans around the world that Buddy passed away peacefully and quietly at his home last night (Tuesday, February 26, 2008) in Austin, Texas surrounded by his family. Buddy will be greatly missed as a wonderful person and as a truly gifted musician who gave so much to so many through the years.

The family ask for your prayers and that you respect their privacy. A tribute show will be announced within a short period of time and all are welcome to come and share in the magic that was Buddy Miles.

Fans, friends and family will all join in a celebration of the life and music of this talented and big hearted musician, so we hope everyone can be a part of this fond farewell.

God Bless each of you, Buddy truly appreciated EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU."

- Official website
- Wikipedia entry
- MySpace page
- YouTube videos

Herbie Hancock’s Grammy Win Boosts Sales 967%; Adults to Kids: “Can You Put This On My IPod Nano For Me?”

Proving once again that our parents will damn-well like whatever the fuck CBS tells them to like, thousands upon thousands of our otherwise apathetic moms and step dads haplessly descended upon Target and Wal-Mart stores everywhere following the 2008 Grammy Album of the Year win of Herbie Hancock's River: The Joni Letters to purchase their first non-holiday-themed record in years.

And now, in addition to feeling self-satisfied at the prospects of (a) being able to tell their friends at work that they "like some jazz" and (B) finally feeling justifiably "non-racist" for officially owning a contemporary black musician's record, our parents can add yet another fine statistical feather to the cap of their collective purchasing power.

Yes, believe it or not, all of these latent, Grammy-fueled purchases have bumped sales of River up a whopping 967%, earning the aging jazz-ster a #5 spot on the equally taste-reactive "Billboard 200" chart. Oh, and just in case you were wondering, #5 is actually Hancock's highest chart spot ever in his illustrious career, despite what you may recall about how insanely awesome of a song "Rockit" was.

So, there you have it, dear readers. Behold the power of the Recording Academy! Gee, I'm glad that I don't just buy into whatever some faceless organization tells me to solely on the basis of their manufactured authority. No sir! I listen to real music and make my own decisions, thank you very much.

Oh, speaking of which, the new Beach House album just made Pitchfork's "Best New Music." I wonder if it's on iTunes...



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